Rememberance, Book 1: Destination, Destiny
by shadowcat238
Summary: Two Worlds Meet :Part 1:. The women of the tribe talked excitedly amongst themselves; still reeling with the news. The Avatar was found, the world would be saved, cheers all around! They forgot that the Avatar was but a child.
1. Prologue

_**Remembrance **_

**Book 1: Destination, Destiny**

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Summary: As Kana lays dying in the home of her granddaughter's husband, there is not much for her to do in her final hours on Earth except for remember the events of her life. She knew that life was never going to go as planned, but she never thought it would turn this devastatingly just because of her bending.

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In this story, there is a Zodiac I made up. There are 20 years and the years are Year of the: 

_Arctic Wolf_

_Tiger_

_Dragon_

_Eagle_

_Koala-Seal_

_Crane_

_Phoenix_

_Dove_

_Penguin_

_Unagi_

_Komodo Rhino_

_Bison_

_Shark_

_Lion_

_Cobra_

_Hawk_

_Koi_

_Heron_

_Dragonfly_

_Butterfly_

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Kana was born in the year of the Dragon 

A quick explanation about the Zodiac I'm using. The animals used are somewhat associated with the people of the Water Tribes, Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation and Air Nomads somehow whether it's with history, bending, ecosystem, etc. and repeat in the same cycle of the Avatar: Water, Earth, Fire, and Air.

The first 4 years are symbols of strength in the Nations, the second 4 years are symbols of softness and rebirth in their nation, the third 4 years are symbols of the domesticated animals in their nation, the fourth 4 years are symbols of power and skill in their nation, and the final 4 years are symbols of beauty and peace in their nations.

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**Prologue**

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Midnight, Darkness; save for the moonlight cascading through the glass of my tall window; illuminating the room when the fire within my candle long burned off. 

My fingers can barely feel the silk beneath my hands and my head rests on a cushion as I feel my own life sinking fast from me. I am tired; it is time for me to rest in the palace of the gods.

Within these final hours I have on earth, there is little to do other than remember the life I lived, yet try to imagine the life I would've lived if I had not made those decisions in life.

My granddaughter, Katara, has married well: to Fire Lord Zuko himself and, since the 15 years when Avatar Aang overthrew the Fire Lord, I've seen the next generation of Hakoda's grandchildren.

He should be so proud, but I cannot share the joys of my next generation being born, for the 2 sons that were truly mine, I had outlived them.

It was very tearful, yet joyous to see Iroh again. I was eternally in his debt for what he'd done for me in the time I was one of this proud nation's people.

I thought I was just an outcast, a girl who would never find a place in this world, but he gave me an opportunity, he gave me hope, he gave me another life. And here, I lie in this chamber prepared for me.

6 years earlier, I saw Iroh die in a separate one, but his promise to me had already come true. And now, it was time again for what I'd done over 3 zodiacs earlier to be finally fulfilled.

At times, I wondered how I became of this and what had happened in this process.

The answer was always this simple: my powers.

Because of my powers, I grew up in the shadow of my older sister. Because of my powers, I was declared an outcast in my tribe. Because of my powers, my father rejected me and my mother turned me away. Because of my powers, I was marked as a target in my tribe. Because of my powers, I had nearly forgotten what love was. Because of my powers, I nearly put an end to my life.

But if it wasn't for my powers, I would have never met him. I would have never come to this nation; the Fire Nation, and be in places none of my people had ever dreamed of! If it wasn't for my powers, I would never have had the courage to send my family to where they would've sent me.

I had found a home there and a significant other. One who understood me and helped me heal. One who trained me and soon came to love me. I myself returned his feelings sooner than I'd known and found what seemed to be my destiny; despite my long absences from the world that took me in.

This nation sheltered me, it raised me and bred me into a new woman.

I embraced it wholly; throwing away my hell of a life back in the Northern Water Tribe and taking a new name.

The Fire Nation gave me the courage to make the near penultimate decision I ponder about even today.

I feel the wind calmly blow through the open window as the cold air caresses my hair and lips.

My hair.

I know I am remembered, I know I shall be remembered; throughout the world, most likely.

But I wonder now, what will they remember me as?

The question that everyone had wondered for years still lingers:

How did I, a simple girl from the Northern Water Tribes, become one of the Fire Nation?

The answer lies within my story.

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Review, please!  



	2. Chapter 1: Change

Aw, man. Only 3 reviews. Oh, well.

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_**Change**_

_**Year of the Hawk**_

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My sister, Naiya, was bragging again.

It wasn't fair. She was great beauty of our family; being courted by dozens of men by the day, while I was the ill-favored child. I had no bending powers that I was aware of, I had no way of charming boys.

There came the fact that I was 13; there were only 2 or fewer more years of my life before I was to be thrown into the world of courtship and engagements, betrothals and marriages, weddings and beddings, children and pregnancies.

It was the eve of the next year and my sister had sent for me.

As I approached the steps of the Ice Palace, it seemed that my nerves were struck. My sister had sent a messenger to tell me to come to the palace.

At first I wondered what this was all about, but knowing my older sister, it was always an affair of her doing. She was the family beauty while I, at the age of 13, had next to nothing appearance-wise. I was determined to show her that I was not a child anymore. That I was not the same Kana who shied around everyone, had trouble talking, and was constantly clumsy. I was a blossoming woman in maturity, and I would prove to her that she was wrong about me being the ill-favored girl who would get nowhere in life.

Summoning up all of the courage I had, I began to climb the steps. The moment I set foot on the flat grounds of the entrance, my sister, who was then 20, caught my eye and in a single glance, all of the confidence I had obtained disappeared.

My sister sat upon the high table held for nobility within the palace; next to Prince Meinan **(Quick A/N: the Father of Arnook, according to me)** himself.

She rested upon an embroidered cushion, sipping a bit of hot water with bits of flavor mixed into it. I looked at her closely, examining her.

Through a form-fitting parka and clothes, everyone could see her body; an envy of many women. She had an ample bosom, broad yet figured hips, and a slender waist, her brown hair rubbed in oils and grease so it shined within the light given to this room, her cerulean eyes gave off a deep reflection to them; holding intrigue. Her brows, thanks to mother who patiently removed the excess hairs with a method of healing she had invented, were arched in a delicate manner no one else could obtain, her lips were of a pleasing bow shape.

What I would have given to run away on the spot and never face her again; I knew that she would still be the apple of my parents' eyes and I was still ill-favored. It was too late; she had spotted me and rose up from her cushion.

"Dearest sister!" she cried dramatically and rushed forth to me.

We embraced, or at least she swept me into her arms without letting me touch any other part of her, and as usual, I felt no real affection from her, not even one for family. When she released, me, she inspected me at arm's length. I was thankful for my Parka since she wouldn't be able to remove it without me catching someone's eye.

Though, with my lack of any kind of originality, I doubt I would catch anyone's eye; not even one of a young boy's. She smiled at me.

"You look very beautiful." She whispered softly to me.

I was shocked at her compliment to me. Usually, all she said to me was critical of any aspect of myself or she was just going to brag about whose eyes she caught in our tribe.

"Come, come." She said to me hastily; guiding me over to the high table and beckoning me to sit on her cushion.

Feeling numbed by her unusual treatment of me, I sat down on the cushion and folded my hands in my lap; not saying a word. Many conversations went on at the time, and most were too trite to remember. I barely ate any of the fish and other delicacies that were laid on the table.

I could never stand Sea Prunes; they were too sour and bitter and after consuming them, I have a huge urge to use the piss pots and usually spray out slops with unbearable smells into it. A bit of tea and meat, preserved from when the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom traded resources with us, was served and I was more than glad to have a chunk of Platypus Bear and sip hot Jasmine tea with a bit of sugar in it. The tea always gave me a small lick to my taste buds and warmed my body in a way nothing else could.

It was strange; I was born here, but was an outcast.

Instead of rising with the moon, I feel compelled and energetic as soon as the sun rises and hits my face. I almost detest all kinds of the food the Water Tribe serves; most of the time the prunes, plain water, and blubber seal jerky, but seem to always have a soft spot for hot, spiced foods that were more common in the Fire Nation than anywhere else in the world. Furs, feathers and fat, stuffed within and lining a parka, seem itchy and bulky to me but I wear it anyways for the sake of my warmth. Although once my father had given me a small cloth of white silk woven from the Earth Kingdom and I instantly fell in love with the softness and smooth texture.

Now, I seem to like tea more than any other drink I've ever had in the world. I didn't understand why I was like this and, no matter how many times I tried, couldn't force myself to give those things up and try to be accepted in my tribe by liking what they liked as far as I knew.

"Kana, my sister." Naiya's voice rang to me; bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, Naiya?" I asked; setting down my teacup onto the ice table without even the barest of a tinkle sound to be heard.

A few people stared, and I assumed that I had done something wrong. Again, as Naiya would gladly tell me once we were home.

"You are 13 now, so young but not too young to hear about engagements, are you not?" Naiya asked me.

Something WAS going to happen, I knew it.

"I am old and mature enough to know, Naiya. If the reason you have asked for my presence here was to only ask if I knew about engagements, then I should say congratulations on your new one, unless…?" I asked her; letting the question hang.

Naiya laughed her signature laugh. To others, it might sound light and amusing but to me it sounded loud and obnoxious.

"Oh, no little one. It's just that I have received an engagement offer, but as you know, Meinan has taken an interest in me." She said with a wink.

Ocean and Moon Spirits above, my sister was shameless.

I smiled a bit at her; trying my best to disguise my grimace.

"I should think that the entire tribe knows." I said coolly; picking up my teacup again and pressing the tip to my lips.

"Well, after a long discussion with mother and father along with the council, it is decided that you will take my place in the engagement." Naiya said excitedly.

I nearly spat out the tea. Choking down the tea leaves that had been swept past my teeth and swallowing suddenly bitter-tasting liquid in my mouth, I looked up at her.

"And who shall I have the honor to be engaged to?" I asked sarcastically, but as usual in the presence of Naiya, my sarcasm lost its way to her.

"Pakku." She replied simply.

That couldn't be! Pakku was 21; 8 years my senior! Naiya, a year his junior, would have fared much better. But, then again, I don't know how Pakku would feel about being in a marriage with what we, even in this tribe, should call a common slut.

I recognized his name in many ways; the Waterbending Master of our tribe, Yoshiro, always praised him; saying that Pakku was always brimming with great abilities, superb skills, along with a good way with words and wit. In my definition, just another man who thinks he can push around others without a care.

I didn't want to! I wanted to scream never and that I would have preferred death over marriage, but bit it all down; holding my breath. Naiya smiled at me and never more in my entire life had I wanted to hit her.

"It is all arranged but of course, we must respect the laws of our tribe and you won't wed until your 16th birthday." She told me.

A warm bubble of relief burst and expanded through my body. At least courtship was many years away. I bowed my head; nodding in understanding.

"It will do me a great honor to wed." I said; trying my hardest to not let the spite within my soul show or spill out from my lips. Naiya, suddenly becoming intensely distracted with Meinan's hair, seemed to ignore my comment. The meal was dismissed and the moment I walked out of sight to the high noblemen, an arm grabbed me and whipped me around.

"I can't believe you'd do that!" Naiya hissed at me.

I flinched; pulling away from her and swatting her hand away.

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"Embarrass me in front of everyone!" Naiya snapped, though very quietly.

"How did I—?" I began, but was cut off when Naiya grabbed my hair; pulling it. I refused to give in to the sadism she was inflicting on me and did not cry out. This time, she did not even wait until we were at home before starting her lecture on manners, I thought.

"You know just as well; pushing away your food, helping yourself to tea, all but showing that you eat very little and keeps a skinny body!" Naiya snapped.

I was at a loss for words. So what if I did not eat? I did not like the food and it made my body sick. And not to mention the countless nights I spent on the piss pots spewing out the most disgusting slops and unbearable smells, or my face to it; choking out what was my meal and feeling all of what I ate come back up my throat. Naiya herself taunted me over it: "Oh, Kana; why do we even bother to feed you if you do not even eat it?" she would ask scornfully as I bent over the piss pot.

"And I am forced to try and starve myself and match you, but my stomach was so loud, Meinan heard it and laughed at me!" Naiya hissed; gripping my arm. I could feel her nails through my parka and they were starting to hurt.

I tried to turn away and ignore her, but she held onto me like ice.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing. The moment I am weakened, you will push me away and out of the eyes of the noblemen; proclaiming that YOU are the favorite!" she spat bitterly.

I was stunned; my sister, of all people, had declared me a rival; an equal, of all things.

"I have no interest in the high councilmen. And I have no interest in being a favorite." I said back to her with an even tone.

Just then, she grabbed my throat; pushing her fingers into my neck.

"Hear this, Kana. You are the younger sister. You are the other girl. You will never exceed me and mother and father will never love you as much." She hissed venomously at me.

Her words incensed and angered me.

A strange warmth built up within the pit of my lungs; contradicting to my hands and a powerful surge rush through my veins as something inside of me let go. The moment I opened my eyes, I found lightning within my palms and striking out at Naiya. It was only one blow, but it was all it took for her hair to catch on fire, her parka to singe, and her grip to let go of me. She fell over because of water on the ground. Water which I found out I was responsible from melting the ice of the ground.

At that moment, unluckily for me, the council walked out; witnessing me strike my sister with lightning. Within a moment, a loud boom was heard from the empty air and, hearing tales from the warmer climates of the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation, assumed that it was thunder; an occurrence after lightning. For the people here who had never heard of a thunderstorm, nor any other storm except for a snowstorm and a blizzard, they'd assumed that Thunder and Lightning was something Tui and La made to punish people for our so called perversions.

I regained my composure; closing my hands and the lightning disappeared into fire, and then into nothing. I looked at my hands; a small burn had appeared on the back of my hand; it was red and shiny. I stared for a moment and then noticed the council's eyes upon me. With a glance at them, I knew that they'd witnessed my assault. I couldn't turn back time nor wipe away their memories; they'd seen. Now, I would never be able to fit into my society.

Slowly, I backed away. When my foot felt the edge of a step, I turned and ran down the steps and when I reached the base, kept running throughout the streets of my tribe; wanting to get away. Wanting to make them all forget what they'd seen and, hoping if I ran fast enough, I would fast forward time until all who saw me were dead.

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They found me.

My father and mother found me and brought me home.

I'd gone to the icy shores of the North Pole; wanting to throw myself into the depths of the ocean and let the spirits take me, but just as I did, my father, a waterbender, pulled me out and carried me home.

My clothes were still wet and I shivered; clinging onto them and not wanting to let go. When we reached inside, the Fire Pit in the corner was empty.

"Kana, could you please light it?" my mother asked kindly.

I obliged; sending a spark into the wood and setting it alight. I saw my family cringe at the sight and felt myself do the same. In time, I changed out of my wet clothes and into a cotton sleeping shirt; the only thing left in my Wardrobe chest save for my sister's outgrown, altered clothes for me.

As I lay within my sleeping bag, I heard whispers from the closed door. Crawling with my sleeping bag to the small crack, I listened in. It was the voices of my mother, father, and sister.

"No one will marry her now, she has those powers!" my sister whined.

"No one will marry her for her powers, but maybe to her wit. I find Kana's intelligence far superior to yours, Naiya." My mother said plainly.

I smiled at that; for once, I wasn't in my sister's shadow.

"Did Pakku see?" Naiya asked.

"I know not. But he has already been promised to Kana. Whether or not he likes it, he is betrothed. At least, then, our family name is not disgraced by her." My father said stonily.

My father always looked down on me and I should have expected this, but was too caught up to take that into consideration. That blow to my heart led to my decision in later life. A decision which would, despite it all, be a fond memory for the rest of my life.

"Athimos." My mother addressed my father.

"Hanako, I will not acknowledge her as one of my children. She has traitor powers!" My father shouted loudly. I whimpered into my sleeping bag; not believing that I had been brought this low.

First I had to marry my sister's betrothed, then I discovered my new powers, and now my father wants to push me away and refuses to acknowledge me as his own kin.

"I agree." Naiya said. My hatred for my sister deepened, if possible.

"She is still my daughter." Mother said simply. My heart lightened a bit at that comment.

"But it will be hard to love her." My mother added.

I had hit the lowest point in my life. I wriggled out of my sleeping bag, dragged it back to its original resting, and walked slowly across the cold ice floor to the ajar door of my house.

I had been forced to sleep in the outer room since my sister had gotten many possessions from her lovers and had no room to put them.

Slipping out, I walked slowly along the street until I came upon a turn. Flicking my wrist, a small stream of fire flew from my finger and into the ocean. I stared at my reflection and sighed; this is who I was. I had no way of getting rid of my powers and no longer could I hide them since the word was bound to spread throughout the entire tribe by daybreak.

Silently crawling back into my home and to my sleeping bag, I wrapped myself as tightly as possible but could not get warm all night.

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The next day, my father took me back to the Palace.

I was silent; not wanting him to know that I had heard him. There was no council there, only a bunch of healers with 2 jars; one large and one small. The large one was filled with water and the smaller one held a liquid that was solid; I was unable to see through it. The liquid was a light shade of blue; like the color of my parka.

My father pushed me forth to them and I only watched as they scrubbed my hair with water, and dropped the smaller jar with the liquid onto my head; rubbing it and drying it. When they were finished, I stared at my reflection. Nothing about me had changed, but my hair, my long brown hair, had been colored.

That was what the liquid was; blue ink from the Earth Kingdom. I had been officially marked and changed.

Walking out, I saw everyone skirting around me; avoiding me as if I would conjure fire at any moment and attack them. The irony of it all was laughable if I was only able to laugh at the time. It didn't matter as much anyway.

"Kana!" a voice shouted.

Turning, I saw my friend, Yugoda. Yugoda was one of the best friends I've ever had, despite that she was 5 years my senior. She had always seemed to me like a person who would rather be friends with Naiya, but she surprised me when she befriended me instead of her. Either of us liked my older sister too much and that was an instant bond between us. I met her when I was 7; at my sister's 13th birthday party. We introduced ourselves and began talking. Soon afterwards, we became good friends and were together very often.

"Good morrow." I said to her.

She stared at my hair for a second, and looked into my eyes.

"It's that bad?" she asked.

"You know?" I asked in a steady tone.

"The entire tribe knows, Kana." She whispered.

I sighed and continued walking.

"There's no way to reverse this." I murmured.

"Kana." Yugoda said to me.

"It's no use, Yugoda." I said bluntly.

"True, but there is a way to escape this. You were born with powers of a traitor. But you can help us." Yugoda said.

I snorted in laughter at that comment; how could I help?

"I'm serious; the Fire Nation doesn't know that you can bend their element and if we use you as our secret weapon, we can be victorious." Yugoda said excitedly.

I was deeply stung by that comment. Her father, Tomo, was the Military Commander of our tribe and, as I knew from experience and interaction with him, was a sexist towards woman; there have been rumors that he had violated and abused not only his wife, but also many other women, out of contempt. I knew that even if I were in the Military, I would still discriminated and not only because of my powers, but also of the fact that I was female and females were forbidden to learn any kind of fighting in this tribe. I rounded on her.

"So I'm supposed to just be a worthless weapon?" I snapped at her.

She looked at me with aghast eyes.

"No, Kana—!" she began, but words spewed from my lips like a blizzard of ice and freezing water.

"I'm just a weapon to be used and then discarded when something better comes along? And when I do die, everyone who knew me for my powers will just dress up in joy and dance on my grave?" I spat.

She stared back with her bright eyes; bewildered.

"I was born with these powers here, but I swear by the Moon spirit, I will NOT die alone, isolated, and miserable! One day, I WILL use my powers to gain a high status and victory somewhere and everyone, my sister, father, everyone who has insulted me here, will be at my feet begging for mercy." I vowed aloud to her.

Turning my heel, I had nothing left to say to her, I marched away; fuming and so angry that smoke lightly came from my flared nostrils and people avoided me even more.

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Suffice to say, my friendship with Yugoda was never the same again.

It was never repaired and restored in the way it used to be. We became somewhat friends again, but kept our distances.

I know not of what she thought of this topic of marriage, but within days word spread of my betrothal to Pakku.

The necklace originally meant for Naiya was passed to me just as her clothes had been; second-rate and once used before.

As I walked, the words I said to Yugoda repeated in my head.

Within that time, I had made the only vow, or in this way promise, that I, in my entire life, would keep.

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PLEASE REVIEW! Or else I won't continue on the other books in this series that I have in mind!


	3. Chapter 2: Courtship

Thanks for your reviews!

I have 7 other books in this series planned out so far, but I'm missing some titles for those books and the last one, I'm still taking into consideration on which person I should do.

If you want to contribute, go to my profile, scroll down until you see my Story Previews and To-Do list, and look at all of the books I have planned. If you have an idea about a title or person for one of them, send me a PM and I'll reply.

Promise.

On with the story!

Disclaimer: If I owned Avatar, I would air flashbacks of people and they would be like what I wanted.

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**_Courtship_**

**_Year of the Koi-Year of the Heron_**

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The seasons passed and I watched my father's birthday, my sister's birthday, and my 14th birthday, all before and on the 5th of the 7th month **(A/N: I still use the normal 12 month calendar on this)** come and pass without any regard whatsoever.

I guessed that no one bothered to celebrate my birthday since no one wanted to have a 'Firebender' in their presence and to see my disgrace of powers.

Life continued for the Northern Water Tribe after my hair was colored. It marked me down as a so-called traitor and told people to keep away from me.

In time, my brown hair had begun to grow back and the blue part was pushed downward; like the tips of my hair were colored instead of my entire head.

Despite everything, Yugoda was still by my side; comforting me and befriending me in public. But I knew, behind her smiling face and comforting words, they were all false.

Yugodaa had liked Pakku for many years and, after I yelled at her, our friendship was damaged; some of it beyond repair, but this time, I knew it had ended by her terms. First, Naiya took him as a betrothed and now me. She must have thought that I was a backstabber; just like the Fire Nation.

Possibly, the only reason she was my friend was because I had no other and she knew it. It was common pity. I didn't want her pity. I didn't want any of it. I wanted to tell her off, to say that the silent slander against me was not true. I was still native to the Water Tribes and, despite my powers, I would never become one of the Fire Nation people.

But it seemed no good; no one would ever think of me as Kana, younger sister of Naiya, the ill-favored child, friend of Yugoda, the daughter of a Waterbender and Healer, again.

I had become Kana the traitor, Kana the Firebender, Kana the outcast, Kana the irreversible, Kana standing alone.

I remember a day in the year of the Koi. I'd been in my home, since my parents thought that I was too much of a shame on their family, my family, name and had resorted to hiding me, and sitting in the inner room; sitting on a small pile of worn furs when I heard footsteps from the other room.

I knew not who it was and at the time, did not truly care because of my humiliation. As I heard people sit down and voices come from the next room, I couldn't help but hear my name trickle through a stranger's lips.

Mounting a fur on my shoulders and crawling towards the wall, I used my Firebending, for the first time since I'd discovered it when attacking my sister, to create small hole in the somewhat thin ice wall of my home and peered through it with one eye.

It was Pakku. What was he doing here?

Most likely, I'd thought, to reject me for marriage and try to get Naiya as his betrothal again. It was always the same anyways; the whore over the outcast.

"What do we owe this honor to?" my father asked.

"I came to talk about Kana." Pakku replied calmly.

I saw both my father and mother tense as my sister leaned back with that irritating smirk on her face that silently indicated that she'd thought she was victorious. At that time, I thought she'd won as well; she'd have a betrothed, I'd have nothing.

My father started up very quickly. "If it was about what happened outside that day, I can take it back and give you N—!" he began, obviously worried that I would still be a burden to the family name, but Pakku stopped him.

"It's not Naiya I want." He stated calmly.

That startled my sister. I suppressed a laugh at her sudden stiffening and nearly throwing herself off of the chair.

"You don't?" my mother asked softly.

"No one wants a whore." Pakku said, and I could have sworn, directly to my sister's face.

"You want to break off the betrothal?" My father asked slowly.

The small victory I had in the moment disappeared. If Pakku didn't come to talk about taking back the betrothal and taking Naiya instead, did he want to take another bride?

Secretly, I prayed that if Pakku was to take on another bride, that it would be Yugoda; she was such a kind woman, and deserved happiness.

Despite our argument and exiling the other from our lives, I still valued her friendship and hoped that Pakku saw her crush on him and decided to take her as a bride instead.

After all, who wanted a girl who was the younger sister of a whore, possessed powers of a traitor, and had nothing to offer a man?

"No. I came to see her." Pakku said casually.

I choked on my breath. Was this some kind of joke?

You could obviously see the surprise in my family's eyes and bodies when he said those words.

"She is right here." My mother said; rising up.

Knowing that it was my cue to go, I scurried back with the fur to my original resting place; next to a small open window where I wrapped myself in the furs and looked outside at the calm sky.

The Ice door opened and I, pretending to be calm, glanced at them with the most tranquil face I could muster.

"Kana, Pakku is here to see you." Naiya said abruptly to me as if she was addressing a servant.

I looked up at Pakku; my hair still somewhat covering a part of my face and nodded to him as I turned back outside the window.

A calm, cold breeze was pushing through and I, breathing it in, sighed and felt my hair being tossed around me. The cold felt good against my hot skin. The door slammed and I was started back to the direction of the doorway; seeing it closed and my family along with Pakku at my side.

Within a few days, he would turn 22. He knelt down next to me; looking at me with his own eyes.

"Kana." He said simply.

I vaguely wondered if he was going to break into some speech about a woman's role in his life and how we'll be married, and what kind of child he wanted, what was the right time for breeding, et cetera, in front of my family. It would have certainly given my family a good topic to talk about with me even if I didn't want it to come up.

"Yes, my future husband?" I replied calmly.

Inwardly, I felt like gagging and throwing up on him, but there were 3 malfunctions: one was I hadn't eaten anything and therefore had nothing TO vomit on him, a second was because my family was there and I couldn't afford to make a fool of myself in front of them, and the final aspect was that Pakku didn't seem to hypocritical right now, so why spoil a so-called moment?

He seemingly smiled at me and took a small chunk of my blue hair in his fingers; toying with the strands.

"You may call me Pakku if you want." He said politely.

Maybe I did eat something after all, for right then I felt my stomach give a huge lurch and bile within the back of my throat.

"Yes, Pakku?" I asked in a neutral tone; deftly aware of my family around me.

"Though we are to be married soon, there is something I wish to give you." He said to me and reached into the pocket of his parka.

I hadn't noticed it before but there was a definite large bulge within the right side. I wondered what it was, for when my powers were discovered, I'd received small 'gifts' symbolizing hate and shame.

He drew from his pocket what seemed to be a wrapped object tied with string made from twisting strips of fur.

Sweeping back the fur that shielded my arm from the cold to take the box, I felt my fingers overlap his and a strange stiffening in his limbs as I did so.

He must have been afraid to be burnt, I thought, and I took the box and undid the string and paper, revealing one carved with wood; a very rare resource at the time.

I glanced at him; silently asking him for a clue.

"It belonged to my great-grandmother." He vaguely explained.

Opening the box, I couldn't withhold a gasp.

Inside, there was a beautiful comb made of silver with small blue stones lining the spine of the silver designs. The silver had obviously been hand-crafted and made with care._ 'Gods,_' I thought.

"Do you not like it?" Pakku asked me suddenly.

Turning back to him, startled, I flushed; heat creeping up my cheeks.

"Forgive me, but I've never received a present after…" I trailed off.

His face suddenly relaxed. I wanted to gawk in wonder; relieved that I liked a present?

He must have fallen into the ocean, or had been hit on the head. Surely, those were the only reasons why he would be acting that way.

I was the ill-favored child; the girl who possessed _Firebending _powers.

He took the comb into his hands and my hair into the other.

"Well, we can change that." He said; twisting my hair into a bun and, after tying it with a length of fabric, pressed the comb into the base of the bun and leaned back.

I felt somewhat like royalty then, with all eyes on me.

"Well, isn't that just charming?" the obnoxious voice of my sister interrupted.

She bent down and stroked my hair or, more than likely, the comb.

"You're finally getting a present, little one." She said sweetly to me and kissed me on the forehead.

It was cold and dry and I would've deeply preferred no kiss at all from her.

I turned back to Pakku and, on a small impulse, shifted my hand to his chin; lightly lifting it up to meet my eyes.

"Thank you." I said honestly and, after adjusting to the feeling of the light stubble on his chin on my fingers, dropped my hand and turned away; staring out the window again in silence.

* * *

Instantly, nearly everything changed for me; especially with the subject of courtship.

I found that despite my powers, or perhaps because of them, I had attracted many admirers.

Handsome (and some not so handsome), young (and some not so young), men who had originally come to the door of my home to ask for the presence of Naiya came to me.

Most of them came from a wealthy or high-ranked family and I would sometimes accept their company; talking to them with remarks that seemed to captivate them and when they left, almost none of them failed to pay a compliment to me.

Because of courtship rules in the Water Tribe, I received many gifts from those men.

A small trinket, articles of clothing, and once, even a new pair of gloves made of the smooth skin of the tiger seal and lined with what seemed to be fur of the Koala Seal.

I did not want to keep them since I was already betrothed, so I thanked the men sincerely, but returned them and told them to give it to their own fiancés.

If any man dare approached me, I would draw an arm's length at them and point out that I was to be married.

I found the presence of Pakku neutral.

Sometimes, I was happy to be with him, and other times I wanted to scream at him. More commonly, however, was that I felt as if I wanted him to be somewhat bolder.

When he would visit me, we would always sit and talk about things that were strictly in the Water Tribes. Reports of the war and gossip about the world would come through our ice barriers and I longed to hear more and knew that Pakku heard more than I did and wished dearly that he would tell me.

_I didn't know that later, I would not only witness history before my own eyes, but I would make history within the Fire Nation._

But other than that, I seemed to enjoy his company and presence. He sometimes made me laugh and smile while he told me mishaps he had during his life and sometimes emotionally touched me with tales of his hardships and how the society here had broken his heart many times.

I never knew that the Pakku inside was so different from, well, the person I'd seen more or less in my early life of when my sister was still engaged to him.

I felt that I could marry him after finding out this much about him; he seemed like someone I would love.

But 'could' and 'would' are not the same as 'will'.

* * *

It was the 16th day of the 1st month in the year of the Heron.

I was walking through the streets, ignoring the venomous glances of girls and women who the men courting me, they wanted the men for their own husbands.

Shockingly, a few of the men who courted me were already married or engaged.

Did someone say that I was replacing my sister, Naiya, as the Northern Water Tribe prostitute?

With all of the other rumors and slander from women flying around the tribe right then, I wouldn't have been too surprised if another one similar to my theory joined them.

As I was rounding the corner, my blue hair settling from my side, I saw the sight that changed everything.

On the streets, in broad daylight, was my sister kissing a man.

That man, who was all over her; his hands underneath the hem of her parka and pulling her flush against him, was not her supposed lover Meinan, but Pakku.

My betrothed was kissing my sister for the entire world to see.

I felt anger, I felt betrayed, but mostly I felt heartbreak. Balling up my fists and turning around, I ran away. I could run away from Pakku and Naiya all I wanted within the only limit of ice to move on, but I couldn't run away from my emotions or from the tears coming from my eyes.

I cursed myself for letting affection bringing me this low so that I was crying over a kiss from a man whom I was engaged to, but it didn't necessarily mean that we were married and he was bound to me, and therefore could see other women for the while.

My heart, which had once opened, quickly shut again and I vowed that nothing and no one here would open it again.

Reaching my house, I opened the door and settled myself into my sleeping bag; burying my face into the fabric and silently crying.

It was then, that my hand brushed against an object.

Pulling it out of a pocket I'd sewn in, I saw that it was the comb Pakku had given me merely 5 months ago as a small sign of his so called devotion and, what I once thought, happiness we might share in the future.

Now, it was only a symbol of devotion to the traditional rules of our tribe and happiness that he alone would possess when he had me as a wife and my sister as his mistress.

It was all a lie.

Pakku was all a lie.

The only truth in this was the statement I had made earlier; It was always the whore over the outcast.

Taking the box with the comb in it with me as I redressed and walked out, I made a straight path for his home.

I'd known where it was for years; ever since my sister had taken up the habit of visiting him after dark and I was sometimes forced to go with her and wait outside in the snow as she and Pakku spent nearly all night in his family's house.

My sadness had been pushed over by fury and by the time I reached the door, it took all of my restraint to not just melt it on the spot.

Politely, I knocked on the door until it opened.

It was Pakku's mother, Akkanka.

"Oh. It's you." She addressed me; not bothering to hide her spite at her would-have-been future daughter-in-law.

"What do you want?"

I shoved the box into her hands; observing her shocked expression and how she nearly dropped it.

"Just returning something." I said shortly and, turning on my heel, left for the direction of my house.

On the way, Pakku came in my direction and saw me.

"Good afternoon, Kana." He said warmly to me, as if nothing was wrong nor had happened, and made the motion to embrace me.

I remembered the kiss.

I remembered his words.

I did not hate him, but I hated and rejected all of the love and happiness I'd once had in my heart for him. If someone else saw, this would've gotten out before sunset and I would be the laughingstock of my tribe! Love had truly brought me this low so that I would've cried in front of my entire tribe because of that kiss.

Not anymore. My heart was sealed away now and he would never find it again.

Lightly, I pushed him away and stood a distance from him.

"Good afternoon." I said simply and kept walking.

Despite it all, I couldn't change anything; I was still betrothed to him.

Ironic how trust took me only a few months to build, but only a single glance to break, isn't it?

My life was at wit's end and a single action provoked me to finally go; to go to the heavens where my family before me has all gone.

But to provoke a Firebender lands the provoker to an irreversible inferno of hell.

* * *

R 'n' R, please.

Wait until you read the next part...


	4. Chapter 3: The Shift

Disclaimer: I don't know Avatar. If I did, they'd show old people back in their day!

* * *

_**The Shift **_

_**Year of the Heron-Year of the Dragonfly**_

* * *

"You WHAT!" my father shouted at me when he found out I'd returned the comb. 

"I returned it to his family." I replied bleakly.

"Why would you do that, Kana?" my mother asked somewhat calmly to me.

I knew that inside, they were both shaking with rage and fear that I'd rejected the betrothal and would use my powers against them.

Never again would I want to talk about Naiya and what I'd seen but a few weeks ago and the lowest point of the current 14 years of my now wretched life. Never again would I restore any emotions nor feelings I'd once had for Pakku.

"I felt guilty of taking something that belonged to his grandmother." I replied; tight-lipped and discreetly.

My father rounded on me; his face inches from mine.

"That is no excuse to return a gift from your engaged." He hissed at me.

I never cared for him much, anyway; not after what he'd said about me.

"Then what is?" I asked simply to him.

Out of nowhere, it came at me; my father's hand as it collided with my right cheek.

I flinched, but refused to break eye contact.

My cheek was stinging, but I did not raise a hand to it and did nothing but stand as still as a stone.

That was one of the many traits that separated me from Naiya.

If father did the same to her, she'd be screaming and crying; rolling around on the floor and clutching her cheek. Not that my father would ever try to physically discipline the child who brought 'his' family so much wealth.

He turned away, stomping out of the room, and my mother followed more quietly.

My cheek had become numb and hot from the blow and at last, I reached up a hand; wincing lightly as I touched the sore spot. Biting back tears and holding in the all-too familiar surge of fire within me, I rose up and walked from that wretched ice house I called home and out onto the streets again.

I'd gotten into a habit of wandering away from the Water Tribe to the unexplored Northlands quite a while ago, when I first discovered my powers and didn't want to talk with anyone of this tribe since many parts of me detested them for their impudence, their ignorance, their idiocy...

As I walked, breathing in the thin and icy air of this tribe, I sensed that someone was following me.

Not bothering to turn, I felt a hand clasp on my shoulder and saw the familiar shape of Pakku's fingers and knuckles on my shoulder and intertwining with my hair.

Ever since I returned that comb to her mother so abruptly, he'd been trying to coax me into walking with him, or talking with him, or trying to bring a confession out of me. It was never going to happen and I'd have made a large wager that he'd already suspected that I knew about that kiss.

It had been going around the tribe as if the women were talking about a man whom they all wanted.

As I later realized, our secluded world in the Water Tribes wasn't any more different than the one of the Fire Nation; just minor changes and possibly more liberation in the Fire Nation.

"Kana." His voice said softly to me.

Anger and jealousy welled up within me again as bile bubbled in the pit of my belly as I would've liked nothing more than to spin around and assault him like I did my sister nearly 2 years ago.

Restoring my calm face, I turned to him with shields upon my eyes to keep myself from looking at him directly as if a single glance of him could turn me into fire itself.

"Yes?" I asked with an icy edge on my voice.

In the back of my mind, I wondered if he'd noticed my change in tone towards him.

Of course, he should have, but in the time I'd seen him, he seemed obscenely oblivious to the surroundings around him once he achieved a goal. So marrying and taming me might have just been a mere challenge to him and to give him more bragging rights that he'd subdued a Firebender later on.

The shield let up from my eyes for a second and I looked into his. I saw the answers to all of my questions within his cerulean orbs and also his own questions.

"I—I was just wondering why you returned that comb to my mother." He asked me hastily.

For a second, I wondered if I should tell him what I'd seen a few days ago. At least then, there would be an excuse to vent out my anger on him.

"I felt guilty of taking a family heirloom from you; I could tell that it was precious." I said instead; deciding not to start screaming in public.It was my usual excuse which I'd adapted a habit for telling him every time the question came up about that comb anyways.

"Oh. But I gave it to you; it was a present." Pakku replied.

I smiled the best I could at him.

"I know, but I couldn't help but feel guilty like I was taking something from your family that was very valuable to you. Or, in the other case, your mother." I told him; not bothering to disguise the light hiss in my voice at the mention of his mother.

She was the same as the other women; she always treated me differently just because of my abilities and never has she welcomed me into her house. Pakku looked relieved--again, of all emotions, relieved?--and smiled at me.

"Good day." I said formally to him and, turning back, walked in the exact opposite way I'd started out and, before I knew it, I'd walked back into my home.

Once in, I saw a messenger for Meinan in the sitting room. With the barest of a shrug, I began walking across the room.

"Naiya is out." I told the messenger carelessly.

"Actually, this is for you." The messenger said; standing up.

I, along with my mother and father, turned to the messenger and stared at him as if he'd just sprouted a seal-head from his neck.

"For me?" I asked incredulously and walked back to him.

Once I was near him, he dropped to his knees; holding out a wrapped present; almost like the one Pakku gave me, but bigger and wrapped in dark silk.

At first, I did nothing but stroke the silk and reveled in the smoothness and touch of it until I felt the rope that tied it together tied into a knot. Undoing it and taking off the silk cloth, there was a finely chiseled box and, upon opening it, my entire family gasped at the contents.

Inside, there was a black choker, the traditional symbol of engagement in the Northern Water Tribes, with a large dark blue jewel at the center of the ribbon. Alongside of it, there was a ring made of silver with a matching jewel.

Everyone in the room except for the messenger boy gaped openly at the extravagant gift.

"What is the meaning of this?" I asked the man.

He stood up.

"My Lady, I do believe that Meinan is courting you." He told me; bowing.

"Courting me? As a—?" I began to ask; thinking immediately at the rumors of me replacing my sister as the Northern Water Tribe Prostitute.

"No, not as a flirtation. As a wife." He told me.

I choked on my breath. My sister's lover was courting me as his wife. I was to replace my sister on a higher degree. But Meinan wasn't any better than Pakku! I'd been a girl who lived in Naiya's shadow and handed down things, like clothes, and now betrotheds, and now I was to replace my sister as the possibly soon-to-be Lady of the Tribe?

There also was the lingering fact that Meinan was 11 years my senior!

And, since I didn't know him too well, did not know if there was a chance of happiness nor any other true virtue in the marriage. When I'd caught Pakku all over my sister, his first betrothed, I never wanted that to happen again. But now, it seemed that it would because of this new courtship from the Prince who had been, and somewhat still is, my sister's lover.

A sudden slam of the door shook me back from my thoughts.

"A WIFE!" my sister shouted with rage.

The messenger seemed suddenly afraid of her now. Who wouldn't, I would have to say? Her face was flushed red, her features contorted and twisted with utmost anger and hatred bared out for the world to see, her hair had somewhat flown out and now cascaded from her face; shadowing her head and making her look more menacing than I've ever seen her.

I looked around; my mother seemed to have been holding back a gasp. I saw, for a moment, that she'd seen what spawn she'd raised in her house.

My father looked from my enraged sister to me and I saw a gleam of greed in his eyes. He always wanted power and a high status and seeing that Meinan was courting me to be his wife, I would be much higher than my sister. I would've exceeded her.

"I must go." The messenger suddenly said; closing the box and practically running away.

He left me with my family. My greedy father, my silent mother, and my enraged sister; all of them at a distance and chance to tear at a piece of me and rip me from what I'd known.

It was just like when a vicious, hungry Shark of the sea depths would tear at anything on the surface that floated. I once saw a koala-seal swallowed up before my own eyes a few feet off the shore of the ice in the Northern Water Tribe.

Now, I felt like that koala-seal, but there would be another shark waiting to tear me apart while I could do nothing but remain silent and hope that it would be over quickly and mercifully.

"Wife?" my father said incredulously; a breath of delusional laughter on his lips.

My sister was beside herself with rage.

"I am already engaged to Pakku." I feebly reminded them. But, of course, that went on ignored by my father.

"Who cares about that sappy Waterbender? Meinan only wanted your sister for her body—"—a gasp of outrage from my sister came then—"—but he wants you for marriage! Think how much higher we will rise when you are the Lady of the Water Tribe!" my father exclaimed; that gleam of greed in his eyes flashing.

_Not again..._

* * *

The messenger must've told someone, for by high noon the next day, everyone, even the young children, living within the city of the Northern Water Tribe knew that Meinan was courting me for his wife and (most likely) casting aside my sister in the process of doing so.

* * *

The small world I inhabited then seemed to have shifted again. 

At once, I was moved to Naiya's room with all of her furniture and she was forced into my old sleeping bag.

Every morning, my mother arranged my hair, used the method that she'd once used on my sister for her eyebrows, and helped me get dressed; giving me some of some of Naiya's wardrobe.

When I went out, women gaped openly at me, young girls looked at me with awe much like a person looking at an idol, the men of the village gaze at me with the same desire in their eyes that had once been for my sister, but was not for me, the boys stared at me as I went past them, and the younger children would bow to me and call me 'Your Highness' though a lot of them were still burdened with lisps and usually said 'Yow highneth' instead.

I found it adorable and didn't cease to pat their heads and make a small comment to them.

They would go scurrying back to their parents and say that the Water Tribe Queen talked to them and that I'd said that they were so-and-so or I'd asked them how were they or something else along that line.

Although the younger children treated me well, my life had gotten worse with the older people.

Girls around my age would glare at me; silently declaring me their mutual enemy.

Boys around my age would openly gawk at me, no doubt wondering if I'd done something else that made Meinan discard my sister and wondering if I was the next whore of the Water Tribe; no doubt thinking so.

Men whom had once courted me or had somewhat talked to me only walked past me as if I were invisible.

Women practically hissed venom at me whenever I went.

My mother did nothing; she was as silent and as still as Earth itself.

My father only wanted to push me further for his own purposes and for his own benefits; not caring what would happen to me as long as he'd gotten what he wanted, no doubt.

My sister was the worst.

* * *

_I flinched as the slap came at me; nearly snapping my neck._

_The collar of my sleeping shift being dragged up; nearly choking me and my hair being pulled back to see enraged eyes. _

_"I will destroy you." Naiya hissed at me; slapping me again and leaving me on the ice as I tried to regain feeling in my cheeks and gasped for air._

* * *

In the morning, the bruises and slap marks showed under my skin, but my mother managed to heal the bruises for me. 

Pakku was...jumpy.

Whenever he'd come around, he'd keep rambling on about the courtship and how not to be nervous.

It seemed to me that he was the one who was nervous.

We became distant since I used to zone him out during his rants and conversations and, when he would actually come out of his little world to ask me about my opinion, I would just say some wishy-washy phrase that, by the look on his face, wouldn't have been the best thing to say.

* * *

One night, as I was walking alone, out of nowhere, someone hit me and pinned me down. 

"Whore." The person whispered; hitting me again.

Desperately, I tried to push my attacker off but there seemed to be more as they began to continue hitting me.

I couldn't help it when a whip hit me hard across the face; I cried out.

"Get away!" A voice shouted into the night.

I felt my attackers run and someone else pick me up. I felt weak from the assault and tired from lack of sleep and wanted to sink deeper into my savior's embrace but I looked up; seeing moonlight splash across his face and recognized him.

I refuse to accept any neither charity nor pity from him. He led me into his family's house, regardless of his mother's insulted face and his father's surprise and sat me down on a chair.

"Thank you, Pakku." I said and tried to get up, but my ankle gave a jolt of pain as I did so; forcing me to sit back down. I winced and my hand wrapped around my ankle; cursing that I'd slammed it against a side of a building earlier today.

"Don't do that; it'll only make it worse." Pakku said to me; setting me down on the ice chair again.

"Mother, can you help her?" Pakku asked. I felt her glare hatefully at me.

"I'm sorry, Pakku. I don't help anyone outside of family." She said; making sure to emphasize on 'Family'.

I bit my tongue on that and, with a sudden spur of strength, yanked my ankle out of Pakku's grip and amazingly stomped, with both of my feet, to the door and opened it; preparing to go back to my house.

"I thank you for your hospitality." I said coldly and slammed their door.

I quietly went back to my room; curling up in Naiya's bed and trying to get warm and forget, but there are so many things you cannot do while you are only human.

* * *

It was a little less than a month before my sixteenth birthday and I, trying to fall asleep, lay in my old sleeping bag. 

Despite the furs and padding of Naiya's bed, I'd missed the room and simple comfort of my sleeping bag so I switched her.

My mother and father were still talking. Piqued with curiosity, I resumed my habit of spying and, wearing only my boots, sleeping shift, and draping a small blanket over my shoulders, listened in through my usual hole in the ice.

"So after Kana is married, what do we do?" the voice of my sister asked.

"We don't do anything until she becomes pregnant." My father replied.

I faltered; pregnant? I didn't plan on having a baby any time soon, maybe when I was in my 20's, but not after my next birthday!

"Then, we push you in the way, Naiya." Father answered.

I knew it. He'd never wanted me and would gladly have seen disgraced!

"And then?" Naiya asked; a hungry anticipation in her voice.

"After she gives birth to the baby, we slip her Seal's Acid. Painless." My father replied.

This was all a plot to kill me!

Seal's Acid refers to something drawn from a seal's insides that is toxic and fatal to the human body and can kill instantly if ingested.

No.

I couldn't live like this. I would not be afraid of my shadow every waking moment. I would not be a pawn in my family's grab for power. I would not be just flung away and killed.

Turning abruptly, I threw open the door to the house and ran outside.

No tears flowed this time. No tears would ever flow for my so-called home again!

Behind me, I heard footsteps also running. So they heard me.

I knew exactly where I was going; to Ueshita peak.

I'd gone there to run away from this life. I'd gone there to put an end to it once and for all.

I threw away the blanket and, despite that it was dead of night in the cold of my tribe, I felt no cold penetrate me despite me only clothed in my sleeping shift and boots.

I'd run to the top; stopping and looking down at the ocean. It seemed rough, almost violent with the illuminating glare of the Crescent moon.

"Kana, stop!" the voice of my father shouted.

I turned; seeing Naiya, Father, and Mother all staring after me. Naiya had picked up my blanket and wrapped herself in it. I felt the wind brush against my back and took a step closer to the tip of the ice peak.

"Kana, please don't do this." My father said.

I broke into a smile, then a laugh as I looked down. Turning back to them, I smiled a very smug and incredulous smile at them. "Why not? I'm better off this way." I said; knowing my tone was one of an insane person's.

"Kana…" my mother began; stepping forth.

It seemed that the face I'd put on before my father disappeared and I suddenly felt scared again.

"St-stay away from me!" I commanded and it would've been very strict if my voice hadn't stumbled over that simple word.

"Kana, you are not to jump!" my father shouted at me.

My eyes narrowed as the pent up anger I'd held in over the years all came flooding back to me.

I know not of what happened, but I felt the air underneath my shift suddenly turn cold and violent.

Opening my eyes, I saw that I was falling.

No one but the gods above and my family witnessed my self-induced 'death'.

I braced myself for the cold. I braced myself for my death.

But it never came.

Opening my eyes, I saw that I was in the icy water.

Resurfacing for air, I gasped and watched as the tide took me out to sea more and more.

All of a sudden, a high and powerful wave came against me; carrying me with it and plunging me deep under the water.

I waited for death. I prayed it would be quick and painless. I hoped for it to be over soon and I would finally die.

But I never did.

* * *

Next Chapter: Captain Iroh  



	5. Chapter 4: Captain Iroh

The new chapter!

* * *

_**Captain Iroh**_

_**Year of the Dragonfly-Year of the Butterfly**_

* * *

Indistinct voices came from some directions, but I couldn't hear too well. 

Numbly, I tried to move my hands but I found that they wouldn't bend nor move at my will.

Trying to get up, I used my abdominal strength and leaned upwards.

A surge of pain and a rising substance rippled through my throat and, leaning to the side, I felt some kind of content spew from my lips. It was so much like when I used to eat a meal that consisted of Sea Prunes and then spent a night on the piss pots; my head at the rim and the prunes expelling from my throat and into the bucket.

I felt a desperation for air, and breathing in deeply, began to cough several time and expel more liquid from my mouth.

Prying open my eyes, I found myself on a strange metal cot and water on a metal floor.

A chill cascaded through my body and I found that I was wearing something else than my shift, as I last remembered wearing.

Instead, it was like a tunic, only the skirt part was shorter; showing almost all of my legs and the tunic was fastened with golden rope. It took me a moment to realize the rope and tunic were both made of silk and stitched with gold thread.

I slid my hands up the sides of the tunic; smiling and reveling at the smooth texture.

"Well, look who's up." A voice drawled from behind me.

Turning, I saw a man in a Fire Nation Uniform leaning against the doorway.

I could visibly see his face. It was pale with sallow eyes, a narrow bone structure, and with a thin moustache and beard. He looked almost scary to me. I tensed; clenching my hands into fists and readying myself just in case. Although I knew little about my abilities, I knew enough; I could attack and conjure fire at will...occasionally.

"Where am I?" I asked him; proud that my voice did not crack.

The man turned to me and smirked.

"You're on a ship." He replied vaguely.

I felt myself disliking him more by the second.

"I want to go home." I told him. But as those words came out, I wondered about the truth of my words; at that time, I had no home.

The man came closer to me; his footsteps echoing on the metal floor like when you would clasp chains around someone in the prison cells I've heard so much about.

"You can't go home." He replied simply.

Without a second thought, I thrust my fist forward; seeing a stream of fire come from my hand; missing the man by a hair.

He got into a fighting stance.

"Fine." He hissed; launching a blast at me.

I ducked and, with rage nearly blinding my senses, shot at him again.

This time, I'd found lightning within my palms and sent a disk at him with a chop of my arm.

I felt a strange burning on my hand. Glancing at it, I saw a burn on my middle finger. I didn't think much on the burn right then and thought that it would be alright to trade in a few burns in hope of beating this Fire Nation soldier.

A blow to my right arm came at me and, my senses somewhat dulling for a moment, didn't dodge soon enough and was hit partially on my wrist; the heat and sting channeling through my skin and causing me to shudder in pain.

I fought back; sending a bolt at him, but missing and causing my hands to cringe at the fresh burn I'd applied to my hand.

More men came in and I found myself sending more attacks randomly than with any control at all.

The pain of my hands caused tears to come to my eyes, but I fought them; shaking them away and kept attacking; foolishly believing that I would be victorious in that way. I'd managed to take out at least seven with a willful blow to their chests, but more kept coming in and at me. One snatched my wrist and I tried to kick him, but another one had grabbed my leg.

I felt my body being snatched by strange hands and, trying to gather my strength, feebly attempted to launch an attack on them, but my hands were numb and in a nearly unbearable pain that I knew not how I could've even stand it.

Inwardly, I gave up; closing my eyes and hoping that I would be at peace soon enough. I felt myself being carried over the shoulder by one soldier and, after watching steps going upward and hearing a door open, assumed that it was a prison cell.

The soldier threw me into the room and I landed roughly onto a soft material that covered a part of the floor.

Lifting my hands to my face with the least pain I could muster, I examined my hands. There were many burns and deep scars on it; some sections of my hands, especially fingertips, burnt raw and unable to move.

I felt tears come to me, but I did not let them fall. I was not a girl who cried anymore.

Outside of the door, voices came from the metal and after a few moments, the door opened again.

Instead of the man with the sallow eyes, I saw someone younger.

He was pale skinned, just like the other soldiers' faces which I'd managed to glimpse, but instead of facial hair, he seemingly had none; his skin looked as smooth as a girls. That or he might've just shaved recently. His hair, instead of being grown long and parted straight, stuck up in nearly all directions and, despite my situation, caused a small smile and laugh to escape from my lips. On his right ear, there seemed to be two gold rings. He didn't wear armor, but only boots, a vest similar to the one I wore, and pants. His eyes were gold; one that was seemingly brighter than the sun and almost hurt to look at.

"So you're the one who attacked my lieutenant." He said to me.

His voice was deep and serious, but I could've sworn that there was a small laugh hidden within the comment.

Forgetting about my hands, I pushed myself up; flinching as pain hit my hands and got into an attacking stance which I'd seen for Waterbending. I knew my hands shook from the pain, but didn't care; I'd heard stories about the Fire Nation and their 'punishment' for assaulting any soldier, no matter how low or high he or she is in the army. Though I was inwardly shaking, decided that I would fight; whether I knew how to or not.

The man smiled amusingly at me.

"Now, child—." He began, but didn't finish as I shot a stream of direct fire at him.

Child.

I detested that name more than anything; my father, mother, sister, and nearly everyone else older than me in my tribe called me that before I was thirteen.

"St-stay away from me." I spat…and cursed myself when I stumbled.

"Child—." He began again.

My temper had grown especially short when I'd discovered my powers and I was also on nerve's end because of the discrimination I'd received from my tribe, and as this man who didn't seem much older than me call me child had done nothing but make me attack.

With a punch in the air with my hand, I let out a strong, but painful for me, attack on him.

Gods, it made a huge blow of pain to my hand; it was as if I'd ripped a part of my bones away with fire. I knew I had power, but right then I knew not how to use it, to channel my energy into it, nor anything else about Firebending. No one taught me, no one else knew what it was like to be a Firebender, and no one wanted to.

Back in my tribe, I'd been branded as a traitor and I had escaped my tribe, but where else could I go?

I didn't think; only use my powers to direct blows at the man and hope to escape.

To my surprise, he seemed to absorb my attacks and channel them elsewhere. I'd wanted to learn to do the same, but had too much pride, as you might want to call it, to back down right now and ask him to train me. He'd probably only kill me after what I'm doing and have done to him. With the pain in my hands increasing and my strength on the verge of failing, I had enough energy for one last attack.

An orb of hot energy built in my left hand and, with the last of my strength, I released it at him. It felt like my very bones were burnt and no sooner had I attacked my body failed me and I leaned against a solid object for support, but I doubt anyone else saw me do so. What I hadn't counted on was the man sending my attack back at me, but with much more power than I'd known.

On instinct, my hands flew up to my head; forgetting that I'd already badly damaged them and they were in a fragile condition.

The shock was too great.

A cry of pain wrung from my lips and I collapsed on the ground; softly sobbing and trying my hardest to hold in my shows of pain, but it was too difficult since it felt like my hands had been burned off and I could do nothing but feel the heat as it chaotically spread through my arms, to my chest, and I even felt it to the tips of my toes and head.

I hoped that my life would end soon. In this way, I wouldn't have to live in such agony.

My throat choked with sobs and they felt like a thick barrier; encasing my throat and disabling me to breathe. I heard footsteps come closer and, try as I might, I couldn't get up; I was too numb with pain and fatigue.

A hand descended on my arm; pulling me up with extraordinary strength as I saw myself being carried across the room and partially yet carefully thrown upon a bed and footsteps fading away from me.

I tried to push myself up, but couldn't.

I cursed myself for impulsively attacking and failing to acknowledge that my body was in too weak of a condition to send anymore attacks for I hurt myself every time I tried to hurt another.

There didn't seem to be anyone else in the room and I finally let my tears come. I must've sobbed louder than I'd thought I did, since I somehow did not hear a door open nor did I know of a second presence within this chamber.

"Now, now. It's too nice of a day to be sobbing." A voice said to me.

Managing to focus my sight to the side, I saw the man whom I'd tried to attack yet sent my assaults elsewhere and back at me.

He was carrying a small ewer of what looked like water, strips of fabric various in size, two large pieces of folded cloth when folded was about half an inch thick and large enough to encase my hands, and a sealed jar. Slowly, he placed the sealed jar, strips of fabric, and ewer of water onto the bed and soaked the folded cloths into the water.

Wringing them out a bit, he took a strip of fabric into his left hand and grabbed my left hand with his other hand. I struggled as he pressed the cloth to the palm of my hand; the touch stung my nerves, but wasn't as worse as when I'd nearly incinerated the skin upon my hands. He took the other piece of folded fabric, also wet, and pressed it on top of my hand; making sure that both cloths were fully covering my hand every way.

"Try not to move too much." He said to me, then looking at the fabric; obviously concentrating.

Then it struck me; the texture of the fabric pressed flush against my skin and the now hot water pressing against the burnt surface and crushing my already sensitive hand. Automatically, my eyes clinched close and screams of pain would have passed my lips had I not bit them to keep them shut.

In the end, I couldn't help it; crying out and flailing, I tried to kick him away or get him to remove the cloth so this torture could stop. I kicked empty air, but then my right knee made contact with something solid.

Above me, I heard a strangled grunt of pain and felt the hold on my encased hand loosen slightly.

Opening my eyes, I saw that man silently cursing and obviously trying to keep his body from crouching into a fetal position.

It took only a second to acknowledge where I'd hit.

He recovered after long moments of silence and soaked the cloths again; this time taking my other hand and repeating the process.

I felt guilty for kicking him in his private area, especially when I hadn't meant to, so I remained as still as I could and held back my impulses as much as I could and thanked the gods above when he finally stopped.

He took the ewer of water and the 2 cloths aside and opened the sealed jar.

He took my left hand and dipped his fingers into the jar, his fingers coming up with a bright green substance, and began rubbing it gently onto my hand; making sure that he didn't miss any burnt parts visible to the eye.

After repeating the notion on my right hand, he took the bandages and began to wrap my hands. I looked at him and my eyes only met his hairline; he kept looking down and tying the cloth to my hands.

By the time he was done, my hands looked as if they were of an embalmed dead man and were somewhat difficult to move my fingers in. I was speechless; why did he help me? Wasn't his nation at war with the other ones and they showed no mercy upon any weak being from the other nations?

"I don't believe in hurting the already broken." He told me, as if reading my mind.

I stood silent; not knowing of what to say and kept looking down at my bandaged hands.

"H-how did you find me?" I finally asked cautiously after what seemed to be an eternity for me pass by in silence.

The man broke out into a small smile.

"It's not every day that we see a was of bright blue-tipped brown seaweed with a body attached to it floating in the ocean." He said wittily.

Despite myself, I laughed a bit.

"Curious." He said; drawing my attention back to him.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked softly.

He took my hands within one of his, I saw that his hand was almost twice the size of one of mine, and used his other hand to lift my chin; lifting my eyes to meet his.

"I am curious on how a purebred Water Tribe Woman such as yourself possessed powers such as these." He said; lightly squeezing my bandaged hands.

I looked away; not wanting to say that I knew not the answer, not telling the story of how I myself discovered my powers.

"I—." I tried to say, but broke off; stopping.

"You don't know, do you?" he asked me.

I nodded without making a sound, not even when breathing, and kept my focus on a bedpost.

"Do not be afraid to look at me." He said gently; taking my hand and rubbing the palm.

Hesitantly, I shyly glimpsed at him before shifting and turning so I was facing him, but staring downwards at my thighs as I inwardly shook with fear.

"Come now, my face isn't like the sun and you won't go blind if you look at me." He said softly and I peeked through my hair at him.

His face had a serene and gentle look to it; no trace of hate nor contempt there and I was quite surprised since of that whole incident with his groin a few moments earlier, I thought he'd have enough reason to at least strike me, or the least use the weakness in my hands to his advantage, after I'd done that. He was trying to help me while I pushed him away and physically hurt him in an 'unmentionable' fashion.

"Thank you." I uttered out softly; finding the courage to look at him directly as I said it.

He smiled at me; showing his strong, straight, and white teeth.

"For what, exactly?" he asked me. I smiled a bit.

"For rescuing me, for helping me with my wounds, and for forgiving me when I assaulted your crew and your…uh…" I murmured; being somewhat uncomfortable with saying the male organ.

He laughed.

"You truly are amusing. But I haven't had the honor of knowing your name yet." He said. I looked up at him in wonder.

I could trust him, couldn't I?

"Kana." I said timidly. "Kana."

"I am Captain Iroh." He introduced himself.

_Captain._

I thought he was at least of a higher rank to have a chamber like the one I'd seen.

As I scanned the room, I saw various decorations of swords, weapons, candles, a low table and cushions around it, a small pot with steam coming from the spout on the table, a rug lining the floor, and chests and cabinets carved with ebony wood and lined with gold.

"Kana." He said; guiding me back to him.

"I can tell from your...reactions that you have had a terrible time coping with your Firebending ability." He began.

The bad memories came flooding back to me and I bit my lip; not wanting to show my weakness and break down in front of him.

"And that you don't want to talk about it." he added as his eyes flit over my body. I nodded; tears lightly coming to my eyes but I blinked them back.

"Now, if there's anything you would like to ask…?" he began but trailed off. I looked down at my wrapped hands as I remembered the bending.

"How were you able to also bend the lightning, but…" I stopped; turning my hands up. Iroh took both of my hands into his.

"You have great powers, Kana. But what you lack is control and in this way, you burn yourself every time you try to use this bending. I have to admit, I'm surprised that you were able to efficiently strike and disable, let's say, your adversaries without the kind of training needed to correctly use your bending. And I was also surprised that you kept going even though you were obviously in pain." I felt the warmth of his hand through my bandages and felt the wave of shame crash upon me yet again; Iroh always did have that kind of charisma.

"What kind of training?" I asked him quietly.

He smiled.

"I hoped you would ask that, Kana. I can train you to master this power and you can stop hiding it in shame." He told me.

I looked away. I was most likely presumed dead in my so-called home, I would never be welcomed in the Earth Kingdom because of my powers and...

The 'third option' was right in front of me, but I did not consider it

"Where would I use it? What's the point in having great power when you can do nothing with it?" I asked him incredulously.

"My nation can take you in. The Fire Nation will accept you." he said to me.

I looked up at him in disbelief; join the Fire Nation?

No.

They killed all of the Airbenders, they've started this war only for power, and hundreds, maybe thousands of people have already been killed because of them. They were called barbarians and heartless where I was originally from and now he was telling me that I should join the nation that has started the suffering and grief of tens of thousands?

I opened my mouth to protest, but he raised a finger and pressed it to my lips.

"Don't say something you will regret later on. Let me tell you this; in the Fire Nation, you could make your own choices and will never be discriminated because of your powers. You can gain a high status just with your powers whether it's in the military, nobility, or in the life of the court. Also, you can make your own choices there." He said; reaching into his pocket and pulling out 2 necklaces.

I recognized them both as the one Meinan gave me as a courtship token and the other one was the one that Pakku gave me or my sister originally.

I'd kept Pakku's necklace in my pocket after my father practically tore it from my throat and threw it away a few days after he slapped me. I fetched it and kept it in my pocket.

Despite his betrayal, I still seemed to like him a bit.

I looked at the other necklace; the one Meinan had given me as a courtship and proposal to be his wife.

The bitter memories of my family plotting against me, my father pushing me, my sister bullying me, all came back and I shuddered; clenching my arms with my fingers to keep myself from crying.

I made my decision.

I looked up at him and leaned closer to him.

"Train me." I whispered to him.

* * *

And THE END! of the chapter, of course. and now, THE BEGINNING! of the new life in the story. 


	6. Chapter 5: Soldier in Training

We all love Iroh, don't we? Well, Read and Review, please.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but this idea/plotline of the story.

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_**Soldier in Training**_

_**Year of the Dragonfly-Year of the Butterfly**_

* * *

Within weeks, my hands healed and I was able to move them comfortably again. I was relieved since now I didn't need to be fed like a baby from Iroh. 

He was very kind to me despite the incident; asking me what kinds of food I liked and doing what he could to ensure that there was some for me, helping me with my wounds, and also teaching me to read, write and speak in the Fire Nation Language.

Well, actually the Fire Nation spoke a common language just like the rest of the world, but they have their own in case they want a private conversation amongst people of their 'kind' and don't have to worry about foreigners understanding it.

When I was better, he gave me a standard training outfit--pants, a shirt, and various things to keep my hair out of my face.

The day he took me out on deck, many of the soldiers remembered me and didn't welcome me too warmly. A lot of the time, they jeered at me for being female and weak. Iroh ignored all of them; scolding them for being superficial and then going back to teaching me the stances I should make when I begin to fight.

At first, I couldn't even produce a ball of fire powerful enough to make its way to the target and my aim wasn't terrific either, I think my face was semi-permanently red for nearly a week after I'd begun training because I'd made many mistakes in front of soldiers and felt humiliated by my inability to bend, that, and also since many of the soldiers teased Iroh and I for being together, and not to mention alone, for long periods of time in his chambers. I think some of them even pressed their ears outside the walls to see if they could hear us and the ones we'd catch usually said they were making sure we weren't doing anything 'inappropriate'.

In time, I began to get better and moved quickly from basics; Iroh said that I was a natural.

I got to know the women on the ship and thanked the spirits that it didn't have to be so awkward when asking for some extra linen for when I had my cycle.

I'd begun bleeding when I was twelve, but it was often very scarce, sometimes I did not have my cycle at all, and I more or less suspected that it was because I was so underweight and didn't want to eat the foods that were supposed to be the 'delicacies' of my tribe.

I saw my sixteenth birthday pass without any hint of recognition since I'd not told anyone about it, instead I buried myself into training and learning.

I learned how to master my powers, how to train in the art of weaponry, archery, and martial arts. In time, I could take on half of the soldiers on the ship and beat them all.

Within four months, I was able to read and write at least 2,000 characters in the Fire Nation language and also clearly understand and speak what I knew.

I'd learn bits of etiquette and fashion along with grace, music, conversation, and other things expected of a noblewoman. In the first time I tried to walk in the heels and sandals fashioned in the Fire Nation, I fell flat on my face; receiving more laughs and teases from the crew, but in time I learned how to walk again first on the solid ground of land, then how to balance on the waving and lurching surfaces of the ship.

Discreetly, I wondered why Iroh was teaching me all of these, but kept silent; maybe the truth would come out later on.

We stopped by ports and the crew would give me a small bag of gold to spend on what I wished.

Of course, having never before seen so much gold in my life, I bought only basic articles. I saved what I could; vowing to try and pay back Iroh one day for all he'd done for me.

He, himself seemed to have an eye for style and I occasionally wondered if he was actually a woman born in the wrong body, so for the first few visits to the Earth Kingdom or a few islands inhabited by the Fire Nation, I let him choose clothes for me.

It'd been nearly half of a year, after the new year (year of the Butterfly) had arrived, when Iroh suddenly told me the news over dinner.

I was eating a bit of noodles and vegetables when Iroh came over to me.

"We're going to arrive in the Fire Nation in two days' time." He'd said to me.

"Why?" I asked, then realized the stupidity in asking that question: Iroh and the entire ship was from the Fire Nation. Of course they'd have to go home in time.

"My crew misses their families and homes. As do I. And I need to fulfill my promise to you. D'you remember, Kana?" he asked me.

Of course I'd remembered; that single promise had led me to mastering my powers and becoming almost one of the Fire Nation ladies.

"Yes." I said.

"Also…" he began, but trailed off.

"Hmm?" I asked him.

"I'm wondering; has your birthday already passed?" he asked me.

I hesitated in telling him.

"Yes. It was a week after my hands had healed that I'd turned sixteen." I said to him.

His face held no change nor did I see any emotion.

"Oh. Well, since you told me this, I am turning twenty within the next four months." Iroh replied with a light shrug.

He was nineteen when I first met him. At least he wasn't too much older than I was, I thought mentally with relief.

"Is that all you wanted to ask me?" I asked; returning to my noodles.

"And also, there's the prospect of your name." he continued.

I stared at him; my name?

"I'm sorry?" I asked him.

"The Fire Nation people change names often and I think we should do the same to yours. Kana isn't directly translated into anything that we know of in the Fire Nation, am I correct?" he asked.

I thought back to my lessons in the language and found no match of my name within the characters.

"No." I replied.

"Do you have a name in mind?" Iroh asked me.

I only shook my head in reply. True, I'd known of the name changing but never thought I would have to change mine but I was beginning a new life and I should need a new name.

"How does Yukiko sound?" Iroh asked me.

'Winter Child' as I remembered from the language.

"Can I ask for another name?" I asked.

"Of course. What is it?" he asked me.

I thought of the language, searching for a specific character with a special meaning.

"Yukihiya." I said to him.

Iroh raised an eyebrow, something he'd often done as I'd learned, and then tilted his head thoughtfully.

"Yukihiya it is." He declared as he lightly touched a strand of my inked hair.

Before, I would've loved it when my hair grew out and I could be rid of the blue tips, but now I found them unique and very outgoing so I continued to color it. Usually, I would color the hair from the base of my neck downwards and, because I had no waterbending powers, I colored my hair then used my Firebending powers to dry my hair while brushing through the strands; making sure that they did not clump together or tangle.

"Let us go out on deck; it's a calm night." He suggested later that night.

It was a bit chilly that night and I wondered how it would be so cold when we were so close to a country known for fire. I felt Iroh's wrapped around me; settling on my shoulder as we saw just the tip of a tall tower in the Fire Nation.

"Iroh." I said; a thought suddenly striking me.

"Yes?" he asked; turning to me.

"In the Fire Nation—will I, well, ever fit in?" I asked him.

He smiled at me.

"Oh, sweetheart; save for your coloring you'd be a perfectly trained, skilled, and practiced Fire Nation Woman. Have you ever wondered why I taught you all of those things other than training?" he asked me.

Did he call every other woman 'sweetheart', I found myself wondering.

"Why?" I asked him; leaning on the rail and watching as the tip grew into a slanted rooftop.

"I knew you'd be able to learn much in a little time. In this way, even if you do not succeed in the military, you can still be a part of nobility. After all, I taught you what you needed to know, did I not?" he asked. That was true.

I nodded silently; wanting to go back in and rest.

"We'll go in now." He said to me gently, as if reading my mind, and led me back.

I lay down on the little cot, hearing the familiar light screeching of the springs, and held the pillow close to my body. Iroh leaned down to give me a goodnight kiss, I turned towards him with a fresh question, and wound up giving me a small baby kiss on the lips. After that, he left without a word.

I shook my head; remembering that I should wake up early the next morning to present myself to the Fire Nation. That night, I forgot if I'd even slept at all or not but the next morning I felt refreshed and with a zest for what was to come.

The outfit Iroh had given me to wear was simple enough; a simple dark tunic with black pants and knee length, heeled black boots similar to the first pair he'd given me.

It was the outerwear that truly surprised me; what seemed to be a military 'coat' made of a lightweight black fabric that had a button for the collar where my neck was supposed to go and buttons along the front side, but the buttons were sewn more towards the left side than the center, ending at my hips. There was also something that looked like light armor with shoulder-pieces and an incomplete 'skirt' that went on top of it.

I said nothing, getting dressed in what he'd prepared for me and looking at myself in the mirror. I looked strange; even to myself.

A few female servants on the ship arranged my hair into a small bun and then let the rest of my hair hang down from the bun.

As I walked out, I saw Iroh and the entire crew on the deck as they prepared to descend from the gangplank.

Iroh himself looked formal, as I might've said it, he had on armor, black with designs of flames colored on various parts, like on his armbands, the chest plate, and the shin guards over his boots, and on the shoulder blades and upper armbands. Underneath the armor I saw that he wore dark red material and boots.

A flash drew my eyes and I saw that he placed new earrings into the holes in his ears, diamonds by the look of the gems. He beckoned me forth and took my hand.

"You look perfect." He whispered to me before we began walking down.

I saw the new faces of people who would make up my new home. They were all fairly thin with pale skin, a feat I thought of as impossible because of the constant sun beating down on them and also the light of the fire, and brightly colored eyes with occasional dark, sallow looking eyes, much like Lieutenant Nekura, whose name I learned once I apologized to him about assaulting and striking him on impulse.

Many of them stared at me, I guessed the reason was that they hadn't seen a woman from the Water Tribes in at least over thirty years, much less one in clothing of their colors and styles, I presumed. I held my head high like he told me and continued to walk with him until we came to a small crowd of people.

three men, or two men and what seemed to be a teenager, were under a large white canopy held by four noblemen and surrounded by guards and a few women.

One man looked ancient, in his seventies was my first impression, another one was at least thirty years younger than the old man and the youngest one looked like a boy, most likely younger than I, myself. By the looks of their clothes, jewels, and weight of gold on their bodies and clothes I knew they were of a wealthy and high class.

"So you have finally returned, Iroh." The middle-aged man said to him. Iroh swept into a kneel before him.

"Yes, father." He replied without a single falter in his tone.

Everyone's eyes shifted from him to me and their eyes shone the same curiosity the people who were at the docks had when they first saw me.

"And is this the woman you've told us about?" the same man asked Iroh.

He rose up and his hand found my shoulder and I couldn't help but wonder why that man addressed me like that; did Iroh already tell him some about me, and if he did how did he tell that man and what did he say about me?

"Yes, and she is a very remarkable woman. Let us go back first and I will show you what I have taught Yukihiya." Iroh said.

I was still unfamiliar with that name but was called by that long and often enough to know that it was my cue to look at them.

"Very well." The old man said; gesturing to three carriages and a small rickshaw behind him.

Iroh steered me over to the rickshaw and motioned for the driver to move.

"Who were they, besides the one who was your father?" I asked Iroh over the stumble of wheels over a slightly rocky path.

Iroh turned to me in what seemed to be amazement.

"You don't know?" he asked me incredulously. I was taken aback at his sudden surprise, but shook my head.

"Remember your studies on the Fire Nation Royal Family?" he asked me suddenly.

I nodded; wondering what the relation was to who the men, Iroh addressed one as Father, were.

"Do you know the name of the person who started this war?" he asked me.

I thought for a moment, then remembered the name; I'd known since I was a child.

"Sozun." I replied.

Iroh nodded.

"My grandfather." He told me.

It took a moment for me to take this in and another to remember the rest of the line in the blood of royalty.

"Then your father is—!" I began, but lost my voice.

"Crown Prince Azulon." Iroh replied.

"And you are…" I said with a trace of bitterness; before me was another liar.

"Prince Iroh." He replied. I looked away for a moment.

"You never told me that you were a prince; only a captain." I brazenly and bluntly said to him.

His gaze locked onto mine.

"No, I never did." He replied.

"Why?" I asked him.

He sighed.

"I wanted someone who didn't know for once. Everyone else on my ship, they treat me kindly but their facade--well, anyways. You didn't know, and if you were kept in the dark, you'd be honest with me." If he wanted honesty, I thought, why wasn't he honest in return?

"Welcome home." He stated and helped me off.

I took a look through the front gate at the palace. It was enormous, as if it were about three-quarters of the size of the North Pole! The foundation was firm, paved with stones and a kind of paste held them together as tall pillars made from tall trees and each decorated with an elaborate gold base stood on top of a long stone staircase outside.

The palace outer walls mainly had the colors of red, dark green, black, gold, and white for the stones and the ceilings were slanted; paved with what seemed to be layers of sheets of metal coated with a substance that dulled down their shine, but dark wood covered the metal as far as I could see. Iroh led me through the steel gates and to the stone walkway; I noted the polished rock that marked the path inside and felt a stab of anxiety.

Once in what seemed to be a main room, I saw that Azulon, Sozun, and everyone else had beaten us to the palace and were seated on chairs high above the other people.

At the end of the many rows of tables but in front of the high table there was a space cleared and lined with red paint. The stone set upon there looked like polished black Granite, as Iroh had pointed out to me when I was studying Architecture of the Fire Nation.

Iroh was clearly surprised as well, but managed to hide it.

"So you would like to see now?" he asked to no one in particular.

A murmur of agreement arose from the people seated at the long tables but at a wave of his hand, Sozun silenced them.

"I would like to eat first, but I want to see if she is truly as you have told us to be." Sozun replied swiftly.

Iroh nodded and began walking towards the empty space, I followed. It seemed to be the longest walk of my life, with hundreds of pairs of eyes following my every step.

The fighting that commenced was for pure entertainment, but I had to take it seriously; if I could not prove myself there, I might have never had another chance. I escaped with minor burns and cuts; I'd rather not go into detail what actually occured.

"Exceptional." A deep voice remarked behind me and I saw Iroh's father, Azulon, stroking his narrow beard thoughtfully.

I bowed deeply, as I was told so by the women on the ship, and kept my eyes downcast.

Iroh threw to me a parcel; upon opening it, I found a set of 'flying daggers'.

The daggers were complicated in the art of throwing them and the key was to only flick your wrist and to make the side with the inner curve face the direction you want to throw your dagger in, there was also the fact to keep in mind to point the dagger in the opposite agility direction you want it to go like if I wanted to throw it upwards, I needed to aim the inner curve of the knife downwards. That was why many people in the Earth Kingdom, as told me by a soldier on Iroh's ship, killed themselves when trying to handle the daggers; because they didn't know how it truly worked and only presumed that it worked the same way as theirs.

I threw one out, then another and another; it was to show not only my 'flair' but also my ability to think quickly and thoroughly of the situation before deciding on an action.

"She is very skilled. But tell me, my son; why have you brought her here?" Azulon asked Iroh.

"I promised her a new life I promised her a better home here, but only if she could prove herself." Iroh told his father.

"She certainly has proved herself." Sozun remarked.

Despite the other eyes on me, I felt a particular set of eyes following my every gesture. Turning to look, I saw a boy who looked younger than me, maybe in his young teens or so, with his eyes bearing into mine. He had the same eyes as Iroh, but his were darker and didn't hold the warm shine that Iroh's had. I lowered my eyes and shifted my gaze back to Iroh, who was finished speaking with his father.

"But I must ask you Iroh. She is fairly attractive. Can you honestly say that you haven't also been with her in a more…personal manner?" Sozun asked.

A wave of snickers passed through the men and some women at that comment.

I grabbed the final dagger in my pouch and, with a quick glance up, hurled it with exact precision.

It landed barely an inch from the end of the high table.

People gasped and were shocked at my 'impulsive' act, none more than Iroh himself, so I looked up at the Fire Lord, smiling a coy smile I'd learned from my sister before she turned against me.

"I am truly sorry, your Excellency, but there seemed to be a fly near your neck and if I were allowed, I caught it with my dagger." I replied calmly.

The Fire Lord said nothing; only raise an eyebrow at me (maybe it was genetic for all Fire Nation Royalty to be able to do that) and remove the knife with what seemed to be extraordinary strength for a man so thin.

"Impressive." He said after seeing 2 black specks on the wood; what remained of the once whole fly.

"As I said; she is a Hibon, a true prodigy of our time being." Iroh replied and I faltered at being praised.

When I was younger, Naiya was always the center of attention and my parents always asked why I couldn't be more like her; looking down on me. It got even worse when I'd discovered my powers but now, here Iroh, the elder son of the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation; meaning that he might one day be Fire Lord, telling the entire Fire Court, maybe his entire nation, that I was a prodigy.

I breathed a sigh of relief when my demonstration was over; Iroh took me out of the room and down a maze of hallways. Stopping at a particular one, he opened the door and gestured me in. This had to be his room, for it was the near image of what his room on the ship looked like save for the size, the ship was smaller, hardwood floors and carpets covering small amounts and also for a fireplace. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on a chair.

"You did better than I thought you would." He said with a small smile. I nodded; smiling back.

"You'll most likely be in our Navy and the only thing left to discuss is what starting rank. Let's order some food and go to sleep for tomorrow." He suggested; sitting up again.

A servant came to the room, asking Iroh what he wanted to eat and after Iroh told him, the servant went away to fetch the food.

I began to unbutton my coat; it was a warm day and I had perspired quite a bit. My breast bindings would've been agonizing if not had a woman on the ship introduced me to something called a brassiere, which is worn by women to hold their breasts in place.

I stripped free of the coat, socks, and boots and let myself lay back on the hardwood floor; feeling the coolness of the wood. There was a knock at the door and I couldn't bring myself to believe that the food had come already. Iroh went to the door and answered it.

"Ah, good afternoon, dearest brother." He said warmly.

I sat up; brother? He never told me he had one. It was the young boy who had been staring at me.

"Yukihiya, meet my younger brother, Ozai." Iroh introduced.

Ozai did nothing; he continued to stare at me.

"How do you do?" I asked quietly and respectfully.

Ozai nodded to me, then turned to go.

"The meeting's tonight after sunset." He said to Iroh then left.

Iroh closed the door and turned back to me.

"Sorry, he's very suspicious at times." He apologized for his brother. I only nodded in response.

There was a second knock on the door and it was the servant telling us that the food had arrived. It was all cooked wonderfully, but I had little appetite for such favorites of mine when I as in a new place with almost no knowing of the customs here and with every eye of the court on me, I knew not what to do.

For the afternoon, I explored the palace; the gardens, the hallways, the chambers, and tried as hard as I could to memorize the large palace, but to near no avail as I couldn't even find Iroh's chamber. At dinnertime, sunset, I ate privately in a suite provided for me courtesy of the Fire Lord which seemed to be planned and already fitted weeks before.

A few of the women who were on the ship with me were servants here and managed to give me a simple meal; baked chicken, lightly spiced broth, boiled squash and cucumber, and rice boiled in miso water.

As I sipped at the broth, I couldn't help but wonder what was happening in my old home.

How did everyone react when I was gone? What did my parents tell the tribe? How was Yugoda? Did Pakku take her as a wife? Or some other girl? What of Meinan or Naiya?

That life was all behind me now, and I had to wait to see which Military rank I would start out in. The days melted into weeks and it had been nearly 3 weeks when Iroh finally came to me with the news.

I'd been eating a late night snack of rice balls and these strange, small nuts dipped in honey and lightly salted while I mentally reviewed my learnings of the Fire Nation Language.

I was caught up in thought when Iroh entered the room and didn't notice him.

"Are you not interested in the news I bring for you?" he asked.

"I am always interested." I said.

"Your military life begins tomorrow. You are enrolled in the ship of Admiral Kouguu as a Lieutenant Junior Grade."

* * *

Next Chapter: Lieutenant to Commander 

PS: according to the US military ranks, a Captain ranks higher than a Commander!


	7. Chapter 6: Lieutenant to Commander

OK! New chapter.

The first part focuses solely on Kana/Yukihiya's first mission: being a spy.

Then, it's all somewhat rushed because after Terre, she didn't remember too much of it and also what she did was pretty much the same.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

_**Lieutenant to Commander**_

_**Year of the Butterfly-Year of the Arctic Wolf**_

* * *

Iroh was true to his word and the following morning, I was official Yukihiya, Lieutenant Junior Grade, in the Fire Navy. 

Iroh himself continued to pursue his own military position and to keep going to fight in the Earth Kingdom. Apparently, when he found me, he and his crew were doing a routine scouting of their conquered lands and I was lucky enough to be cast out to sea far enough so that I was seen.

I boarded the ship of Admiral Kouguu and at first, I mainly kept to my room save for food and training on the way towards an assault on the city of Terre, a stronghold of the Earth Kingdom and also a large trading port or rendezvous city for most of the Earth Kingdom.

What I truly didn't understand was why did the people in Terre built their city near the Northwest coast of their kingdom; a vulnerable and mostly likely first target for the militants of the Fire Nation when attacking the Earth Kingdom.

The reason a new attack was commencing was because it was said that the old regent of Terre had died; he was the one who had held onto his city for over thirty years, and he'd named no successor. The people decided on his half-nephew twice removed, for some reason, who had been brought up in the lavish upper circle full of riches, gluttony, and women; it was the Fire Nation's best guest that he did not know much about war.

Due to my appearance--it was 'innocent' as Admiral Kouguu once told me--I was sent behind enemy lines as a spy. Even though being a spy felt like I was using the training I'd attained, I still couldn't help but long to fight instead.

Admiral Kouguu was very kind to me and the rest of his crew, treating them all as equals and with respect and I found myself easily mirroring his examples. He was a man whose age seemed to be an eternal mystery to his entire crew, his appearance, advice, and habits of his life contrasted any age that we of his crew might guess that he was.

The crew was also immensely kind to me after some had bear witness to when I first demonstrated what Iroh had taught me, but I couldn't decide if they were being nice to me because I was an acquaintance of Iroh, that I was slightly more powerful than any of them, or because they hoped I would teach them a new technique, some other martial arts, or have gossip for the women aboard the ship Though the true origin of their appreciation of me is unknown to me today, I came to earn their respect the old-fashioned way.

While aboard the ship, Admiral Kouguu taught me Astronomy and how to find my direction with the stars. Though I still had a map with me, I needed to find where I was and many people of the Fire Nation noticed that various stars and groups of stars, called Constellations, sometimes pointed to directions or helped one pinpoint their locations.

In the dead of night, I walked towards the city of Terre. Besides the map and something to find the stars with, Admiral Kouguu gave me spare paper, ink, a brush, some food and a small shovel-like flat piece of metal to dig for roots, a small sack of drinkable water, and 2 miniature messenger hawks. Strangely, the hawks were small and Albino, both were nearly complete white save for a few black feathers and their eyes were black with a red rim.

All of the objects were in a small fold in my cloak save for the birds; they were within a special square pouch I'd attached to my hips to ease the travel for them.

Slowly, I crept across the bridge; dirtying my clothes before and falsifying a limp in my leg and a stage of fatigue. When the guards saw me, they halted me on the spot; shifting the ground that I walked on and slamming me against a wall. I hoped the small hawks weren't crushed and glanced up at them from my cloak. They immediately saw my dark skin and blue eyes along with the blue clothes I'd originally worn before Iroh found me, and, most likely I thought, regarded me as being from the Water Tribes.

"Please don't hurt me! I am a messenger from the Northern Water Tribe and bear important news!" I cried out to the guards.

They took me in, my so-called pitiful state, and nodded; opening a chunk of Earth and letting me in. There was fine architecture as I could see in the Earth Kingdom, but they were all made of dirt, wood, and straw and in somewhat poor quality. But as I saw, the Earth could extend for many stories on a city and also be able to make many houses, so it was a deeming advantage for Earthbenders to only raise its arms up and construct a house as it is an advantage for Waterbenders to make ice to build their houses.

Fire and Air don't have those qualities, but Fire can melt materials, like steel, to make sturdy and powerful structures and also the Fire Nation is evolving into one of the prosperous places in the world where new and useful technology is developed each day, each hour maybe. Maybe the Air Nomads were like that as well.

The creak of doors led me to look ahead and, with a large guard on either side, I only walked silently; thinking of a fib in my head.

"Who enters?" a voice asked from the end of a large and somewhat drab room.

It seemed like that all there was to this large room was 4 walls painted entirely yellow with brown vertical stripes, a floor of varnished wood with a carpet leading a direct way across the room, a few green banners, and a dark ceiling.

I looked up to see the commander through my eyelashes.

He was a stubby man, with pale skin and long hair and beards but, unlike many men of the Fire Nation, I recalled, didn't put much effort to tame his hair so they stuck out at odd angles. His eyes were practically swallowed up by the fat surrounding his eyes and the bush of his fairly thick eyebrows; maybe it was a unibrow but I do not remember after nearly eighty years.

His body seemed to bulge out at the stomach, arms, and at his calves as I recall his calves being squeezed into what seemed to be tights and his bare feet, but I could not clearly make out the shape of his body through his multiple layers of armor and cloth. His feet were large but his toes were knobby and his toenails were strangely a grotesque yellow color.

"A woman from the Water Tribe; she claims to have urgent news." The guard on my left said almost automatically.

The commander seemed to take me in slowly; my disheveled clothing, my dark cloak, and my appearance. I silently cursed myself for not putting up my hair in a traditional braid but in the time I was training in my bending powers, and when I began calling myself Yukihiya, I always put my hair up in a simple ponytail, braid, and occasionally a knot, but never spent more than maybe a fourth of an hour on my hair; even when I was coloring it or brushing it.

"Give her a chamber; it is late and we can talk tomorrow." The commander said simply.

Not a very good strategy, I thought, since I was taught to always listen to urgent news no matter how preoccupied I was with something. The guards nearly pushed me the entire way down a small corridor and then opened a room, revealing a single small bed and bits of furniture, but nothing special.

How such a famous town in the Earth Kingdom could have such a bland exterior, interior and offer only small rooms, I wondered. Lying down on the small cot, discovering that the material bit at and severely irritated the naked skin along the way, I again found myself pining for the comfortable bed with cool linen sheets that I'd had back at the Fire Palace.

It was only a bit after I'd abandoned trying to sleep on the cot and just lay on the floor with my cloak that I noticed that there was someone else in the room.

She was a few years older than I was, most likely in her twenties, and lay still in the corner.

Hastily, in the fear that she was dead, I unknotted my Water sack and, squeezing the bag and feeling that I still had a bit left, rushed over to the limp woman; quickly tipping the liquid down her throat and waited.

I saw the faint shape of a tongue poking through lips and saw movement. I squeezed my water sack more and helped the water down her throat. She seemingly sprung to life and looked around wildly before seeing me.

"W-who are you?" she whispered to me.

I looked around at the dim room and sighed.

"I guess I'll be sharing this room with you." I replied softly. She whimpered at my reply.

"You don't want to be here." She hissed and I heard fear in her voice.

I began to move towards her, to help her up, but stopped when I felt the round curve of her belly. I couldn't believe that I'd not noticed it before; how negligent was I of the world around me?

"Why do I not want to be here?" I asked her. She shuddered.

"The commander, the soldiers, every Earth Kingdom man here are not honorable." She said to me.

I regarded her belly, my eyes narrowing in anger and bits of curiosity mixed in.

"Yes, it's a child of violation." I saw her shudder at the word 'violation' and took her hand; trying to offer her a bit of comfort.

"Here." I said to her, unloading my bag and spreading out what was left of my food for her.

Along the path as I walked to Terre, I'd picked some fruits, berries, and dug up roots that I'd learned were safe to eat and also constantly boiled stream water to refill my supply of clean water.

I grabbed a strip of dried meat, one of my last ones, and offered it to her.

She took it gratefully, biting into it ravenously and I wondered if the people of this city were even feeding her. I also gave her some berries and also watercress I'd found naturally growing along riverbanks and let her eat them until she was full, saying it was alright; that she was eating for 2 when she tried to give back the food I'd offered her.

A bit more water and the food itself seemed to bring back bits of color to her face and give her the ability to move and speak again.

"I don't know if there are other women who have suffered like I'd have, but I hope not." She whispered softly.

I nodded; bundling my cloak into a pillow and offering it for her back or head only to have her decline it, her stating that I'd already done too much for her.

"Have you considered the name?" I asked her; lightly staring at her belly.

The woman rubbed her belly a bit; lightly smiling.

"If it's a boy, I'll name it Qin. If it's a girl…" she trailed off. "If it's a girl, I'll name it Eika."

Eika sounded like a very beautiful name for a girl and Qin for a boy as well.

"We should get sleep." I suggested; looking around to try and find a door, a window, anything with ventilation or a way to escape. She gripped my arm and I was so startled, I let out a small cry of pain.

"You can't. Since you're new, they might come after you next." She said urgently. I doubted that it would happen; I'd had to defend my 'honor' more than one time in the past and knew enough about the male anatomy, thanks to training, to know where the weakest points on his body were. That, and, I had my little knives stowed away.

The only con in the usage of flying daggers was that if I ever used one, I'd most likely be thoroughly searched for other weapons and they would take them away. The metal throwing knives were famous for coming solely from the Fire Nation, so it wouldn't take long (maybe it would) for those Earth Kingdom 'guards' to piece together what I truly was and would surely execute me.

"I'll be fine." I told her; literally meaning it and it only caused her to grip my wrist harder.

She was concerned for my safety, I realized, and no one else but Iroh was like that to me in the entire near seventeen years of my life. I gently patted her head, as if she were a child, and smiled; trying to soothe her to sleep. I finally manipulated her senses enough and felt her doze off.

Finally.

Laying her down on my cloak, I went over to where the Earth Door supposedly was and hit at the dirt wall; searching for a weak spot. There was a spot that, when hit, was quieter and hollower than the rest and, with a 'fire dagger', I carved out a hole that was large enough for me to fit through.

Slipping through the hole discreetly and also putting back Earth to fill the hole, I began walking to the right of the hallway; a hand on my wristband and my fingers constantly gripping a single Flying Dagger.

Suddenly, footsteps were coming from down the hallway. Looking around, it was a bleakly decorated hallway with nothing I could hide behind, under, nor inside without causing a bulge or shift in the object. The hallway was narrow and, in a final act, I began to climb on top of the hallway; my hands on one side of the wall and my feet on the other side and carefully not shifting my weight.

There was a single guard with another one behind him and they were talking.

"That Water Tribe woman was fairly pretty." One of them said and the other laughed.

"There's plenty of time to try her." The other said.

I gripped the wall out of anger, a huge mistake, and felt myself nearly fall. Staggering for a hold, I was nearly sure that my life would end and I would be discovered. But with a miraculous shift of weight, I regained my structure and began to follow them down the hallway and zoning out their voices.

I saw them go into a single lighted room and picked up discreet voices.

"…so there are always multiple copies of our strategies to distribute to the people." A voice said.

I felt like laughing; it was all too easy! I needed to send a message to Admiral Kouguu quickly but I couldn't find a window.

Grumbling at my small loss at the battle, I returned to the room I was held in and closed the hole; sealing it with hot mud I'd made from my last bits of water.

The woman I was sharing the chamber with seemed to be asleep, so I lay down on the cold Earth as well; trying to sleep but my dreams were filled with tumultuous thoughts and ominous dreams.

* * *

I felt the Earth move under me, signaling that Earthbending was abroad and I forced myself to sit up. It'd been a few days since I'd gone snooping in the halls and I finally managed to find a window and sent a messenger hawk to Admiral Kouguu. 

I stated that I placed myself in the city near the general and already managed to find their plans. I requested a larger messenger hawk to send him all of the battle plans. What I couldn't believe was that this commander was stupid enough to leave his strategies out for nearly anyone to see in what seemed to be the only room in the entire palace with a window.

I saw a single guard in the room, not missing the fact that he did not wear any armor nor and his clothes seemed loose and I remembered the conversation between two guards a few nights ago on the topic of myself.

"May I tell the Commander the news of the Water Tribe?" I asked him coolly.

"Later." The guard said in a light slurring manner as he came closer to me.

I heard a small gasp come from the woman whom I was sharing a room with and I instantly raised my defenses as I regarded the guard coming closer to me.

"Why are you here, then?" I asked him, tight-lipped.

I wondered if the guard was drunk for a second before another guard appeared behind him.

"The commander will see you now." The other guard said; nodding to me.

I rose up, but hesitated; looking at the woman whom I shared a room with.

"Let her come with me." I insisted to the guards.

I saw the guards wonder why I insisted upon this, but let me take her anyway. As she leaned on my shoulder, I felt her round belly near my side and wondered how many months she was in this pregnancy; if her baby was coming anytime soon. I wore everything I was given, even my cloak, despite the warm weather in fear that the guards would snatch it and see that the cloak was actually made in the Fire Nation, or at least come to the senses in discovering that the Water Tribes never wore black nor could make a dye that turned cloth black.

As we went out, I breathed the fresh air that I'd been deprived of for many days. The woman next to me breathed in also and I felt her become a bit stronger.

At the top of a pagoda, I met the commander and he beckoned me to a seat. Instead, I gave the pillow to the woman and she graciously sat on it. I sat cross-legged on the floor and waited.

"What is this news you have of the Northern Water Tribes?" the commander asked me.

I took a deep breath, finally saying my practiced lines.

"The Northern Water Tribes are in trouble. I was out fishing with my husband when we saw ships approach the horizon. Since we were both in canoes, we decided that my husband would go back to warn the tribe and I would come here. Please, the Water Tribes need your help; we need to fend off the Fire Nation." I pleaded to him.

The commander stroked his beard for a few moments.

"We in the city of Terre must defend ourselves as well." He said slowly.

"Yes, but the Water Tribes and Earth Kingdom must be allies in a time like this, with the Fire Nation attacking and…" I trailed off, looking away to the sea.

"Go back and send these plans to your chief militant." The general said, handing me a bundle of small and lightweight scrolls.

I opened one of them, seeing a plan for their defenses. I wrinkled my nose in confusion, in case any guard might see me looking at the plans and would be suspicious.

I saw that the commander planned to line his nearly all of his troops outside on the city of Terre, on the Southern and Eastern walls; only on land, I observed, and that long ago; someone had built secret tunnels coming to and from the city in order to sneak food, weaponry if needed, and also to evacuate the city if needed.

I could not believe my luck! All I needed to know and more, they were marked on the scroll and it was only a single rendezvous.

"What is this?" I asked in spite of my knowledge.

"A plan. You wouldn't understand, anyway." The commander replied to me.

It indefinitely showed him and myself his attitude and outlook on life.

"Please, my husband said I should wait for a messenger bird before I leave. May I be outside to wait for it?" I asked him.

It was half true, I requested a larger hawk for delivering the message.

"Of course." The Commander replied.

A small groan behind me reminded me of my roommate and her pregnancy.

"And her, too." I replied; turning my head.

"And why is that?" the Commander asked.

He was getting suspicious of my actions; maybe he wasn't as dull-witted as I thought he was.

"She is pregnant. If she gives birth right in that room, blood will soak into the dirt and leave a stain. Someone could see and think that you murdered someone. It might be enough for those who make propaganda to turn the people against you. If the baby was born in a room like that, I wouldn't exactly say that it would be a lie. She's to have it any day now and she should give birth with a healer. It could be a boy, another soldier to help with the war." I said softly.

The general took my slander in, thinking.

"I guess it would be alright. I'll arrange for you both to stay with a healer." He said shortly.

I smiled and turned a grateful gaze up at him.

"Thank you." I breathed.

The general seemed to falter for a moment, but nodded once and motioned for his guards. I helped the woman up and we began to walk out onto the city.

Abruptly, I felt hands on my cloak.

"Let me take that off for you." A guard said. I wrenched the fabric away from him.

"I am fine." I snapped at him and clung onto the cloak tighter around my body until I, along with my pregnant 'roommate', reached the house we were supposed to be staying in.

There was a woman inside; she was in her 20's at the most with brown hair tied up in a small bun topknot and with the rest of it hanging loose. Her eyes were a startling aqua/jade color and contrasted with her dark skin dramatically. Her dress was plain, a single green robe tied with a black sash, and I saw no jewelry, not even a small bracelet of wood, on her.

"Welcome." The nurse said warmly and guided the woman I met in the 'prison house' to another room.

A sudden thought struck me; I didn't even know either of their names.

* * *

I climbed to the rooftop to wait for the hawk; staring at the stars and moon in the meantime. 

It'd been a few days since I came to the house, and there were no abrupt knocks at the door at night, there were no 'bumps in the night' either; the fear in the air dissolved and everyone inhabiting the small Earth-house breathed easier.

My gaze wandered to the half moon and wondered what was truly happening in the Northern Water Tribe right now. I doubted that the people were in true danger; the Fire Nation was right now focusing solely on the Earth Kingdom right now.

I'd shown the nurse my other small albino hawk, I'd had no other use for it anyways, and asked if she had any food for it. She was very kind, giving me what she could, and now I held the small hawk on my fingertips; letting him become gradually exposed to the night air and spreading his wings in preparation of flying. "Go back to the Admiral." I said to the hawk. Without another gesture, the small hawk leapt off of my fingers and soared into the night sky.

"May I join you?" a voice asked from behind me.

Turning, I saw the nurse.

"Sure." I replied and turned back to looking at the shoreline for any sign of a flying animal.

"Who are you?" the nurse asked me after a moment of silence.

"Yuki." I replied simply.

"I'm Longtzai." The nurse introduced as she climbed next to me.

"You shouldn't have asked the Commander of Terre for help." Longtzai said bitterly to me.

I turned to her, surprise at my features.

"Why shouldn't I?" I asked her.

"The Commander isn't interested in anything else but himself. He only wants money, power, and doesn't care on what he has to do in order to obtain those." Longtzai answered.

"Sounds like people I know. That's all he wants?" I asked evenly

"No." Longtzai said softly, looking away.

"Then I'll assume that he cheats, steals, lies, even kills for money and also he seeks pleasure by raping women." I said, remembering the hectic conflagration of the lower sub-divisions of the Fire Nation within the palace.

"How did you know?" she asked me with wide eyes, obviously fearful at the possibility of this city's antagonistic-like reputation spreading throughout the world.

"Took a guess." I replied coolly.

"It wasn't always like this; the Commander took hold of Terre recently. Now, he's turned it into this hellhole." Longtzai spat bitterly.

I nodded; saying nothing and letting her continue.

"And the worst thing is no one is allowed outside of the city." Longtzai grimaced.

"No one?" I asked her.

"No. Not even the children nor soldiers. I wish we could be free, but the commander says it's out of the question." Longtzai sighed.

"A dictator?" I asked; pretty sure that she would not understand my 'question'.

"A monster." It was a flat-out statement with no hesitation on her part whatsoever.

"So would you be glad if some people came, won over the city, and set everyone free?" I asked lightly.

Longtzai looked down, most likely in thought.

"Yes." She said after unnamed moments of silence

"It'll happen one day." I reassured; patting her hand. _'And sooner than you think.'_

Out of the dark night, a quiet but definite screech sounded and I turned to see a carrier hawk.

I stood up and whistled a calling tune; watching as the hawk came to me and rested on my arm.

"Finally. I need a light to read it, though." I murmured, fearful to use my Firebending powers anywhere within the city walls save for when in secrecy

"There's an oil lamp burning inside, we can read it." Longtzai suggested as she went down from the roof.

I nodded; going down with her and bringing the hawk to the light and untying the small message attached to its foot.

In Huo-wen, the language of the Fire Nation, it read 'Good work, Yukihiya. The navy is to be near the borders of Terre by tonight and we need their war plans. –Admiral.'

I smiled and retrieved the bundle of scrolls that passed for their plans.

I'd taken a look in them beforehand, discovering that the commander planned to place nearly all of his army outside the fortified walls on land. He planned a few raids by sea and also intended to heavily guard a few weak spots in the city. I didn't care much about the other scrolls; the Admiral's Helmsmen would decipher them later on anyways.

"Do you have some raw meat for this bird? It's traveled a long way." I asked Longtzai.

"A bit, I'll get it." Longtzai said to me and momentarily left the room.

She came back with a bit of bloodied meat and got to feed the hawk, a small laugh from her and, after I secured and tied the scrolls and a short message explaining the scrolls to the hawk's ankle, went back on the roof and released the bird into the night sky; hoping that the hawk will not tire out in the middle of the night and my message would not get to Admiral Kouguu in time.

No sooner than the hawk was out of sight, the house seemed to shift under my feet and I was knocked down to the floor only to be seized by guards.

"What are you doing?" Longtzai demanded of the guards.

"This is a warranted arrest for this woman." The guard said gruffly. Actually, the sovereignity system of the Earth Kingdom permitted searches without writs of assistance if the leader wished it so; the warranted arrest part was a 'permission' in name only.

I breathed in sharply; had I been found out?

"This is absolutely ridiculous!" she protested.

"We believe that this woman is a spy." The guard replied. Was I found out? My heart was hammering within my chest at an incredibly fast rate; I thought it was to burst at any second.

"A spy?" Longtzai gasped.

"For the Water Tribes." The guard answered.

"Well, what will—?" Longtzai stopped talking for a moment.

The guard gripped my arm harder.

"She is to die a spy's death, an execution, at high noon." The guard said and aggressively shoved me out of the door.

I walked, leaving my cloak behind, and wondering for a wild second if I could use my daggers and escape. Even if I did, my Martial Arts weren't as efficient as my Firebending and if I used Firebending, I would've been instantly killed.

I needed to bide my time, to wait, until the sun rose when I was convicted to die, and hope that my fate would take a turn around.

* * *

At high noon, I was dragged out with a plank encircling my neck and wrists. 

Everyone was dead still and silent, as if they'd seen all of this before, and they only stared at me as I silently passed them all and stepped up to a platform. The executioner released me from that plank and chained my wrists with manacles and chains.

I stood up and faced my executioner.

"You are charged on being a spy and sentenced to death." the executioner read.

I only stared; of course I was a spy.

"A spy for the Northern Water Tribes." If only the Northern Water Tribes could bear witness to such an act; I knew that my old home wanted the help of the Earth Kingdom and the city was accusing the Northern Water Tribe of being their enemy!

I saw that, instead of Earthbending, the guards used a narrow, sharp-point spear.

I could duck, but there were so many other guards with their own weapons that I knew the chances of me escaping safely and alive were very slim.

A stone arrowhead flew forth at me and, for a moment, I stared at it, the shape so interesting that I almost forgot that I was about to die. A flash of metal quickly changed that fate and the arrowhead clattered on the ground, the other part of the spear also fallen.

The sound of metal flying through the air sounded again and this time, I felt my chains become loose and looking at them, discovered that the chains had been cut cleanly off of my wrists.

A dagger landed at my feet and I didn't have to look to know that it belong to the Fire Nation.

A scream directed my sight upward and never in my life had I seen a larger shower of arrows and daggers; all of it creating a huge, ominous cloud in the sky before the weapons began to slant downwards and shower the city.

Running off of the platform, I gave my executioner a swift kick to his face and, jumping off, slammed him to the ground with my feet.

"Get her!" the voice of the commander roared behind me.

I ran towards Longtzai, who was in the crowd, and grabbed her.

"You have to get to safety. And the woman I first came with to your with, take her with you." I told her quickly.

She looked at me with aghast and fear in her eyes.

"What is happening?" she asked me.

"The Fire Nation is attacking." I said quickly as we began to run.

"The Fire Nation?" she asked me; looking at me with wide eyes and disbelief.

"Yes. Get to safety." I told her as a loud crash was overheard.

Turning, we both saw several large tanks with the Fire Nation emblem on them as they began to pour in through a hole on the Eastern side of the city. That was strange; Admiral Kouguu had planned a Navy siege, a surprise assault, and the blocking of the secret tunnels and also the clogging of the river that Terre was so interdependent on for its water source; not a charge with the tanks.

The soldiers were a too preoccupied with the Firebenders, who came from the secret passages noted on the map of Terre, and didn't notice me and Longtzai running around.

"You're one of them?" Longtzai asked me in disbelief.

I looked at her square in the eye and did not hesitate to speak.

"Yes." A simple word unleashing a thousand revelations. She pulled away from me and I knew it was because she knew of the Fire Nation. "Think of this, Longtzai; if the Fire Nation wins, I will talk to the militants and try to release as many prisoners as the Military will permit me to. If Terre collapses, the people are free. _You_ are free, Longtzai." I said to her; knowing that freedom was the thing she wanted most.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked me.

"The soldiers are too preoccupied by the assault and if you can, take all of the women and children out from this city and get people to open the Northern gates. Go out there, but wait within the caves until the battle is officially over. The caves are just a little bit West. Take food; the cave has natural clean water rivers and ponds and wait there." I told her hastily.

I heard a rumbling behind me and saw a soldier coming towards me with an Earth slide. Reaching for the daggers in my waistband, I threw four of them and aimed all of them near the soldier's neck. I saw blood come and the Earth slide literally crumble.

"Go!" I shouted to Longtzai. She nodded and ran back to her house for the pregnant woman.

"I knew it!" a soldier snarled at me. I turned around and struck a bolt of lightning at him. He made an Earth shield around his body. What a nice tactic; cowering behind the Earth or just sticking one's head in the sand at the first sign that an enemy would overpower them.

I ran towards him and unleashed a series of attacks; all of my blows reaching him at least in one area. I underestimated the amount of punch given by a boulder about half my size soaring uninterrupted through the air and hitting me right in the chest. Gods, it hurt and I reeled away; tasting blood in my mouth. I screamed for my body to get up, to keep fighting, but I seemed to have gotten less rest than I'd thought and fatigue, along with the waves of pain in my ribs, pinned me down for hte moment

I couldn't get up and watched as the soldier advanced on to me. As he was about to attack, a large whip of Fire sent the man flying. Before I saw him collide with anything, I found myself lifted up and leaning against him momentarily. I smiled bemusedly at my savior; leave it to him to come in at the last moment and take all of the glory. Before humbly going to his superiors and telling them of who really deserved the credit.

"Why are you here?" I asked Iroh, suddenly remembering that his division of soldiers took Fire Nation tanks to storm a city in the Earth Kingdom.

"My division won ahead of schedule, and I thought Admiral Kouguu might have needed some help." He said and, tilting my head up, kissed me.

I must confess, I nearly forgot that we were in the middle of a battle at that time until I opened my eyes and saw Longtzai staring at me.

Iroh later claimed that his action was purely impulsive; "after or during a battle where victory is imminent, male soldiers fall upon the first female they see to prove to themselves that they're alive and their bodies are still working' he stated in his defense

With difficulty, I pulled away from him.

"The battle!" I shouted to him over the rumbling of Earth.

Iroh nodded; taking off in one direction and I took off in another. I ran towards Longtzai as she was trying to undo a lock that opened the gate, but failing since she lacked the proper strength.

I gently pushed her out of the way and, with a blast of fire, melted the locks and pushed open the doors. The women and children, and some men, ran out of the gate and towards the caves, like I told Longtzai to do; many of them carrying baskets, bundles, and packs full of things which I hoped would be food for the people.

I watched the gates for any soldiers as the battle deeply raged on within the center of the city. I saw the YuuYan archers had sprung out of their hiding place and began to fire arrows.

Fire, dust, Earth, weapons, bodies, and blood filled the hectic scene and I saw the children fleeing wildly. Poor things; this battle would be the everlasting memories of their lifetime. Longtzai came to me, stopping.

"Thank you." She breathed.

"Of course. Get to safety and I'll come to the caves to claim the survivors." I told her and felt my eyes turn back to the battle.

I nearly rammed her through the door.

"Remember; don't come out until I come to you." I said, taking a heavy door chain and pulled the gate shut again.

I ran back into the heart of the battle; my eyes stinging from the dust and smoke, my nose clogged with the smell of fire, and blood, my hearing nearly on the point of becoming deaf with all of the screaming in the air, and the taste of burnt flesh reached my lips as I stumbled lightly over fallen bodies.

The Fire Nation seemed to be pushing forth more and the Commander was always putting soldiers in front of him to take the fall for him. I joined the soldiers in the front line and began to construct a thick wall of fire with them.

With a huge push, we sent it off and onto the soldiers. Even their shield of Earth was not enough to fully protect them. I turned, seeing Admiral Kouguu up to his neck in Earth Kingdom Soldiers all fighting him from the front. I saw the dictator, in a sense, sneaking up behind him; sword in hand.

"Admiral!" I cried out; indicating for him to look behind himself.

I pushed my arms out, intending to attack, but my bending ability felt different this time; instead of feeling the power leave me in outwards from my hands and the heat surging through my arms, I felt the power push down and leave me from my feet.

A second later, a surge of Lava came in front of the commander and, as I closed my fingers, saw the lava encircle the Commander.

I heard him scream and relinquished my control; the lava landing on the ground and turning a strange grey color. The Admiral fought off all of his shocked attackers and came over beside me and led me to the fallen self-declared emperor, if he could be called that.

Lifting him up by his armor, Admiral Kouguu gave me a small knife embellished with the Fire Nation crest on it. I looked up at him with light confusion.

"You have given us victory, Yukihiya. It's time for you to finish what you originally started." Admiral Kouguu said to me.

I nodded; coming forth.

Thinking of everything Longtzai told me, I knew that this was for all of the misery he caused.

With no hesitation, I brought the knife to his burnt throat and made a clean cut across the neck; watching as his body detached from the head and blood spilled on the ground.

Just like that, it was over. The city, once the pride and joy of the Earth Kingdom and not to mention its source of morale leverage, had literally disappeared and became another speck of red on the map; signifying the takeover.

* * *

"So you're of the Fire Nation?" Longtzai asked me; eyeing my uniform. 

I changed from the blue clothes back to the female issued fire navy uniform.

On the day I'd come to retrieve the evacuated citizens, they thanked me--as much as they would allow themselves to thank a soldier from the Fire Nation who deceived them all--for setting them free and hoped that they could get on with their lives.

"Yes. I am." I answered.

The woman, impregnated by violation, had given birth to a girl and, as she said, named the baby Eika.

"Is this it?" The woman asked as she held Eika.

I nodded.

"This is it. You go your way and I'll go mine." I said, turning back to a ship and walking up the gangplank.

Iroh smiled at me and I returned it, sneaking a glance at the mother of Eika and Longtzai walking away into the forest.

I never saw them again, and I still didn't know her name.

* * *

"To the bravest woman of us all!" Admiral Kouguu toasted me at a banquet held for the victory at Terre. 

I smiled, acknowledging the toast and raising my glass also as everyone else did the same.

For this occasion, Iroh gave me an old Kimono, one that was colored a dark blue and stitched with magnificent colored thread, to wear and asked a servant to tie up my hair into a knot.

After years of feeling isolated and unwanted, with hate and discrimination thrown at me at my old home, could finding a place where you were welcomed, a place giving you kindness after so much unkindness, could being there not be called happiness?

Sozun set down a gold inlaid goblet for me filled with a dark liquid.

"A victory drink." Iroh, seated next to me, said.

I stared at my reflection in the liquid as I raised the cup to my lips. If I did drink this, I was one of them...

_'Oh, hell; why not? No one would miss me anyways.'_ I decided within seconds and, tipping the goblet fully to my lips, drank deeply.

It was surprisingly sweet and I was utterly glad that I did drink it.

* * *

Like that, my life in the Military began. 

I began leading charges and raids for smaller towns in the Earth Kingdom and every time I would be victorious, I would get a reward; sometimes a promotion, even though that was usually given because I'd done something significant or I had been praised by one of my superiors.

I became known throughout the Earth Kingdom as a Water Tribe Woman who possessed the powers of a traitor and singled me out so I received much of their hate.

Their hurtful slander and even libel drove me onward in becoming merciless in my attacks; children, as I thought, would be spawned and manipulated to detest me as well and it would have been better to end their bound-to-be miserable lives with their parents. I'd done things I am not exactly the proudest of during that time, but...I cannot say that I regretted from the bottom of my heart and soul my actions.

"You do not deserve forgiveness." I snapped to a prisoner I once captured when he begged for me to forgive him.

As I walked away from the prisoners, looking into some of their dead or blazing eyes, I saw that I had become everything I was once taught to hate or be repulsed by; hard-headed, merciless, cruel. But I felt free, and with a clean slate, for one of the first times in my life.

Most of Kana seemed to disappear forever and I couldn't say that I missed her; being thrown into my family's progress for power and nearly being killed if I stayed, and not to mention forced into being a spineless and silent girl was not the life I wanted.

I grew closer to Iroh; often our missions would be together and I found myself talking to him on days I was bored. He still gave me books to read, taught me bits more of Huo-wen, and helped me with my martial arts.

We began telling each other more and more about ourselves, becoming more open and natural was a thing I once thought would've been impossible; he did always have that sense to his charisma.

* * *

I was waiting for my next mission while in the Fire Palace when, walking down the hall, I heard running down the hallway. Turning, I saw a messenger. 

"Admiral Iroh wants to see you." He breathed and beckoned me to follow him.

I ran the best I could, considering that I had to wear heeled shoes and a very long and sagging dress. In the War Room, Iroh was standing up. When he saw me, he smiled.

"Ah, hello Yukihiya. Come, I need to ask you something." He said, waving me over.

I felt Ozai's eyes on me again and clenched my fists to repress the shiver than cascaded down my spine.

"What is it, Iroh?" I asked him respectively.

"I have been chosen to lead an assault. I ask if you would like to also come." He said. In those times, I nearly never refused a time to gain knowledge and wisdom through the art of battle.

"Of course I would like to, Admiral Iroh, but where are we, you, leading the assault?" I asked.

"The Northern Water Tribe."

* * *

What do _you_ think will happen next? 

R'n'R, please.


	8. Chapter 7: Assault on the North

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

_**Assault on the North**_

_**Year of the Arctic Wolf**_

* * *

I did not falter, but I did not impulsively accept either. 

I only stood there in front of the other Militants; stock still and showing no emotion. I was asked to attack my old home; one which I'd been born in, been raised and sheltered in, the place I called my home.

I was eighteen, nearly nineteen in a matter of months, and despite that I'd buried myself into the Fire Nation, I still felt a bit of connection to the Water Tribes. I still bore the appearance of any Water Tribe woman save for my hair and I knew of the traditions there.

"We need to plant our ships near the Eastern shores to surprise them." A voice said, letting my trail of thoughts suddenly stop.

"That isn't a good strategy; the Northern Water Tribe, despite its size, only has people inhabiting a section of it." I said. The man who had insisted on planting the fleet on the Eastern Shores looked up at me.

"Truly?" he implored.

I nodded.

"The Northern Water Tribe people occupy about roughly an eight of the entire land it has; something about limitations." I told him.

"Why can they not use that land?" another militant remarked.

"It's not that they cannot, it's that they will not. No one in the Water Tribe goes beyond the border between the city and the supposed wall there, they're afraid. Everyone has heard vicious rumors about what lurks on the other side of the walls." I told them.

"So we could surprise them with an assault on the side?" Fire Lord Sozun asked me.

"I think Commander Yukihiya must accept this mission before she can give us anymore suggestions." Ozai's voice rang out obnoxiously and clearly.

Instantly, my suspicions rose and there seemed to be only one answer to why Ozai had spoken out. I knew it; he was out to put me between the fire and a tight spot. I looked from the generals to Sozun to Ozai and finally to Iroh. This nation, though I was not born there, had sheltered me and made me feel honored instead of shamed. I was taught their ways and their ways was that the people must help one another; to return favors if I was in the debt of anyone.

"I accept." I told them.

Even as I told them what I knew, or at least remembered, about my old home in the Northern Water Tribe, I had a bubbling in my stomach that indicated the assault I was to be going on would be more than just a simple duty for the Fire Nation to me.

For me, it would be more on the opinionated side; a much more personal factor that I would have to settle before I could move on with my new life.

* * *

Nearly a month later, the North Pole was in sight of the large fleet sent as I watched from the front deck the ice caps grow in size and closer in vision. 

I knew, from often going with my father to a war council meeting when I was younger, that there would be scouts on the premises of the ice caps and told that to the other ship captains.

As planned, we were sailing to the North Pole, but beginning to build most of the offense on the sides that were not habited by the Water Tribe people but sent about 7 ships out of the entire fleet to the front of the Northern Water Tribe.

As I closed the door and felt the metal deck under my feet increase in speed, my body seemed faint and distant to me. My head felt extremely light and my legs seemed to fail me. Maybe I should have spat out that peculiar-tasting bread...

Fatigue nearly threw my body off the deck when the ship seemingly gave a sudden lurch to the right. I felt myself collapse on the floor, managing to catch myself with my hands, but the deck seemed to become warmer with every second I touched it.

A spasm of light came from nowhere and blocked my vision and seemed to keep my senses from functioning. I seemed to be trying to get up and walk, but was staggering greatly.

A black shadow seemingly came out nowhere in the middle of the light and looked…almost familiar to me. Out of nowhere, a voice seemed to ring in my head.

It was a language I did not know, and the words sounded blurry and hard to tell apart.

I remembered sounds mimicking the things I'd heard coming from my own lips and felt even weaker than when the words left my lips.

Something cold was under me, seemingly engulfing me and I tried to fight it, but my body remained still.

Whispers above me and shadows on my body were all I remembered before my world seemingly was sucked away and I was left in total darkness.

* * *

"She's waking." A voice said above me. 

My first thought was that I'd fallen asleep and everything was a dream, but the spasm of light, my sudden tiredness, and that voice all shot back through my head; it all seemed so real. Blinking the blurriness away from my eyes, I saw Iroh's face above me and that I was in the medical room.

I pulled myself up and yawned; it was like I was only asleep and everything else might've just been a dream.

"Thank Agni, I thought you died." Iroh breathed in relief.

I was at a loss for words at the moment, so I only said 'Eh?' in reply of what he'd said.

"Do you not remember anything?" he asked me.

I faintly remembered the light, the shadow, and what the voice said, but that was about it.

"Not really." I replied; rubbing my temple.

"A servant was coming around the deck when she saw you stumbling. She came over to you and asked if you were alright and she says you replied in some strange words. Do you remember them?" he asked me suddenly.

I remembered when words left my throat, but not what I'd said.

"No." I replied and felt my stomach growl a bit, suddenly becoming hungry.

"Then, you just wholly collapsed on the deck. The Woman threw a bucket of water over you, but you just lay still. She screamed for help, a few of your soldiers carried you to the medical wing, you were fairly still for many hours, and now here you are." Iroh told me.

I remembered the cold sensation coming to me before I passed out and wondered if it was the ice water.

"What time is it now?" I asked.

"Near daybreak. It seems that you told your helmsman to sail as far as the ship could before the moon fully shone, then anchor. He spread the word, but may I remind you, Yukihiya, that tonight was a new moon?" Astrology...

I lightly kicked myself for forgetting and laughed a bit as well.

"Is the attack still going to commence as planned?" I asked; pushing back the sheets over me and stepping out onto the floor.

The ground felt a bit cold for a moment but faded.

"Are you sure? Are you not weak, or sick?" Iroh asked me. I smiled.

"Not now. I guess I was only tired." I said; looking far off.

"Are you hungry?" he asked; indicated to some canned foods to my side.

Since I was on a ship, it seemed that the Fire Nation always preserved their perishable foods by drying them or sealing them in metal cans. I nodded and Iroh gave me a small bowl of heated broth with some vegetables in it. sitting back down on the cot, I began to eat it at a near ravenous speed.

It seemed that the Fire Nation also dried noodles and seasoning and then stored them away. If anyone ever wanted to eat them, they would just fill a small pot with water, put the noodles and seasoning in along with any form of water, solid or liquid, and heat the pot until the noodles became soft again and you could then just eat it.

After a few spoonfuls, I felt much better and energetic again.

"You didn't answer my first question; is the assault still going to proceed?" I asked suddenly; looking out the window.

"The assault is still going as planned. If you truly feel better, Yukihiya, you can go and get your armor on." Iroh said to me.

The uniform I wore was standard; apparently unisex, save for a body suit of oiled canvas under the main armor in an attempt to keep out the cold water. As I was twisting my hair back, I turned my attention to my open-faced helmet. The face-cover had been damaged, careless handling, and was not fully repaired; it was obvious that I wouldn't be able to hide behind the skull-like mask. I felt my body tense at the thought; it...just wouldn't be right.

There it was, right before me; it was my chance to show that I had broken off all ties with the Water Tribes; that I was ready to fully turn away from them. To tie up the loose ends, to have my revenge. Every hour I trained, every mission I'd gone on, it was all to prepare me for this moment; my moment to show my face there again.

...and I couldn't do it.

Falling onto the small chair, I sighed; rubbing at my head and looking towards my pouch where inside, I knew, held a small canister with a spoonful more of ground willow bark. At that time, I'd been struggling with an addiction--there was no word that I euphemize--to the ground willow bark; it always took away the pain, and kept the nightmares at bay.

"Thought you might want something else." He said, holding the object in his hands out.

It was a small helmet that covered my face and was missing all of the horns and layers of a regular helmet.

It was hypocritical of me to hide my face, wear a mask, and I admit to it; I just couldn't cope with the thought that I would be completely exposing myself and severing all of my ties. I wanted to keep the good memories and, as I thought back then, I wouldn't have been able to if I showed my face; to see how I would be reflected in their eyes.

I smiled up at him in gratitude.

"Thank you." I said, wondering if he could read minds.

"We're setting off in a few minutes." Iroh said to me.

When I arrived, many soldiers were already there, the tanks and other weapons, portable catapults, and a few Komodo Rhino behind them. Iroh was giving them all final instructions.

"Do not open fire until the first Fireball hits the wall of the Water Tribe." Iroh finally said as the door opened.

As quietly as everyone could, we slipped out on the metal ramp and walked towards the Eastern wall.

The sun was peeking out when we'd finally arrived and, watching the shoreline for the ships we sent frontally to the coast of the Northern Water Tribe, sought for the first fireball to fire from that part of the fleet.

At first, it seemed to be a black streak, but as the 'black streak' got closer to our perspective, we saw the heated head and the smoke trail behind it as it came down and hit the wall.

Welling up my energy, I felt the heat surge through my body and let go; watching as the stream of reds, oranges, yellows fired into the ice wall and a loud explosion sounded through the air and watched as ice, steam, water, and large chunks of the wall came crashing on the opposite as well as our side.

I was cautious despite my fuel for vengeance, which suddenly came back; even though Fire is the element that could be pulled out of pure nothing, there was the remaining fact that I was walking on the element of water and the Waterbenders had a clear advantage over the Fire Nation, pardon the lame pun.

A young Waterbender, most likely a trainee judging from his movements, shot a sword of ice at me. Quickly, I disputed of it with a fireball and sent a discus constructed of sharp lightning at him and did not bother to witness his demise; I had more important things to do at the time.

It seemed that I had underestimated the populations of trained Waterbenders or at least most of the Waterbenders rose to the level of mastery faster than I'd expected them to.

It seemed that the number of Waterbenders and Warriors in the North Pole were near of equality to Iroh's fleet, not counting the other militants who came along with their own ships and fighters like I did.

I was still looking for my so-called 'family', to avenge my 'death' here but I did not find him but, instead, I found someone else; the one other person I wanted to face off with as much as I did with my so-called family, maybe even more.

* * *

It was in the Late Afternoon, near sunset, when I saw him again. 

I'd just sent another warrior back with a blow of Lightning to his chest when a water whip came at me; I composed a shield of fire to cancel it out.

When the bit of steam cleared, I saw my attacker's face and felt a deep fire within my memories begin to roar; finally, after nearly 3 long years.

"Is that all you can hit me with?" I taunted. It worked; he took the bait and raised an enormous wave at me. A few other Firebenders came to my aid and, constructing a counterattack, shot the wave away.

"Thanks." I said through my helmet.

The Firebenders nodded; returning to their own battles. The entire fleet was pushing forward; even the ships.

A few Firebenders and most of the warriors were left behind on the ship to steer, arm and fire the catapults, and attack when the time was right.

The ships had broken through the large wall of the tribe and now were pushing even further on the ice with flaming rocks hurled left and right into the city; screams and smoke filling the air.

Blood had already stained the virgin snow and the casualties of both sides lay on the ground motionless. Ice and water flew through the air only to be matched by lightning and fire.

The entire tribe was in a state of chaos and even through my helmet the stench of the burnt and dead was pungent and almost choking.

The moment I let my guard down I regretted it; a stream of water came at me and I, failing to pay attention, was thrown off of my feet and launched at least three feet into the air.

Throwing my body feet-first downwards, I slid on the ice and managed to get hold of a chunk of ice through my glove; stopping myself.

I looked at my attacker again; Pakku was still Pakku, he'd only learned more Waterbending.

"I see you've learned a few new tricks." I said to him; thought I doubt that I was heard above the roaring of the ships and shouts of civilians and the armies alike.

When I was betrothed to him, he would sometimes take me to his Waterbending class and I would watch from the sidelines as his class practiced.

My only regrets were that often I was mistakenly, or maybe purposely, used as a target for the practice and many of the males tried to draw out my Firebending when they attacked me. I only sat there, letting the water hit me (but never the let the ice hit me so I dodged them) and trying to remain in control of my emotions.

Moreover, after one of those incidents when I was actually hit (I think some Waterbender shifted the place I was sitting on) and he saw everything, Pakku rarely took me back.

Now, nearly three years later, we would see who knew more.

"But I didn't come this far to lose to you." I finished, harnessing power from the sky and pushing a large beam of lightning at my once betrothed.

He could not block the full force of it and was knocked back slightly. His eyes narrowed and I instantly took up a stance along with him and neither of us moved for a moment.

His first attack was that of an ice ball; one which I extinguished with a simple blast and responded with a punch and managed to burn a section of his parka.

Sending a chain of fire arcs at him, I watched intently what he did while planning out my next moves. He only raised his defenses at those; walls of ice and out-lashing water to exterminate them.

A sudden hit of ice behind me knocked a bit of winning arrogance out of me and I reminded myself that I was now on his territory and needed to be more cautious.

Running forth a length and jumping to create the illusion of a high attack, Pakku raised a chunk of ice and sent it overhead.

As I tumbled through the air, I landed as fast as gravity would let me and shot a low attack directly at his feet; creating a ridge of melted ice as I did so.

My biggest mistake was underestimating his reflexes and instantly, my flames were extinguished and a large bump of ice was headed at me. I jumped; barely dodging it and landing on my feet and my hand, but only to feel the ice shift below me.

Pakku had broken the ice I was on and began to create something under it; a whirlpool! Desperately, I leapt off of the nearest corner of the ice but I forgot about the element of Water being all around; my crucial mistake. A water whip froze around my ankle and I was pulled under.

I saw Iroh's face and his hand extending out to me as I fell into the water, but then ice came over my vision and it began to close down; forcing me into the icy waters. I was sealed within the ice.

I still did not feel too much of the sting of the cold, I couldn't decide if it was my Firebending powers or the clothing and armor I wore, but it was already obvious that if I did not breathe soon, it wouldn't matter if I felt the iciness of the water.

Looking up, there was the barest of vision through the ice and I saw Pakku standing idly. Swimming as fast as I could, I kept going until I saw him right above me.

Summoning up my strength for a fire blast, extra harder since I was in water, I placed my hands on the ice and, with the majority of my energy, blasted upwards and literally blew him out of the water.

Pushing myself up and taking a breath, I distanced myself from the hole and prepared to fight again. The oiled canvas was apparently permeable after all. I was about to attack when a bright flash caught my eye.

Looking down where I stood, right ahead of me, lay a delicately crafted silver comb embedded with blue stones along the spine; the comb Pakku once gave me. I dared to walk over to it and, kneeling down, picked up the comb; running my fingers along the spine of it and tracing the design.

Did he not give this to his new bride as a gift? He did marry almost immediately after I'd gone, didn't he? Maybe she gave it to him for good luck. What other reason would he be taking that along into something like a battle if it did not mean something to him? Maybe that bitch of his mother had finally died and the comb was given to him. Maybe something happened to his new bride...

As I mused on about the comb, I forgot to pay attention to the battle and people around me.

"Don't touch that!" I doubled over in pain at the sudden water whip to my abdomen. Ignoring the dent in my chestplate and holding up the comb, I smirked beneath my helmet.

"Why? Did your wife give it to you and then she died?" I asked with a snort of laughter.

A shock beneath my feet sent me reeling back as the strong wave, focused only on me, knocked me sideways and Water grasped the comb and forcefully wrenched it from my grasp. I wiped away the ice shards on my clothing and turned to him, armed with a counterattack, and never in my life had I seen a man, least of all Pakku, so seemingly broken over words.

His eyes were downcast; looking to his hand and in his left one, I saw the comb. A bit wet, but nothing too worse for the wear and he seemed to be cradling it.

It took a great deal of sanity to recover from my shock; a side of Pakku I'd never seen before was there before me now and he seemed to have a broken look on his face.

The comb must've meant something else to him; my theory that his new wife had given this to him as a good luck symbol might've been right. That or he had given it to his new wife and then she drowned and that comb was the last thing he had of her. It would've been sad if I wasn't so determined to win this battle between him and myself.

"Well?" I demanded; shooting a quick look to the side and to see how the battle was. It seemed now the Fire Nation was storming the city and I had no doubt that we would win.

Pakku clutched the comb and angrily stuffed it away.

"It's more than that." He said in a choked voice and, in what seemed to be a fit of rage, shot a ball of ice at me.

I met that blow with a Fire stream and readied myself for another fight.

"Oh?" I asked him through my helmet and sent my own Fire whip at him. He blocked it and sent a rolling wave of water at me and I jumped over it.

"Your nation ruined everything for me, you would never understand." He spat.

I wondered if it had anything to do with me; what _did _my parents tell the citizens of Water Tribe after my sudden disappearance?

"What did we ruin? It's your own mind and those damned traditions that ruin everything." I told him in what seemed to be a haughty tone but it felt so good to finally say the words and the topic I was forbidden to talk of for such a long time.

Pakku sent a huge block of ice shooting quickly at me and I sent a rotating saw of fire to cut it, but was too late in timing; the ice hitting me on the leg and sending me into the snow. Instantly, manacles of ice wrapped around my legs, waist, wrists, and ankles; binding me on the ground.

In the midst of the smoke in the air, I saw a shadow come towards me.

"You took it all away." Pakku said as he leaned down to me.

I tried to jerk the bonds away, but to no avail since Pakku began to freeze more of my body every time I struggled. I doubt he'd figured out that I was a woman; the formless uniform and armor did have some of its benefits.

"I never took anything away and neither did my nation." I hissed through my helmet.

I felt a sharp pain penetrating my stomach; when he concentrated the water more, the sting of the whip always clung on longer than the initial spasm of pain.

"You took away my family, my friends, and my bride." He declared angrily.

Great Agni, what _had_ my family told him about me?

"Your bride?" I asked amusingly. He was talking about Naiya, I assumed.

A second stabbing pain came to my stomach, in the same place, and I heard the small crack; he had penetrated the armor and, as the cold air came into contact with my abdomen, I felt something slide down from the wound. It was, as I later found out, a small cut.

"My bride. I was sure that we would have a happy life together. I loved her." He said softly, as if his heart was breaking in remembrance.

I felt like I'd just been slapped; a man of the Water Tribes admitted to loving someone. Back when I lived in this Water Tribe, many marriages were only to forge alliances or to breed children, or to gain a higher status; there was almost no love between the man and the woman who were bound only by they called their duty to the Tribe.

The man and the woman would breed, do their tasks, and I, as a child, have never heard my father and my mother saying 'I love you' to each other; not even once.

"Where is she? Drowned herself?" I asked casually.

Maybe he just needed someone he could talk to; that was why he was opening up to a complete stranger. But, why was he telling me all of these things instead of someone else? One of his friends, maybe? A new woman who was engaged to him? His family members? I guessed that that they would all make fun of, if not ostracize, him if he ever told anyone the 'truth'.

"The day I went to take her into my home...her father made an announcement to the Tribe." There was a strange look in his eyes; I could not tell if it was from anger or another emotion.

"Her father told me that she had run away! I asked why, but he did not respond. I wondered if that was what happened. Later that day, I saw a Fire Nation ship pulling away." Pakku said; shaking with, I was sure of it, rage.

I continuously tried to melt away the ice and slowly felt more space within the capacity of my frozen bonds.

"She could be dead for all you know!"

"It doesn't matter now; let's see who's behind that mask of yours." Jerking my body upwards into a flip, I shattered my bounds, showering him and myself in bits of ice and, sliding my foot quickly along the snow and ice, sent a swift kick to his chest; hitting him fully with a scorching blast of fire.

He was clearly startled as he was pushed back and launched many feet away from me. Pressing my hand against the wound to ease the bleeding, I stood up again and saw that Pakku was on his back; startled with a deep burn on his exposed chest.

"Pakku!" a voice cried and, turning, I saw Yugoda running towards him like a crazy woman.

Maybe they'd married, I thought, they would have been happy together. My old home was a wreck; homes half melted and destroyed, the canals were nearly overflowing with water, more flames and smoke were seen and choked the breath of everyone, regardless of which side it was.

The people were more stubborn than I'd first thought; the tribe still did not surrender. I knew that because it was nearing night, the Waterbenders were relying on the moon for aid.

Running through the city, I looked around; searching for a weakness while trying my hardest to ignore the sting in my stomach and a cold uneasiness settling within my skin. At the sight of the council house, I remembered what the elderly had always told the children.

In case of an attack, the elders taught the younger children and told the women to shelter themselves within the council house and cover their heads. If I could hostage their kin, what the people of my tribe used to say were the most 'valuable treasures in the world', the Tribe would surely surrender.

And there was no time to waste; the sun was fast setting, and I just pushed any civilian in my way into the overflowing canals. I saw the look in the women and children's eyes and would have wanted to tell them to relax; women and children were always taken as war prizes, and only the ones who had captured the attention of high-ranked officials would actually be taken.

A steel-honed boomerang shattered into the right side of my helmet; breaking the region where my right eye was.

Looking behind me after I cleared the shards away, I saw warriors running towards me with their weapons bared out in front of them.

Ignoring the chilling and numbing sensation on my skin and the new shots of pain surging through my body, I got up and began to run towards the steps.

Once taking a step up the stairs, I felt a strange burst of dizziness and assumed that it was from not getting enough air. As I tried to regain my breath, I began to run up the ice stairs at the fastest pace I could muster.

Knowing that the warriors were right behind me, I shot a sheet of Fire over the ice behind me; hoping that the ice would melt quickly enough.

There were others already surrounding the gothic ice-house, some of them melting the pillars that held up the front part of the building. As the ice came tumbling down, I placed my gloved hand over my right eye to block the hole in my helmet.

Screams could be heard inside and before I knew it, a warm hand grasped my shoulder.

"Give up." Iroh declared, suddenly beside me.

"Scum!" a woman shrieked.

Turning, I saw my sister Naiya running towards me with the claws of her fingernails bared out; she had courage, I'll say that much.

I grabbed her wrists with my hands, I quickly turned around to face the Water Tribe people and bent down abruptly; throwing my weight to my chest and felt Naiya flip over me. I watched her fall on the ice and roll uncontrollably down the slippery stairs until she landed face-first into the snow.

"Surrender now. If not, your entire next generation will perish." I threatened; turning my head to the right.

"Never!" a man yelled stubbornly.

"Watch them." I whispered to Iroh and, turning my heel, began to walk into the temple.

Inside, I saw the younger children skirt away from me, some even crying out in fear, but I paid no attention to them; to think that a few years earlier, they were calling me 'Your Highness'. There was little light shining in the building, save for a hole at the top of the dome-like structure, and the dim light would have made it impossible for the short, crouching children to see my eye.

In the corner of the room, I spotted him huddling and shivering.

Meinan never fought, he more or less learned to hide with the younger children and women within the temple. A surge of chills came back, but I fought them off; going over to the corner and grabbing him by his collar.

He's heavier than I assumed, I thought as I dragged him back outside for everyone to see. Taking a dagger from Iroh, I pressed it to his throat. I saw the people tense.

A strange pang of heat shot through my body and left me slightly weak at my joints.

Struggling a bit, I think I leaned on Meinan slightly, but I miraculously managed to regain control of my body and continued to press the dagger to his throat.

"You would sink as low as to threaten us with our leader?" a voice shouted out to me. I saw that the owner of the voice was my father.

"But as I recall, your current chief has grown old and Meinan is the only heir." I said coolly; watching as eyes widened in surprise at my knowledge and, with a single swipe of my hand, brought the dagger upwards and plunged it into his eye socket. His scream echoed across the sky as blood began to pour from the wound. Gasps and whispers broke out between the citizens at the sight of their future successor being marred so.

"Stop!" a voice called out.

"W-We surrender." Another person stuttered, lowering himself to his knees and bowing.

The entire tribe soon followed suit.

Iroh nodded to the soldiers, then me. I pulled the dagger out and let Meinan crumple and fall at my feet. Iroh gestured with his hand and I began to walk down the ice stairs; pulling up the already-high collar of the scarf I'd worn to hide my eye.

No one moved as I walked past them, Iroh closely behind me.

"Remember this day." He said briskly to the people and turned to the small number of survivors. "We've spared you for a reason. Be more prepared next time."

Katsu, a comrade and close friend of mine, pulled slightly at my hand and I followed.

Suddenly, Pakku charged out from the masses. He seemed to forget about his Waterbending and tried to hit me with his bare fists. I deflected his blow and, unknowingly, reached into his pocket; extracting the silver comb and something else that landed in the snow.

I didn't pay attention to the object; I only saw that it was black and blue with a bit of white.

He grabbed my wrist, intending to harm me I assumed, but he grabbed the strip that held my glove to my hand and loosened the strap. Wrenching my hand back, I let the glove slip from my hand and into Pakku's grip.

"Keep it." I said carelessly and kept walking towards the ship. All he would know was that he'd fought against a woman; I'd had the glove fitted and it was definitely too small and with too slender fingers to be that of a man's.

As I reached the top of the gangplank and onto one of the ships, a spread of weakness seemed to cave in my body and I felt the ground shift beneath me; falling if it wasn't for Iroh's help.

"Are you alright?" he whispered to me.

"Fine. Just—." I began, touching my waist and suddenly remembering the wound. It'd stopped bleeding, hadn't it...?

A sudden cough tore from my throat and my waist seemed to crumble at the vibrations. I saw blood on the hand that shielded my mouth and panicked as a hot burn seemed to course through me inside-out and then a frightful set of chills knock me off of my feet.

"Yukihiya!" Iroh called, but his voice seemed distant and nearly silent.

I clutched as much of my wounded waist as I could and felt the ground beneath me spin.

More coughs came from my throat and I couldn't stop him; feeling as if each one ripped something from my throat and soon felt a trickle of liquid coming from my lips, I guessed that it was blood. The chills returned and it seemed that they were layering themselves through my entire body; freezing me.

My breathing became strained; I felt so weak and, despite the chills, strangely hot. I began to thrash wildly for some unknown reason.

My eyesight was blurry and undulating, my hearing only seemed to hear high-pitched screeching, I felt almost nothing save for the spikes of pain shooting through my nerves; all of my senses seemed to be failing me.

A faint glimpse of Iroh and a few other faces around me was the last thing my vision saw before I felt myself sink into darkness.

* * *

I let out a piercing cry; rapidly opening my eyes and felt my rapid heartbeat against my chest.

At first, I tried to move but only to discover that I must've gotten tangled in the sheets of a cot. It was only a dream. Struggling against the sheets, I found that I nearly couldn't escape and felt suffocated. Twisting madly, I tried to get away but felt the drowning sensation envelop my senses again.

A firm hand held me still while the sheets suddenly came loose from my body.

I felt the breeze of cool heat against my skin again and breathed. Looking up, I saw Iroh again; I seemed to have a tendency to get into trouble and there he always was when I awoke.

"What? What happened?" I murmured; looking around.

"You fainted. Being exposed to the cold for so long after you were soaked in the ice water didn't compromise with your body too well either." Iroh sighed.

I tried to get up, but found that my body felt too sore and weak. As lightly as gravity would let me, I lowered myself back onto the cot.

"What happened?" I asked him softly.

"We won thanks to you. But that wound you gave the prince was quite a serious one." He added.

I remember stabbing Meinan in the eye and the blood, wondering if he was dead or if the healers had managed to help him avert death. And if they'd salvaged his eye. Despite myself, I smirked at the thought of whether Naiya would still 'love' him if he still had a scar or if he was deformed or if he was blind in one eye.

Iroh didn't look at me; instead, he seemed to be brooding over his thoughts.

"Is something wrong?" I asked instantly.

"That wound and the entire fiasco with your sickness…" Iroh began. I instantly recognized his tone; it was one bearing bad news.

"What about it?" I asked, near frantic.

"It has left you fairly weak, you've been in a death-like stage for weeks; occasionally coming to consciousness." Iroh explained to me.

"Yes, but what do you have to tell me?" I asked.

"Your body is weak, most likely still infected and scarred. By the doctor's orders, it is not suggested that you should go into battle again." Iroh told me. Well, if it was just that I had to leave on grounds of injury...

"Alright. How long?" I asked him curiously.

I saw Iroh lightly bite his lip; obviously knowing that his news would devastate me. My eyes widened at a possibility and I instantly covered my lips with my hand to keep my teeth from biting my lips too much.

"N-No." I whispered, my voice shaking.

Iroh, looking somewhat defeated, nodded his head.

"Yes. He means that you might not be able to back into the battlegrounds ever again." He confirmed.

It couldn't be! Fighting is what had first gotten me into the Fire Nation, my sole focus through the years, and now, because of a single injury that I could've prevented and decisions that I could've alternated, it was said that I could never go back again!

"Iroh." I breathed out of shock.

"From what the doctor told me, he suspects that you were overexposed, you might also have breathed in saltwater, and there is a chance that if anything large like dust, more water, or multiple quantities smoke enters your lungs, you might be severely burdened with breathing troubles. I'm sorry, Yukihiya, but you must keep out of the battlefield from now on, maybe forever." Iroh said; to which I abruptly threw back the covers and tried to run towards the door and ask for a confirmation with the doctor.

"This can't be!" I cried, on the verge of tears.

Iroh quickly came from behind me and tried to stop me; grabbing my shoulders.

"Yukihiya—!" he began, trying to pull me back, but I fought him; trying to make him loosen his grip.

I wouldn't say it at the time, I think arrogance and haughtiness had gotten to my list of virtues that I possessed, but his hands felt as if they would break my shoulders.

"Let me go!"

Iroh suddenly jerked me back; pulling me flush against him and locking his arms in front of my breasts.

"Yukihiya, you must accept it! Everyone has limits and you must accept yours now!" Iroh shouted at me.

Out of rage, I kicked at a nearby cot. Fire shot out in the direction of my kick, but the cot did not melt or tip over. He was right.

With a sob as reality set into my mind, I seemed to have slipped from Iroh's grip and collapsed onto the floor, continuing to cry like an infant would.

For the years I was in the Fire Nation, fighting was the skill I treasured most and began to take less interest in anything else. Now what did I have that made me an equal?

Iroh leaned down so he was on top of me. I felt a bit of warmth and some comfort from him but fear and sadness still remained.

"I know it looks grim now, but…there are other things that you can be. It's like starting over, just like you did with me when you accepted the Fire Nation as your home. Hush, Yukihiya. It'll be alright." He said softly to me, picking me up off of the floor and holding me as if I were a child.

Angrily and out of grief, I grabbed onto his shirt; pulling myself up to meet his gaze.

"Iroh...what other person am I to be?" I asked, sobbing. His diatribe was the equivalent that I would have to go back to the Water Tribes and tell them of all that I'd done in my mind; I just couldn't do it.

His eyes did not hold disdain, as I expected, but instead empathy. He wrapped his arms around me as he lay back on the cot he was sitting on, laying me on top of him as he did so, and sighed while he ran his fingers through my hair.

"I once thought that I was nothing other than a prince before I discovered that I was a fighter as well. Maybe your situation is a vice versa. Do not worry, Yukihiya. The past is the past, and you must look to the future instead. It will be a long, long way but you will find your true self." He whispered to me.

His words comforted me and slowly, I stopped trembling.

"How far away are we from the Water Tribe shore?" I asked softly, remembering the comb.

"Less than a mile, I'm sure. I assume you want to return this." He said, reaching into a bag on his belt.

I saw that he had the comb I snatched from Pakku.

I nodded; taking the comb and going to the Hawk room to select one.

Coming out with a sturdy looking one, I attached a small basket to its foot and placed the comb inside. Despite the cold, I walked out on deck in only my thin shirt, pants, and stockings.

I tapped his beak once, then pointed out towards the Northern Water Tribes, and tapped his beak again. "To the ice shore and back." I whispered, though he could not understand me, feeding it a bit of meat and watched as it took off into the night.

"You shouldn't be out in such thin clothing." A voice rang out from behind me.

Turning, I saw a servant with my hooded, sleeved cloak. I nodded; walking to her and put on the cloak.

"Are we sailing?" I asked her, noting that it had been only a full day since we first docked at the shores of the Northern Water Tribe and daybreak was near.

"At your order." She told me.

I nodded; looking up and signaling for the helmsmen to start the engines.

As I was about to go back to my chamber, I looked at the ice one last time before slipping inside

The messenger Hawk, I never saw again.

Maybe it meant something, the hawk not returning.

When I entered my chamber, I found Iroh sitting on the edge of my bed. I smiled, but when he turned to me I heard the most ominous words coming from his lips.

"We need to talk."

* * *

Review, please. 


	9. Chapter 8: Starting Over

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

**_Starting Over  
_**

**_Year of the Arctic Wolf-Year of the Tiger_**

* * *

"What is it? What's wrong?" I asked, closing the door to my chamber and turning back to him. 

Infinite thoughts and fears ran through my petrified mind as I went to join him. Was there something else that had happened to me? Did the doctor find something else and I would be crippled for the rest of my life? Was I sterile, unable to produce children, because of that wound?

As more thoughts poured through my head, each of them worse, I didn't pay too much attention to my surroundings or what I was doing.

Iroh stood up and, coming over to me, began to rub my shoulders.

"Slow your breathing, the condition of your lungs might worsen." He said concernedly.

I hadn't noticed it at the time, but I was breathing very rapidly and quickly and I'd begun to shake; obviously showing my fear of this conversation.

"W-What is it?" I managed to stutter out.

Iroh sat me down on my bed and continued to rub at my arms in a soothing manner, but in this situation I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to feel his touch.

"Do not worry; your body is not further damaged as the doctor says. I just want to talk to you." He said and instantly, confusion came to mind.

"Of course, what is it?" I asked in a formal manner.

"There is a bit of a problem, or should I say a rumor spreading amongst the Fire Nation." Iroh began and I wondered what this had to do with me.

"Rumor?" I asked, beckoning for him to continue.

"Yes. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it, or them." Iroh replied.

"What are they?" I asked, lightly amused.

I heard enough rumors to know that some were so wild, I felt like I would laugh myself to death at the gossip.

Iroh smiled at me in a silly way that always brought at least a smile to my face and I felt my lips curl upward and pull back; exposing my top front teeth.

"That we are married, that we are lovers, that you're already carrying the future heir to the Fire Nation, and that's just the basic of everything." He sighed exuberently

I grew a bit stiff as he said those words and my smile disappeared; wherever did those rumors come from?

"And how did this all start?" I asked seriously.

"People say that we're…close." He replied simply.

I felt a bit irked; so what if Iroh and I were seen talking to each other or walking together?

"We just know each other, you were my trainer and mentor; the one who even showed me a new life here and I am forever grateful of you. Of course we're close." I protested to him.

"That's the problem; we're too close, as people say." Iroh replied.

I stopped, staring at him.

"Too close?" I asked.

"Well, you were always with me when I was sparring and helped me with my wounds, if there were any and when my wrist was broken for a week and my other hand was burnt, you always took food from your own plate and fed it to me. Though you sometimes made me beg for the food." He added.

"Only to find that you were faking it." I said with a laugh, remembering when Iroh caught a flying pot with his hands during the time his hands still 'hurt' and I found out the truth. "And people take this as 'love'?" I asked, though I knew that it was a resemblance to the kind of affection or actions that a married couple would do.

"I didn't mean to mislead the people, but isn't love a good thing?"

"Yes, it almost always is. But in the Fire Nation military, love is a bit of a taboo. A contreversial one, but something of a taboo nonetheless. Forbidden since people think that love would only get in the way."

"Love never gets in the way." I said; wondering about the degree of truth in my words, since my battle with Pakku...

Something kept me from killing him; the niggling voice in the back of my head, because I felt sorry for him, or just because I thought that Yugoda might have been crushed if she'd found her husband dead by the hands of her former best friend.

Iroh looked at me, laughing before rising and walking towards me; lifting my face up to meet his and making me crane my neck up close to him as he pressed his legs against mine.

"Oh, Yukihiya. You know not of what a man crazy in love would do or what lengths he would go to be with the one he loved if they were both enrolled in the military." He said to me.

Our faces and bodies were a miniscule distance from each others, as I saw, and I felt a bit awkward when I pulled away. "I don't believe that they'd do such a thing."

Iroh glanced my way with disbelief and what seemed to be the look of defeat in his eyes. He stood up, beginning to pace around the room quickly and his head down. I saw his eyes had stopped focusing; a sign that he was deep in thought.

Without a second thought I went up alongside of him and, taking his hand, guided him back to my bed and sat down; laying his head on my lap and lightly touching his hair and face. He sighed and leaned into the direction of my body.

"But...what will it do? What would others say?" He murmured as he sank into my lap.

I stayed as still as I could until I heard a deep sigh and felt a steady breath at my stomach.

Looking down at his face, I did not see a prince who was brought up in a 'utopia' Fire Nation Palace that was set up just for him.

Instead, I saw a man who enrolled in the army because he wanted to serve his country. I saw a man who had witnessed death and destruction for many years and felt helpless and enraged. I saw by the lines of his face, though not noticable unless one is within a few feet of him, how war nearly tore his entire life apart and suffering was permanently etched into his skin. I watched his eyes clenched shut as if he were in a horrible nightmare and felt a pang of sadness reaching out to him.

He must've had a harder life, being seemingly the 'perfect' son as he told me, unlike Ozai whom I could clearly see was spoiled and penurious along with always giving up on something when he couldn't achieve his so-called goal only to have nearly everything he wanted to be just handed or thrown at him, but there was something else, something deeper as I saw, and joined the navy to escape the life he was born into.

"Iroh." I murmured; seeing him to a new light.

Before that time, I'd viewed him as an idol; a demi-god who personified a new chance for hundreds of people. He was my guardian angel; flawless, immortal, with the life I'd wanted. He was a symbol of hope, like a sun that peeked through the dark clouds that were cast over me and gave me a reason to rise up and reach for the sky.

"Iroh." I whispered again with a broken voice, not believing that I had only seen this side of him now when it has been before me the entire time I met him. I felt like crying for him but it seemed that I'd forgotten how to; I only lay my head down to where his hair was and whispered things, one can call it gibberish, very quietly.

We stayed that way, save for when I took a pillow and lay on my back to sleep, until the morning and I was greeted by the smell of flavored porridge and hot milky coffee along with the comments and whispers of the servants present about Iroh in my lap and the both of us in bed.

The weeks sailing back to the Fire Nation were the best of the time being and I felt my shattered will and pride slowly repair itself.

"We're docking tomorrow." Iroh announced during a midnight escapade to my chambers.

Iroh had great agility and sometimes, if the ships we were both staying on were close enough, he'd leap from his deck to mine and invite himself in. Of course, I would argue and worry about his safety and that his kind of behavior could kill him and the last thing I needed in the world was to lose a friend I'd made in the new world I now inhabited.

I lay down on the small cot; watching as the candlelight began to die.

"Still worrying?" he asked me.

"No, I am fine." I had a knack for lying back then.

"Good night, then, little one." He said in a light voice and kissed my cheek.

I remember when my mother, and rarely my father, used to do this to me and clutched the sheets around me tighter as I buried my face into the pillow; falling into a troubled and dreamless sleep.

* * *

"And with great regret, Commander Yukihiya can no longer fight..." 

I felt like a knife had just been stabbed through my ribs as I heard those words come from Fire Lord Sozun's mouth.

Sozun continued to preside over the crowd, but my ears must've shut him away; just like I had shut the world around me away and sat in a small desolated corner of my mind.

"It's over." A voice whispered to me, shaking me from the desolated corner in my mind.

I rose up without a word to applause and, with a smile and farewell waves, descended from the steps and walked away.

"Hey, you." A voice called from behind me.

With the barest of a turn of my head, I saw the all-too familiar glint of gold thread sewn on Ozai's robes and wasn't in the mood for his squander, but I forced myself to turn; I had to obey society rules.

I bowed to him, but only with my head and a slight bend in my chest.

"Prince Ozai." I addressed formally.

He kept staring at me and I felt unease with his gaze upon me.

"You may had to have retired, but you are good at other things." He said simply to me and left.

I stared after him, confused.

Did he just pay me a, gods forbid, compliment?

I only slapped myself for even thinking that and I turned to go back to my chamber.

* * *

Despite my early retirement, there was still the fact that I was victorious in the Assault on the North and everywhere I went, I was praised and also congratulated on not only the attack on the North Pole, but also the attacks on the city of Terre, the battle of Xiao Da, and others battles which I was victorious in. 

I guess the people of the Fire Nation remember your finest moments rather than your humiliating defeat.

I remembered the battles and I guess that my retirement was at the cost of a major victory to the Fire Nation and I was still said to be the hero, or something of the sort.

* * *

As I walked down the hallway, pondering, I heard shouts and cries of what seemed to be pain. 

Quickening my pace, the shouting had increased in sound and I made out a few distinct words. They sounded like scolding, or shouting as abuse went on.

I was severely reminded of myself when I was younger and at the abuse of my father.

As I rounded the hallway, I saw a man with his hands out from striking and a girl, maybe a few years older than I was, cowering in a corner; frightened and on the verge of stopping.

"Stop, by the order of Commander Yukihiya!" I shouted at the man and ran over to the girl.

It had only been a bit more than a month since I had to resign from the military and I was, as Sozun praised me, a truly memorable Commander who was supposedly the war hero in the Assault on the North. The man was surprised, but stopped.

I leaned down towards the girl and saw that her face was red and bruised, her lip was bleeding, and her eyes were dark; most likely bruised.

"Are you alright?" I whispered softly to her.

She only nodded; trying still to control her sobs.

"What's your name?" I asked her. She looked at me with her dark eyes a moment before answering.

"Ane _(pronounced An-Ay)_." She replied simply.

I turned to the man.

"What are you doing?" I demanded of him.

"She is my own daughter and has failed me. I was only disciplining her." He spat; a cringe coming from the woman as he said those words.

On impulse, I stepped back; closer to the woman, and felt her hands clinging to my white silk under dress as if it were a lifeline.

"You have no right to do so." I said coldly to him and watched as his eyes narrowed.

"And why do you have say of what I can or cannot do to my own daughter?" he asked me.

I turned to her then back to her so called father.

"She is my servant now. I will buy her for 50 silver halves." I replied calmly to him and waited for his reaction.

His eyes seemed to pop right out of his head and I would've found it highly amusing had I not been so disgusted by his behavior towards his own daughter.

"You can't possibly be serious; only 50 silver halves?" he asked me incredulously.

In those times, a servant is sold from a price range to 100 Copper Pieces to at least 500 Gold pieces; depending on their traits and what they were needed for. Of course, women were pricier because of their gender and I found that highly sexist.

"What other price is going to buy her?" I asked the man simply.

I felt a surge of guilt as I said those words; it was as if I was asking that to and about myself. I turned back to the man.

"Tell me, sir. Has someone else already had her?" The man wrinkled his face before nodding briefly.

"Then who would want to take a bite out of a plum when someone else has already taken a bite?"

The man took that in, finally letting out a snort.

"Fine. 50 silver halves it is." He declared begrudgingly.

I smiled a bit; wondering if Iroh had intentionally, or even unintentionally, taught me the proper way of haggling.

I drew a sum of 25 silver coins from a fold in my robes that made a pocket and paid him. Iroh told me to always carry a sum of money within the palace to give to the servants or pay people for a service.

I was retired, with no source of income, and, to my utmost surprise, Sozun gave me a monthly pension of 250 gold coins which I used mostly to pay for my stay at the palace even though I suspected that someone else was paying for me.

After he turned away, I looked back at Ane. With a wave of my wrist, I beckoned her to follow her as I walked back to my chambers.

"Thank you." Ane whispered to me as we turned a hallway.

"Of course." I replied; turning and smiling warmly at her.

"Why?" she asked me softly.

"I can't stand to see people brutalized by their own families." I said truthfully.

We continued to walk in silence.

"Tell me, Ane. How old are you?" I asked her.

"21." She replied pitifully and I smiled inwardly; it was only 3 years older than I.

We'd reached my chamber and, lightly gripping the handle, I opened the door for the both of us. Ane was obviously surprised when I let her go in before me, but went in nonetheless. I felt a sense of happiness within me; I had gained a friend.

Iroh was within my chamber, resting on a chair and writing in something; maybe a journal, I assumed.

When he saw me, he closed the book and came forth to embrace me. I let myself fall into it, my own heart beginning to beat slightly faster when I felt his body against mine.

It took a moment for me to remember that Ane was still in the room.

"Iroh, this is a new servant of mine; Ane." I introduced.

At once, Ane nearly threw herself on the floor in what was supposed to be a bow. I cringed at the sloppy movements and felt Iroh do the same.

"Nice to meet you." Iroh said simply and turned back to me.

"I have an invitation for you; it's a private dinner, with you, the royal family, and a few others within a few days." He told me.

"What's the occasion?" I asked him; not thinking that the fifteenth day of the sixth month was a special occasion in the Fire Nation.

"My great uncle, Sovereign Kuzon, has returned from the battle frontier." He replied.

For a moment, I wondered who he was but remembered that Suzon had a younger brother; Kuzon, who was serving in the Military like Iroh was.

"That is wonderful." I replied with a smile to him.

"Yes, it is. I'll tell you the exact time when I find out and I'll help you decide something to wear." He offered with a smile.

I nodded and watched as he walked out of the room. Ane was still on the floor, looking downward as if she was afraid to raise her head.

"You can get up now." I told her.

Ane stood up, though it seemed that she had difficulty controlling her movements, and I grew a bit concerned.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, my eyes darting to her legs.

She seemed to try and stand up in a hurried way but her legs seemed to collapse under her. Lifting up her skirt, I saw that her legs were dark colored and covered in small, nearly black dots.

"My god, you're—!" I began, but couldn't utter out the words.

Ane whimpered, about to cry in the rug, and turned to face me.

"I'm—ill." She confirmed with a sob.

I knew of this disease, or what was left of it; originally, this was a part of the 'sweating sickness' caused by your body having too little water and if you were out in the sun too much, especially if you were working, but the other factors that might cause this sickness is still unknown to the Fire Nation.

An infection breaks out, usually starting at the arms or legs, and in most cases, grows up the body. The person is bedridden, weak, paralyzed, sweat-coated, high fevered, and with multiple cases of chills and pain shooting through their bodies. Commonly, the people are healed with the medicinal herbs, but the sickness would leave people sick, crippled, and even forced to amputate their hands or feet.

Ane looked like she was at the recovering stage, she had already expelled the disease from her body, but she crucially needed aftermath herbs; an essential part of the cure so that her legs can function properly again.

"Wait here; I'll get some medicine for you." I told her, slipping through my doors and nearly running down to the medical hold.

When I ran into the room, there was no one inside at the present time but I knew that the doctors kept the herbs in a special cabinet. Opening the cabinet, I saw an arrangement of dried assortments; most of them similar to each other in color or smell. Even though I knew which herbs I wanted, the large variety was intimidating.

"Is there something that you need?" a voice asked behind me.

I jumped lightly, darting my vision to the door and found a doctor.

"I need some aftermath herbs for the sweating sickness." I replied evenly and hurriedly to him.

"Of course." He replied; bowing to me and giving me a bundle.

"Arigato." I said to him and began running back to my chambers as fast as my body would let me.

I saw a significant change in my physical ability after my injury and disease; I could no longer sprint long distances without having a breathing malfunction, I could no longer lift heavy objects, I could not bend my waist too quickly or else my wound would throb in pain and, in the time it was still healing, split open.

A wave of fatigue hit me and I paused, leaning against the deserted hallway and realized that I must've accidentally made a wrong turn.

True, I spent time within the palace, but I only explored a section of it and bits of my memory was vague since coming back for some strange reason.

Pulling myself up, I walked as quietly as I could down the hallway; searching for a familiar object; a statue, a window, something that could help me remember where I was.

It wasn't until I stopped was that when I heard footsteps approaching me from behind. Turning around, I saw Ozai walking my way.

"Good day." I said tersely to him as I began to walk further down the hall; knowing that each turn and distance I walked only led me further into the maze of the Fire Palace.

All the while, Ozai was still following me. Many paths later, he was still tailing me and suspicion and fear got the better of me.

Turning sharply on my heel, I faced him.

"What do you want from me?" I demanded of him.

I'd heard of Ozai's continuously developing reputation of taking women, and even young girls, to secluded areas of the palace or somewhere out of witnesses' prying eyes, and did many dishonorable things to them.

He studied me, as if reading my face, and seemed to smirk.

"You think I want you for that? Agni, no. I would never go and waste my time and energy on a pitiful woman, who bears the appearance of some Water Tribe bitch and would tarnish my bloodline, such as you. But you're not as ugly or as barbaric as you originally were when you first came here." Ozai laughed haughtily.

I balled my hands into wrists within my long sleeves and pushed away the criticism along with refusing to accept the comment; saying to myself that it would be below me to argue with a man like 'him'.

With a roll of my eyes and a scoff from my lips, I turned away and began marching away.

Before I'd taken at least 3 steps, I felt him grab my arm and, with extraordinary strength for a 15, near 16, year old person, slam me against the near wall.

The sleeve of my robe was pulled down; nearly exposing my breast to him.

"But then again…" he trailed off as he gripped my thighs.

I knew that women often yielded to him and he immediately left them after he was done and I refused to be one of them.

"Get off of me." I spat at him, trying to kick him but only seemed to unintentionally push my skirts farther up my legs.

Ozai pushed the rest of the silk and linen up to my hips and seemingly took in the lower half of my anatomy.

"It is dishonorable to do this!" I snapped at him.

Then again, who was I talking to? Ozai could've been the very NAME of dishonor. He didn't say a word and, suddenly, I felt him penetrate me with one of his fingers.

It was a definite shock to my body and mind, but I managed to recover and slap him across the face; forcing his digit out of me as I rose up.

"Za Zhong." I hissed under my breath and ran back to the main hallway.

I felt ashamed of this, though minor, violation and always felt bitterness well up in my stomach when I thought of this occurrence.

Despite my shame and personal humiliation on the incident I had to truly wonder why he had taken a sudden…interest in me. Didn't he, moments before, insult me and then he just suddenly almost violate me?

And he is 3 years my junior, for spirits' sake!

I couldn't marry, nor could I let myself be defiled, by a man, or teenager for the matter.

Finding my way, I hurriedly ran back and gave her the herbs.

* * *

From that day on, it was awkward being around Ozai. I still wondered the origin of his actions, and I was just about to find out.

* * *

R'n'R or you'll never find out why... 


	10. Chapter 9: Tradition

To the anonymous reviewer: Actually, the Fire Nation is based off of the Japanese culture; the Earth Kingdom is based off of the Chinese culture. The physical geography is one thing; the Fire Nation is an archipelago, as is Japan. The Earth Kingdom is the largest country out of the 4 nations, and China is the largest in the world (Russia was part of theUSSR, which was broken up after the Cold War). The sport of dueling (Agni Kai in the Fire Nation) started in Japan when the trained warriors to engage in hand-in-hand combat with others with martial arts; sometimes fighting to the death (most likely what people of the Fire Nation would do). Though the topknot (the hairstyle Zuko wore) was a Chinese style, the knot was a symbol of military ranks, mostly commonly of a General, making the Chinese reference with Fire Nation hairstyle incorrect. However, the majority of Fire Nation men wore their hair in the strange buns on the top of their heads. All throughout history in Japan, the hairstyle was a symbol of royalty and of privileged and rich men. Remember Madame Wu, the fortune teller? Well, in ancient Chinese tradition, a fortuneteller was a woman most of the time and the bone in the fire? That is also a Chinese way of Fortunetelling widely used in every Dynasty of China and, though rarely, is slightly practiced today in the remote regions of China; mostly for matchmaking and setting wedding dates, predict the future, etc.

And Xei-Xei (Chinese for Thank You) compared to Arigato, I chose Arigato because if was a bit smoother and naturally easy to pronounce. So that's why I picked Japanese words.

* * *

_**Tradition**_

_**Year of the Arctic Wolf-Year of the Tiger**_

* * *

I was startled from my sleep with loud cheers. 

Blinking multiple times to adjust my vision to the darkness, I searched for the break in my bed curtains and, finding the end of one fabric piece, pulled it sideways and was hit by a blinding ray of sunlight.

Obviously, Ane had forgotten to close the drapes again last night.

Shielding the brightness with a hand, I stood up and yawned; tired from when Iroh kept me up fairly late last night with wine, sweets and drunken talk that I can barely remember.

Tiredly, I made my way into a vanity desk and mirror. Brushing my hair hastily with my fingers and, after finding a servant to fetch a basin of water for me, washing my face, I began to look for something to wear. Instead of something grand, I chose a simple floor length yukata of bright red with draping sleeves and a dark velvet hem and tied a darker shaded sash around my waist and swept my hair up in a hasty ponytail. My feet found their way into cloth slippers as I exited my chamber, always closing the door behind me, and made my way to the main stairs.

Yawning again, I leaned on the railway and observed the grand room filled with a huge crowd. In the midst of the crowd, I saw Iroh, Ozai, Sozun, Azulon and his wife Ilsa, and most of the noblepersons and servants I've seen in the palace, all were surrounding a man who was at least thirty years younger than Sozun and with a woman much younger than he beside him.

Maybe Sovereign Kuzon was more popular than I had first guessed. As I thought on that topic, Iroh waved his hand to beckon me down the stairs.

"Come." He said simply and I, startled, nodded quickly and began to leap down the stairs as fast as I could.

It was then I realized that I had forgotten a brassiere and felt my face redden at the new discovery.

Managing to push aside the large crowd, I spotted Iroh and quickly made my way to his side; noting my newly mussed appearance.

"And this is the now retired Commander I told you about, Uncle Kuzon; Yukihiya." Iroh introduced; brushing a few hairs from my face and resting his hand on my arm.

As respect taught me, I craned my neck up to see him; he was fairly tall, even for standard height in the Fire Nation. His eyes were of a deep shade of amber and staring down at me and I felt another chill cascade through my body.

"It is an honor to meet you." I said, accidentally stumbling as I curtseyed.

Suddenly, it was as if everything around me disappeared save for Kuzon; it was like there was only the 2 of us in the room and suddenly quiet. I pulled my body up, but kept my head down and suddenly felt nervous.

"Let me see those eyes." A deep voice suddenly rang out.

Blinking rapidly, I felt my back straighten, but I could not bring my head to tilt upward. 2 large, rough and callused fingers grasped each side of my jaw bone and lifted my face to meet Kuzon's. For a moment, he only flitted his eyes across my face, then he suddenly released me.

"What nation did you say she was originally from, Iroh?" he asked.

"The same nation she led the assault on; the Northern Water Tribe." Iroh said with a steady voice.

"Tell me, child—" I gritted my teeth at that manner of address. "What do you think of your old home?"

I bit my tongue; not trusting myself to answer. I felt a nudge at my side and, taking a deep breath, began to speak.

"They are not the docile and calming presence others claim that they are. They judge people by what they possess, such as their bending abilities, and always state that women are undeniably inferior to the men and they never respect anyone else for who they are. They will always push anyone they assume are 'bad' in their social laws away and shun them. They are—." My fists shook and suddenly, I felt my voice break in my throat. I needed to calm down. As I took silent yet deep breaths, I became aware of the dead silence around me. The woman beside him butted in and broke the silent spell cast through the air.

"Now, Kuzon, you must be tired after that long voyage back. Why don't you rest and we can meet this girl at dinner? Let us go up now." She suggested in a simpering tone that, along with reminding me distinctively of Naiya, gave me the strongest desire to puke on the spot.

Kuzon immediately turned to her, his eyes narrowed and his face contorted in a disgusted expression.

"Do you think that just because you have a rank, that gives you the right to order anyone you want around? Just because I have chosen you to occupy the job of giving me a child, you think you are untouchable? I might add, after 9 years, you have given me nothing; I have wasted my resources on you, haven't I? You don't think that I can just relieve you of your title within a moment and take another woman? You think I am nothing but a cat's paw, is that it?" he demanded; his tone ascending with every syllable that came from his lips.

The woman was obviously afraid and now felt meek, her posture faltered and she was almost cowering away from him if not for the fact that she might fall over from all of those accessories in her hair; the weight must've been heavy.

"Great-Uncle Kuzon, I'm sure that she doesn't want to control you. We guests of the dinner should rest a bit before presenting ourselves." Iroh interrupted.

Kuzon stared at his grandnephew for a moment, then beckoned him to speak alone with each other, which Iroh complied to. As he left with Kuzon, I saw that the woman stayed behind and I sized her up.

She was fairly beautiful, not to mention a little of a younger proportion for Kuzon, with dark hair and bright copper-colored eyes contrasting with her near-albino pale skin and thin face. She wore multiple layers of kimono and dress, I counted the number to be about 7, heavily embroidered and stitched, her face being slathered with makeup that hid her skin, and her hair, as I said, was heavy with ornaments and jewels.

She must've been something to Kuzon, maybe a favored concubine, since I've never seen a woman work solely as much as to earn the gold needed to buy a single kimono, much less five or six, but there was the way Kuzon treated her; it did not make sense.

"You should stop acting so clingy."

She turned to me, as if insulted by my words.

"He is not yours." She retorted to me in a coarse and rough tone. I said nothing, watching as she held her nose up in the air and walked up the steps; nearly running to catch up with Kuzon and the rest.

"You'll also have to excuse her as well." Iroh said as he came down the stairs.

The two of us were the only people left in the grand entrance hallway and I stared after her.

"Who is she?" I asked him.

"That is my, well, you can call her, Great-aunt; Nanue." He said.

"Nanue. What is she to Kuzon?" I asked.

If Nanue has been acting like the way she was for a long time, wouldn't Kuzon, like he threatened, just relinquish her of her title and strip her of everything?

"She is, well, was his consort; he has long since tired of her and she has not given him any child since the nine years she was with him." Iroh replied.

"Are you sure it isn't his age?" I asked curiously. It was a common known fact that men are less able to engage in sexual activities, much less of a chance produce children, when they're as old as Kuzon, right?

He tried to, but failed miserably to stifle a laugh.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. Why don't you go get ready for dinner? I'll come by your rooms later and escort you in." he suggested with a broad smile on his face and he hastily ran up the stairs.

"What?" I shouted after him.

Pushing the topic out of my mind and returning to my chambers, I found clothes on my bed; not doubt for the dinner tonight.

A full length black Kimono with draping sleeves was the first thing that caught my eye; it had designs of wildflowers, and birds in shiny colored threads abstractly sewn across the entire fabric along with jewels sewn into design as well and, most likely, the jewels from my personal collection, since I recall that some were missing after I count them.

The under-dress was pure white; the long fabric encasing the arms, partially severed at the shoulder, were fairly long and I was sure that they would touch the floor if I ever wore them. A pair of black velvet slippers completed the clothes laid out and, after checking to see if they could fit me, I called for Ane to help me dress.

She helped me comb my side hair back and sweep it into a bun and secure it with a copper pin, leaving the excess to hang down, and brushed the tangles out of my newly colored blue-tipped hair. As I was trying to blink the kohl out of my eye, planted there due to an slip of my hand, there was a knock at the door.

I nodded for Ane to go and answer it. Out of the reflection of my vanity mirror, I saw Ozai.

Startled, I tensed and turned around to face him.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded. He extended his hand to me.

"I came to escort you to the dinner." He said in a calm voice.

Iroh had told me he was the one who would escort me, not Ozai. I nodded, turning my head back to the mirror to adjust my copper pin; I was testing on how fast I could reach it. Not fast enough, I decided, and the copper pin wasn't even sharp enough to pierce flesh.

Discreetly opening a small drawer on the left side of the vanity table, I found a small pin and took it. Placing my hands together so the sleeves of my kimono would shield both my hands and the dagger from view, I walked over to him and nodded.

What length were 3 hallways and a stairwell seemed like eternities of fear and tension and I felt the edges of the dagger cover embed its design into my hands. The open door with guests was a relief to me and, after bowing and making the proper reverences, I took an empty seat between Kuzon and Iroh; placing the dagger within an inward fold of my red kimono sleeve.

Mostly, the dinner started off without a hitch but every so often, I would catch Ozai staring at me. What went through his head when he stared at me, I wondered. Did he want to harm me for slapping him? But that was self defense; even so...

"Yukihiya!" a voice called out.

In a start, I abruptly raised my right arm and found it being contacted by something solid and fairly hot. Quickly turning, I saw that I had spilt a large amount of fish stew on Kuzon.

"I'm sorry!" I immediately exclaimed; taking my napkin and caught some fish chunks that were falling from the fabric.

Nanue seemed to suddenly flare up.

"How could you?" she demanded of me in a loud and insulted tone, as if I had splattered her with fish and not Kuzon.

"Nanue, she did not do it on purpose; it was an accident." Iroh stated.

Suddenly, Nanue turned her attention to Kuzon and grabbed her own napkin.

"Let me help you." She said and leaned in to wipe the juice and fish but Kuzon caught her wrist and took the handkerchief away.

"I am not a child." He said coldly. "Of course you're not, my Sovereign." Nanue said quickly.

"We only hope that you yourself is not hurt, Sovereign Kuzon." I quickly interjected.

Kuzon nodded once in my direction to indicate that he was fine. Nanue sat down again, remaining silent as Kuzon disappeared into another room and came out with a change of robes. Dinner proceeded on as normal as the courses of meats and prawns were served.

As dessert was nearing, Nanue spoke up.

"Yukihiya." She said gently.

I placed my fork down and turned to her.

"Yes, Sovereign Nanue?" I respectively asked.

"You should know the customs of the Fire Nation well enough, don't you?" She asked me.

I nodded, but it was only half true. I knew most of the traditions and customs of the Fire Nation, but not every one of them.

"Well, I ask if you still have a maidenhead." She said to me.

I nearly choked when she asked that question. I wasn't...promiscuous...

"Good. I'll arrange an account for you in the morning." She told me softly. I stared at her; what was she talking about?

"Yukihiya and I need to discuss something; excuse us." Nanue said coolly to her 'husband' and taking my wrist, she pulled me from the room.

Nanue and I were barely a few years apart, five to eight at most, and I guessed that Sovereign Kuzon was a man who enjoyed the presence of younger, but not too young, women for company and light entertainment and Nanue had gotten him to marry her nine years ago and then the troubles started.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her.

"A Mizuage." She replied to me.

I'd heard of a Mizuage, but…

"Sovereign Nanue, I don't mean to sound rude but why are you suddenly talking about a Mizuage for me?" I asked.

She smiled. "It isn't I who is talking about it. You would fetch a good price for your Mizuage for sure." Nanue told me.

An instant remembrance of what Ozai did to me in the hallway barely a few days ago suddenly flashed into my mind and I wondered…no. That could not be it; that would not be the reason Ozai suddenly attacked me in the hallway.

"Are you saying—?" I began.

"It isn't selling yourself, just a rite of passage, think of it as." Nanue told me in what seemed to be an attempt at a cheerful tone.

"I know of that, but…"

"Remember the other part of the tradition; he will have to keep you." Nanue said.

Faintly, I wondered if that was how Nanue got there, maybe Kuzon had been the highest bidder.

"What about the hole in that tradition law?" I asked.

The hole was that the man would keep the woman, but there was no time setting on how long; so a man can buy a girl's Mizuage and then after he's finished the deed, just leave.

Nanue winced; I could see that the hole had caused her to have fear of the future.

"I know not." Nanue finally sighed.

She gave me a small red box which I recognized as a Bao Bei.

Opening it, I discovered that a small, a delicacy, candy had been placed in there atop of a silk handkerchief with the characters of my name sewn onto it with black thread.

"Give this to the person you would like most to accept your, invitation let's say." Nanue told me.

I thought about it; did I even want this?

"Might I suggest Iroh?" Nanue said suddenly.

"Uh..." I was never comfortable on the subject of womanly subjects when around him; and we were just good friends.

"Maybe." I said finally and hoped to leave it at that. Pocketing the red box, Nanue and I went back into the room only to find everyone near silent.

"Good evening again, ladies. Did you have a nice chat?" Iroh asked and everyone seemed to turn to us. I nodded and took up the seat between him and Kuzon.

Nanue took her place at Kuzon's right and smiled discreetly at me.

The meal continued on and all the while, my hand was still deeply in my pocket; shaking as I gripped the box and glanced to Iroh and our gazes met when both of us reached for a final cherry dumpling and our hands touched. I felt heat come to my cheeks and Nanue's remark came back to me.

"You may have it." I said politely and drew my hand away and quickly passed the box from my right hand to my left and hid it again.

As dinner ended, I was relieved to get up and leave the room.

What I didn't know at the time was that the red box fell out of my pocket and it landed in the hallway right outside of the doors.

"Did you give it to him?" Nanue whispered after we went our separate ways from the others.

"I'm sorry; I just don't want to go through this." I said.

Nanue sighed.

"It's been a long night. Just rest and give me your box." She said as we walked down the hall. I reached into my pocket to feel only silk.

"It's gone." I exclaimed; digging into both of my pockets but finding nothing.

I looked up and saw that Nanue was also gone.

* * *

The door to my chamber opened and I, a bit dozed from sleep, looked to see a shadow. 

Rising up, I was about to reach for a knife I kept between my mattresses when the torches of my chamber suddenly flared on. I saw Iroh's face and relaxed. He came over to me and sat down on the edge of my bed, at my feet, and smiled at me.

"What?" I asked to his curled lips. He said nothing; doing nothing but stare at me.

"What?" I repeated in a more demanding tone.

"My great-aunt talked to you about a Mizuage, didn't she?" he asked knowingly.

"None of your business." I said quickly; trying to hide the blush that had come across my face.

"It might be." He replied smoothly. Did this have anything to do with my lost Bao Bei?

"Might? And why is that?" I asked him curiously.

"I must say, you do have a truly unique way to approach things Yukihiya." He told me with a laugh.

"And you mean?" I asked, my head was spinning, or at least feeling too light for comfort, and my sleepiness wasn't benefiting right now either.

"I was walking out after you to see if you were alright, your behavior was somewhat odd after you and Nanue talked out in the hallway, and I know not if I was supposed to, but I found this and you cannot call this meddling if I found it there?" He pondered and his closed hand opened to reveal my Bao Bei.

"Oh." I gasped, startled that someone had found it.

"Did you want to give it to a certain someone?" he asked me.

I nodded; thinking of Nanue's words. When I looked up, he was still staring at me; my Bao Bei in hand.

"You." I blurted out while my mind was lost in confusion.

He looked moderately surprised for a moment, but it seemed to pass.

"Why me?" he asked.

"You're...you." A pathetic answer, but one nonetheless.

"And because I am your preference over those other men; am I right?" he asked knowingly.

Damn him.

I exhaled a deep breath, nodding to silently state that he was right, when a sudden thought occurred to me.

"Will you?" I asked.

"Will I what?" he asked innocently.

"Bid for my…virginity." I mumbled the last word out of embarrassment.

He seemed to be thinking it over; the silence uninterrupted save for the rapid beating of my embarassment thrumming in my head.

"I'll do what I can." He said finally.

A bubble of relief burst in my chest and, without thinking, bound from under my sheets and held him within a thankful embrace.

"Thank you." I whispered, nearly crying of relief that maybe I would not have to couple with some old man or an abusive one.

"You really are scared, aren't you?" his voice drifted over to me.

Silence.

"You should leave now."

The sheets of my bed rustled, signaling that he was moving, and I heard his footsteps echo through my chamber and the hallway. Laying back and pulling the sheets over me, I tried to calm my nerves and dozed off to sleep.

* * *

Something was hitting me; hard. 

At first, I thought I was Naiya, being half asleep and in pain, from my dream.

"Stop, Naiya!" I yelled out.

"Who?" A voice demanded.

Opening my eyes, I saw that it was Nanue.

"No one." I quickly answered and rose from my bed.

"There's already multiple bids for you." She said simply and then left.

I stared after her; it was not even sunrise and she just came to tell me that some people were already bidding on me?

Grabbing a pillow in sleep-deprived anger, I slammed my head back down on my mattress and held the pillow over my head; staying in that position until sunrise.

* * *

"So you're actually trusting her?" Iroh asked me curiously. 

I stared at him from the rim of my teacup and set it down. It was just a few hours before sunset, before the deadline of the bidding, and Iroh and I were sitting idly within the gardens, drinking tea (I found an immense liking in sampling different teas) and talking.

An entire week had gone by, and I had tried to ask Nanue of any news, but she just brushed me off and hurried me away as if I were a child.

"Of course not; I still don't trust her, but I'm not allowed to manage my Mizuage account myself and neither are you nor any other male; tradition says it must be run by an older woman who is of an acquaintance of the girl and also of a higher standing, so it rules out Ane." I replied and began to pour myself another cup of oolong tea.

"True, but I don't exactly approve of Nanue running your entire Mizuage account what with the whole jealousy issue." He added.

"Jealousy issue?" I asked him.

"She thinks Kuzon likes you. And have you ever wondered why Kuzon doesn't just take on a mistress or concubine?" he asked me.

The thought did come to me a few times, but I never thought deeply about it.

"Why?" I asked.

"Nanue. She gets these crazy jealousy fits and starts crazy rumors, fights verbally, even physically; there's a case when she grabbed a knife from a plate setting and attempted to stab a woman who was seen walking with Kuzon." He told me.

I gasped at the frightful tale.

"The poor girl." I said, trying to mask my fear that Nanue would do the same to me.

"And a majority of girls who go through the Xei Heu Trang tradition usually end up unhappy because the person running it usually rigged the numbers to gain something for herself from the consumer." Iroh pointed out.

I sighed, regretting that I'd agreed to even go along with this tradition. Iroh noticed my thoughts, leaning forth and, taking my hands from my lap, sighed and tried to smile at me.

"I'll try my best to help you." He said softly to me.

I nodded.

"And if that man, if not you, just tosses me aside, can I come to you?" I asked with a small smile.

"We'll see." He replied to the question and sat down again in his stool.

"What do you think of Ozai?" he suddenly asked me.

I stared at him, wondering why he asked such a question.

"What do you mean? I hate him." I replied stiffly.

"And yet?" he asked.

_'And yet…I sometimes fear him.'_

"You cannot fear him that much." He asked me and I started; how did he know?

I hated to admit it, but I did fear him; he always stared at me, he sometimes followed me, there were times at night when I woke up to strange sounds and saw a running shadow just disappear when I stood up to investigate.

There were times that when I returned to my chambers, I found that certain things were moved or rearranged and there were times when I found doors to adjourning rooms in my chamber open and recently noticed some things to be missing.

It was all creepy and sometimes, I would find clues to who was breaking into my room. A strand of black hair coated with fine oil and had a distinct smell to it, a small thread pulled from fabric caught onto a jagged edge or a closed door, a footprint indent on the carpet, it was beginning to scare me; every piece of the mystery person I found seemed to point that the person trespassing into my chambers was someone within the Royal Family who does not have graying hair and the hair is too long to be Iroh's.

I'd told Ane about it, but all she said was that she would thoroughly lock my suite every time we're both out and at nights before she went off to bed.

He nodded, and we sat there for what seemed to be moments when he abruptly stood up.

"I should get going." He said, hastily leaning over and giving me a small kiss on the cheek before darting away; leaving me on the garden bench with the teacups and teapot. Picking up the copper pot and cups, I walked back to the palace only to find a servant running around to find me.

"You must be present when Nanue announces who the highest bidder is!" the servant just said to me and, grabbing my arm, pulled me and forced me to drop the cups and pot with a loud crash, but no one seemed to notice; I guess noise like that were common within the palace.

Before I knew it, I was on the high table of the banquet hall and Nanue had a piece of paper in her hand.

"Yukihiya, you're here." She said with a smile and turned back to Kuzon a bit to speak with him before she leaned toward me and whispered the winner's name.

"It's Ozai." She said to me.

Immediately, out of impulse, I jumped up and knocked over a servant or two.

"WHAT?" The voice that came from my mouth was unfamiliar; even to myself. The entire rooms' occupants turned to stare at me.

"Yukihiya, it is true." Nanue insisted, trying to calm me down.

"No!" I shrieked and backed away from her.

Desperately, I turned to find a familiar face that could help me.

"Iroh, please tell me there's an alternate way." I pleaded to him; feeling tears of dread coming to my eyes.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yukihiya; there is nothing I can do to defy tradition." Every word he spoke was like falling ice; cold and descending.

"Come now, don't make this any more difficult than it has to be." Ozai's voice rang out to me.

I turned to him and held back the urge to spit in his face; slapping away his hand when he tried to grab my arm.

"I would prefer death!" I spat at him; slapping my hand across his face, a small arc of fire appearing at the path of my fingertips, and he reeled back and cried out; as if in an immense pain. When he looked back up, I saw a scrape of raw and burnt skin near the top of his left eye.

Instantly, I saw his face shift into one which held immense anger.

"That can be arranged." He snarled, and I fell back at when his hand collided painfully with my cheek and tasted blood in my mouth. I heard a chair scrape back and I saw Iroh holding Ozai by the upper arm.

"Ozai, there is no reason to resort to violence." He snapped at his younger brother.

Ozai broke free and looked as if he was about to punch Iroh. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a shout of 'stop' from Kuzon.

"Do not fight; a servant tells me that the bidding was rigged." Kuzon continued.

Kuzon shot a glance at me and then his eyes darted elsewhere before shaking his head.

"The actual highest bidder is Iroh." Kuzon said calmly.

Anything that kept me on the ground was gone as I suddenly rose up and nearly fell into his reassuring embrace as he whispered quiet words to me.

"And you!" Kuzon spat; pointing at Nanue.

The entire court was dead silent and anticipating the long-awaited dismissal of Nanue.

"For tampering with a matter of tradition, dishonesty to the monarchy, accused of adultery with several men to try and ensure a pregnancy, and treacherous acts against the crown, you are hereby stripped of your position and banished from the palace." He declared and nearly everyone knew that he had wanted to say this for the longest of time.

Nanue looked around desperately, obviously searching for someone to lean on to and help her, and her eyes settled on me. I backed away, knowing that she was going to ask me for help, and I could not find a way to turn her down without appearing cold to her.

"Don't even try it; you were the one who set her up in the first place. She will not forgive you for that." Iroh said crudely to her.

She stepped back and winced; as if she had been whipped.

Guards came and shielded Nanue from view as they escorted her to her now former chambers. At first, Kuzon said nothing but then he turned to Iroh's direction.

"Go and get ready." He said to his nephew.

Iroh made his reverences and walked away. I made my own reverences and exited as well; catching up to Iroh in the hallway. We walked in silence until, before I knew it, we were at the door of his bedchamber. A sudden thought occurred and I found myself blushing at it. Iroh must've noticed, for he then turned to me and looked at me.

"Why so red? Are you mad?" he asked, obviously already knowing the answer.

"Just…thinking." I replied.

"So have I; is there any other reason you asked me to bid on you besides that I'm your choice over anyone else?" he asked.

I turned away from him for a moment, thinking if there really was another reason.

Of course there was, there always was, but I never wanted to admit it; not to him. I made the mistake of looking back at his eyes and felt the clog in my throat that would always force me to answer in pure honesty to him.

"Because of you." He took a step closer to me.

"Oh?" he asked; curious.

"When I seemed to die, you brought me back to life. When I had nothing to want, you gave me everything I needed. When I fell so hard, you picked me back up and helped me get back on a new ground. You were and are always there for me; I am eternally grateful. The least I could give you is my life. Everything good that has happened to me in these past 4 years—even the breaths I take because I am right now alive!—I owe it all to you, my prince." I stated; showing impromptu weakness that I'd always been trying to hide.

He said nothing; just lean closer to me and staring at something.

I was startled at the proximity of our faces and leaned away from him. Suddenly, I lost my balance and fell on the cold floor on my back; pushing myself into a sitting position only to find him on his hands and knees over me and continuing to grow closer to me. His forefinger came up to my face, his head even closer, and wiped something from my lip.

"Blood." He murmured; rubbing his thumb and forefinger against the other, staring at his fingers, then turned back to me. He was so close; I could see the peach fuzz on his cheeks.

"Not here." A voice barked out.

We both turned to see Sozun facing us and we hastily parted.

"Your room is right there; go." He added.

We both nodded, and went inside. What happened to the ceremony, I wanted to ask.

It wasn't like the plot in one of those plotless erotica books where the passion runs high and it just happens; for the first few hours, we just talked and had dinner and played games. I playfully snatched away a piece from the playing board that would have secured his victory and we chased each other about his chamber; him tackling me and trying to distract me by hitting me repeatedly with his silk pillow. I threw the piece off to the side and we both laughed; continuing to roll around and push each other playfully on his grand bed. He pinned me down and tossed the outer robe I wore away.

I began to attempt to squirm free, my cheeks sore from laughing so much, only for my inner thigh to come into contact with something hard.

"You must've also heard the rumors." Iroh said with an amused laugh at seeing my face. Even if the situation was serious, it didn't seem like it anymore...

"Are they really such?" I asked; leaning forward.

Suddenly, he leaned down and caught my lips in a kiss. A familiar warmth spread throughout my body, much stronger than ever before. His teeth grazed at my lower lip and a light groan came out of my lips.

When he broke the kiss, my right hand was freed and I felt his hand at the sash of my yukata.

"See for yourself, then."

Before I met Iroh, I wasn't even curious of what sex was. I, nor many other women of my tribe; I expected, had never known of desire. But even without knowledge, my body responded to him.

That night, I discovered a new joy.

* * *

I awoke to laughter and loud jests coming from outside the door and saw something on my left hand. With a clearer perspective, I saw that it was a gold band with a dark red ruby shining in the sunlight; how did that even get on my finger in the first place? 

Pulling myself up, feeling a tingle of pain from between my legs in the process, I saw where I was remembered what had happened.

"Awake?" a soft voice asked. Turning, I saw Iroh next to me.

"What's going on?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Morning-After Ritual; it happens after the consummation." He replied; helping me into my old robe.

I was silent as I tied the sash around my waist.

"Come; I'll carry you." He said and without another word, he picked me up like someone would carry a bride on her wedding day (though this was discouraged in the Water Tribes in fear that the man would drop her) and opened the door to reveal quite a crowd.

"Put me down; I can walk!" I demanded of him.

Iroh did not object.

"As you wish." He replied and set me down.

I sighed, intending to take a step, but as soon as I lifted my leg, pain shot through my legs and I stumbled a bit before collapsing on the ground. Ignoring the whispers, I pulled myself up again and marched back to my own chambers.

* * *

It took a few days, but I was able to walk properly again. 

In the daytime, I was addressed as a Princess of the Fire Nation.

In the strange tradition of the Fire Nation, the ring was the only thing needed to say that someone was married while there are these long and near tedious ceremonies for things such as appointing an apprentice, the making of a sacred object such as something for the Fire Temples, or even a simple tea ceremony.

But after dinner and talking with him for many hours, I was in Iroh's bed once more for many nights.

It wasn't until near the end of the month when I realized that I'd missed the first day of my course.

Immediately I thought of alternates besides the most obvious one; maybe I was only too stressed, or I'd dropped too much weight again with the fact that I'd been constantly restless since my 'marriage' and felt compelled to eat less.

Maybe I was only a few days late.

As hours melted away, my worry grew as I'd not begun to bleed. The following night, I saw that I was still clean.

I grew worrisome and isolated myself, refusing to eat and taking long walks in the gardens, always taking a book with me to read, but nothing seemed to rest my worry.

Iroh and Ane must've noticed my anxiety and isolation to everyone; I noticed a significant change in the both of them.

Iroh seemed to be postponing more of his duties as a Prince and often asked if he could walk with me. Of course, I accepted and let his hand settle on my waist or around my hip; finding comfort in the warmth of his hand.

He spent more time with me; giving me more attention than I'd received from him since he first took me in as a student, and instead of teaching me new Firebending attacks, taught me to play simple games with cards, dice, and game pieces.

Ane became more attentive to me; tracing me like a second shadow and, in a way, seemingly having everything I'd need at any time. Every time I reached up to wipe a bit of perspiration on my forehead, she would always be there with a handkerchief for me. Every time I pressed a hand to my stomach, whether from pains in my abdomen or hunger, she would always be at my side with maybe a small snack to eat or a leather pouch of heated water inside to press against my pain.

The next 2 weeks went by slowly, but surely and by then I was almost certain but I could not tell him only on thought. I needed to wait and see if I'd missed a second time.

In the morning during the 3rd week I'd been worried, I often began to feel severe pains in my abdomen and also began to routinely vomit in the morning despite that I'd not eaten anything.

I often felt weary and that my breasts were sore.

I was sure when my 5th week went by and I still had not bled.

Calmly, I wrote a brief message to Iroh and asked a servant to slip it to him when he saw Iroh again. I asked Ane to request a small meal to be made and delivered to the Private Gardens' West Pagoda and dressed in a single Kimono, one of dark red lined with white hemming, and waited in the pagoda. At near sunset Iroh came to the pagoda.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern.

I bit my lip in worry of telling him the news. It had been over a month since I've had my courses and I was sure that this was the only answer.

"Iroh…" I murmured, noting the worry in my voice.

He leaned closer to me, concerned.

"Yukihiya, are you alright?" he asked me.

"I am sure of it." I replied with a sudden relieved tone.

"What is it?" Iroh asked.

I hesitated, but there was no point in hiding it. I took his hand as he leaned forth and with the bravest tone I could muster, I told him.

"Iroh, I'm pregnant."

* * *

R'n'R. 

So, do you think the baby should be a boy or girl?


	11. Chapter 10: The Better Years

I had a bit of a hard time finding a muse again. But here it is: the next chapter!

* * *

_**Better Days  
**_

_**Year of the Dragon-Year of the Koala-Seal**_

* * *

His reaction was instantaneous. 

"Iroh, you're crushing me!" I managed to choke out from his embrace. He had worn a bit of armor today and it was pressing against my (very sensitive might I add) belly. He let me go and held me at arm's length; looking from my face to my belly.

"When shall we tell them?" he asked excitedly, just like a little kid being given a large bag of candy.

I hadn't thought about that yet. I would have to tell the public sometime, for I could not lie about my swelling belly and what could I say when, or at least if, the baby was born?

But if we tell the people too soon, there was a chance of a miscarriage.

I looked back at Iroh, he was so eager to tell someone of the news.

I didn't want to take the joy away from him, but I did not want the news to be spread too soon in case I was actually mistaken and was actually not pregnant or a miscarriage, and if the baby is born; a stillbirth or a critically weak infant occurred.

"We will have to tell them when the child quickens in my belly." I replied evenly.

He didn't seem to hear the warning undertone in my voice, only taking my hands into his and kissed me on the mouth again.

"This is the best news you could give me!" he exclaimed.

If the laws of gravity did not exist, I'm sure that he would have jumped to the moon and back out of the spontaneous joy he was displaying in front of me right now. But I could not understand why he was reacting so strongly to me being pregnant with his child; maybe he always wanted a baby, but didn't find the right woman.

"I am only little more than a month in; wait a bit for the sure signs and then we can announce it." I told him, though the missed courses, my tender breasts, morning sickness, and fatigue were already obvious.

He nodded and, offering me his arm, led me back into the palace. I think many people noticed the change in him after he'd met me in the garden and kept staring at me for a clue. I felt tired, so I asked to be excused to my chamber and, once nearly flopping on my bed, fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

I found the secret to be hard to keep. 

Everywhere, someone was asking me about something or whatnot and they were beginning to wonder why I was making all of these escapades into the bathroom (and hearing retching sounds come from the closed doors) and suddenly asking only for thoroughly cooked foods.

At dinners, especially in the public dining hall for a gathering or celebration, Iroh would always place food from his own plate onto mine and smile at me knowingly.

I wish he would stop dropping these tiny yet broad hints on what I had told him and what will happen. Somehow, or should I say someone, paid attention and it happened.

* * *

Something was outside my chamber door. 

I awoke at the sound of clamor and horrible attempts to muffle…laughter? I got out of bed and changing into a simple tunic and sarong, loose to conceal my lightly swelled belly, and finding a pair of comfortable shoes, opened my chamber door to be greeted by squeals, screams, and lots of questions.

Not to mention firecrackers popping almost directly in my face and most likely permanently damaging my hearing. Before I had the chance to cough the smoke out of my breath, I was snatched by dozens of hands and practically dragged to the banquet hall. I caught sight of Iroh once there.

'Did you tell?' I mouthed to him and he shook his head.

Before me, suddenly, was Fire Princess Ilsa. She took my shoulders and took a good look at my belly.

"Is it really true? Did you have your comeuppance?" she asked.

I still wondered how the secret had gotten out and my suspicions lingered on Iroh as I felt myself nod. There were lots of shouts, most of which I barely heard, but I managed to hear what Ilsa said at the end of her statement.

"…to prepare for the new Prince!" she exclaimed.

"What if it's a girl, my lady?" I asked.

Instantly, the entire crowd went silent; it was as if I had shouted, **_"This baby is a curse to me; I never wanted it and I hope it dies along with the rest of you!'._**

"It's not likely; it's a known fact that the Royal Family is famous for breeding only prodigal sons for many generations." Iroh stepped in. I turned to stare at him and he offered me a slight smile. Ilsa was practically dancing around me for some unknown reason to me; it was an unborn child, wasn't it?

"What are we doing here just dancing the day away? We need to prepare for the baby!" she exclaimed and went off rambling about some Cherry wood cradle and anointing gown trimmed with the fur of Otoe Fox and made of pure silk.

Iroh guided me away from the crowd, all of whom didn't seem to notice even the slightest bit that I was gone, and led me to a derelict area where we were alone. He lightly pressed his hand against the tie of my sash.

"Not too tight?" he asked softly.

"It's not even 2 months grown; not right now." I replied to him.

* * *

Now that the news was out, people saw a way to climb a bit higher on the social ladder of the Fire Nation. 

Daily, there were gifts of clothes, napkins, toys, room décor, everything any woman back in my old home of the Water Tribes would have envied if they ever laid eyes on the treasures

Just like when I was 14 and all those men in the Northern Water Tribes sent me those gifts, I still couldn't pinpoint exactly why, I returned them to the families with utmost courtesy and said that the Fire Nation needs more children so we can raise them to be great soldiers and people to this nation.

They seemed to take me seriously enough.

Ane became much more attentive to me, which was useful yet a pained burden at the same time. On many days, I would've preferred a servant who did not ask me 'how do you feel?' or 'how is the baby?' every 8 seconds that she was shadowing me. At least Iroh was much better; always dividing his time between me, his duties, and preparations for the baby.

At various times, I was sure that he was trying to pamper me, but most of them failed miserably and damaged much more than the material objects that had the misfortune to be in the said place at a said time.

On one occasion, the rug in my room was set on fire and the smell grew so bad that we had to throw it out. On another, I developed an irritating rash on my arm when he brought me a small container of 'special lotion'. Fortunately, we were able to laugh it off most of the time.

On the occasion of my 7th month, I woke up with blood on my sheets and screamed. The doctor came in half-dazed, with every eye of the Fire Court on me, and stated that I was fine; it was only a little blood in which I might have leaked a bit out of the stretching of my insides to accommodate the unborn child.

The winter, spring and first month of summer passed by quickly for me and I watched my body grow. In short terms, I felt fat.

I had to sustain from wines and other alcohol, but I never drank much to begin with anyways.

Food was more of a problem; most of what I was forced to eat was tasteless or tasted like something rotten. Rarely did I ever eat anything raw; even my fruit was boiled. Half of the reason I even ate the food was because everyone's eyes were on me and expecting me to eat these in order to deliver a healthy son. For the passing holidays, such as the new year, La fete du Haru, or a masquerade, I had to always sit out and the ladies accompanying me did nothing but sulk on what they were missing make new clothes for the coming child.

When in confinement, my temper had gotten to be short and once I shouted at a lady that if she didn't want to be here, she could just go out back into the court life and abandon the future generation of the Fire Nation, all the while being vulnerable to the men out there while I offered her protection. I had to start wearing extra pads of linen when my breasts started to leak milk and they were fairly uncomfortable, but it would be less embarrassing if I had started to leak breast milk and it stained through my yukata.

When I was 2 weeks away from expecting to deliver my baby, I was called into total confinement.

"I will visit you every time I can." Iroh called out as the door closed; sounding as if I was in prison instead of about to go into labor.

It wasn't so bad; the windows were opened to let fresh air in and take away the vile smells of the piss pots in the corner and of the heavy incense and perfumes in the room. There were many books and toys to amuse myself with.

The people of the court must've thought I was foolish; fawning over children's toys and playing with them occasionally, but there weren't many options for toys in the Northern Water Tribe save for playing with water and ice, and a few stuffed dolls or animals for wealthy girls. Here, even the most common peasant child could afford at least 3 toys and a lot of them always shared when they were in groups. I only wished that my old home was that kind. 

At last, my labor pains started.

I awoke at near dusk after a long nap to a sharp push of pain in my lower abdomen and screamed for Ane. The attendants and crowds of people rushed into my chambers as I felt my body convulse in pain.

"It's alright, Yukihiya." Iroh reassured me.

God, I wish sometimes that he would just shut up. Or at least be honest with me. The pains became more frequent over the period of 8 days and I was practically sobbing out of pure pain; feeling as if my stomach was going to tear in half any second. Maybe this was the feeling of rape.

"Hold on for a moment; don't go anywhere!" Iroh shouted back to me as he darted from my birthing chambers.

As if I could even sit up out of my belly.

'What happened to staying with me?' I screamed mentally as I dug my nails into the fabric. He came back with a steaming cup and poured the liquid down my throat; it taste terrible and I nearly immediately spat it all out.

"Yukihiya, please drink this; it's a drug that will help ease the pain." Iroh protested.

At the words 'ease the pain', I grabbed the glass and drained what was left of it. My nerves lightly tingled, then it was as if I went numb. At least I could go to sleep for the night without waking every 2 minutes.

After hours, days, I forget how long it was--I felt something beginning to push out. The doctors were surrounding me and I felt myself start pushing.

I heard the lusty cries of an infant and talk begin before I succumb to the fatigue that plagued my body.

* * *

I woke up a few hours later to find Iroh with the baby in his arms, clean and swaddled in a linen sheet, and it was a minute or two before he noticed I'd wakened up.

He smiled at me and scooted closer to me on the bed; kissing me.

"It's our son. A healthy, living, son." He said softly to me.

I nodded and took the infant from his arm and into mine. I couldn't help but smile as I saw the infant, fast asleep.

He had ivory skin like my husband, but I saw the darkest brown ringlets on his scalp. He had wide, almond-shaped eyes and a long, slender nose ending with an adorable little rosebud mouth and light touches of rose on his red face, probably still the aftermath of just being birthed. He had such tiny feet and hands that I could not believe that Iroh and I were once that size.

The doctor came through the door and saw me as awake.

"May we do it now?" he asked Iroh, who nodded.

He came forth and took my son from me and laid him on a table in the middle of the room. I saw the unmistakable glint of metal and the shape of scissors in the doctor's hand.

"Wh-What's he doing?" I demanded.

"It's a process of circumcision; something that happens to all males of the Fire Nation when they're born. It's a simple process; they cut away the bit of excess skin on the baby's penis." Iroh explained.

"Is it safe?" I wondered.

"Of course. Though, around my time, circumcision was done when a male was going to lay with a woman for the first time or in my case, when I was 13. It was horrible; I couldn't feel it for a full day and was in pain for at least 2 more." He winced at the memory. It must have hurt; there was a doctor slicing at the skin of an area that is highly sensitive.

The doctor returned the baby to me and I smiled as I took him back.

"What should we name him?" I asked, suddenly forgetting the past conversation between Iroh and me.

"Tradition for monarchy names usually descend from the name of a past Monarch. Maybe we can name our son after Fire Lord Izuko, but we usually change their names by one thing like adding or taking away a syllable, vowel, letter, those things. Maybe we can name him Zuko." He suggested.

I tried it out on my lips; Zuko seemed foreign to my tongue and didn't quite seem to be the right name for the boy.

"Tai." I said suddenly. "Sorry?" Iroh said.

"Tai. Our son's name. After Prince Taili." I repeated.

Iroh reached out and touched the baby's head.

"Prince Tai." He added. I nodded as he put his arm around me.

A messenger interrupted the serene moment with the announcement of Fire Lord Sozun. At once, the ladies in my room jumped up, straightened their robes and hair, and bit their lips to make them pink.

"Let me see him." He demanded the moment Iroh, Tai, and I came into his view.

I, not daring to resist royal orders, held out Tai as Sozun took his grandson in. Kuzon, Azulon, Ozai, Ilsa, and other people behind them stared at the sleeping babe on my arm. Sozun nodded to me and beckoned Iroh to come with him. With the Fire Lord away, most of the attendants in my chamber left with the crowd and I was left alone.

Suddenly, Tai opened his eyes and I saw the deepest blue in them. A moment after, his mouth opened and he began to cry. Not knowing what else to do, I guided him to my breast and let him suckle on it. I felt much better and the pain in my breast seemed to decrease.

This was the start of a beautiful bond.

* * *

After that, we never really were the same. Being a parent, as I learned, was more complicated than being a wife or soldier.

I constantly fussed over him, Iroh also did his fair share, and refused anyone other than Iroh and I to be with him for long periods of time; even the wet nurse. A woman almost always had one, but I protested; saying that he was my son and I wanted to raise him, and I paid her a small amount of money for dismissal.

Iroh was very proud of his little boy and he often unknowing boasted a bit about us and I had to pull him back onto the ground at numerous times.

I dreaded when the doctor checked me a bit after I'd turned 20 and said it was alright for me to resume intimacy again.

When the doctor said those words, I almost collapsed in dread. I felt like a clumsy, overweight, disaster and very self-conscious. Of course when Iroh heard it, he was practically chasing me around the palace. If I kept pushing him away, wouldn't he try and seek solace in another woman's arms? It was one of my most constant worries. I was silent at dinner and ate only a morsel of what was laid out before me. Iroh noticed and leaned over to talk to me.

"Come to bed with me tonight." He whispered.

I only nodded and bit into another piece of potato. In reality, I was afraid of what would happen if he saw me; I was a total wreck. After we were both dismissed, we both went back to his bedchamber. I sighed, undoing the sash of my robe, but hesitated in removing it.

"What's wrong? Are you not well?" Iroh asked, concerned.

"I am fine." I said quickly and turned away.

"What is it? I am your husband; you can tell me." He insisted gently. I was touched by his concern, but what could I say to him?

"It's just that—are you still attracted to me?" I blurted out.

He seemed to be taken aback by my question, but recovered and nodded.

"Of course I am." He said and I could detect sincerity and honesty in his tone.

"How?" I murmured.

"What do you mean?" Iroh asked, clearly catching on to my question.

"I'm a wreck!" I exclaimed at him as I felt my thoughts pouring out through my throat.

"I have all of my energy back, but it's just that I'm not the same as before my pregnancy! The skin around my stomach is sagging and some of it is wrinkled! I am fat compared to the other women in this court, and I know I have gained at least 10 pounds and haven't lost it since my pregnancy! If you can tell me you are actually still attracted to me to my face without lying to me even in the slightest, I dare you to say it!" I broke off, out of breath.

Iroh was silent, only staring at me.

What a fool I was; how I had made a mockery of myself over a thing such as this when other women had it much worse. As my cheeks burned in shame, I did not notice Iroh coming up next to me and, grabbing me almost roughly, pressed his lips to mine in a mix of hard desire, yet the kiss itself was soft; like when a flower petal blew in the wind and just lightly punched your lip. I felt myself softening to him despite everything I had said and felt earlier.

"I told you; I'm your husband and you can tell what you want to me. I'm not blind; I saw your body change throughout your pregnancy and then give birth to the next heir to the Fire Nation throne. I just want to be with you again; is that such a tremendous deal?" he asked me.

I suddenly felt guilty and shook my head.

"I know this is still all new to you, but you must learn to open up again to people." Iroh said frankly and once again, I felt myself feeling so stupid for making such a big deal out of this, now I saw, little thing because of my past.

"I can learn Huowen, I can learn practically anything you teach me, but I can't just forget my past that easily. I'm sorry; it's just a part of me. And you did marry for better or for worse. I guess tonight is a big deal to you." I admitted and slipped my hand up his tunic; feeling my own desire come back like a once-dormant fire being relit.

"And there's the woman responding to her duty." Iroh breathed as he leaned down and kissed me again.

That practically killed my eagerness for him to take me.

"I thought you said you understood and respected me!" I shrieked at him.

He looked a bit surprised as I pulled away from him.

"Yes, I do understand you as your husband and another human being, but I'm still a man. And that's the way things work here." He stated in that amused/firm tone.

I gritted my teeth and, after changing into a nightshirt, lay on the bed, turned away from him, and pulled the sheets over my head.

"Fine." Iroh said to me.

I the large mattress shift and knew that he was also there.

Suddenly, I felt something rub against my thigh.

At first, I thought it was his foot (I was NOT going to fall for that again) but his foot couldn't have been that smooth or…

It took 3 seconds for me to figure out what it really was that was rubbing against me.

Instantly, I jumped out of the bed and turned to him; flustered, surprised, and a bit grossed out.

"You—no—sleep! Put your—oh, gods, you—your—PANTS—Have you--!" I couldn't even form a sentence as I faced him and stood there like a little girl after seeing a large bug. Iroh sat up from his bed and I watched the moonlight from the open curtain shine off of his muscle-stretched skin.

"It's my bed and I can sleep nude if I want to." He stated calmly.

"NOT WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME!" I shouted at him.

"Oh, come on; you've seen everything before, why so chaste now?" he practically demanded of me.

I barely remember stuttering and spitting out any comment that was on my mind, most likely some were fairly embarrassing for me; gods forgive me, I was married (and very much in love) with a shameless seducer!

I felt Iroh take my by the wrist and push me onto his bed and his weight on top of me and seized the chance; since he was laying on my back, I pushed myself up and flipped over so he was beneath me and I sat on his chest.

"Now you are GOING to put a pair of pants on and—." I began formally.

"—and you'll take them off again?" he laughed and before I could object, he rocked his upper body to meet mine and grabbed me in another kiss.

Damn his shamelessness, but even as I thought about his traits and what they could lead both of us into. Suddenly, he pulled away and stared at my chest.

My god, I was leaking breast milk. And some of it had gotten on his chest. Iroh swiped at his (now slightly wet) chest and brought the finger containing a bit of my breast milk to his lips. I saw his tongue prod out at the liquid and then he was staring at me.

* * *

Tai woke me up in the middle of the night and I saw his little bed in the corner of Iroh's room; someone must've pushed him inside after we had fallen asleep. Literally pulling myself up and away from my husband, I went to his cradle and took the crying form of my son into my arms. 

Tiredly, I held him to my breasts and he began to feed. I hoped there was enough for Tai and that I hadn't found a second child who needs to feed off of my milk-gorged breasts. Tai pulled away, quiet now, and I lightly rocked him in my arms.

This is my son; a son who will one day make a great Fire Lord, I thought. A hand stroked Tai's head and I turned to see that Iroh had gotten up again and noticed me with Tai. I handed the asleep infant to him and, after kissing his forehead, Iroh lay him back down into the cradle.

"He's precious." I murmured.

"And don't you want a daughter the mirror image of you?" Iroh asked me softly.

I already got the hint and turned to him, ready to object, when he placed his finger over my lip just like he did when I was 15 and he offered me the chance to join the Fire Nation.

"To have a daughter with your skin color and your eyes who will grow up to be just like her brother; a little princess who will grow up the mirror image of you and might inherit the Fire Nation throne one day. Imagine her ruling the Fire Nation; the first woman to do so." He whispered in a persuading manner in my ear.

"What would we name her?" I asked.

"Is it really that important? How about using your old name and changing it? Like…Katana, Kaya, Kina, Kita…Katara." He suggested.

"Why not a royal name?" I asked him.

"Because it will be special." He murmured as he kissed me on the temple and walked me to the bed

"And let us make her now." He declared.

"Are you crazy? Tai is right there!" I said incredulously.

"What care I?" he asked. There he went again.

"We will wake him up!" I protested.

"Fine, then we'll be very quiet."

* * *

When the both of us came out of our rooms with Tai on my arm the next morning, I knew the eyes of many people of the court had been on us. 

A plain yukata and shoes were all that adorned my body save for my wedding ring and my hair was still a bit wet. I could explain; we had both awakened when the sun was already high in the sky and had to rush around in order to get up.

Ane had run for my robes and pulled, at random, from my chests of clothing and it was a plain maroon one with a dark emerald sash. I had barely rinsed the bubbles from my hair when Iroh burst into the washroom and told me that people were becoming suspicious of us.

In the Fire Nation, the matter of duties were a priority to all citizens and gratification came only after duties were done, but I'd seen enough of the palace to say that I think the people have reversed the saying. In haste, I dumped a pot of water over my head and brushed out my hair once more before attempting to dry myself hastily.

My clothes slightly disarray and my hair, still wet, slapping against my upper back, I exited the chamber only to have a yowling infant to be practically tossed into my arms and Iroh's arm around my shoulders as we both nearly ran out of the room and into the hallway. We made our reverences at the high table and took our seats.

I let Tai feed off of my breast (it was still a common sight in the Fire Nation, as I saw when I first came here) and took a glass of fruit drink.

"Fairly sweet." I heard a voice whisper and nodded.

"But I do prefer…" Iroh continued and I fought the urge to break out into laughter.

* * *

I broke my fast with fruits and cream, bread and honey, and a bit more milk and was about to go onto my lessons, taught to me by a kind elderly woman. 

Her name was Mira and, despite her slightly wrinkled face and plain dress-choices, she always seemed to sparkle at court; she caught the eye of everyone just by walking past them. Iroh had introduced me to her some time ago and she had taught me even further lessons on how to walk, talk, dress, and be like more of a 'Fire Nation Woman'. She was delighted that Iroh had taught me a bit before I came to her.

A bit after I was accustomed to her, I asked about her connection to my husband, Prince Iroh and she said that she was his Wet Nurse and adored him as if he was her own child. She also told me that her infant had died from birth because of being overexposed to smoke soon after he was born. I hoped I would never lose a child like that and I myself wanted, just like Iroh, more sons and a few daughters to raise and grow with.

Ozai, she had stated, was another story.

"From the moment he was born, ai-ya, child! He was yowling like a banshee while Iroh (supposedly, I still wondered if this was true or only just a myth to glorify him) opened his eyes from birth and extended his arms to the sky." She had told me and I laughed at the prospect of Ozai bawling like an ass.

"And while Iroh had patiently drunk and stopped after a short while, even starting to limit his portions after a few weeks of feeding, Ozai was practically biting at my nipples and never getting enough, it seemed; he has a bottomless stomach, I say! So I handed him off to other wet nurses. Of course they all hated him as well and soon returned him to Ilsa." She finished.

I tried to picture Ozai as a child, it couldn't come to me. All I saw was that dark and scornful face and the hatred in his eyes; I had figured long before that he was born with those traits.

"Well, look at me wasting the day away and boring you by telling the stories of when your husband was like your son! Let's continue with our lessons; the next one is to learn Hei-wen." She said in her 'teacher' tone.

"But the Fire Nation people speak Huowen." I said; not knowing what Hei-wen even was.

"Yes, they do, but Hei-wen is the language that the Fire Nation spoke before simplifying the entire language into what we now call Huowen. To tell you the truth, I'm one of the very few people who ever learned it in over a century!" she laughed delightedly at the prospect of being one of the few people who even knew the language now.

I rearranged my legs so they would not cramp and regarded the scroll Mira unrolled; revealing another set of unfamiliar characters.

"Now, the basics of the language are that…" she began

* * *

"And when I nursed him, I'm sorry Yukihiya but I couldn't resist, I HAD to see if the rumors were true!" she giggled after downing at least a dozen little cups of sake. 

After the lessons were over, we had ordered a light meal and sake to drink. I bit into another orange, making sure to lap away the juices first so they did not stain my robes, and stared at my teacher.

"The endowment rumors, sweetheart." She explained.

I nodded; continuing to eat away at the fruit in my hand.

"So what if I took a peek? It was worth it!" she declared.

At that comment, I had to choke and began spitting out a slightly orange-colored liquid and pieces of the orange itself; what did she mean, it was worth it? Just then, Mira leaned in closer to me.

"But d'you want to know something else?" it wasn't as if I had any other choice but to listen to her; she would ramble on about it anyway.

"I also looked at Ozai's—." Oh gods, this conversation was becoming so perverted. "—and it turns out, he wasn't so…developed from birth." She finished and I felt a huge urge to smack myself when thinking on her words.

"That wasn't exactly something I—er—wanted to know, but thank you…" Maybe I should stop bringing alcohol to our lessons...

Just then, Iroh came in just in time to see Mira rise up and fall onto the floor; exposing her thighs and giggling madly as if she were a little girl being tickled by a person.

Her legs were a bit wrinkled and pockmarked, but for a second I think I saw an ink imprinting of something; like a shape of some sort. Suddenly, she somehow amazingly sobered up and smiled at Iroh; bowing politely.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to lead my wife to an important affair at state." He said; nodding to her.

I took his outstretched hand and followed him down the hall. But the way he wasn't going wasn't the way of neither any meeting room nor any council meetings, neither outside nor to the main halls for a discussion over a meal. It was only when he suddenly pushed open a door and entered, dragging me in with him, that I realized the true meaning of his words. 'An important affair of state' had become a bit of a standing bluff between us.

After we closed the door and locked it, he almost jumped on me.

"An important affair of state is that you give me another heir; the throne cannot depend on one child alone." His breath was hot against my skin and I welcomed him into me.

* * *

After that, we had slipped into what seemed to be a bit of a routine. 

He was quite the terrible poet back then and I had to laugh at his verses rather than being moved by them, but it didn't matter; he made up for it in other ways.

By day, I would attend to matters of the Fire Nation (I was still an honored member in the war room), serve my duties as a lady of the court and as the sole Fire Princess save for Ilsa, attend lessons instructed to me by Mira or another female instructor, or just talk with other ladies of the court (I had made many 'acquaintances' and took a few ladies in waiting for companions' sake a bit after my marriage, but I barely trusted any of them) and Iroh would attend to his deities as the elder son would.

The entire ploy revolved around what we had to do on certain days and then it would be as if we were a courting couple.

He would shower me with little gifts such as a handful of flowers, seashells found near the Fire Nation coastline, and even little round balls of amber said to have been wept from a statue when the spring-summer rains began and ended. I found those gifts much more heartfelt and romantic than the gifts I received back in the Northern Water tribe where nearly every man was courting me, and I'm guessing my ladies were saying behind my back that if Iroh truly loved me, he would give me jewelry or an allowance of great value.

Poor fools; they did not know of Love, only greed and power.

Whenever I would want to call for a Tiger-Horse to ride out, there would be a small note (not containing his then-horrible poetry, thank goodness) from him and usually a candy or another kind of treat. When we were both near each other for a gathering, celebration, or just walking, he would grab my shoulder and, before I could even turn, whispered out of the side of his mouth:

"Come to my bed, wife." I would lightly giggle (though I felt like laughing out loud) as if I were a favored mistress or so instead of being his wife and step away from whichever crowd I was with. When we both reached his or my rooms, he would practically pull my clothes away.

"We only have a bit of time; for you?" he questioned. I would reply, 'yes' or 'no, for you this time'.

I guess the thrill of the entire escapade was the knowing that someone might discover us, or the fact that it would have to be quick and we needed to rejoin the people before they'd started searching for us. It was the 'duty' of a woman to promise (and fulfill that promise) of pleasure when with a man and it partly was that duty that encourated me to going with him, but it was desire and happiness that made me keep up with him.

The truth was that anyone, even royalty, could be disgraced or fall from their high place in society, but even if I, he, or we both fell, I would be forever glad to have a husband who loves me and I would stay by him for the rest of our days

* * *

For a celebration in honor of a holiday when it was the anniversary of the birthday of the first Firebender which was a little after the first day of summer, the entire court was to put on a play based on multiple ancient legends of the Fire Nation. 

I finally realized the reason why Mira had taught me Heiwen; that was the language the play would be in. A few women played minor characters, mostly because they hadn't learned Heiwen yet, and the men sometimes assumed the role of major-character women.

I found it extremely funny at the prospect of Iroh with a black wig, in robes and slippers, and face makeup after he told me that he'd learned Heiwen when he was younger and even starred in the play around that time. I'd been assigned a spot of being an oracle who speaks to the Hero and Heroine to guide their path, to warn them, and to send them many signs.

Mira gave me lines and an overall script to memorize, but I found that I didn't have much spare time.

I saw Ozai scoff at me when I mispronounced a character and saw the people who understood the dialogue stare at me. I would've been very embarrassed and nervous had not Iroh smiled and winked at me from the front row.

I smiled and continued my lines; only he and a few other nosy servants knew that when I should've been memorizing my lines I was in bed with him, isolated from the rest of the miserable world and momentarily forgetting what was happening

* * *

"Let me introduce to you a few women who could be your ladies in waiting." Iroh said to me one day. 

I turned to stare at him, but nodded.

"Who are they?" I asked, keeping my tone steady.

Deep down, I felt the blow of doubt. In those days, it was not uncommon for a man to have a love affair with a woman close to his acknowledgment. Here at court, the affair was usually with a close acquaintance of a woman he knows; such as one of his consort's attendants or slave. Sometime, they would take a serving-woman, but only if their woman acquaintance has no other lady friends or servants.

"They are women from another family that my father is close to; they have twin girls who are just a year older than you are. Their names are Lo and Li." He said. I didn't really need many new servants (Ane had already done more than enough for me) but I didn't want to possibly make him suspicious of why I would not take them to be my ladies in waiting.

"They sound qualifying, but what can they do?" I asked.

_'Please say they don't do much or something like that, please.'_ I thought. Why would I take them into my little 'group' if they had no decent qualities? 

"From when they were young, their family was poor. The girls, since they were 3, had to work all day on their family farm just to keep their home. They're hardworking and dedicated. And when their father advanced in the society, they became servants of aristocrats whom you know might flog a servant if something is not done properly, so they know of what needs to be done. And they've been here for 6 years so they more or less know of the palace. What do you think?" he asked.

"I think I would like them to be in my household." I said; thinking of my allowance.

Since I was royalty, I was paid a monthly allowance by the Fire Nation; 60 talents of gold and other precious metals, 15 talents of jewels and precious stones and 21 combined bundles of silk, fur, and linen. At first, it seemed to be a bit much, but I soon found that I was having to pay for my own wardrobe, my servants' (even if at the time there was only Ane) salaries and their medical cares and their food and many other things (which does explain why so many people choose healthy young people who haven had a good taste of luxury for their servants rather than a too-young children who are still at risk of being infected and even dying, or too-old people who know of wealth, or weak person), for what errands I wanted to be done, and I was still required to pay the Fire Nation at least one-fourth of my coffers in order to support the war effort.

Two women, exactly alike, came from behind Iroh and bowed to me. When they raised their heads up, I could find no deception in their eyes nor could I find any dark reasons on why they wanted to serve me.

"Welcome; I accept you both as my ladies in waiting." I said respectively.

Both of them bowed and said in unison "It is a great honor to serve a woman like you."

I beckoned them all to go to bed and sleep for the night; we could all talk in the morning

* * *

The more I got to know them, the more I found a liking in Lo and Li. 

Both of them had grown up with a hard life like I had and even harder when her father (later becoming famous of siring healthy, lusty sons who can Firebend before they could walk) found that he had 2 daughter mouths to feed and they themselves had no power that they knew of today. Since they could not bend nor did they find an interest in training, he was about to push them into becoming Geisha until he'd gone to court and used his daughters as pawns there. I told them bits of my story, but dare not tell the full tale to anyone. I only wanted a piece of my old self to keep so I could…remember, I guess.

Each day, I would get up and, since I'd never slept on a bed much in my entire life; Naiya hogged it all and I didn't exactly want to go onto a bed where she had lay with nearly every man of the Northern Water tribe, clean out my teeth and wash my face, and break my fast in my rooms after pulling Tai from his cradle and breastfed him.

I might have been spoiling him but he was my firstborn son; he was of my blood, conceived in wedlock, and someone I could actually call my own.

While I had gone into the front chamber to eat and see my son, Lo, Li, or Ane would come into my room and make my bed and picked out some clothes for me to wear. When I came back in, they would help me dress and apply a bit of makeup onto my face and fix my hair.

Most of the time, I treated them as equals; inviting them to walk with me and Iroh (and sometimes Tai, but he was mostly cared for by midwives or Ilsa was fawning over him), talking with them casually, like friends would. I

guess they began to respect me and also find a great liking in me because once I forgot to pay them their monthly salaries but they didn't even bring that topic up to me until I realized it myself.

I offered to pay them a bit more because of my forgetfulness, but they said that I could pay them their fees next month

* * *

"I have to go to war again." Iroh told me after I had put Tai to bed. 

It had been over 10 months since Tai was born and now he was leaving. But I'd read that by law, a woman had a child and was married; the father could stay home with the newborn for up to a full year. Why was he to go two months before?

"Your grandfather?" I asked with a sigh.

His birthday had already passed, I'd given him a new suit of handmade armor that I, with the help of Firebenders who had made their livings as blacksmiths, had personally made and also a new ruby earring for his pierced ear. When I entered the army, it was a requirement that the militants had their ears pierced so there was a distinct way to recognize them. The hot needle was thrust through my ears. It hurt like Hades and the piercings throbbed as if they were hearts for the next few days, but when the time passed (and after rubbing much 'safe' alcohol to clean out the small hole) I was able to wear earrings and studs, as I soon came to learn as the name of what Iroh wore on his ear.

"Duty. And honor to my nation." He replied and, seeing my face, gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"I'll come back to you; I swear it." He stated.

I nodded; not wanting to say anything else.

There were so many worries when going into battle; the ship might sink, it might capsize in a storm, run off-course and force it to drift out at sea (though, with all of the development in astrology and its ability to help approximate one's location, the number of lost ships has decreased dramatically), the crew might commit a mutiny, animals kept on the ship could sudden go crazy at any time and (easily might I add) take over the ship, the ship can be attacked at any time, it can be raided by sea scavengers, and (after the Fire Nation had developed a strange kind of powder that exploded when lit) the ship can be blown up by one of its own passengers.

Once on foreign land, there are other worries: the diseases the Fire Nation has not been exposed to therefore aren't immune to them and the fear of catching, spreading it, and dying from the disease, inadequate hydrating, food and water shortages, overheating in armor, overheating in the tanks (therefore some of THEM blew up), the long marches of the day, injury, the fear of being raided by Earth Kingdom soldiers hiding out, being spotted because of your uniform, the fear that as you march, the Earth could open up right below you and swallow you in, sudden changes in weather, not enough shelter, too many things in your backpack that will lead to injury from carrying it on your back all day, and even the fear of animals or traps around and would attack or the mechanism would activate without any warning.

In fighting, it was even worse.

Always was the fear of death (but according to the Fire Nation code of honor, it was more honorable to die in battle than it is to ever surrender), the fear of injury, the fear of infections, against the Earthbenders, all of the Fire Nation weapons; soldiers, tanks, rhinos, archers, swordsmen, and master Firebenders, stand on Earth and I could not tell you how many times I have seen good people and perfect crafts of Technology being swallowed up just because of bending.

Of course, if victorious, many Fire Nation militants bring back the spoils of war; valued resources, including metals and ore, cloth or at least weaving material for cloth, and other treasured objects. Special ships held men, women, and children to bring back to the Fire Nation as prisoners or workers to tend to Fire Nation farming lands.

Surprisingly, the Fire Nation has many little islands not marked on any Earth Kingdom map where most workers (along with a master) would go and farm to bring back harvest to feed everyone; even the poorest beggars on the streets and because of that, the Fire Nation has more farming land than it does of cities. Cities were scattered about on the main island and a few were on other islands belonging to the Nation, but mostly, cities were at least a 9 days' journey away from each other; they were mostly used for trade and selling anyway, save for when many people would come to the city closest to them for a special celebration.

Some other islands are not good for growing and they're used to take care of animals and breed them for other purposes while others have food growing naturally on them and many times, the Fire Nation has sent the Earth Kingdom prisoners into the jungle to fetch certain fruits. A few of the islands have been known to 'produce' gold and other precious metals, coal, jewels, and oil so miners go there also and exchange their findings for their bare essentials.

There were even some islands whose inhabitants did nothing but fish and bring back seafood, prawns, clams, oysters (a lucky few with pearls in them) eels, even pieces of whale or swordfish.

Because the soil among other factors varies from island to island, a great variety of food is grown or taken and, after sparing what they need to feed themselves, they send the rest to the Fire Nation in exchange for other things such as more clothes or timber for a new housing. And as always, each island had a water-purifying system--or at least something to boil the saltwater and another thing to catch the steam--to obtain both water and salt.

When I was 18, just after I'd won a raid towards a northern island in the Earth Kingdom, Iroh took me to 'tour' the islands that he says Sozun gave him after he owed Iroh a bit of money for some other deed.

I had been curious enough to ask why people collected animals' turd, leaves, and other things and placed into a pile under a layer of hay to clog the smell.

"It's an age-old farming technique. Since we need fish for food instead of fertilizer, and Yukihiya, you should know by now that the Fire Nation never wastes any resources it has, so they use shit as fertilizer." He explained.

When he noticed my expression, he laughed and lightly tapped me on the forehead; stating that I was such a naïve girl, that there wasn't such a thing as waste in the Fire Nation since for generations they had been forced to conserve what they had and had to try and become more successful; not even waste was a waste.

* * *

4 days later, he donned on his new armor and I, along with many other women standing in the street, stared as he walked down; still looking like the noble man I'd seen him to be since he gave me a position in the military. 

As the ships were being 'blessed', we slipped away from the eyes of the crowd.

Not many people noticed that we were missing, they'd most likely thought that Iroh had gone onto the ship and I had gone back to the palace, so no one made too much of a scene on the fact that Iroh and I came forth.

I gave him a soft kiss on the lips and he stepped forward to his ships and they cast off.

At first, it was hard to hear since everyone around me was shouting blessings, good-fortune wishes, prayers that they will be safe, and farewells. When the ships disappeared onto the horizon, most of the spectators left while others stayed behind a bit.

Eventually, by high noon, most of the workers moved on and kept going about in their normal lives, but I stayed.

"It'd all better be worth it." A voice growled beside me.

No surprise, it was the ungrateful little bastard of the family, Ozai.

I'd started calling him a bastard when I heard Mira's story and theory about how Ozai was not Azulon's child because of his appearance and (I can't believe certain people would judge by this testimony) endowment. She said that Ilsa was rumored to be an adulteress at the time Ozai was conceived; that was why she was always called a whore by the people.

To me, Ilsa had always looked to be a role model for near obvious reasons; Nanue seemed a bit too crazy, Ane was too submissive, Mira was a bit too perverted, so Ilsa was what seemed to be a natural answer.

"Do you not care that your brother might not come back?" I asked, unable to conceal the sadness and foreboding grief in my tone. He stared at me with his cold eyes.

"If he doesn't, he would've died for his nation and certain matters would've yet to be resolved." He replied in a neutral tone and turned away.

I was left on the docks alone and waiting for my husband, lover, and Prince of my home to come back hopefully safe and in one piece.

A small tingle shot from between my legs and I smiled at the fresh memory of him nearly jumping me just because I had cleared my nether regions of hair and it was much smoother, but grimaced at the fact that I might never be with him in that kind of way ever again.

Eventually, Tai called me back into the palace and I dedicated my time to be with him.

A few courtiers who had infant children also (most of whom were conceived when I found out that I was pregnant) sent them to play with my little boy, and I was glad that Tai was making friends, but a part of me was sad because I now had almost nothing to distract me from watching the days and fearing the worse for my husband.

Lo, Li, Mira, and Ane had all tried to coax me out of my trance by doing certain things.

Mira would let me bury myself into lessons, but even that wasn't enough.

Ane had tried to arrange for a small ride through the country side, thinking that the new scenery would make me forget about certain things, but throughout the country, I saw women working the land and doing what was essentially called 'Man's Work' because the men (save for the very young, very old, weak and crippled) were out fighting and my heart ached for them.

Lo and Li had taken me to another city in order to watch a traveling circus troupe, but the last thing on my mind was how small an object the contortionists could pack themselves into.

I thanked them, but I just stated that it just wasn't much of a match to my worries.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned into months. I saw my 21st birthday pass along with Tai's first birthday pass as a blur. It had been 4 months since he'd left and already, I feared the worse.

* * *

As I was sitting around with Lo (or was it Li? They were very hard to tell apart since they began to dress alike as well during that time) one afternoon, a messenger burst into my chambers. 

My first thought was outrage; how dare he burst into my rooms without permission? My second thought was curiosity; does he have a good reason to do so? It soon turned into hope; maybe the scout would announce that Iroh was coming back!

"Victory!" the boy panted. I shot up from my chair and rushed over to him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Victory over the city of Gunung and the surrounding area! Admiral Iroh…home and alive." The boy breathed out. It looked like he'd been running for a long time.

"Lo, please get the boy something to drink and a meal." I requested and slipped a gold coin into his hand; a silent way of thanking him for the news. I ran down towards the main stairs and saw him in the front of the marching army; he was always the glory-hog. As I thought that, I couldn't help but laugh and I guess he heard me.

He crooked his fingers; telling me to come to him. Gracefully and slowly, I came down the stairs; making sure to walk with the hip-swaying motion Mira had taught me. I smiled coyly up at him and took his outstretched hand; watching as his much larger and a bit roughly textured hand swallow up my small dark one. He pulled me flush against him and I felt as if I had been revitalized after what seemed to be lifetimes. He continued to walk down towards his grandfather, seated on his high throne, and bowed.

"You were successful on your series of raids?" Sozun questioned.

"What less did you expect from me, Honored Grandfather?" Iroh replied.

Sozun thought of his statement and nodded.

"And here is the spoil of all the cities raided." Iroh gave a wave of his hand and, as if by magic, the double door separating the main hall with the throne room opened and soldiers poured through carrying large pots or objects themselves and spilling them right before Iroh and I.

I felt my eyes widen; before us, there were slabs of granite and marble in various colors, bars of gold, silver, copper, 'sheets' of bronze, tin, steel and other metals, and large amounts of milkweed leaves; the main food source for silkworms. On the docks, timber, coal, metals, and oil was being unloaded and put onto wagons to be sent to those who would use it to make something or another.

After the last had been unloaded, Iroh spread his hands before the object and smiled up at his grandfather. Sozun praised his grandchild and dismissed him.

"All of that in seven months?" I asked, a bit surprised at the vast quantity of gold.

"Best of what twenty towns, and their territories, in the Earth Kingdom offered. And a bit more." He added.

"Pardon?' I inquired.

"While the boat I was on had to take a more Southern route than expected, we were about to enter the 'Iceberg Pass' when my overseer spotted a bullion colored iceberg. When the fleet went closer to investigate, we'd discovered that there was a chunk of pure gold frozen into the ice! We melted the ice, cut up the gold, and loaded it onto one of the cargo ships that came back early; you remember it, don't you?" He asked me.

I remembered it, but what I couldn't believe was that an iceberg, of all things, would hold such an amount of wealth without sinking or something.

"Daddy!" a high-pitched voice called out. Looking up, I saw that Lo had brought Tai out of his chambers for the occasion.

He was running towards Iroh; glad to see his father again. With a smile, Iroh rushed to his son and, after embracing him, lifted him over his head and onto his shoulders.

"I missed his first steps?" he asked as his son laughed and clapped his hands in delight.

"Do not worry; there are many more maturing events where you already have and will witness." I replied.

Tai had begun to walk a few weeks Iroh had gone and I was sad that he did not see his son walk towards me, but I knew that there would be many other rites of passage or lessons of life that would happen to our son and he would be there to witness them. Iroh set Tai down and Lo took him outside.

He took my hand and guided me into my chambers.

"Did you honestly think I would forget your birthday?" he whispered to me as he pulled out an ebony box.

Opening it, I saw a necklace that draped a bit downwards and adorned with little stones sparkling with every ray of light that hit them.

He took it out and, lifting behind my hair, placed it around my neck

Suddenly, he pulled me towards my bed and nearly threw me at the foot of it.

"Iroh, do you not want—?" I began.

A drink? Food? A bit of basking in victory? To go to a victory celebration held for him? Anything else than jumping on your wife the day you come home?

"I want you."

* * *

"Tell me of your travels." I asked. 

"Now?" he asked, sounding like a whining boy denied of a treat.

"Please?" I begged, rubbing myself against him.

"Well..." He told me about the sights he saw, the people he met, and his time on the front line. I sighed at his stories about war; envying his ability to go back to the battlefield while I was at 'home', worrying about him and rolling bandages (Ilsa refused to do it, stating her delicate skin would not have been able to handle it, and there had to be a female role model doing such tasks).

He also told me about a simple life; a kind of life that I'd wanted. Not that I would want to sleep on a dirt floor where animals trod, but just a place where a person could be themselves and not have to worry about others' opinions.

"I wonder what it would be like to run away." I mused.

He turned to me, curiosity in his eyes.

"I wonder what it would be like for us and Tai to just run away; to live out in a...yet undiscovered paradise." I explained; pulling the blanket over me.

"Maybe that will happen one day; I've wanted to engage in the thrill sometimes myself." he said from behind me.

I turned back to him and brushed a stray strand of his (now grown out) hair away from his eyes and smiled.

"I doubt you'd find manual labor thrilling, love." I said to him.

"Trust me, Yukihiya, I've experienced enough labor and I wouldn't mind doing so." he replied to my comment.

* * *

I had met many courtiers of the court, but the single person who stuck out to me was a young girl named Hatsuhana. 

She was a standard woman of the court; scarily thin, ivory skin that was more likely powdered than natural, painted on eyebrows (I never engaged in that 'beauty task'), dark eyes that gleamed with (as I saw) ambition, raven hair always arranged in elaborate hairstyles and with what seemed to be twice her weight in gold and jewels pinned there, and always bedecked in the richest robes she owned.

I was walking in the gardens when she stood in front of me. I tried to pass her, but she wouldn't let me.

"Is there a problem?" I asked her.

"There is." She said with a hiss in her voice. "How can a woman with the looks of a barbarian wear the crown of our proud nation as if you were actually a true citizen?"

I tensed; thinking of Naiya's similar speech._ 'How can a savage traitor like YOU actually be appealing to others?'_ she shouted at me once. I had pushed her for that comment.

I looked around my current scenery; too bad there was nothing to push anyone into save for the ground.

"You might want to watch your mouth here; you know what happens to all of those who speak out against Fire Nation Royalty." I said curtly.

She glowered at me, as if she were offended by my honesty. "I will not stand for this…this…mutiny!" she screeched at me.

"I will end your life here; ruin you. Anything to purify the Fire Nation blood again. And when I'm done and you're dead, I'll relish being given your chambers, your authority, and everything you have." Others had said that before, but their words were much louder than their actions.

"You can try. But in case you forget, I'm a master." I reminded her. Ever since Iroh went off to war again, I resumed training. It felt good to exercise my skills again and break away from the standard stereotype of a woman's roles.

"Fighting isn't all that counts." She said finally and walked away.

I brushed off her slander and kept walking. At that time, I thought of her as nothing but another courtier who was emptily threatening to take my title and Iroh away from me.

But it turns out; everything started and ended with her

* * *

"Evenings are the best." Iroh said as the wind blew through. 

The wind that swept through the Fire Nation so often was called the Liang wind; occurring near the beginning of fall. Iroh and I had left the large balcony doors open and relaxed on our bed. I had Tai on the bed also, giving him his supper of goat milk and a few mashed fruits, and Iroh was lying down on my lap, as he did many times before, serenely.

"I can feel that." I replied and settled my back and head on a stack of pillows and cushions. Tai placed the cup of milk down and I placed him on a pillow; letting him sleep there.

A light fatigue seemed to come to me and, leaning against one of the bedposts, steadied my breathing and let my mind doze. Just as I was on the verge of sleep, the creaking of the large door opening woke me.

Glancing through my eyelashes, I saw that it was Hatsuhana.

For a moment, I feared that she would try to kill me, or even Tai, and readied myself if she would attack. Hatsuhana had Firebending powers, she'd made everyone she was close to know that fact about her, but wasn't taught anything more than the basic attacks, defenses, stances, and couldn't wield nor control her power too long or too much.

Hatsuhana didn't do anything; only stare at us. She took in Tai resting on a pillow at my side, I on a pile of pillows, and Iroh with his head on my lap and his arm, as I only now noticed, around my hips.

For a moment, nothing happened; as if everything was time-wisely still and then she just left; closing the door as quietly as she could. I opened my eyes fully and was about to wake Iroh to tell him of what I'd seen, only to find that he was also awake.

"Hatsuhana seems to be quite the cat-woman." He said indifferently.

"Yes, but she was staring at us…" my voice stopped, I had no words to express the look on her face as she observed us. It was one that radiated hatred, as if ready to attack, but there were mixes of other emotions within her twin pupils as well.

"Let's hope that she doesn't try to kill you." Iroh sighed. It sure looked like she had wanted to.

"I hope you're not serious." With a smile, he sat up and kissed me.

"No. Tomorrow." I promised sweetly.

* * *

When Iroh, Tai, and I entered the room the next day, the room was abuzz with something. 

Ilsa stepped forth and cleared her throat. She turned to me and smiled.

"Ah, you're here. Now we can announce it to everyone." She said pleasantly.

My eyes shifted to Ozai, bedecked in a plain black robe. It was fairly unlike him to be wearing something so plain; he usually wore flashy garments to gain attention.

At his side, I saw Hatsuhana. What was she doing here?

"…and it is a great honor to see this sight before us today." Azulon's voice stated.

I turned my attentions to him.

"For today, my second son, Ozai, has decided to marry as well. Let us pay our respects to Ozai and his new bride, Hatsuhana." He finished.

The court applauded, Iroh and I also joined in, but I remembered Hatsuhana's words and it all made sense.

Gods above...

_'No, no, no.'_

* * *

It_ DID _all start and end with her as Yukihiya said. 


	12. Chapter 11: A Bitter Time

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender

* * *

_**A Bitter Time**_

_**Year of the Koala-Seal—Year of the Phoenix**_

* * *

"My lady, you look ill; would you like anything?" Li asked as I came in. I shook my head; overcome with surprise, in a sense. 

This is what Hatsuhana had told me; 'fighting was not all that counted.'

"Is there anything you need, Mistress?" Ane asked, wincing as she tried to walk.

Her legs were beginning to fail because of a new and stranger infection than the one I'd discovered she'd had when I was 18. It was slowly paralyzing her legs and in time, both would have to be amputated.

"No, Ane. Go back to bed." I said kindly as I shut the door to my room and went to find Ozai. Iroh was most likely already asleep anyway, it was late at night already and he was a heavy sleeper unless he was sharing his bed. If that was the case, I noted, even if he was dead asleep he was ready for another round of going at it. A few turns onto the Northwestern hall and I'd found Ozai's room.

Taking the door knocker, I pounded it onto the wood 3 times. Typical of Ozai to be an inattentive, self-centered rat's ass, but I had pounded the knocker for at least 50 times before he'd started screaming.

"For Agni's sake, don't you know not to disturb royalty?" a voice shouted from behind the door.

I was slightly amused when I found that his voice still cracked. The door was yanked open, in slow, short intervals might I add, and Ozai faced me with his hair untamed, his eyes sallow, and his mouth creased deeply into an angry frown.

"Good evening." I replied stonily.

He smirked at me and the hairs on the back of my hair bristled at him; what was with that attitude of his?

"Might I come in?" I asked him as politely and formally as I could.

He stepped back and opened the door a bit wider; that smile of his, if you can even call it that; it was more like a twisted curl of his lips that only made him look as if he were disgusted by me; which he most likely was anyway. I removed my slippers and stepped onto the cold granite of the floor as I looked around. His room was mostly furnished with black and the smell of burnt wood was in the air. The curtains were drawn and all of the doors leading to and from his chamber were closed.

"What is it that you want?" Ozai's voice snapped at me.

I turned, then a sudden thought occurred to me; he was fully dressed and didn't seem to even be ready for bed yet.

"Where is Hatsuhana?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Separate room." Ozai grunted. Ah, tradition. 

"I thought she would be spending a few more nights with you before she retired to her own room." I pointed out.

"I sent her out." Ozai told me briskly.

I wondered vaguely if she had tried to inflict... 'bedtime tricks' on him and found myself snickering at the imaginary, yet strangely realistic thought.

"I came to speak to you about her." I skipped to the subject.

The sooner this conversation was done, or the sooner my anger would rise, the sooner I could get the hell out of his chambers. I dread to think how many 'partners' he'd had in this room.

"What about her?" he asked in a leery voice.

"Do you know of her origins?" I asked bleakly.

"Of the Moto family." Ozai replied. Actually, she was of the Irakumi clan.

"I'm sorry to intrude on you; I just thought that there was something…suspicious about her." I tried to carefully word my tone so he does not catch on to what he might interpret them to be, whatever he was thinking.

"Really?" he asked; rounding a bit closer to me.

I face his glare with one of my own and opened my mouth; knowing I would speak 'out of turn' again.

"When a woman you are not acquainted with comes to offer herself to you, when she is in your bed, when she wraps her arms around your body, how do you know that she is hoping to wrap the power of being Royalty in her arms and not you?" I ask briskly.

"Touching and philosophical. Should I tell my brother about this? And how do I know that you are not taking the same thing into your arms when you are in bed with him?" Ozai prodded.

'Let...it...go." I hissed to myself. I opened the door to exit his chamber. Hatsuhana was right there in front of me; glaring at us.

"Good evening." I said in the most pleasant voice I could muster when addressing her and, slightly pushing her out of the way, walked out of the chamber and back down to Iroh's room.

I sighed, dazed, and walked in. His back was to the open curtains and the moon shone off of his pallid skin. Going over to the large window, I closed the drapes and sat down on the edge of his bed. I wouldn't worry about it, I swore to myself, I would just wait to see what happens.

* * *

"Swimming?" I asked him incredulously. 

It was a month or so after Ozai and Hatsuhana's abrupt marriage, but I could already see the hard look in their eyes that they would get from severe unhappiness and strong beliefs of duties and traditions.

They were the near exact opposite of Iroh and I; while we romped around outside of the Fire Court after we were finished with our tasks and played with the children and the kids, therefore easing the tension between the adults and us, Ozai and Hatsuhana stayed in, barely addressed anyone of a 'lower' status except with an aloof nod or wave of their hand, and both of them held onto what they thought was supposed to be a true 'lady' and a real 'prince'.

"Yes, why not?" Iroh replied to my disbelief.

I suddenly touched the area of my stomach where the scar was and shuddered.

"We need to get your fear of swimming over with." Iroh said.

"I am not afraid of swimming!" I snapped at him.

"Good, then you're coming with me to Senta Lake right now." He grabbed the waistband of my pants and began to pull me away.

"But it's nighttime!" I shouted to that comment.

"All the better so no one can tell that we're naked." Iroh laughed at his own suggestion and I grimaced, ceasing my struggles and let him carry me to the lake. There, he began to strip in front of me and I did the same.

"A-After you." I insisted, the sight of the dark water bringing back chilling memories.

He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him, and then lifted me by my waist and jumped off of the pier; sending us both into the water. The nightmare of drowning under water came back and I frantically swatted my limbs out of fear.

Something was pulling at my ankle and fear seeped into my bones; nearly paralyzing me. I was sinking deeper and, despite Iroh's earlier teachings of always staying calm, I panicked and let out a silent scream; realizing my mistake too late.

Oh, gods; I was going to drown! The panicked thoughts filled my head and I thrashed around; panicked. A sudden jerk forced me back up and I breathed in air while coughing and clawing furiously for something for me to hang onto.

"Yukihiya, it's me! It's me!" Iroh's voice shouted as I felt something grab me.

Rubbing the water out of my eyes, I saw his eyes etched with concern. I circled my arms around his neck, whimpering and shivering like a frightened child.

"Don't let go." I whispered, admitting my fear. "Don't let go."

"I won't. I'll never let you go." Iroh stated and tightened his hold around me.

A bright light from nowhere shined in my eyes; forcing me to blink several times to accustom to the new rays. Iroh and I both turned, seeing Ozai and Hatsuhana.

"Next time you two want to go swimming, brother; don't let your wench scream the entire way that she doesn't want to go." Ozai said coldly.

Hatsuhana came next to him, our clothes in hand, and threw them into the water. With a swift turn of his heel, Ozai went back.

"Come, Hatsuhana." He addressed her like she would address a hated dog; grudgingly and tersely, expecting the animal to obey.

Once they were gone, Iroh and I retrieved our clothes, dried them and ourselves off, and went back to the Palace.

It was hard acting as if nothing had happened; especially when the servants' eyes were on you and, as I later found, you had a piece of seaweed trailing from your ankle that pulled you down in the first place.

* * *

The next days went by rather dully save for Hatsuhana's glare on me. She always seemed to stare for some reason, and it was uncomfortable on occasions. 

Mostly, I was able to get her out of my mind by playing with Tai. Now that he was 3, nearing 4, he was already learning to speak and ride Tiger-Horses. He would beg Iroh and I to ride with him and also to just play with him. He became the center of our worlds; our pride and joy.

"One day, my boy, all of this will be yours." Iroh told Tai as he held the child above his head on a cliff's edge overlooking many parts of the nation. I would start screaming at him to 'PUT MY SON DOWN, YOU IDIOT!' as soon as I saw him lean forward or stagger a bit, if ever

* * *

As dinner was approaching, I watched as Hatsuhana strutted in and sat herself smugly next to Ozai and the meal began. It was Huo Guo, or Hot Pot, night. 

This was a time where every person in the hall would get an individual pot and plate and lots of raw food. You would select the food and put it into the boiling water within the pot and, when it was done, pull it out and eat it. There were occasional sauces to go with the food and other things, but rarely did many of the people experiment too much with the combinations of spices and vegetables.

"…It must be so sad for the poor to miss out on this, isn't it, Yukihiya?" Hatsuhana said carelessly to me.

"Yes, but I asked the cook take the leftover food of the meal, cook it, and give it to the people around the city." I replied coolly.

Many times, Hatsuhana had tried to bait me into saying something that would, she hoped, make me seem as if I was a hypocrite. I secretly laughed at the look on her face when I had told her that I was feeding the poor; it was as if she had swallowed a whole bowlful of lemon juice, but the smugness in my thoughts were short-lived. I had been feeling somewhat nauseous since this afternoon and I brushed it off; saying it was probably only my shortness of breath from running around so much and the remnants of my illness that crippled me from ever fighting in the army again.

"Yes. Oh, and I'm sorry; earlier today, I could not find a chair to sit, so I had borrowed yours." She emphasized strongly on the 'had' and I sighed; she didn't seem to be too keenly trained in the talent of conversation.

"Just because you find your own chair a bit low to your liking doesn't exactly mean you can steal like a common thief would, Hatsuhana. I see you find my place so unbearable and difficult to accept, but I courteously ask of you to not try to possibly lose your own." I turned to Hatsuhana's father, I could not believe that a woman like her could be the 3rd generation of Admiral Kouguu's line, and turned my lips downward to a frown.

"Such unruly slander for a daughter, is she not, Major Aiwa? Perhaps there is a slight possibility in the future that you might take her back to her Older Sister and ask her to give Hatsuhana a further lesson in manners. Such a crude and impulsive slanderer she is; and you know how much weight words can have on a person." I was daring him to challenge me; to challenge his own father.

Admiral Kouguu _(though finally retired)_ was an honored man of the nation and he still never ceased to praise me; especially after what I had done to help the poor and struggling citizens out on the desolate rural area north of the nation.

"Of course, my lady." Hatsuhana's father replied neutrally.

Without another word, I whispered for a servant that I would take the rest of my meal in my rooms along with my son. I went into his room and, laughing as he ran over to me, picked him up and kissed him warmly.

"I will take care of him for the rest of the night." I said to the Caretaker, who almost cried out in joy. From what I had heard, Tai had inherited a good deal of Firebending Mastery from me and had already surpassed the basics when he was 3 ½; one more reason on why he was mine and Iroh's pride and joy.

As I came into my chambers, I found the rest of my meal on a low table and sat down to eat a bit more. I was going through a strange hunger episode today and wondered why. Could it be possible…? I shook my head and dipped a few vegetables into the boiling water. I let Tai eat some of my food and led him back to his room.

"Good night, honored mother." He said with a smile. His smile seemed to light up his blue eyes and give his cheeks that rosy tint only a child could have and I felt myself softening up to the little one.

"Good night, favored son." I whispered.

He laughed, already getting the joke, and I went back to my rooms

* * *

It was nighttime before I realized that my courses were supposed to have begun yesterday. I sprung from bed and nearly ran into the bathroom. 

There was no swell in my belly, no slight change in my breasts, no darkening shade of my nipples **(A/N: that is an actual early sign of pregnancy)**, I experienced no backaches nor headaches like I had in the early times of when I was pregnant with Tai, but I did feel tired and dizzy, but I just thought it might've been something I ate. I came back out and sighed; sitting down on my bed.

"My lady?" Li asked as she came into the room.

"My course." I murmured.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my lady! I've forgotten to retrieve extra sheets for you!" Li began, but I stopped her.

"There is no course." I said, surprised at my own voice.

"My lady…" Li's voice trailed off.

"We don't know that; wait another month." I said quietly and, rolling into my bed, began to doze.

* * *

Ugh; the dizziness and morning sickness began all over again and Iroh, being opened up ever since he had seen me act so strangely because of my first pregnancy, knew almost the instant I was shoving handfuls of parsley in my mouth and constantly chewing them all morning. 

"When is the next one due?" he asked in delight before the entire court.

"If my old senses are right, sometime in the first month." Mira replied.

I might have conceived anytime between the middle of the second month to three weeks ago, since in that time is when the morning sickness begins. The entire palace was overjoyed that I was in pup again and they all paid such an excess amount of attention to me that I sometimes felt overwhelmed.

With the exception of Hatsuhana and Ozai, the entire nation was happy for Iroh and me. Many of the time, especially during my early months, I caught Hatsuhana about to open her mouth to say something, but Ozai always glared at her and she forced her twisted mouth closed.

I watched, this time in joy, as my body showed signs of the child growing within me. I spent mornings in the temple praying to the Divine Goddess (all historic references in the Fire Nation that held her name had either been lost, destroyed, or most likely not found yet) that it was a daughter.

As Iroh had told me 4 years before, the Fire Nation was famous for siring only prodigious sons and as I dug deeper into the Fire Nation background, I discovered that there had been no naturally born females in the Fire Nation Royal family for at least 20 generations. That only made me want a daughter more.

And if it was a girl, I would name it Katara, like Iroh had suggested years before.

A son to raise so he inherits the Fire Nation throne and a daughter to train when she is older; that would've been a great family.

* * *

My only regret during my pregnancy was that I could no longer take Tai riding on my Tiger-Horse. 

When he was young, I used to ride with him strapped to my back and as he got older and heavier, I had to leave him behind and he watched me as I took off on my morning trot. When it was nearing his 3rd birthday, he begged me for a Tiger-Horse of his own but I had to decline; he was too young and he barely even knew how to ride.

Iroh said that maybe we should start teaching him how to ride, so he purchased a little pony for Tai.

I used to ride alongside him with my Tiger-Horse, whom I named Turato, and I would steer the reins as he learned to balance on it. But now, I could do nothing but watch as Iroh began to teach Tai to mount his little mare by himself, how to hold the reins, the signals on how to make the mare turn, go, slow down, and stop, and how to trot.

This was how Tai must feel; left alone as his mother rode off out of his sight on a tall and magnificent Tiger-Horse, looking no less regal and brave as he began to learn how to race.

"Ah, but you will teach him after our new child is born." Iroh promised me earnestly and I only nodded.

Even though everything about my pregnancy was normal, my belly seemed to be swelling more than usual. I remember on one occasion, I was wearing a shirt with buttons and it seemed stretched across my belly, despite that it had fit during my first pregnancy up until my ninth month and I was only in my sixth month then.

As I turned sharply, one of the buttons flew off of my shirt and ricochet off of the wall, a plate, and a candelabrum before it landed in a person's soup bowl. At the time, I began to panic; thinking I might've developed a girth or something, but when I was taken to the doctor, a surprising revelation was set forth.

"It is not one, but two children who are growing within your womb." The healer told me.

_'Twin daughters?'_ I thought, and then smiled.

I always wanted a daughter to raise and teach. As I looked to Iroh, I was sure he was also smiling, out of joy and out of pride.

* * *

But barely 2 months after the great news was out, disaster struck. 

I was going to bed, my back almost throbbing in pain because of the 2 children growing in me, and Ane had fetched me a bit of herbal tea to help me fall asleep.

"Who did you get this from?" I asked; sipping at the hot beverage.

"I—I made it, Madame." She said. There was a suspicious tone in her voice, but I brushed it off; Ane had been a faithful servant to me for over 5 years and I should trust her, I thought.

"Thank you." I said and set the cup onto my bedside

* * *

I saw that I was back in my old home, but this time; they had found out who I was. 

"For your crimes against the Water Tribes, you are sentenced to death." Meinan said to me coldly. I saw that he wore a patch over his eye; the eye I had blinded all those years ago.

"I always knew you would bring disgrace to yourself." My father hissed and then spat in my face.

My mother stood unmoving in a corner while my sister's malicious laugh filled the air. Great waves of transparent water rose up and engulfed me. Then it all came crashing down on me and I was swept over. It was so cold and I couldn't breathe. Desperately, I looked for land, but all I saw was deep blue.

'No, no, no!' I was screaming, but no one could hear me.

"Yukihiya!" a distant voice began to scream.

"Yukihiya!" the voice got louder and I recognized Iroh's tone.

It was all a dream. 

My legs were in a tangle of sheets and I awoke with Iroh's hands encircling my upper arms.

"Iroh!" I breathed, unable to form another word.

I still felt the icy chill of the cold water as if I had been just simultaneously dunked through ice. Which, might I add; many people in the Northern Water Tribes tried to do to me when they thought my guard was down, but most of them failed and resulted with me hitting them.

But all of that was erased from my mind when I felt something worse; a warm gush and a metallic scent drifting up from between my legs.

"No!" I screamed. Noticing the dark stain, Iroh ran for my healer, but I already knew it was too late. I'd lost both children.

Clenching my legs together, I needed to keep them in. Labor pains started and I wanted to cry; this wasn't happening, this was just another dream, wasn't it? The healer came and examined me, then turned back to Iroh; shaking his head.

"If she is to live, she must expel the children." He said hopelessly.

This couldn't have been happening! Tears rushed from my face and I shook my head.

"Please, Yukihiya; please." He whispered, then noticed the cup of tea on my nightstand. I noticed it too and in an instant horror, remembered Ane.

"This potion will help." The doctor whispered to me and I turned away; refusing to take it.

So it began a wrestling match with the life of my unborn children (though I no longer felt them stir within me) hanging in the balance. But with Iroh's assistance, the bitter liquid was poured down my throat and as I gagged, I felt my body contract to the effects of the drink. People were nearly surrounding us now and they could do nothing but watch as I was about expel the first one of my twins.

I looked around and instead of the suspicion and malice I expected to see, I saw sadness. I screamed out and, in an instant, felt something slide from between my legs and let my tears fall freely. I heard a weak cry, but I knew it was already dead now. It took a few minutes, but the second one came out as well and I collapsed on the bed; unable to do anything else. The other child would suffer the same end as its twin.

Turning over on the mattress was even painful; it was as if I had been whacked in the groin by dozens of pounds of steel. In the crowd, I saw Ane. It was all the motivation I needed.

Despite the near blinding pain, I got up and tried to run to her; stumbling every so often and trying not to lean on anyone.

"Ane!" I called out, grimacing at the pain between my legs. She turned around and I saw fear in her eyes.

'I'm not going to blame you.' I wanted to say, but instead, I heard myself say:

"That tea you gave me; who really gave it to you?" Poor thing; I was now putting her between a fire and a tight place. If she'd denied my saying, she would seem like a lying servant. If she acknowledged it, she would seem like a stupid, flaky palace girl planning to kill the lady she served.

"I—I do not know, my lady. Please; excuse me." She whispered; trying to run away, but her legs kept slowing her down.

"Please, Ane! I feel as if I have been kicked in the groin by a Komodo Rhino and I am about to pass out because of the pain and the only thing keeping me from passing out at any rate is the hope that you will tell me the truth!" I pleaded. She looked back at me and I saw fresh tears spring anew.

"I cannot." Her voice broke as she said it and I felt my knees buckle under me.

"Ane—." I gasped, knowing that I would be unable to stomach the pain any more. That was when a hand struck her.

"Just tell her, you stupid, whorish bitch!" Ozai snarled at her.

It was my turn to hit him, though not as hard. I only managed to push him.

"Stop bullying her, you bastard!" I spat and turned back to Ane; dropping to my knees and examining the slap aftermath. It was a bit red, but no worse, thank Agni.

"Please." I whispered.

"I—I received the tea from someone in the hall; they said that you were in pain and this would calm you down." She stuttered.

"What did that person look like? Was there something specific about that person? A scar or birthmark, maybe?" I pressed.

"There—there was a small cut above her eyebrow and her lips twisted in nearly half a circle when she smiled." She confessed. It was then that every eye in the room turned to Hatsuhana, who was notorious for that signature smile and the scar right above her eyebrow from a slight accident she'd had as a child, she claimed.

"Go back to my chambers. You need some rest." I whispered, keeping myself together as much as I could.

Inside, I was raging. I had vowed not to feel or let myself be be consumed by hate--once my hatred had caused a severe burn on my hands, even after I had learned proper execution of fire attacks from Iroh--but this time I could not do such a thing. I felt it build; and almost jumped up; feeling the burn in my groin.

Iroh's safe arms caught me and I grabbed his shirt and whimpered my sobs into the soft silk.

"It's alright, Yukihiya. We are still young. We can have many more children." He whispered.

Of course we will, but what's the chance of them being twins ever again?

"Let me see my children." I murmured as a tear threatened to roll down my cheeks.

He hesitated, but then picked me up and set me down gently on my newly sheeted bed. The doctor, with a slight shake of his head, placed two bundles before me. I lifted the blankets covering their faces and could not stop my cry of despair.

"Both girls." The healer said.

They must've been alive! How else could their skin have been so flawless and smooth? Or how could their cheeks and lips be so pink? I continued to look at them. They had the cutest little feet and the tiniest hands; perfect fingernails with the tiniest of dark brown and black ringlets on their scalps. Their bodies were in perfect proportions for a baby; how could they be dead?

I suddenly tucked them back into their blankets and gave them to Iroh; watching as he carried them away and sunk deeper into my bed; muffling all of my silent tears.

Two days later, when I was well enough and my bleeding had stopped, I attended the funeral of my twin daughters. Iroh and I had decided on names when we'd found out about twins. I watched as Laetitia and Katara were lowered into the ground; silent until I went back to my room. Because they were tiny, they were permitted to be buried, if the parents wanted it.

"My love." Iroh murmured; holding me closely. I reached up and returned his embrace; knowing that he was as hurt as I was about the loss of my twin daughters.

"If you want to talk…" I knew what he meant and nodded as I pressed my body against his more; trying to soak his warmth into my cold and empty being. I gave him a departing kiss and went into my chambers. Lo and Li were there, also in white mourning clothes and asked if there was anything I wanted. I politely declined and walked on.

"What are you to do with Ane, my lady?" one of them asked. I shook my head; unable to decide.

"Maybe I will know in the morning." I murmured and it was left at that.

As I drew myself deeper into my dreams and sheets, I had a haunting vision of a golden hill in the sunset and 2 young girls running toward me with flowers in the hands, crying '_Mama! Mama!_'

I remember all too well waking up with a wet pillow under my head and tears still rolling down my eyes and even then, I continued to cry into the night.

* * *

I could not trust Ane as much as I used to. 

Now, only tasks like fetching me my brush or standing beside me silently when we were in public were her duties.

Some of the people spoke with me, said their words, and I remained silent; did any of them know what it actually felt like to lose two little girls whom they had wanted since they were old enough to see the beauty of children?

* * *

It was the twenty-fourth day of the eighth month, the two month anniversary of my miscarriage and a bit more than a month after my birthday, and she knew it. It was nearing sunset when she broke out the insults again. 

"Poor you; unable to carry children, not even a daughter." She tittered. I turned to her; smiling slightly as I did so.

"Yes, I may not have two daughters, but I have a healthy son who has already turned five a few months before, and YOU are so fertile and prosperous, why do you not have a child in YOUR belly even after over ten months of marriage to Ozai?" I asked calmly. That struck a nerve in her.

"I would have if he could stop bedding his other partners OR should I say, obsessing and lusting over one?" she said; her temper rising at the admittance that she and Ozai had barely even been intimate for such a time.

"Sorrow to the poor girl whom Ozai has seemed to have set his eyes on." I replied uncaringly.

Hatsuhana only smirked at my comment. "I think that the woman is closer than you think." She said smugly.

"She is? I would like to meet her. Introductions could be made later, but I speak for every curious being here when I ask so what if Ozai lusts after a woman? Why can't you seduce him back to you?" I turned to her; pure curiosity on my face.

The Great Hall (which was more or less free to the public until the night fell) was already filled with pedestrians and petitioners along with other people searching for an opportunity to socialize with a higher class and most of them were turning to me; their attentions on Hatsuhana and I. Everyone had known what Ane had said and what had happened, no doubt they all also blamed her for what happened and for so easily falling into Gullibility. A few people even told me that I should execute her for such a heinous crime, but I always refused; she was my loyal servant, though I did not trust her much less.

That hit her nerves again; I could tell by the flare of anger passing through her.

"And what if you are barren as well? We all know your marriage to him was not built on whatever it was that even made him LOOK at you." I said with ease. When I saw the flare of her (frankly large) nostrils, I knew that I was pushing it.

"Please, Hatsuhana; do try and not to fly off with that temper of yours—." I began.

She lashed out and pulled my hair; trapping me in a headlock. I must admit, she was somewhat strong for such a fragile-looking woman.

"At least I am not a whore who is even unfit to carry daughters!" she screeched; all the while trying to snap my neck. I grabbed the arm around me and used a shoulder-throw technique I had learned years before and saw her fly onto a chair and break it.

Without wanting to reply, I tried to exit the room.

"Don't you dare even try that, you savage!" Hatsuhana shrieked; coming up behind me.

I whipped around and threw my clinched fist forward to hit her square in the nose. She fell to the ground; muffling cries through her teeth. I motioned for a guard to come.

"Take her away." I said levelly and made for my room

* * *

As I was eating my dinner of rice and sautéed meats and vegetables, Hatsuhana's sayings and reactions to my slander rang in my mind. Who was this woman Ozai fancied? And, by the way her body flinched when I'd accused her of being barren, was that the truth? 

"My lady?" Ane questioned carefully from across the room. I turned and nodded; signaling my acknowledgement of her.

"Your bath is ready." She simply said and I nodded; rising up and beginning to remove my clothes.

I looked myself up and down on the full length mirror. My stomach was beginning to shrink back after all of my training and naturally and I smiled, turning around once before going into the bath prepared for me. I let the hot water envelop my body and tried to forget about the whole conflict I'd had with Hatsuhana which had led me to punching (and most likely breaking) that large eagle nose of hers.

"Madame, may I ask you something?" Ane asked suddenly as she was pouring in a bit of rose milk into the water. The rose milk supposedly softened a person's skin and made it more sensitive to its sense of touch.

"Yes?" I asked patiently. I'd wanted to confront her on why she was always sneaking away or leaving the palace without anyone's orders to, and right then could've been a good time to ask. Every time I saw her, she was late and there were marks on her neck, her robes were messily done, and she seemed to walk even more stiffly the many times I observed her. Not to mention her lips were a bright cherry and her hair was sloppy. Every time I would ask her, she would start stuttering and make up a hasty excuse or whatnot and quickly skitter away.

"Suppose there is a woman who has recently met a man and both of them slowly but surely fell in love; seeing past each other's disabilities." Ane told me.

"What physical disabilities?" I questioned.

"The man has many scars upon him from some accidents and the woman is crippled." Ane answered. So that was why she was disappearing so much. That, and, she was much too open and obvious; she really didn't seem to belong in a world of the camoflauging silver-toned.

"And who is this man you have fallen in love with?" I asked Ane with a small smile upon my face. Ane looked surprised for a moment, but then smiled.

"His name is Kakis, he's a worker and…" Ane trailed off, but I already knew what she meant.

"You two have fallen in love." I said.

That was when she burst into tears before me. I lifted myself a bit out of the hot water and gently touched her cheek.

"He wants us to get married." Ane murmured into her dress.

"That sounds romantic, so what have you said to him?" I asked Ane.

"I said I needed time to think on the subject." Ane replied to me.

"He sounds like a good match for you." I remarked.

"He does seem to be, but I fear, my lady, what if he only likes me because of my wealth or position here in the palace? And no one save for him has even spoken to me after you called out my name and confronted me about that tea on the night of your miscarraige." Ane asked worriedly.

I shifted a bit in the large tub; causing the hot milky colored water to ripple and looked at my oldest and first Lady in Waiting.

"If you are not sure, confront him. And listen to your heart." I offered comfortingly.

"But usually, following your heart leads to nothing but grief and heartbreak." Ane sighed.

"That's not true; remember when I was being bid on for my virginity?" I asked, and saw her nod.

"When Nanue announced that it was Ozai and I'd had consented instead of follow my heart, which knew it would break if I had not resisted, do you think I would be here right now; wife of Iroh and mother of his child, and you my servant?" I questioned.

"I thought it was because you didn't like Ozai that you made that scene." Ane said as she shifted on the cushion beside my bath.

"Many women don't like Ozai, but their dominant family male relatives push them towards him in hopes of having a new position of power. They have to consent because if they don't, most of the time, their family threatens to disinherit them." I replied.

It was the truth anyway; no one could love such a penurious and sorry excuse for even a spoiled person. I doubt any woman vying for the title of Fire Princess would even love him.

"That is true, my lady, but what should I do? If I go away, I can no longer service you." She said.

I wanted to point out that the last time she had serviced me, she had given me a drink that forced my daughters out of my body, but I thought that she'd remembered that already.

"He does not want to keep you in the palace?" I asked, a bit surprised and suspicious.

"He said that we could go to wherever makes us both happy." Ane sniffed and smiled, even though her eyes were red from crying because of her inability to decide on this matter.

"He doesn't sound like a heartless power-hunter or a gold-digger. I think you should take this chance and be with him." I advised.

"But my duty—!" she began, but I silenced her with a small splash of water to her face.

"Your duty loyalty to me is fairly unmatchable save for Lo, Li, and Mira's. Your heart is to your duty and loyalty, and therefore your loyalty and duty is to your heart. Does not the opportunity for true happiness dangle in front of you and you ignore it, Ane? I will pay you what your pension a bit early for a small wedding meal if you wish." I said to her.

She hiccupped and sighed.

"I can't let you pay for me." She stated and I knew what she meant; I had already done too much for her that she would never be able to repay me, not even with her life.

"Money can purchase thing such as a Kimono or a new sword, but it cannot purchase joy and love. Iroh does shower me with gifts, and I do also to him, but we do this to show how much we love and how generous we are to each other." I told her.

She'd nodded.

"Thank you, my lady. I'll fetch your robe." She said and, with a grimace of pain, got up and walked out of the room; leaning heavily on her walking stick.

I stood up from the bath and sighed; shivering as I felt the cold air hit my wet skin. The linen of my robe fitted onto my shoulders and a pair of hard and cold hands came down with it.

Turning quickly, I saw the face of my hated brother-in-law.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded angrily at him and clutched my closed robe tighter. A

ne was standing in a corner with a look of hopelessness on her face; she could not disobey royalty, even if it WAS Ozai.

"I came to visit you; it is only a family custom." He told me; his eyes staring at my robe; slowly absorbing the water and clinging onto my skin. For a moment, I saw his eyes darken with desire and I grimaced; this had gone far enough. I stepped out of the tub and tied a sash around my waist.

"You should have waited in my antechamber before you just barged in; it is not honorable to barge in on a lady when she is bathing." I said coldly to him. How could he have gotten in? I had told my ladies and ushers that I was not to be disturbed.

_'Probably used that so-called authority of his'_ I thought bitterly.

I could fully imagine Ozai forcing men to push open doors for him and say that he was a prince and if anyone dared to disobey his commands, he would punish them, have them jailed, or Agni knows what.

"I am royalty." He stated haughtily.

"As am I." I said to him sharply.

"You're a woman." He said bluntly.

"And what is wrong with being a woman?" I said through gritted teeth.

"No. I have business to talk of with you." He said briskly and it took me all I had not to just begin attacking him.

"We may talk later." I said and, glaring at him, hoped that he would get the hint and get the hell out of my chambers.

"Why not now?" he asked in a pathetic attempt of a demanding voice. He sounded again like a spoiled first son being denied a candy or something.

Suddenly, Iroh came through the door and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good evening, younger brother." He said politely and set the tray down on a small table in my bath chamber.

"He was just leaving, love." I said carelessly and came forth to kiss him.

Ozai bowed stiffly and went out, we both heard the audible slam of the door to my antechamber closing.

"What was he doing there?" Iroh asked curiously.

"He somehow came in. And he said he wanted to talk about 'business.'" I said.

"Tell me a bit later." Iroh suggested, and I got back into the water. After the whole business of cleansing oneself was done, we got out and sat down to talk again.

"What happened to Hatsuhana after I had hit her?" I asked him casually as I curled a strand of his wet hair around my fingers. It had grown out the past year and I had to admit, I missed those short cuts on his head and feeling the silk-like, prickly feeling when running my hand along his scalp.

"The usual; she was put in a bed and, once she could say anything, began to scream that you had assaulted her. Of course, with a room full of witnesses, she could hardly make a statement. And her voice was so nasally, nearly no one understood her. I think you would've liked witnessing it; we all need a good laugh from time to time." He chuckled at the thought.

* * *

"Tell me a story." Iroh said. 

We had both dried off and were lying in my bed with barely any clothes on except for undergarments.

"Why must I always tell you the stories?" I asked; ever since Iroh told me more about his life, he had been pressing me to tell about my old life in the Northern Water Tribe. 

"Then tell me a story about you and your friend, Yugoda, or that man you were engaged to beforehand, Pakku." He suggested.

Why was it that he could memorize the stories I tell him so well? I sighed; burying my cheekbone into his ashen chest.

"Yugota was…she was…" I couldn't find the right word that described her too well. "Once my friend; before I'd discovered my powers in the Northern Water Tribe, of course." I sighed and shifted. "She would be there for me, but...there was a long rift between us that all of time will not be able to repair."

"She rejected you as well." He stated.

"We grew apart." I replied.

"She believed all the Water Tribes had told her to believe, and she outright abandoned you."

"We grew apart."

"She hated you."

"You might be right on that." Noting his stare, I told her about Pakku and Yugoda's past. They had known each other since Yugoda had worn napkins, and she admitted to me that she liked him; after I yelled at her, and the news of Pakku's new betrothal came, she did stop speaking to me altogether.

"She can't be a good friend if she didn't back down when Pakku realized that he was in love with you."

"He wasn't in love with me!" And with that, we launched into another round of arguing.

"He became nervous after your new suitor began to pursue you; what do you think his motive was?"

"Because he is a damn control freak."

"He gave you that comb; d'you think he would freely give away priceless heirlooms?"

"After four strictly-chaperoned visits where we barely spoke to one another, would you give a woman you barely know something like that because you felt a bond with her? It was a bribe!"

"That kiss happened months after he gave it to you; are you suggesting that he planned on betraying you? And you did know him as your sister's fiance; maybe he knew you more then."

"You can never outrule that possibility. That, and, I doubt he would have fallen in love with an eight year old girl who once punched his midget cousin."

It went on, until we mutually decided to stop.

"Now tell me a story." I insisted. Iroh thought for a moment, then ran his hand through his hair.

"It's quite scandalous…" he began, and I withheld a laugh.

"My love, nearly every piece of gossip or story, true or not, is scandalous." I said.

"Oh, why not? It's about my mother; Crown Princess Ilsa." He said. I had heard many rumors about her, to say the lease.

"You know that when Sozun was in power, many men and women alike joined the army to fight and infidelity ran amok by the people left at home, yes?" Iroh questioned first.

I nodded and turned so I faced him as he continued with his story.

"A few years before you and I were even born, Sozun had a close call when a man tried to usurp him by stating that he was only the bastard son of his father; conceived falsely by a whore who drugged Fire Lord Kazu and lay with many other men to ensure a pregnancy and that Kazu did not remember anything, so he could not say that the child wasn't his, but he could not either be sure that the child was his." Iroh looked somewhere beyond me thoughtfully but when I turned, I saw nothing, so I let him continue with the story.

"The man's name was Yoguai and Ilsa was his own niece. It seemed that Yoguai had something to blackmail Sozun, but it was not enough for him to give up the throne. So, he aimed for something else and tried to push Ilsa forward for Sozun to marry. Civil war nearly broke out because of the 2 opposing sides, but Kuzon stopped the entire debate when he found out that Yoguai was an apothecary and brewed draughts and potions galore; indicating that he himself was the person who drugged Kazu and set his entire plot into motion. Yoguai, who then lost nearly all of the support he had, ran off and abandoned Ilsa; his sole surviving kin, but he soon was found and put to death." Iroh continued.

I almost knew what Ilsa felt; I knew what it was like to be pushed forth by family and to be abandoned by them all along.

"Sozun, seeing how much support Ilsa still had in spite of her uncle, decided something had to be done, so he arranged for her to marry his son and my father, Azulon." I interrupted him after that.

"But did he even have a choice? The Fire Nation seems to favor males and so didn't Sozun give Azulon a choice or a privilege of any kind?" I asked.

"No. What offspring is for altogether as a whole is that they're either pawns being played by their parents or business arrangements to help gain something; wealth, land, or power; love, if that is what you're asking about, was barely even an occurrence in marriages." Iroh replied.

"I thought they favored males." They apparently did, but not enough.

"Well, Azulon had to consent and he did so out of obedience to his father and it was said he was intimate with my mother a few times, or at least once every week or so until she was pregnant with me." Iroh told me and I twisted the stud at my ear and nodded thoughtfully. Maybe that was why Azulon, Sozun, and Kuzon all favored Iroh.

"And then, Azulon was going off to war. When he left, it was said that was when Ilsa showed her true self." His voice dropped and I leaned closer.

"They say that she began to flirt once more with other men; sometimes even luring them into having an affair with her, like intoxicating them so they would not remember what had happened or would try and throw herself at them as if she were a common prostitute. But that isn't the worst of it." He leaned in, an awe-struck expression on his face.

"Yes?" I encourage him in a soft, breathy voice.

"They say that the person she had lost her maidenhead to was her own uncle and she did it willingly!" his voice was barely a breath and his face was exceedingly close to min.

"To Yoguai? She consented to giving her virginity to her own kin?" I said incredulously.

"It's a rumor. And when anyone would bring that up, Ilsa would seem to pretend she was not that kind of person." I nodded.

"Why are you telling me this story?" I asked.

"Because you have a right to know, and to teach a lesson." He added and lightly cupped my face with his slightly rough hand.

"And what lesson is that?" I asked.

"A pretender can cover up their secrets only for the longest time." He said and I had to gape at him.

"What are you accusing me to be pretending?" I demanded.

"You can already be classified as a pretender." Iroh replied and I was on the verge of hitting him.

"Pretend isn't always that bad." There was no point in arguing, I knew, but some part of me refused to turn down 'the challenge'.

"I have a new assignment and need to leave in a few days." He said to break the silence and I opened my eyes.

"What is it this time? What does Sozun want?" I asked.

"He has few years left on him, as you can tell. He wants to receive the news that the Central Earth Kingdom is captured by the Fire Nation. And he wants the attack to be led by his blood and kin." He told me.

"But your father, Azulon, is also in the army!" I exclaimed ridiculously.

"Coming home from a disgraced loss to small tribes which banded together to rebel. There were hostages and barely any bloodshed, but Azulon was forced to give up many of his ships and supplies." He said. How did news get so fast to and from Fire Nation royalty without others finding out first?

"Hmm. Well, before I go off to battle, I want to present to you something tomorrow." he whispered and kissed me goodnight.

I watched as he went from my room and then turned to blow out the candle at my nightstand.

Eerily, the moment I turned to blow it out, the flame vanished.

* * *

In his hand, there was a Hunting Falcon-Fly. I had come to the stables in my usual attire; a sleeveless tunic, knee length pants, and plain, flat slippers. My hair was tied up in a simple ponytail behind me and whipped as I ran. 

"This is Xiao Fey." Iroh said as he let the Falcon-Fly rest its talons on his skin.

Many of the Falcon-Flies bred for hunting were taught to use their sharp talons to strike at anything with fur or scales, but never anything with smooth skin. That was why many keepers at the time shaved the hair off of their hands, their beards and moustaches, and kept their hair as short as possible.

"She is beautiful." I said in awe and continued to stare.

The Falcon-Fly was a lithe, thin shape; colored a dark chestnut to blend in with the forests and a white-yellow underside. Nearly transparent wings clung to her body and I saw that the wing span was almost its height and the width of a wing was about the size of my middle finger. When looking into its eyes, I saw that it was a dark mahogany color and seemed to be staring right at my soul. A small beak stuck out from the rest of its face and the talons that rested against Iroh's hand was strangely polished and the tip of her claws glinted in the passing light.

"She is my favorite Hunting Falcon-Fly; I've had her to be my companion since I was 8." He explained, and then pushed his hand forward to try and transfer Xiao Fey to my hand.

As it sat on my hand comfortably, I still felt the graze of her claws on the skin of my hand and lightly shuddered out of the fear of possibility that she would attack me.

I thought I had heard a small vary of pitches whistling through the air and the exact moment after, a sharp pain stung at my hand.

I screamed out, turning back to the Falcon-Fly to see that she had her talons in a death grip of my hand and blood was beginning to soak through. Iroh tried to whistle a calming tune to it, but Xiao Fey seemed to be deaf to his tone.

The more I tried to shake the Falcon-Fly off, the more blood I felt sliding down my arm and a bit more weariness.

It was then I saw the Falcon-Fly's eyes. They had turned a much darker color; as if she was condemned by a spell that is controlling her movement. I saw her tail whip upwards, a stinger already out and ready, and braced myself for the surge of pain.

Another weapon of the Falcon-Fly was that it could produce its own venom and with the stinger at the tail, would launch it to finish a stubborn kill. I've seen the Fire Nation collect this venom and use it in 2 different ways; one way is to poison a water source, such as the well, and kill off the soldiers of a defending city in the Earth Kingdom. The second way was to boil it into a gas and store it into a thin metal sphere to toss over the city.

Either way, the inhabitants died a fairly painful death and the city or village would have to surrender within a week or two's time. I used to help make those bombs and poison the wells back when I was a General up until my injury years ago that ended my Military Career.

But that surge of pain signaling that the venom has come through my bloodstream never came.

Opening my eyes, I saw the Falcon-Fly limp, blood still wetting its talons and dripping onto the dirt floor, and around its neck was a noosed leash. I turned to Iroh, nearly horrified.

"You didn't have to do that!" I exclaimed at him. The expression on his face was somber.

"What other choice had I?" he asked me and I turned to him, guilty.

"She was your favorite Falcon-Fly. And an old friend; since you were 8, 10 or 11 years before I came along." I said.

"If I had decided that my hunting animal was more important to me than my wife and mother of my son, then what kind of a man would I be?" he questioned and I took in his words.

"But animals like the Falcon-Fly take a long time to train and even longer to gain their trust with a new one." I said, reciting a part of the text about animals of the Fire Nation that I had come across in the library.

"I have an entire lifetime to train a new one." He said easily.

A sudden feeling of a liquid dropping on my toes turned my attention downwards. My hand was still bleeding profusely and had leaked out a significant amount, as I noticed, and I had to rush back to the infirmary for a bandage.

* * *

The next morning, I felt strange; as if something was not quite right. As I pulled myself up, I felt a surge of pain through my left hand. Iroh's Falcon-Fly had attacked me and nearly killed me. I also remember the sadness in his eyes when he noosed her neck. 

I might've been responsible for killing one of his oldest friends; I could've been the woman who might-as-well had executed it, Agni knows!

Quietly dressing in a white chemise, a short red robe over it, loose thigh-length pants, and sandals, I checked what day it was (I found that 6 days had passed since that event) and came back to the stables.

Just outside the door, I saw a fresh mound of overturned earth with a small stone with the carving of 'Xiao Fey' for the grave. I clasped my hands together and sent a departing prayer for the Falcon-Fly.

After making the 'Star of Agni' over the grave, I continued in. Within the next to last stall, Turato sprang up at the sight of me and I laughed; going over to him and, taking a saddle and bridle, harnessed him and mounted my Tiger-Horse once more.

It felt good to be up on an animal again; sometimes this was my only reminder of my war days, and I gave a small whip of the reigns and we were off. I longed to be on the battlefield again; to command and lead my soldiers to victory, to claim land for my nation. To be revered as a hero again.

Why had I been so stupid as to my actions back in Assault of the North? But on the other hand, if I did not, we might not have won.

As I had learned, even one action can be the difference between a victory or a defeat.

Turato's sudden shift high into the air placed me back into reality and I realize that something must've spooked him. But on second thought, that was impossible! Turato has been my Tiger-Horse since I was 17; given to me as an 18th birthday gift from one of the islands off of the coast of the Fire Nation which breeds horses.

He and I have traveled in battle together, both of us being fired at and narrowly escaping death together. What on earth could've gotten him so riled up that he would be afraid?

Turato swung dangerously from side to side and I tried to calm him down, but to no avail.

With a sharp jump upwards, I thought my back had snapped and I felt myself being thrown from Turato's back. I screamed out as I felt a sharp stab in my chest, from my ribs, and tried to shake the numbing sensation away from my hand and wrist. Forcing myself to turn swiftly, I saw Turato above me; rearing on his hind legs and his front legs waving high in the air.

A hoarse scream erupted from his throat, I saw him descend from the air.

I desperately tried to roll away and nearly screamed out when I felt my back hit the soft stalks of bamboo. A metal shod hoof dealt a blow to my stomach and I felt the air being knocked out of my body.

Oh, gods; if this was what it was like to be under Turato's hooves, I actually felt regret for taking those lives and commanding Turato to step over, and sometimes accidentally on, those combatants.

"Turato! Calmaré!" A voice rang out and, when I opened my eyes, found Iroh pulling at Turato's reins and then gripping his face and running his hands up and down the sides until Turato calmed down.

"I'm cursed." I mumbled into the grass.

I felt Iroh's hand on my back and lifted me again by the area right next to my armpits. He propped me over his shoulder and I sighed; first it was the falcon-fly, and then my own tiger-horse, was I cursed?

Iroh took Turato back to the stable and then carried me up to my chamber; laying me down and kissing me softly on the mouth.

"Do you need a doctor?" he whispered softly to me.

I shook my head; nothing hurt too much anyway and I was probably fine.

"I will send you your dinner tonight and say that you are ill." He told me.

I felt my heart melt to him and nodded, holding him in an embrace for a while. A time being, we stayed like that; just enjoying ourselves.

"I will ask Mira to give you a sleeping draught, just in case." Iroh said.

Ever since the entire ordeal with Ane and the tea incident, even he trusted her much less than he used to.

* * *

"He says he is going to sing." Li told me and I stood up, rigid. 

Oh, gods; Iroh, do not embarrass yourself! As Li and I were running out the and into the hallway, I heard the soft sound of a strumming instrument and tried to run twice as fast, but my heavy skirts kept my legs retained.

Iroh was out on the raised platform in the grand hall with a few other men behind him; a majority of them in their teens, I inferred, and they were playing various instruments while Iroh stood in the center; about to begin.

I was about to scream for him to stop, but just then he began to sing.

He had gotten so much better with his singing and, well, poetry.

_The dawn is breaking; a light shining through_  
_You're barely waking; and I'm tangled up in you_  
_Yeah_  
_I'm open, you're closed_  
_Where I follow, you'll go_  
_I worry I won't see your face light up again_  
_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_  
_I somehow find_  
_You and I collide_  
_I'm quiet you know; you make a first impression_  
_I've found I'm scared to know; I'm always on your mind_  
_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the stars refuse to shine_  
_Out of the back you fall in time_  
_I somehow find; you and I collide_  
_Don't stop here_  
_I've lost my place_  
_I'm close behind_  
_Even the best fall down sometimes_  
_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_  
_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_  
_You finally find; you and I collide_  
_You finally find; you and I collide_  
_You finally find; you and I collide_

My face could barely contain its smile as I excused my way to the front and looked up at him with the same adoration I'd looked at him when he was my teacher and taught me everything I needed to master my untamed powers, even if it was nearly a decade later. I went up to him and pressed my lips to his; I guess love overcame me.

"I'm guessing I've gotten better at my poetry and songwriting?" he whispered wittily.

"Even if you were one of the worst poet in the world, which you were, I would still love you; Sensei." He and I knew the undertone playing on that word and I hadn't actually realized how breathy and suggestive my voice sounded until after he was staring at me, his eyes on me.

"And so you love me?" he asked in an exaggerated gasp of joy.

"Who can help but love you?" I asked with a laugh.

* * *

Fire rose into the sky from my blast and I pressed my heels against the stone platform and deflected Iroh's blow from his rapier. 

It had become a slight routine that we spar with Firebending and weapons ever since I had regained most of my strength and he'd wanted to test me.

He came forth, his rapier swinging to my upper left, and I swung my rapier in a counterclockwise circle; beating down his blade and slightly wincing at the pain in my wrist. He looked me in the eye and smirked, though he couldn't smirk as I saw it, and counterattacked me. We both staggered a distance back and I readied myself again.

"You're getting weak, wife." he leered at me.

I leapt forth and swung my rapier at his chest; knowing and expecting that he would block me. As he did, I dipped my legs low and sweep-kicked his feet out from under him. He fell on his back and I held the tip of the rapier to his throat.

"What is this 'weakening' you speak of, Husband?" I asked carelessly.

He smiled up at me, that smile I can't resist, and I removed the sword; helping him back up again and kissing at the spot where I had accidentally jabbed his throat.

"I still have to set off the next morning, why won't you ever let me win?" He whispered to me.

"Then let us reside the rest of our evening in your chambers. You might have a chance of winning there." I offered and, putting up our swords, ran from the crowds and into his chamber.

I threw my head upwards as I felt his breath near my breasts and silently laughed at all of the people who had once said that Love was an illusion anywhere in the world and that Passion would fade with age.

It would never happen to us.

* * *

The shifting of his bed signaled that he was getting up. I pried my eyelids open and saw him pushing his upper body from the blankets. Despite the lingering tenderness of my body, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his waist. 

"Do you have to go now? It's not even light out." I said, half sleepily.

"You mean this light?" Iroh asked and then whipped back the curtains surrounding his bed. I turned away from the rays and blinked for a bit, then sighed.

"That isn't the sun, signaling for people to get up, it's just…a comet that has graced our nation with more power to help us win this war." I replied and pulled myself to him.

"Ah, I wish it were that also." He whispered against me and stood up on the mattress. I joined him, only with his thin blanket wrapped around me. One of us has to have modesty.

"But you do not have to go. There are plenty of other militants who are vying for the task and you can send out Azulon or Kuzon in your place. Stay with me, with Tai." I said to him.

"Kuzon is now too busy seeking out pleasurable company; he's still indulging himself from 9 years lost; do you honestly think he would go? And he is Sozun's own brother, which gives him more leverage than myself." Iroh said as his hands slid beneath the blankets.

At that moment, the door was nearly pounded down and Iroh, who was turned towards the light and away from the door, accidentally pushed me away from him.

A light scream emancipated from my throat as I landed on the floor; the blanket over my head and the air hitting my legs. I pulled the blanket off of my face to see Iroh turn around, still completely naked, and look into the face of Sozun and nearly half of the court.

He had that cocky grin on his face in less than 3 seconds of realization of what was happening.

"Good morrow, honored Grandfather." He said smoothly and I stifled a laugh at his other salutation to the court.

A few women pushed their way to the front and, after one glance at my husband's chiseled body and his morning greeting, burst out into squeals and giggles.

"Yukihiya's company can be sought for AFTER you come back from war, yes?" Sozun demanded as he grabbed a pair of discarded underpants and threw them at Iroh.

With a smooth motion, Iroh caught the fabric and slipped it on. Too bad it still didn't conceal his boner.

"Until I come back, my wife." He said casually and began to dress. I stood up and, after slipping into a robe, bowed to him.

"Until then, husband." I said, each part of my statement glowing with longing and hope. As he exited, I called for Lo to bring me some clothes and she scuttled to do my bidding.

I watched from the window of my chamber this time as Iroh's fleet left into the distance of the Horizon. Now, all I could do was hope that he would come back soon

* * *

He was not back. 

It had been 4 months since he had first left, I watched as the seasons passed and I turned gained another summer, now I was 24, and Tai was already 5 before I knew it. Hatsuhana seemed as tense as I was on the topic of waiting for Iroh to come back. Most likely to try and steal him away from me, as I thought.

As much as I hated it, but more and more I saw another side to Hatsuhana; the side that was actually a human being capable of warm feelings. Like another soul within her that actually had a heart and she seemed to have shown it more and more. But, as usual, whenever I'd tried to confront her about it, she would start shouting at me; calling me a 'harlot' 'barbarian' and countless other shrewd names.

At first, the other male members of the family took it as a joke; thinking that 'oh, those sisters-in-laws always hate each other, don't they?' so either of them bothered to look past the stereotype; why dally in women's businesses, they asked.

When I asked Mira what I should do, all she said was that she would take care of everything. Honestly, I had grown to distrust Mira when she smiled that signature 'I-know-exactly-what-you-should-do-and-I'll-do-it-for-you' smile.

Within a few days Mira had said that she would take care of everything, it was gossip that began here and there.

"I never told you to do that!" I told her.

"I didn't." she insisted.

"Then—." I looked at her incredulously.

"But you said you would take care of it and now, a few days later, malice is being spread about Hatsuhana!" I said.

"Technically, it's the truth. And you might not want to walk around slack-jawed like that, my lady Yukihiya, it makes your nose seem long." She gave a flick of her hand.

With that brief discussion, I left it at that and let the rumors continue to circulate. But as the days passed and even if Iroh was away, I found myself being more and more engrossed in what many people were saying about Hatsuhana.

There was no way in the world that Mira could've found out about the things that were being said; that she had a scar on her lower area where a man supposedly cut her and it made her sterile, that she'd had a third nipple, that she wanted to be abused when intimate, and a handful of others that I cannot mention.

Some people thought that I had spread the rumors, but once the ones considered especially private reached them, I was immediately clear of any accusations; how could I have ever known?

Even stranger, Ozai neither denied nor acknowledged the rumors. At the time, I thought it was only because he did not want any more scandalous rumors circulating about his spouse, which would damage his own reputation (at least, what was left of it).

I went back to watching the days; wishing for Iroh to come home and praying that he was spared the worst. Tai often accompanied me to the chapel and would sit with a book or toy in his hand until Lo, Li, or Mira came to take him outside to play with the other younger children. I would kneel at the steps of the altar and continue to pray; ignoring the ache in my thighs and the chafes of my knees against the silks and the carpet.

Despite my new-found 'freedom', I still had my duties as the 'deputy husband', which meant that whenever Iroh was away, I would fill in for him when doing his duties.

This was partly why men married more educated woman and why there were schools all over the nation that started whenever that law of the wife filling in for the husband was passed, according to their class; they would never have wanted their wives to foolishly give away their land or invested in a false deal just because they were illiterate or could not calculate math.

Each day, I attended council, listened to the peasants and news bearers, and debated hourly with the men about war strategies, food for the farmers and peasants, shelter for the poor, even construction for a manmade island with the help of some Earthbenders who had seemed to have come to our side; they had seen the other side like I had.

Each time council was dismissed, I took off the formal robes, gave them to Lo or Li to put away, and bedecked in pants, shirt, and boots, would run outside and go to play with Tai and his friends once they were all finished with their lessons too.

I hadn't had much of a childhood in the Northern Water Tribe; usually only work and constant boredom from the lack of toys and that I found snow to be too wet and freezing to play in. Thank gods that it was different in the Fire Nation.

I sang songs with the little ones, played dolls and war with them, played shougi and hide-and-seek with them, had races with the children, and gave them rides on Turato. I had overcome my fear of being thrown again when I saw a slight bandage near its rear; most likely, something stabbed him and I hadn't noticed.

Lo and Li would sometimes join in and Mira too, if her knees didn't hurt as much. Ane still retained in the shadows, though not to my orders. She was hiding something else from me, I knew it, but I did not pressure her to speak.

Despite all of the insults Hatsuhana threw my way about acting childish and immature, even she could not ignore how I drew smiles out of children and how that parents began to pay more attention to their young ones and how they would begin to speak to me casually after their children told them a bit about myself which I had told them earlier that day.

I remember a little girl named Tenera asking me on how she could be like me.

"Just be yourself." I replied to her.

"But I can't; you're you and no one will ever be able to replace you." The younger girl told me respectively.

"Maybe that is true, but my wish for all of the children of this glorious nation is that they all be themselves, marry for love, and attend to their children so they are raised properly." I told Tenera.

She was also quite cute, too; dimples on her upper cheek, bright and curious golden eyes, ivory skin that had a slight rose tint to it, and long mahogany hair. Only a year younger than Tai and a good friend to him too; I would've enjoyed having her as a Daughter-In-Law.

* * *

Though being with children and courtiers helped in keeping me preoccupied, I still could not stop the thoughts of what happened to Iroh out on the war front. 

It had been seven months then that he had been gone and I sat at my desk late at night, not only buried by documents and work that I had to do in Iroh's stead, but almost waiting for the dreadful knock at my door and, opening it, discovering a messenger with a frown on his face and holding out a thin scroll of paper.

And on that sheet of parchment, there would be the words that I would go mad with grief over.

News arrived of the war front and letters to loved ones from many of the soldiers and I would send messengers to deliver them with all haste, but none from Iroh himself. Finally, in the eighth day in the tenth month, a letter came for me from him.

It was fourteen pages and sealed with an emerald pin.

A separate letter for Tai also came and, since he had successfully learned to read at least five hundred characters, he was able to tell from his father's writing that Iroh missed him and was sorry that he had missed his birthday, so he sent Tai a set of weapons to practice with and a new mare and promised that he would teach Tai how to use the weaponry as soon as he came home.

As soon as I opened my own letter, I was nearly brought to tears.

_'My dearest Yukihiya—.' _It read. _'How I wish so badly for your guidance in battle right now and also that you were here with me, but life cannot be so perfect in such a way, can it? I beg a thousand pardons for missing yours and Tai's birthday. Along with this letter and the diamond pin, I have sent to you a present; the pearl crown, the prized possession, of the Beifong family that was surrendered to me by Magistrate Beifong's wife when we invaded their province.'_

I opened the box before me and my eyes widened. seed pearls were melted into the base of it and oval-like pearls stuck upwards (strung through gold wiring) upwards to support another line of slightly larger and fairly polished pearls at the top. All of it was encrusted into gold and silver.

The rest of the letter consisted of what had happened on his war escapades, a few strategies he had in mind and what I thought of them, a written version of what he was going to do (pray that this letter had never landed in the hands of Earth Kingdom spies), how sorry he was that he hadn't had the time to write, asking me on how I was and how Tai was, also asking if there was anything else I wanted.

_'…and I fight in eager hope that I will soon be back into the Nation I love and back into bed with you. –Your husband, Iroh'_ the letter finished and I kissed the parchment before calling for paper, ink, and a quill to write my response.

I scratched out many of my sentences and it took at least half an hour, but I managed to finally finish the letter and give it back to the messenger to deliver to the War Front.

Only after the messenger was gone, I realized the variable; that letter was at least a month old. One month could've been enough for him to fall victim to the Earth Kingdom.

I rushed into the chapel again and began to pray feverishly. Tai found me at dinnertime, my hands and eyelids still clinched and my lips quickly mouthing my prayers

* * *

Hatsuhana grew worse with each passing day after I had received my presents. 

She constantly bickered that Ozai never gave her such things and that I was unfit to even look at the silks of 'her magnificent nation' as she called it.

Most of the time, I would only roll my eyes at her and that would be it. Then, there was the news that no one had anticipated

* * *

"I am divorcing you." Ozai said to Hatsuhana before the court at dinnertime. 

Every eye turned to him and Hatsuhana. She did not react; her lips only curled into a smirk.

"You can't divorce me." she replied confidentally.

"You are to receive 50 crowns and can take whatever else you can carry on your back and you are to be out of the palace before nightfall today." Ozai replied calmly. The curl in her lips became limp, and her eyes narrowed in response.

"You think divorcing me will get you any closer to that whore? She's married! She has a child! She would NEVER consent to marrying you! Not even if her husband died!" Hatsuhana snapped.

Ozai grabbed her hair and pulled it down forcefully and I heard her screech as a section of her hair was ripped off.

"That's enough out of you. You are to obey my orders." He ordered. She didn't listen.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU VAIN BASTARD! I will NOT be cast aside! You will be sorry for EVER even suggesting this, Ozai! You'll pay!" she shrieked, then her eyes darted to me.

"It's her, isn't it?" she screeched. I was about to stand up and ask what role I had in HER divorce, but Ozai and Hatsuhana began having their row.

"You think just by discarding me like some ill-favored pet will win her over? Or wait; you can't have!" Hatsuhana shrieked.

_'__What could he not?'_ I thought but never got to ask.

Hatsuhana pushed Ozai onto the table with much more strength than I had first anticipated from her; food and silverware flying in all directions.

"You think I will allow this?" she shrieked; holding up a knife.

"Enough!" Sozun boomed, motioning for guards to come and seize her. She complied without protest.

"You are to leave the palace this instant!" Sozun ruled and the guards dragged her out.

He then turned back to the courtiers.

"Continue with your dinner. I am sorry for the entire outburst from her; she is just another woman driven mad by her own carnal desires." Sozun said, and nobody dared to disobey him, so they did

* * *

As I was walking out of the eastern library, I heard the footsteps behind me; following me and I turned to see who it was. 

Before I could see a face, I saw the flash of a sharp object and instantly threw my body to my right side.

In the moonlight from the window, I saw her face; Hatsuhana.

But this did not look like Hatsuhana; even she would've looked better.

This woman who went by Hatsuhana had on a shredded robe that billowed out menacingly with each movement she made. Her skin was sallow and waxy, her eyes held a blazing rage I had never seen before, the shadows under her eyes were large and dark; as if she had smeared kohl all under her eyelids, her hair was tangled and messy; as if someone had been pulling at it and also mussing it constantly. She was so thin and cut marks were visible from her wrists and her entire being stunk of death.

At first, instinctively, I tried to crawl away from her, but rage seemed to have made her senses keener. She lashed out at me with the knife again and, pulling out of my fright, I kicked at her ankles and then rolled out of her way as she fell. I stood up, ready to fight if I needed to.

Hatsuhana still might not have mastered her Firebending powers, but I knew that she was not to be underestimated.

"Y-You—you—!" spittle was flying from her blood red lips as she could barely even say anything other than that.

Without warning, she launched herself, knife first, at me. I dodged and grabbed her hand over the knife.

We struggled over the knife and I suddenly felt a pain at my shoulder; she had bitten me! I let go of my hold on the knife to check for blood on the wound. She had bitten me, but not deep enough to draw blood.

She charged at me again and I, conjuring fire, blasted her hand so that the metal heated up and melted onto her skin. She gave a yelp of pain and dropped what was left of the dagger.

"You ruined me!" she shrieked.

Again, the overwhelming urge to scream at her how I ruined her when I barely even spoke to her or Ozai surfaced, but I kept quiet. We both began to run, as if in a duel, and began to engage in martial arts; or at least, I began to use my knowledge of martial arts against her. As she tried to punch me, I grabbed her wrist and managed to block her other one as she tried to grab at my hair.

"What have I ever done to you?" I snapped at her.

She only snarled in rage as a reply and, with an impressive knowledge of Firebending for her level, pushed a shield of fire at me. I landed on something a bit sharp and I found that I was already pushed back into the row of scrolls.

I sent a fire arc at her and, ripping the long robes away from my body, readied myself into a fighting stance.

She prepared herself (maybe it was self-tutoring that made her Firebending somewhat improve over the course of the 2 years I've known her) too, but her blasts were made to the hallway leading outwards.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I nearly shouted at her.

"Sealing your fate!" she seethed.

"You fool! If I'm in here, then you'll also be trapped!" I shouted at her, praying that she had more common sense than that.

She then reached for some leftover bottles of liquor, a few careless people brought those into the library to drink in secret, and threw them into the flames. I heard the shatter of the bottles and could only watch as the fire greatened to such proportions.

"I don't care." She said and I thought I had heard an insane laugh within her words.

She threw herself in my direction and threw many Firebending punches and kicks in my direction. I easily deflected them, careful not to guide the flames to any of the precious books and scrolls. The fire in the doorway was quickly spreading through the hall and if either of us got away soon, we would both be trapped.

I listened desperately for the sound of other Firebenders, but the hall seemed strangely empty. I attacked her with a ball of white lightning; watching as she flew back and painfully hit the stone wall. She pulled herself up again, I guessed that stubbornness and anger was keeping her on her feet, and continued to try and attack me.

She hit me in the stomach once and I reeled back out of shock before feeling her push me back towards the fireplace. I pressed my foot against the edges of the coals and, also grabbing her own shoulders, began to push her backwards.

She reached out and painfully pulled a section of my hair. I responded by dealing to her a blow to her chest. Fire flew from my clenched fist to add to her pain. As I was about to attack her again, I heard it; the splintering and caving in of the wood. Smoke hung heavily in the air and I could not get out.

Hatsuhana would've kept me fighting until the fire either spread to this side, burning the library and us within it, or one of us would've died before and the other would've had a chance to escape to safety. She charged at me again and, with unrestrained strength, a blast of lightning insinuated from my hands to her.

Hatsuhana was thrown into a stack of scrolls; some of them even collapsing on top of her and I found myself staring into the eyes of Xuechi; one of the ancient Fire Nation goddesses.

I had run out of breath and my lungs began to act up again; no wonder Iroh wanted to keep me off of the battlefield.

I began to cough heavily and feel very light-headed. I needed to get out of here. As I began to walk, I turned back to Hatsuhana; she was still alive, judging from the shift of the scrolls. I came over to her and offered her my hand. A life was a life.

She threw her leg at my ankles and knocked me off-balance. I coughed uncontrollably now and felt a liquid rising in my mouth. Hatsuhana stood over me.

"Almost no woman will leave behind a legacy in the Fire Nation. You have. And so will I." she hissed, raising her knife at me. I thought I had melted that.

"From this day on, all of the history books will say 'and so perished Yukihiya.'" This was what I got for being kind to her.

Wiling all of the energy I had left, I felt heat course through my body and into my hands.

With a push from my elbow, I jumped up and struck her with what strength I had left. She went flying, this time, into the fire hearth. I heard her scream as she landed in the heat, then watched in amazement as she rolled out; her eyes still saying clearly that she was still intent on destroying me.

Great Agni, could this woman never die; I found myself wondering in disbelief.

Just then, I saw her clutch at her back and she collapsed on the floor.

My coughing had gotten worse and I had little choice but to accept the towering darkness.

A second before I collapsed, though, I thought I had seen someone coming out of the flames.

* * *

I woke up on a hospital bed and shot straight up. Ane, Lo, Li, and Mira were nearly all asleep and many others were there as well. 

"You are well again, my lady!" Li exclaimed.

I sighed, inhaling the air. A smell of smoke lingered and then everything came back.

"Hatsuhana—!" I began, but Mira silenced me.

"It's alright. Someone pulled you both of the fire before the East wing collapsed." Mira informed me.

"What about her?" I asked.

"She has much more charges to her name now, that's for sure." Mira replied.

"The library…" my voice trailed off; all of those priceless books and scrolls.

"There was little to no damage to the books and scrolls." Kuzon informed me. I nodded.

"Who saved me?" I asked.

"Jeong Jeong." Azulon said.

A man around my age came up. His appearance was what I remembered. A rough build, pale skin, slanted dark eyes, and black hair tied up in a knot on the top of his head. A bit older and with some new battle scars, but no worse.

"Thank you." I said gratefully and he bowed.

"It was the least I could do, my lady." He replied and turned to leave.

After a few moments of silence, I turned to Lo and Li.

"I want to see the wreckage." I told the twins

* * *

It turns out that nearly the entire east wing was burnt and some of it beyond repair. 

I wasn't present when Hatsuhana was banished from the palace but I'd heard enough. I knew that Ozai had taken her in and might've developed feelings for each other as Iroh and I have, but it must've all disappeared. From what I'd heard with the generals and Mira, the moment Hatsuhana entered the room, Ozai came over to her, slapped her brutally across the face, and said he never wanted to see her miserable face from this palace again.

The charges for her were read—resistance of orders, destruction of property, assault on the Fire Princess, pyromania acts, harm to Fire Nation Royalty, resistance of superiority, trespassing on forbidden premises, abuse of given power, and careless acting—and she was forevermore banished.

Monsoon season had just started, but no one cared; no one wanted to be seen with a criminal, and Hatsuhana was ordered to leave with only a dirty sackcloth on her back, clumsy bark sandals not even the lowest of slaves would wear, and not even a goodbye.

She was stripped of her ranks, her power, her riches, her chamber, and her wardrobe so in the end she got nothing, but that did not seem to affect her. I watched as she walked away through my window, safe from the storms, and not once did she look back.

Were she and I truly as different as our exterior repuations deemed us to be?

She must've once been innocent, she must've once not known about her family's sly progress to power, she once hoped, she once loved, and she was ruined by her own family.

I realized that the woman walking from the palace—names didn't matter now—could've, would've been me; it could've been nearly any other woman or man within the court. It usually never was a matter of 'if' for those who were not bloodline royalty, but 'when'. Like fire, like the tides, changes occur very quickly and those who do not adjust fast enough are left behind.

Hatsuhana had nowhere left to go; her family rejected her and now she was disappearing within the rain.

Years later, I'd heard small gossip that a man had once seen her working in the Pansuke province, a province almost world-famous for having been drowned in prostitution, and felt worry for her.

Maybe Hatsuhana had thought better and made her own life. That, or she might've succeeded in intoxicating herself to death; certainly not the first person anywhere in the Fire Nation to do so.

Many days after Hatsuhana was forced to leave, I would be found in my chambers. I would be sitting on the scooped out area before the window, paying no attention to the heavy rains and galling winds, and gazing at the path Hatsuhana had left on.

It scared me to think of how easily I had imagined myself to be the one on that path.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: TLA nor do I own Howie Day's song 'Collide' 


	13. Chapter 12: Illness and Almosts

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender

* * *

_**Illness and Almosts**_

**_Year of the Dove-Year of the Unagi_**

* * *

"Fire Lord Sozun is dead." 

Five words, and no more, were uttered and that signified the death of a Fire Lord. The people called him many things; a monarch, a monster, a great man, all of which exulted his legacy.

"Is grandpapa alright?" Tai asked me curiously.

"Grandpapa is dead. His soul rests with Agni." I repeated gently.

Tai only shrugged and nodded; continuing his way.

Oh, how simple it must've been to have been but a child; one who did not have to understand how hard the world truly was yet.

We took our places near the coffin and burning procession and listened to the head Fire Sage tell about Sozun's family and history.

"…brother of Sovereign Kuzon, father to Crown Prince Azulon, grandfather to Prince Iroh and Prince Ozai, father in law to princess Ilsa, grandfather in law to Princess Yukihiya, great-grandfather to Prince Tai…" the priest rambled on near endlessly, mostly about how Sozun was a hero in starting this great war, and I mostly drowned out his partisan speech.

It was after he held up the Fire Comb, when I was first told about it, I asked if there wasn't supposed to be a coronation crown or something instead of a plain piece of molded gold, and Iroh replied that the comb had a wearing history to have been traced back to the first Firebender according to legend. It was blessed by the sacred gods themselves and said to help the wearer communicate with the world unseen.

_Yeah, right_; I first thought.

I saw Azulon about to stand up with pride.

"To fulfill your last wish, you are succeeded by your brother." The head Sage said and my gaze immediately darted to uncle-and-nephew.

Azulon must've wanted to spit venom on Kuzon, on the body of his dead father, and on the head sage. He must've wanted to demand that he'd had that one defeat and so he was denied his birthright? Kuzon stepped forth and kneeled in front of the sage and proceeded to have the comb pinned on the bun at his head.

"All hail Fire Lord Kuzon." The head sage proclaimed and there, every knee bowed to him, every messenger began to hastily write the proclamation, and some people were now beginning to formulate new plans to power right as their eyes cast onto their new Fire Lord.

Once the cremation and coronation was over, I hastily picked up Tai and began to carry him quickly through the halls as if I had discovered a murder plot against him.

"Mother, I'm big now; I don't need you to carry me." Tai stated and I held on to him tighter.

If Iroh perished in battle, he would be all I had left.

My thoughts drifted to Azulon again. He must've been seething with anger when he saw the coronation crown on Kuzon's head. As he had said countless times before; birthrights are inherited and nothing could change that. But as his father's last wish, Sozun chose his brother over his own heir. civil war could break out over just that and I shuddered to think what would happen; the Fire Nation was already fighting a war with the rest of the world, so what good would it be if civil war also erupted?

The outcome would not have been beneficial to anyone. I practically ran into his bedchamber and laid him down on the soft mattress; tucking in the blankets around him and whispering to him that it would be ok, to just go to sleep.

"But I'm not tired; it's only after sunset." He said in a slight argument.

He was taught not to disobey his parents, but there were so many things a young child of 6 wanted and to play until late into the night was one of them.

"I know that too, but it has been an unfortunate day for the entire nation. Tradition calls that we rest for a certain period of time. No, little one, we do not sleep all of that time, but sleeping will make much of the time go by faster." I insisted and Tai nodded, closing his eyes like a good child would.

I rose up and went to exit his room when, as I opened the door, a messenger stood there. I halted, feeling my blood freeze at the sight of him and the worst of my fears for Iroh ran through my head.

"He's dead, isn't he?" I wanted to ask the messenger, but he only pressed a note into my hands and skirted off. My hands trembled as I unraveled the rolled paper and sighed in relief as I found Iroh's calligraphy writing instead.

_'I'm coming home soon.'_ The message read and I checked the date; it was sent a bit over 4 days ago.

I kiss the letter and ran from Tai's room back to mine and, putting away the letter in a special drawer, jumped onto my bed and hugged one of my pillows; thinking of how much warmer the sheets and mattress would be once Iroh came back to me.

* * *

"Pfuit!" Mira huffed when I told her of Iroh's letter. 

"Why, Mira; what has gotten into you?" I asked as I poured her a fresh cup of tea.

I had given all of my servants, ladies in waiting, ushers and grooms the day off and Mira chose to have a casual chat with me.

"I say if he loves you as deeply as he claims to, he would've written something much more than just 4 words." Mira answered.

"But I showed you the last letter Iroh wrote me; he said he could barely eat nor sleep." I insisted.

"That's because he's probably busy bedding a number of flaky little Earth Kingdom ninnies!" Mira chuffed and I sighed; she always was skeptical about love; that was why she chose 'just sex' over marriage and never seemed to show interest in a man for more than a few weeks.

"Mira, why are you so negative towards love?" I sighed, biting into a piece of chocolate.

"Trust me, Yukihiya; that man has been at war for exactly 14 months and 23 days! And without sexual release, unless the boy is some virgin, but when a man has too MUCH sexual frustration! That is when those ninnies came in! Seven marriages, 5 of them ended in divorce because they of my husbands actually dared to sleep with someone from the Earth Kingdom! Do they not know that they will die sooner because those people probably have some disease?" Mira scoffed and I sighed; again with the 'my-bad-past-memories' stories.

"Mira, Iroh is different; you said so yourself." I pressed.

"Well any woman can change her mind and I've changed mine." Mira sniffed.

I looked her up and down over the rim of my teacup then put it down.

"Is the reason of your sudden bitterness have, by any chance, the fact that you yourself hasn't gotten laid in quite a while?" I asked her coolly.

She turned away from me, indignant as a child, and crossed her arms.

"I told you before, my lady Yukihiya; I can have any man I want. Age is only a number." She replied and I stifled in a laugh.

"Prove it." I dared, standing up.

She turned back to me and stared.

"I will bet to you…the diamond pin Iroh gave me that you cannot seduce Kuzon by the time my husband comes home." I told her and she looked shocked.

"But he's too busy pleasure seeking with young women and frittering away money for Mizuages, maybe like the romping husband of yours, to even notice anyone else!" Mira protested.

"But like you said, you can get any man you want." I threw her words back into her face.

Maybe this would provide me with some amusement to bide out the time, though I really didn't want to give up the diamond pin.

"Fine. By the time Iroh comes home." She replied, spitting on her hand and holding it out.

That was one of the many disgusting habits I could never stop cringing at when Mira did them. Forcing it out, I spat on my hand and shook hers.

As soon as she was out of sight, I grabbed the teapot and dumped the rest of the hot liquid on my hand

* * *

Some mornings after Mira had scarcely seen Kuzon, I called for her to accompany me to break my fast with the rest of my In-Laws. 

As I sat down, Mira uncomfortably shot occasional glances at Kuzon and I always choked on my meal whenever she would shift away from him, even though they were on near opposite ends of the low table. Mercifully, I stood up and excused myself and Mira and ceaselessly taunted her about the bet and how the great and mighty, and my oh-so brazen, and still lusty servant was so uncomfortable in the presence of a man she was trying to seduce in the first place.

"You may go now, Mira." I told her politely and she scuttled away.

"Mother?" Tai asked. I always told him not to call me by my royal title; it seemed too formal. I turned to my little boy, smiling at him.

"Good morrow, my son." I said to him; taking his outstretched hand.

"I'm going to play; would you like to come?" he offered; knowing my liking in children's games.

"Not today, little one. Is that alright?" I asked and he nodded; walking down the hall and descending the spiral staircase that lead to the door to the courtyard.

I clucked my tongue and envied that childish naïve behavior that permitted my son to be so ignorant of the world around him, yet know when something is troubling. I decided to tell Mira that the challenge was off; she was clearly uncomfortable and I didn't want to be so much of a nuisance just to hold out on a challenge that I barely insinuated.

"Going somewhere?" a voice boomed out from behind me.

I had grown accustomed to that snap of loud authority; the sneer, the bawdiness, the entire tone that Ozai used with me whenever we would talk. I turned and crossed my arms; staring back at him defiantly.

"Have you come to wreck my day?" I asked sarcastically.

He tilted his head to one side, a gesture Iroh did many times to try and get me into agreeing to something and it made him look seductive and handsome, but it only made Ozai look more repulsive than ever.

"Questioning." His only word response. I raised an eyebrow (that dratted habit, I called over and over again) at him.

"Oh?" I asked, uninterested.

"How can you have so much faith in my brother? He won't be faithful to only you; he will become the crown prince and loves the art of flirting. I know my brother." Ozai said.

"As I know my husband." I replied icily to him. He came closer to me, closer than what courtesy would respect, and took my hand.

"Who do you think he is?" he asked me softly.

"A man who showed me a better side of life." I told him; yanking my hand away.

"And what if a younger woman comes along?" he asked me.

"He would not take fancy in her." I replied carelessly.

There were girls over a decade younger than I was and more beautiful in the Fire Nation way than I was but Iroh never made a second glance at them.

"What if you fall? What if you're dismissed from your position as his consort? What'll you do then?" Ozai asked me.

I narrowed my eyes; why was he asking me all of these questions?

"He wouldn't, but if it is that case, I'll leave." I replied. Ozai tilted his head slightly at my comment.

"To a whorehouse?" he replied dryly. I glared daggers at him.

"Why are you asking me these?" I asked him coldly.

"If you fall, you need a safety net." Ozai said simply.

"I have one." I told him; thinking of all of the servants I'd befriended. Maybe I could work as a serving woman if my title was ever cut away and wouldn't have to go back to that hell I was supposed to call my home in the Northern Water Tribe, not that I could ever return there anyways.

He grabbed my wrists roughly; pulling me against him and for a second I thought he was going to violate me. Within another second, though I'd remembered that I was 'different' and even Ozai had standards.

"Why would you limit yourself on one person?" he asked me. I yanked myself free.

"He is my husband. I love him and will keep my faith in him." I snapped; knowing what he was referring to when he said why I would limit myself to only one person, though I was more than appalled by the invitation clumsily hidden in his suggestion.

"You're most likely the only. Many husbands don't keep their faith; sometimes even send their own wives to other men just for power." Ozai told me with a laugh.

"What are you suggesting?" I spat at him. He smiled seemingly viciously at me.

"I can guarantee your future here." He told me.

I noted that he was seemingly very cocky and arrogant on himself.

"I have honor. And if I fall, I will accept it and find a new life." I retorted.

He came forth to me again; making a motion to grab me, but I backed away from him and pushed him aggressively away.

"Ozai, I do not know what you're doing or planning--" I glared at him before continuing. "--but it will not work."

"We're alone in the Palace right now so you can say what you want and nothing will ever get out." He told me breezily. Before I could retort, I felt him grab me again, this time I was completely off guard and found myself slammed into a wall with Ozai dangerously close to me; his left hand pinning both of mine to my chest and his other hand on my hip.

I was about to fight back when, as if by spiritual intervention, there were sudden cheers coming from the main entrance of the palace.

I bolted down the hall; straightening my robes for any wrinkles or rumples in case anyone would notice. Once on the stairs I saw Iroh leading a small entourage. He was alive!

Running down the stairs as fast as I could, I went to meet him; crying out in joy at seeing him again. It'd been over a year since I'd last seen him and I'd missed him dearly.

He turned to me, his grown out hair flipping as he did so, and smiled; holding out his arms for me. I ran into them; taking his head and pressing my lips into his deeply and remembering his kiss. When I pulled away and he put me down, he smiled; his arm still around my waist and a small smile on his features.

"Come to your chambers. I have a bath already heated and have requested for your favorite foods to be sent when it is dinnertime." I told him. He smiled at me.

"Must you always spoil me?" he asked jokingly. I only kissed his, still soft and smooth, lips again.

"I am your spouse; I'm supposed to spoil you." I stated and Iroh smiled.

"Fine by me." he said with a smile. I laughed as he swept past his brother with only a wave of acknowledgement, I followed, went into his inner chambers, threw me down on the bed, and took me for the first time in over a year

* * *

I'll agree with Mira about the sexual frustration part, but I not about Iroh getting rid of it with another woman. 

I guess reunion intimacy for men in the Fire Nation is near crucial to them. I opened the curtains of his window slightly and sighed; the sun had rose hours ago and it was time to wake up. I dressed, a few of my clothes were in his rooms and some of his were in mine, and tried to think of another way to wake him up besides shaking him, which I knew he didn't like Slowly, I turn him over and plant a light kiss on his lower lip.

His mouth stirs below mine and I began to press my lips harder onto his. His hand traced a path from my naked arm to the shoulder where the pin of my tunic was and opened his eyes, sitting up.

"You're fully dressed." He remarked.

"It's time to wake up; the sun has already risen hours ago." I said; crossing my legs as I tried to comb out my hair with the brush on his nightstand.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" he complained, stretching himself in the morning sun. I straightened my hair and stared at him.

"And why would I do that? You need your rest." I told him.

I had always been a person concerned for his health, especially when I saw him in the army and he would leap from ship to ship if they were close enough and I wanted him to always be fully rested.

"Yes, but next time, wake me up earlier. I've just come home from war after little over a year, for Agni's sake! I doubt you'd be brought to a climax just dreaming about me." He said and I laughed; carelessly flinging him his clothes.

"Koi, I promise you; there will be more time tonight. We have all the time in the world." I whispered and laughed as he pulled me against him.

As he pulled away, he groaned. I detected slight pain in his tone and it concerned me.

"Are you well?" I asked; he did look even paler than usual to me.

"Desire, Yukihiya. Go to the chapel now. Pray that our time alone can be earlier than expected." He said huskily and I nodded; slipping away.

The creak of his shutting door still did not block out the sound of Iroh's groan of pain and the all-too-well known sound of him collapsing on his bed.

* * *

As I returned from chapel, I found a small crowd gathering at the door to Iroh's chambers. 

A gray-clad man pushed his way out and noticed me. His appearance said nothing; he had a smooth face despite that the wrinkles near his forehead and corners of his eyes indicated that he was most likely in his late thirties or early forties, eyes that shown of wisdom knowledge, a long nose looking as if once in his life it had been bludgeoned, and thin lips, but judging by his clothes and the fact that he was carrying a syringe indicated that he was either a physician or an assistant.

"Your husband has fallen ill." He told me and beckoned me to follow him into the crowd.

It took a moment for those words to sink in, but when they did, I hurriedly followed him.

It was the most heart-wrenching sight for me; Iroh was at the center, pale and a layer of sweat over his skin, and groaning while black-clad physicians surrounded him. When I was ill with that strange disease shortly after the Assault on the North, I vaguely remember seeing black shadow-like illusions which, of course, I thought was a hallucination and tried to fight them.

One of the physicians noticed me drawing close to him and held his hand, palm out, to stop me.

"He's ill from a strange infection; it's best that you are not so close to him." He said rapidly in Heiwen. Doctors also had to learn Heiwen back in the day so they could communicate secretly without many Fire Nation commoners overhearing what they truly said; just in case.

A slight change in the direction of the flame indicates someone running away from the hall; most likely to spread the news that Iroh has fallen ill.

* * *

Each day from then on, I went into the old chapel, kneeled at the altar, and began to pray. I was never a woman of faith, I believed that everything happened for some reason or another and there was no such thing as the gods cursing someone nor were there such miracles, but if praying would save Iroh from death, I did it. 

_Divine Agni,_ I prayed, _spare my husband. I will gladly forfeit my own life to assure that he survives; he has so much to live for_.

When there were no more prayers I could think of, I continued Iroh and my deities, and then sat on my window ledge; staring out and thinking about what Iroh and I had in plan for the Fire Nation once we were the monarchs.

* * *

"Please, my lady. You must eat." Li begged me, holding a silver spoon full of stew to my lips as if I were a child.

I could barely even pass Iroh's chambers without wanting to burst into tears, I rarely even went anywhere save for council as my duty calls for, outside occasionally with Tai; even Turato noticed that I was not my usual self, to the chapel, and my chambers. I stared at my serving-maid and turned away from the spoon.

"What's the point of gluttony when a person cannot even stomach water?" I snapped.

Li bowed in resignation.

"Kuzon and Azulon have requested for an audience with you; come to the Eastern Pagoda." She told me as a faithful messenger would have.

I nodded and she, taking the hint, went from my chambers.

I dragged myself up and dressed in a black yukata with sakura petal designs cascading from the waistline. I dare not wear white anymore, for it was the color of mourning here in the Fire Nation, and the last thing I'd wanted to do was make it seem like I already thought Iroh was dead.

Each step I took outside felt heavy and the world around me seemed to vanish. The sunlight beat against my crimson-inked hair and my dark robe grew warmer, but I paid no heed. What did they want now?

_'Probably for me to make Iroh's will, favoring them.' _I thought bitterly.

Every time a person died, it was also their spouse's duty, since they are the closest person to the deceased, to make his will. If the man has no wife, then it is turned over to his father, if his father is deceased, then it's his mother, if his mother is also dead, then it goes to some other relative; uncle, cousin, sibling, and if the casualty is an orphan, it is up to their legal guardian or whoever claims right over them.

After making my reverences, they bid me to sit down and poured me a bit of tea. Strangely, the beverage I once loved tasted bitter again. Nonetheless, I drained the tea and ate a few of the candies set out without a word. Ozai, I noted with a grimace, was also present.

"We are very sorry for your pain that your husband, and a member of our family, has fallen ill." Azulon said.

To me, it was a practiced line. Bastards. I doubted any of them cared as long as there was someone else to succeed them in the royal linage. Instead of verbally objecting, I only nodded and tried to control myself as much as possible.

"There is a law in the Fire Nation that will help you if he dies." he continued.

I don't believe that for a second; that Iroh would die, I mean. He has always been healthy and loved the outdoors. He must've built immunity to many diseases from the Earth Kingdom and when sailing the oceans as well as to the Fire Nation after all of time he's spent there.

"What is the law?" I asked obediently to Kuzon; not daring to look at Azulon nor Ozai.

"It is law that if a married man dies, his widow weds a male relative of his family. Since the closest relative to the deceased man is a brother, if Iroh dies, you are to be betrothed and wed to Ozai." Kuzon finished.

When the last "I am surprised." I said, trying to keep all emotions out of my voice. I abruptly rose up and bowed to my in-laws.

"Excuse me; I am late for one of my lessons." I said politely; knowing all too well that Mira was teaching a dancing class to young children in the outskirts of the city today.

The moment the palace door closed behind me, I dashed up stairs, turning hallways, running long lengths up and down hallways, never ceasing until I reached the medical wing. Bursting through the door, I saw nearly an entire crowd surrounded Iroh.

"Leave." I ordered them all.

Knowing better than to object Royalty, even though I was only Iroh's spouse, they all left and the last one shut the doors behind them. I spotted a chair besides Iroh's bed and sat down on it. I took his hand and gripped it as I, for the first time ever since I found out that I could not fight in battle anymore, broke down.

"Iroh, wake up. Stand up and walk again; live. Please. You have so much reason to do so. You have me and your son; you have a throne to look forward to; you have so much to live for and so much to give." I choked; unable to go on.

_'Come back to me, Iroh. Come back to me.'_ I begged his sleeping form. In my heart, I knew it was all up to him; no matter how much I pleaded for him to return.

The strange infection of his body was battling against his mind; if he did not have the will to live, he would surely die and the worst part for me was that I could not do anything about it.

* * *

In time, Iroh became my unbeknownst confessor. 

At night, I would come into the medical room and admit only to him what I was on my mind and pleading for him to keep fighting the disease because I could not bear my life here without him. It was my only haven, save for when I was with Ane, Lo, Li, or Mira and talking to them, or when I was tending to my son.

Tai was old enough to know what was happening; he was already 6 after all and no longer naïve to the world around him. He went to the chapel to pray, as did I many times of the day and accompanied me to visit Iroh.

I usually was accompanied by one of my ladies or one of Tai's caretakers so that they could take him away and Iroh and I were truly alone. Of course, the walls of the Fire Palace have ears and the ears have mouths, and the mouths speak of what is occurring, so I half expected the walls to collapse because of all of the ears pressed against it.

Many times I fell asleep sitting on the chair next to Iroh's bed and then in the morning, someone seemed to have carried me back to my bedchamber, undressed and redressed me in a nightgown, and exit without even a hint who. At that time, I did not care; all of my thoughts and worries were on the laws of widowed women and my marriage to Ozai if Iroh did not get better, and of my husband himself.

Scenarios of my marriage to Ozai, mainly the ones involving torture, blasted through my mind and I would repeatedly throw my head against the cold walls and many of the times, Ane, Lo, Li, or Mira would have to restrain myself. Sometimes, it took all of them and even the help of some of my grooms to help them accomplish the task. After my episodes of madness desisted, I curled up into a ball and cry; like a child after a beating.

What was happening to me, I asked myself

I was becoming a woman I had feared the most, the kind of woman I swore I would never be. The woman who was mad over love, deranged over possible heartbreak, and fears to feel pain as it attacks from the inside.

Physical pain will leave scars, but even they would fade with time and fading pastes prepared for me by a healer.

I prayed for guidance, but each word that spilled from my lips when in prayer, I felt my hope continue to dim

* * *

"I need to go in; I'm sorry, little one." I said to a crestfallen Tai. 

He didn't want me to go, but nodded anyway; thinking that I was making a regular schedule to go to his father and speak with him. Poor boy; I wept many times and hoped that he would understand if the most extreme of circumstances happened and I was forced to do something I would regret out of maternal affection.

The halls were empty, court and all of its festivities being postponed out of Iroh's illness (maybe Kuzon did care about Iroh, contrary to what I had previously assumed) and most of the people just shrunk into their chambers or ventured out occasionally around the gardens, in the hallways, in any place besides their chambers for a bit of pleasure-seeking.

The halls to my chambers were empty and I heard the loud sound my heeled shoes made as they hit the marble floor. I knew I did not clomp down the hallways like a person from the countryside would, maybe it was because the hall was so empty or my senses seemed to heighten for some reason, but it all just felt so empty to me.

"You shouldn't be wandering around like that." A voice behind me stated. I turned, seeing Ozai's face.

For the briefest moment, I thought I saw a smirk on his face, but as soon as he saw my eyes on him, he rearranged his face to be indistinct.

"Good day to you, then." I replied and walked away. He was following me again, I could tell by his footfall. Abruptly, I spun around again.

"Why are you following me?" I demanded. Ozai simply stared at me.

"I have to go that way too, twit." He snapped.

Inside the little infirmary, I sat down on the edge of Iroh's cot. It was strange how each time I would be near him, he would usually wake up.

"Death has not taken you?" I whispered softly, taking his hand and pressing my cheek against his fingertips. He weakly nodded and opened his eyes.

"Yuki—." He began, but his voice faltered.

"Shh—don't talk, you need to recover." I replied gently as I took the pot of cold water on the nightstand and held the spout to his mouth and poured in the chilled, clean water. When I took it away, he suddenly grasped my hand.

"I don't know…" he said, and I anxiously gripped his hand.

"You will." I insisted firmly and felt a chill as his head seemed to loll from side to side, as if shaking his head in disagreement.

"Obey me, Yukihiya; you swore to when we married." He whispered. I nodded.

"Of course." I'd thought about adding 'Anything' but decided to bite my tongue; that one word might've forced me into an extremely wretched situation.

"Marry him." His words startled me.

"Who?" I asked, the deep feeling in my mind that I already knew all too well who.

"Ozai. Be his wife, love him like you did me, and sit on the throne beside him when you two are coronated the sovereigns of the Fire Nation." He panted, his breath literally becoming dry and straining his throat.

I jumped off of the cot.

"No!"

"It's law." He whispered weakly.

"I detest him! And I love you!" He shook his head, as if about to say something, but seemed to think the better of saying it and looked at me.

"Please. I don't want you to be forced to leave the palace; I want you and Tai to be safe here." He said.

"Please, Iroh. No." I couldn't conceal the sobs in my speech; it was all too much.

"What is so bad about him?" he asked; watching me sob.

"What's so bad about him? How can you say that? How about what's actually good about him?" I asked in a strangely calm voice. Iroh sank lower into the bed, as if death had already claimed him, and I bit my lips to keep myself from screaming.

"He's just…misunderstood." He finally found the right word.

_"How can you defend him like this?"_ I longed to shout this to him, but held my tongue.

Just then, the royal physician came in to check on Iroh.

"I know him, Yukihiya." He was reading my mind again.

"Iroh, I'm sorry; I don't mean to insult him, but..." I didn't need to say anymore.

"Promise me, love."

I turned to him; my face twisting into shock as the words sank in.

"No! I will come back…" I began.

"You must leave him now, Princess." The physician said gently and I continued to stare at Iroh.

"You—you will get better!"

Lo and Li came in and tried to pull me away.

"Please, Yukihiya. Promise me…" he said weakly; trying to lick his dry lips.

"No! Please, Iroh! No! Not him! Anyone but him!" I let my hysterics take over.

"Do it; please. I don't want to see—." Iroh broke off into a fit of coughing before he could finish the sentence.

"No! Why aren't you able to treat him?" I screamed, rounding on the doctor.

Lo and Li had nearly succeeded in dragging me out of the room; they were just approaching the doors, when it seemed that a miracle happened.

Iroh shot up from his bed, pushed away the pedestrian blocking his sight of me, and looked directly at me.

"Do it, Yukihiya! That's an order!" he nearly bellowed at me.

A thousand thoughts ran through my mind at that point (_'No!' 'Koi! You are yourself again!' 'You will get better! You are already showing strength!' 'Why are you always defending Ozai?' 'Do you care nothing for me or Tai?' 'Why aren't you using that strength to fight your dis-ease?'_) but even as they all came flooding into mind, none of them penetrated my state of shock.

I had heard that tone before. Iroh had used it to defend me when my soldiers would tease me for my poor excuse for Firebending powers, he used it when he commanded his division of fleets and military, and he had used it when anyone first harassed or mocked me when I came to the Fire Palace though the exact people had seen my show of skills.

But he had never, in our time of acquaintance nor marriage use that tone on me.

When I couldn't grasp the Firebending he taught me, usually I was the one who screamed out of frustration and he would speak with me soothingly until I calmed down and he continued with his lesson. When I would lose my temper at him, he would snap at me occasionally but we would mostly make up before we'd even got to shouting.

But the tone, the assertive and commanding tone, he had never used before on me. My voice caught in my throat and my head suddenly felt too heavy for my body.

"As you command." I said. I bowed deeply; hiding my face within my hair. Iroh groaned, clutching his chest and nearly threw himself down on the cot.

The door to the medical hold closed and I pressed my cheek further into the cold stone; it offered some relief.

I was losing my husband, my love, my idol, and even he was saying that I should marry his brother.

* * *

At last, they'd given up. 

I had been lying on my bed, crying. I was inconsolable, no matter how much everyone, even Tai, tried to pull me out of the somber mood. I turned over on my stomach; staring desolately out my window.

To this day, I still wonder why Iroh was acting that way; he'd never told me.

Mira and a handful of my other servants knew better than to leave me alone. However I inflicted pain on myself before, I got worse. It was as if I was possessed; multiple times, I tried to slit my wrists or throat and countless other times, I beat my head against the floor, chafing my forehead if the floor was rough, or screamed until I could barely whisper. My headaches became frequent and nightmares of my life if Iroh died plagued me on a nightly basis. Many times, I'd attempted to hack or tear out my hair, but I restrained myself out of the tradition that cutting one's hair was another sign for deep sorrow and to show that would mean I also assumed Iroh would die.

Despite all of my fits while drowning in madness, I still managed to pull enough of myself together to face court; Iroh and I had always said we would listen to the people and I needed to respect and carry on his wish.

But even the courtiers and representatives made it hard; each day, as they came in, some asked how fared my husband and others shook their heads, but barely—I knew they didn't want me to see their doubts—at my reply. A few others gave me a few words of consolidation but most of them came out wrong and as they were scrambling to put more words into sentences, I politely sent them away.

More than one time, a courageous or just plain arrogant courtier would propose for me to marry himself or one of his relatives.

And most of the time I would politely decline their offers, stating that I was still married at this time, if they worded it correctly and politely.

MOST of the time

* * *

"No." I said firmly to the man who tried yet again to convince me to marry him. 

I still knew what I was to them—Iroh's soon-to-be widow, Iroh's prodigy, Kuzon's favorite in-law, a direct link to the Royal Family, Mother of Royalty, 'Princess of the Fire's Heart' as many others called me, the female War Hero, blessed by Agni,—and it was all I would be in their eyes; a path to power, fame, fortune, and popularity.

On the side note, being 'blessed by Agni' or any other god the people believe in was my case; in the case that when a person from a pure Earth Kingdom or Water Tribe family could be near impossibly gifted with a different bending power of its nation, the people believe that their god or goddess interfered with them while they were in their mother's womb and they were blessed souls who would bring great prosperity to the nation which accepts them for their bending power.

When I first found out about that tidbit of knowledge, I laughed out loud; I remembered what the people back in the Water Tribes called me—witch, cursed woman, sorceress, 'our' humiliation, abomination, and those were of the nicest I'd heard—and never thought that I was 'blessed' in my entire 2 years after I'd discovered my powers.

As I turned away from the man, he sneered the last words I would hear from him.

"Go on and marry that disgusting prince that your uncle-in-law set for you; you women all want only money and authority. Control freaks and gold digging sluts, the lot of you." He spat out the last part. I dug my grown-out nails into my palms and heard his footfall.

It was then I remembered Iroh's words;_ 'Thousands of nameless souls walk upon the earth; some still living, some not able to pass on. Don't be one of them.'_ He'd said that to me after I'd agreed to join the Fire Nation in their pursuit of global domination. 

I whipped around, taking my husband's words in heart and tapped the man on his shoulder.

When he turned around, that insolent smirk on his face, I welled up my strength and punched him as hard as I could in the face. Fire flew from my raging fist and I smelt burnt flesh and hair.

My hand found his throat and I lunged forward, tackling him to the ground as I did so, and continued to beat the life out of him while screaming out the silent words that pounded within my head for nearly the week that had passed since Iroh had shouted at me.

By the time anyone even called the guards, or they might've come on their own accord after hearing me shout out many crude phrases, they found me kicking the man in the ribs with my steel tipped ankle boots, since my feet stopped growing approximately at the time I hung up my uniform I found no reason not to wear my boots often; besides they made a great way to ward off unwanted courtiers, and cracking a whip of concentrated fire over my head screaming "Say that again! I dare you to!"

I wore only a short tunic and short-cut pants to council so it gave me more room than a gown ever would.

A few bold guards came and restrained me while others stared at the man I was in the midst of thrashing.

"Bitch!" he screamed despite the blood and then turned to the guard.

"Did you see it? She attacked me!" he shouted

I snarled, ready to launch myself at him again, but the guards pulled me back. One of the other guards helped the injured man up and the man, though heavily bleeding and bruised, glared at me.

"I will get you banished for this! And that's not even the worst I'll do!" He was making an empty threat; Kuzon mainly doted on Iroh and myself, so I would just tell him that I was provoked by him when he said directly to my face that Iroh was going to die and I would be lucky if he would take me in and Kuzon would instantly take my side.

"You want to see the worst I'll do?" I shouted; breaking free from the guards' grip and tackling the man with one hand pushing his head backwards. As I began to beat his face in again, people rushed to separate us.

As a final mark, I grabbed a knife off of a tray some servant was carrying (I think it was a culinary knife) and plunged it between his legs, pulling it out quickly. I turned as that sleazebag screamed out and I dropped the knife; motioning for everyone to clear a path for me and then walked up the main stairwell.

As I reached the top, I turned to the shocked spectators.

"From this day forth, any man who dares to say any slander insulting women and I hear it, they will have to deal with me. That—" I pointed to the now whimpering, cowering, slobber-ninny whom I'd most likely castrated "—will be the outcome of those who dare to defy my orders and force my temper. If any of you dare to slander women insultingly, it is my wrath you shall all suffer." I declared as if I was the Fire Lord, then decided to spare the men who honestly weren't like the one I'd just mauled.

"I will also see to it that those of the accused and counter-accused must have a fair trial." After I'd added that, I turned and walked away; shaking the blood from my arm.

As I entered my chamber, a manservant was clearing away the rugs and as I took off my now bloodstained boots, he offered to take it to the shiner for me. I accepted and placed my bloody boots at the top of his dirty pile.

"Who'd you beat up this time?" Lo asked as she heated a ewer of water and held out a wet washcloth to me.

Unlike her twin sister, Li, she preferred to hear about my stories of war; every gory and bloody detail, and Li wanted me to tell her stories of how Iroh and my 'relationship' started from when he was training me. Though it did pain me to tell about how Iroh seemed to be everything to me, starting my new life and helping me every step I took, I still told her and it slightly lifted a few weights off of my heavy heart.

"Poisseu?" Lo questioned after I told her about the man.

"Yes; how do you know him?" I asked, wiping the last bit of blood from my leg and changing from my clothes.

"Um…I remember him." She stuttered. I knew now that when Lo, and Li, stuttered, it meant that they were uncomfortable so I abandoned the topic.

"Where is Li?" I asked, noting that her twin sister wasn't near her.

Lo suddenly jerked up, and the still distrusting side of my mind kicked in about her reasons of acting so strange and the fact that her twin sister was missing.

"I will look for her, my lady." She said hastily and skittered from my rooms.

_'An affair?'_ I thought.

Li was always the kind of girl who wanted to flirt with a few of the highborn courtiers and if she knows she won't get anything, she'd walk away from the flirtation with all of her dignity intact.

At the time, I just shrugged it off and, taking a last look at the bloody clothes next to me, called for a servant to take them down to the laundry workers and began to read through a few more self-help books; this one about how to displace depression and hurt of losing a loved one.

* * *

"How is he?" I asked the physician again. 

I knew I must've been annoying him, his forehead would always wrinkle whenever he was irritated or so, with my daily question but he had to answer anyway.

He turned to me, sighing.

"They say he's worse."

* * *

The entire court moved like ghosts for the next days; Iroh's dis-ease affecting them all. 

Even Ozai was affected, even if it was positive for him. He was practically striding on the palace grounds, as if he would soon be the Fire Lord himself, and always sent that damned smug look at me and each time, I would've beat his insides out if not for the fact that too many people were watching. As hard as he tried, he could not throw Iroh into the background.

Each time I was near him, instead of physically hurting him, I would always speak of Iroh in a praising way and the look on his face was victory enough.

Many times, when I couldn't say anything, I would rant or take it out on my servants. They all knew I was beginning to descend into lunacy out of worry and grief for Iroh, also stark anger at Azulon and Kuzon for forcing me into marrying my hated brother-in-law, and most of them brought me effigies or other things to take out my frustration and anger on without harming actual people or, if it was a verbal shout-off, they would calmly talk to me (gods, I couldn't help but think about Iroh whenever they did that) until I would calm down.

Mira was especially enduring of my constant temper and sometimes I would even scream at her directly. When I was training with Iroh, if would complain and question him constantly and they mainly led to shouting matches in which I was too stubborn to admit I was in the wrong, even if I was.

We had our fair share of any kind fights, Iroh and I, which probably provoked Iroh's crew to start whispering about us in the first place, when we were younger and it seemed to bring us closer by the time we married. I guess I just wanted someone to snap back at me, just tell me I was out of hand for once and I would know they were telling the truth, and a few did but didn't sound convincing enough.

The children saw that something was wrong and some tried to cheer me up.

A few of the girls brought me flowers and I would construct from the flowers bits of pretend jewelry and crowns for them to wear, teaching them how to construct their own things from the wild floras did ease my tumultuous mind for a bit, and they would press me to go berry-hunting with them outside the palace, which I generally accepted. Tai and his other male friends would gather around me and beg me, just like Lo did, to tell them a story from my warring days. Girls sometimes listened too, but they would sometimes scream at when I would tell them of a bloody scene and grip the hand of the person next to them. It was cute in its childish form of way. Tenera would always sit there and listen; she wouldn't even flinch when I told of slitting a man's throat or something else equally gory and violent.

Tai, since Iroh was supposed to be his mentor and trainer, usually asked me to help him with his Firebending. He continued to progress, I was sure that he'd inherited Iroh's genes in sensational Firebending, and I felt a pang of sadness for him; his father might not even be around to see our son become a miniature version of him. Each time I walked with him, Tai always insisted on walking past the medical hold and asking the doctors how Iroh was.

Though it nearly killed me to ask, I did so to make up for my son's lack of knowledge in Heiwen.

It was a miracle that, they'd said, Iroh was still alive; the gods must favor him.

Sometimes, I would sneak a peek through the partially closed doors and my heart would lift when I saw that Iroh's eyes were open and he was speaking. I did feel bad about neglecting him, but I hoped that he would understand; our last encounter had scorned me, probably both of us, and I feared that if we spoke again, the tiff would happen again.

Tai, at the time I envied him, was bolder and went in time to time and greeted his father. I would only watch from the hall and wait until Iroh felt a spasm of his illness and Tai was forbidden to come closer to him.

As Tai came back out, I asked what they talked about.

Even my chibi onni knew that, despite how cleverly I was able to hide it and no matter what he and Iroh talked about, I felt left out regretful each time after Tai told me what they'd discussed but didn't have the heart to join him when he would go back to talk with his father.

* * *

I thanked Agni for sparing my husband for such a long time, five weeks, and for his mercy when it seemed that Iroh was recovering. 

As I pressed the gold necklace holding Agni's 'emblem' to my heart, there was a knock on the doors to my chambers. My sight first met a bedraggled and slightly bruised Mira.

My concern grew for her; ever since Iroh was said to be ill and I'd beaten up that narcissistic idiot who was one of my many suitors, people got into fights often and it was all because of what I'd said.

Mira was known to be not only a servant, but also a teacher to me and some people who wanted to strike at me would usually target a servant; since I was married to the royal family, harming them in any way would've been too scandalous for anyone's reputation. Without a word, I let her into my chambers. She seemed to be holding news of something and I nodded, gesturing with a tilt of my hand, palm up, for her to speak. She took a breath and moments before she spoke.

"I was speaking with…him." Mira told me. I had forbidden anyone in my household to say 'Ozai' and associate his name with marriage, Iroh's death, or my supposed betrothal to him.

"And what did you speak to him about?" I asked calmly.

"You. And your upcoming marriage." She added softly, but I heard her.

"Iroh is not dead." I snapped as I felt a blow in my heart. She grew fairly uncomfortable under my gaze.

"Sit." I instructed; pointing to a cushion.

She took her seat and, sighing, began her tale.

"I spoke to him and he seemed to tense up at the prospect of you marrying him." No doubt he loathed the idea of marriage as much as I did and also was thinking of sadistic ways to rape me on 'our' wedding night.

"So he asked, 'how soon until Iroh is in the ground?' and I replied, 'doctors are saying that he will survive.'" I was relieved to hear that Iroh's condition was getting better. He narrowed his eyes before speaking to me again; he said 'We don't know if Doctors are just saying it. And besides; how do we not know something else might happen and he dies? What about Yukihiya?' he keeps asking about you. Do you know why, my lady?" she asked me.

I shook my head; not even I was able to come up with a reason why he constantly spoke to me.

"I simply replied, 'what about her? She swears that she will not remarry if Iroh dies.' And…he seemed to become irritated for some reason. 'I thought that she would be able to speak for herself instead of Iroh. I guess she doesn't have the intelligence of a lady here after all.'" I seemed to have shattered my teacup in my hand sometime between when Mira was telling the tale. I let go of the shards and beckoned for her to continue.

"That's when I shouted back to him, and...then he stood up and struck me." She indicated to a bruise and slight burn on her cheek and I cringed.

"What happened then?" I managed to ask.

"It was strange; he seemed to be angry for almost no reason besides the fact that I stood up to him and spoke greatly of Iroh. He only said this: 'If she wants anything more than what Iroh might've given her in the past, I can give her so much more; the fortune of the Fire Nation, the title of the Fire Lady, much more, and all she has to do is give me her hand! If she will not accept my suit, then let her accept it for the sake of her people and nation!'" Mira said. He dared to label me as disloyal because of my refusal to marry?

"Why did he seem to be so incensed with your statement?" I asked Mira. She thought for a minute then sighed.

"It's more of a reason with Iroh; Ozai has always wanted what he could not have. When Iroh had a toy, he wanted it as well and when Iroh gave it to him, he lost nearly all interest in it. The same most likely goes for you; you are Iroh's wife and mother to his son. You are happy with him and love him for who Iroh is, not what he has; and you are nearly the exact opposite of Hatsuhana, who only wanted power and authority." Mira replied.

"And after Iroh dies I get handed to him like unwanted leftovers and then what?" I spat.

"I am sorry, My Lady Yukihiya, but that is law." Mira reminded me. I sighed and focused on her bruise.

"Let's get some medicine for that burn." I said and, going to my cabinet, pulled out a bit of crushed and wet healing paste, sticky paper, and a small pad of gauze. As I was rubbing the tan-colored liquid onto her cheek, she found the courage to speak again.

"What shall I tell him if he requests a discussion with me again?" she hesitated and I did too; trying to find the right words.

"Please tell him that, yes, I remember when people would call out to me and said that I would be their Princess; always and forever more, but please request him to remember that when the people said it, they also said that Iroh would always be their Sovereign. And WE, Iroh and I, were the ones they acknowledged as the future Sovereigns of the Fire Nation." I carefully worded it and nodded as I placed the gauze over the burn and stuck it there with sticky paper.

Then, she seemed to remember something else.

"And Ozai—." She realized her mistake when I dug my free hand into her shoulder and hesitated a bit before speaking again. "—requests that you come to his birthday soiree." She finished and I let out a very unfeminine snort.

_'I'd rather swallow live scorpions.'_ I thought. "I decline." I said.

"Actually, it's…mandatory; by the order of Azulon." Mira answered.

* * *

As a last attempt to not be swayed by Iroh's condition, I began to drink wine and brandy constantly to keep color in my cheek and lips. 

Half the time I played with the children, I was drunk and I remember passing out one time and woke up on a seperate cot next to Iroh after I slept off the alcohol.

Once, I ran back to my chambers, a leather sack of brewed brandy-wine in my hands, and shoved the sack into Ane's hand.

"Hide it!" I desperately hissed and then turned to face the noble who followed me, a scented fan over my mouth to keep the scent of wine from reaching him. Though none of my servants told, everyone seemed to know.

I could not stop. I hated myself for forcing Tai to be the only responsible one. He knew his father was ill and that I was also suffering because of the laws in the Fire Nation. He'd started studying Fire Nation Civics when he was 6 and constantly begged for me to let him into the war room with me.

He also knew that his uncle might become his stepfather if Iroh dies and, as much as he also hated the idea, he was the 'good son' and bowed to Ozai out of courtesy each time he was addressed directly or indirectly by him or to him. I only wish it was that easy for me at that time as well.

"Thank you." I whispered to him on constant occasions when he saw that I was put to bed like I did when he was younger.

He nodded, said goodnight to me, and kissed me on the forehead. Just like I did to him when he was young. Thank the gods that he had a good heart.

He would've made a great monarch.

* * *

"Wow, Mother!" Tai exclaimed. 

I admit, even I could not help but stare at myself from the full-sized portrait.

I'd placed the portrait in a glass frame gilded with gold to slow down the paper-decaying process and smiled at my son. I had posed for the portrait a bit after I was promoted to General.

In the portrait, I stood in a study room; my left hand was on a model globe that was resting on its stand, my right holding a sword in its sheath to symbolize power and domination. My entire costume was fashioned in black or a very dark red embroidered with gold thread; no important person had their portrait made while wearing drab clothing. I had my hair pulled back into a high ponytail and left some of the front hairs to stray around my face and wore the earrings Iroh gave me.

"Yes, Tai; that is me. Or at least, it was." I sighed at the memory when Iroh told me I could not fight anymore.

Being myself at that time, arrogance and biasness had gotten the best of me; I had foolishly underestimated my own abilities and also the abilities of my opponents.

"Where's father's?" Tai asked eagerly.

I laughed, taking his hand and then guiding him down a bit further down the portrait hall.

"I'm going to get MY portrait made when I'm as good as father and you." Tai promised.

I smiled; he was so ambitious and full of life.

"We can arrange that." I promised him.

Alas, that was the final good memory I'd had at the time span of Iroh's illness.

Each day from then on, I always saw Azulon and Ozai glare at me with the same flash of contempt in their eyes.

I took back my belief of the rumors considering his parentage; maybe Ozai really _is_ Azulon's son

* * *

"What do you want?" I snapped edgily. 

I'd received news from the doctor saying that Iroh's condition was baffling; he should've been getting better, but he always seemed to be getting worse after the doctors treat him and if they left Iroh untreated, he would also get worse. I, being suspicious, immediately suspected that someone was poisoning him; maybe through nourishment, maybe through the doctor's treatment, or something else, but I knew that someone was plotting to kill my husband. Fire Lord Kuzon grabbed my upper arm.

"Walk with me." he said simply and turned to go deeper into the bamboo garden path. I decided to just follow him, what other option did I have, and as we walked together, he began to try and engage in conversation with me.

"I know Azulon seems very bigoted and austere to you, but try to understand; he only wants what is best for his sons." Kuzon said and I bit back a laugh.

The day he'd told me that I would marry Ozai if Iroh died, later that night, he came to me and instructed me to quote, 'put a damn smile on your face and at least act like I am not some executioner.' I demanded how could he console himself at night when knowing that his own child was dying and all he wanted was to keep 'the state of affairs as they were'? How could he just let his children die like unwanted pawns? A cold smile flittered across his face as he told me that was what children were for.

"Of course he wants the best for his sons; he needs them to be his scapegoats." I said bitterly.

"Fool!" he shouted, striking me across the face.

I didn't notice that a crowd had gathered around the private garden and Kuzon obviously thought he needed to put on a show.

I inwardly rolled my eyes at him and stood up. He regarded me with cold eyes and a vacant expression.

"You are to attend Ozai's birthday dinner and sit at his side. Understood?" the Fire Lord demanded.

I nodded stiffly. He then left and I was left to walk from the crowd with as much dignity as I could muster. I broke into a run and, when I entered my room, Lo and Li were just playing cards.

"Hurry!" I panted, out of breath. They stood up hastily and bowed; then raising their heads in confusion.

"There is a dinner honoring Ozai's birthday; I am to appear." I explained and they nodded.

"What would you like to wear tonight, my lady?" Li asked.

"Anything, everything; the things that you two would never know me to wear." I requested.

They stared at me, then each other for a moment before bustling off. I was dressed in 4 layers of Kimono and a thick obi, the collars and outer robe heavily decorated, with white paint on my face, neck, and even hands, my eyes were lined with kohl, my lips were painted and my cheeks rouged. I let Lo painstakingly pull and pin my hair back into a tight momoban and fasten it with golden pins and a pin with cascading gold bells all on a certain lines. I vowed to never do that again; it would've been too painful. The silk was surprisingly heavy and I had a new respect for women who wore more than 1 Kimono from that experience on.

"You look unlike yourself, Madame." Lo said as she gave me a hand mirror.

It was true. I could not see myself, nor did I even see myself, in the reflection of molded and polished tin. "Let me go out." I said simply to mask my own pain. As I walked in the high-heeled shoes, the tinkling of my hair ornament was right next to my ears; very annoying.

When I entered, it seemed that the room silenced and whispers broke out at the same time. Kuzon, Azulon, and Ozai were probably the most surprised.

"Konbanwa." I said politely to them and sat on the bench meant for me.

"Konbanwa." Kuzon replied formally and turned away to chat with someone else, as if he hadn't whipped me in front of half the court just a few hours ago.

"You look very different tonight." Ozai told me quietly as I sat down. I already detected the haughtiness in his voice and refrained from rolling my eyes.

"Since I am to marry you soon, I might as well start to become the woman you want me to be; submissive, quiet, always dressed to show off, and never without makeup." I replied. It killed me to say it; this was everything Iroh had told me not to be.

If only you saw me then, Iroh; what would you have said about me and would you really have gone through all that trouble just to bring me back?

When the food was served, I pushed what was served on my plate around.

"You must think yourself to be much honored to attend my birthday feast, do you not, woman?" Ozai asked loudly and I barely blinked.

The metallic taste of blood from the side of my mouth flooded my taste and I continued to chew at the inside of my mouth to keep myself from screaming. Of course I wanted to throw him from the raised platform where the royals dined and scream profanities at him like there was no tomorrow, what woman in my lieu wouldn't?

"Honor is a term with varying opinions on what it means." I forced the words through my teeth and turned back to my barely eaten meal.

How much time passed, I know not, but the next thing I knew my hair felt pulled, then released and suddenly something was shattered over my newly loosened hair. I jumped up immediately feeling cold liquid splash down my back and my hair and clothes cling to my skin.

"What the—?" I began, then automatically turned to Ozai.

He had a pitcher in his hands and I tasted freshly brewed wine. Everyone's eyes were on me and I was about to scream out, but stopped. What was the point of screaming at anyone anymore?

"I wish to retire. Oyasuminasai." I said in a quiet voice and dragged myself away. I looked around the hall to make sure it was empty.

With a cry of rage, I drew back my fist and punched a solid marble pillar as hard as I could. The impact, with a little help from very hot fire, made a visible caldera in the pillar and I shook the bits of marble from my hand before returning to my chamber.

"Leave!" I snapped at the nearest servant and, before I even gave the man a chance to make his reverence, I grabbed him by his arm and shoulder-threw him out the way Iroh taught me to. The others took their chances and ran out; a few of them staring at my wine-soaked apparel.

Once they were gone, I honestly didn't care how far they went, I began to scream and rant like a distempered child would when he or she was denied something they wanted.

"Let's get you out of those kimonos first and then you can sleep it off." Mira, who has worked with thousands of spoiled prissy girls in her lifetime, advised me. "Take a bath; wash all of the wine and glass out of your hair and soothe your body, and then go to sleep."

It didn't take away the pain, so later that night; I slipped out of my chambers and went to the medical hold.

"I wonder if you can even hear me now, Iroh." I said softly; pressing his forearm against my chest.

"Please hold me." I whispered and fitted myself in his cataleptic embrace.

At that time, I cared not that I might've caught what disease he had and listened to his slow-beating heart and felt his breath on my head until I could not whisper my troubles to him anymore and let sleep take me away to another world; a world where Iroh was not ill and we were happy together once again.

* * *

"What?" I asked, glancing at the neatly folded piece of parchment in the guard's hand and then looked back at him. 

It was the next day and, a bit after I settled a few politics in council and came back into my rooms to change clothes, the guard was there and he immediately told me that they'd gone through Iroh's things and found a letter addressed to me.

"How could you go through his things? He has not passed on!" I snapped, but my heart feared the worst as I seized the paper from his hand.

I hadn't seen my husband since yesterday and a session in council could've been long enough for Iroh to simply slip away. The guard presently in my chambers, not knowing what to say, bowed and left me on the balcony. I turned away, in case of prying eyes in the gardens, and stood under a gazebo-like part of the partial roof to read it.

On the front of the letter, my name was written in Iroh's neat character writing, but for my status, it said 'Consort of Prince Ozai' and my fears deepened; did rumors get to him?

With shaking hands, I peeled off the seal instead of breaking it and, placing it in a special box with my jewels, opened the letter and read in horror what was written from Iroh's hand.

_Yukihiya_

_The past weeks have been a terror on myself and I doubt I can survive any longer. I think it would be best that I passed on and let you go as you please. _

_I know you will be bound to Ozai the minute my breath draws from my body and that you've screamed nonstop about your loathing of him, but please; give him a chance. If you know him like I do, then you would see why he acts that way. I know this may seem as a letter of betrayal to you and also you are going to think that I am to commit suicide by letting myself go, but please believe me; it is not what it seems. Nothing is ever what it seems._

_When I was younger, all that was on my mind was pleasure-seeking and I'd thought that settling down with just one woman in my life was ridiculous—wouldn't that be boring, I thought—but now I cannot imagine the Fire Nation without you glorifying it, the army without you combating in it, or you by my side and I wake up next to you each morning. _

_There are so many more things I want to show you, more verses and songs I've written for you and wanted to recite them, and to once again see you with my child so we can learn to be parents again. I wish only that people had given us more time together…_

Tears fell freely from my face as I read this; not only out of sadness, he was actually preparing for death, but out of anger. Why was Iroh always telling me to give Ozai a chance? He was a spawned and spoiled bastard!

There was a second page to it and, turning it over, I read quickly.

_This may be my last chance to write this and tell you the truth. _

_Read this quickly and dispose of it as soon as you're finished. Once, when I was conscious, I heard a physician say something that sounded like "…by the order of the prince…" and he came towards me with a needle, most likely dipped in something. _

_I feigned sleep, fighting off the wince as he shoved it into my arm and pulled it out again. I felt numb and my body was shaking slightly at the same time, as if I had lost control of my bodily functions. It is most likely poison. But I cannot understand why my father would want to do this to me. _

_He is a botanist and specializes in what certain plants could do to peoples' bodies. But do not attack him; he is constantly suspicious of the people around him and would question why you wanted to attack him. _

_Destroy the paper; I have little time to live and even less strength, the poison works against me._

_I will most likely be given the final needle during an event where there are no people around to see, Kuzon's anniversary ball would probably be the perfect time. _

_Keep your strength, Yukihiya and do not give in; do not give in to your thoughts of killing yourself, do not give in to Azulon or Kuzon's demands, whatever they might be, and, most importantly, never give in to the thought of giving up who you are. Adieu._

_Forever yours,_

_Iroh_

My hand shook as I clutched the letter and, following Iroh's orders, I burned the parchments ascertaining my knowledge and condemning my beloved husband.

A second after I swept the remaining ashes down my balcony, Lo burst through the door; carrying a bunch of stamps, emblems, and seals in her hand.

"I won't let you!" she screamed as guards stomped onto my balcony.

"What is going on here?" I demanded of them, shaking my loose hair from my face and crossing my arms. In my open red yukata embroidered with dark grey stitching and peach under dress showing with open toed cloth shoes, I did not look intimating, but they'd seen my sudden outburst of beating that suitor within inches of his life when he insulted me and that was enough to scare them.

"By order, we are required to take all of your emblems, seals, and stamps." The main guard said.

I grit my teeth; nearly all of 'my' seals were a combination of mine and Iroh's, it was the sole reason they were after them.

"And by my royal order, you are to leave the stamps, seals, and emblems alone and not bother my household anymore about them." I said to them calmly.

"But—!" the guard began, and I shot a beam of lightning at him. He ducked, and it shut him up.

"By my Royal orders." I said coldly and the guard begrudgingly turned and left with his company.

I took the things from Lo and placed them in a steel box; prying loose a hidden hollow in the wall, shoved the box inside and closed it again.

"You are ordered not to tell anyone about this." I whispered and my servant nodded.

Azulon burst in and tried to stare me down.

"I was told you disobeyed my guards' order." He said stiffly to me.

I turned to face him fully, though he was taller than me by at least two heads, and crossed my arms.

"Why, might I ask, are you calling back all of my seals, emblems, and stamps?" I demanded bluntly.

It was as if Ozai had been cued to come from behind his father's back and face me.

"They are actually my orders; I will not have my future wife carry a seal with her dead husband on it." He said.

"I refuse to give them up." I snapped back at him. How dare he? All he'd ever done since I met him was throw around his weight; he was despicable.

He narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but Azulon stopped him.

"Keep them; it's not like they would bring Iroh out of his illness." Azulon told me and walked away.

I glared venomously at Ozai, years of practice helped me perfect it, and he left a bit afterwards.

"My lady, you are too stressed for the time being; you should go to sleep." Lo suggested as she turned to me.

I shrugged, but then noticed a few of my unused wax sealers.

I couldn't believe I had been so stupid.

Every member of the royal family had to have their own personal seal.

* * *

"Ozai." I called, running a bit faster to catch up to him. 

It was a day after the scene on the balcony and it was still unbearable for me to think of Iroh. Maybe the letter was forged, there was no way Iroh would've prepared for death when he had such a zest for life, but I doubt anyone would write what he did on that second page.

He turned, a bit surprised, then I saw that smug look on his face again and resisted from smacking it off when I caught up to him. With restraint, I curtseyed and tried my best to make my smile seem beguiling.

"Yes?" he asked aridly.

"I…I was speaking to my ladies, and Kuzon, and I…will consent to our marriage." I said; my stomach giving a violent lurch.

I dare not look him in the face for obvious reasons and scanned his fingers; the ring on the middle finger of his right hand. There was the seal. I knew this would come as a huge blow to my reputation and dignity, but it would all be worth it; I took Ozai's right hand, making sure to cover the ring, and smiled up at him. Really, I was pressing a wax sealer upon his ring with the palm of my hand.

"Would you like to keep that?" he asked suddenly and I stared at him.

"The ring." He specified and I discreetly peeled off the wax sealer while making it look like I was toying with it.

"It is fine." I replied; turning to go.

Suddenly, he tugged at my wrist and, turning me forcefully, slapped his wet lips against mine. It was like being sucked on by a fish; horrible, wet, and very sloppy. It took all of my strength not to bite down on his tongue when he shoved it into my mouth, and I nearly wrecked the forged wax seal when I clenched my fists to keep from screaming or pulling away.

It was Iroh and his soft and practiced kisses I longed for; not that mess of drool and gods knew what else.

As he pulled away, I bowed low and had to watch my step; sure that I didn't seem like I was running.

When I came back into my chambers, I spat out all of his kiss that I could and proceeded to wash my mouth in alcohol to take away the disgusting taste.

I look at my left palm; the seal was still intact and not melted. I wrote a brief letter to the doctor attending to Iroh, making sure to mimic Ozai's writing as much as I could, and then folded the paper and placed the seal over it.

I paid an anonymous messenger to take it to the doctor and waited. Mira had taught me many things, but my teachings were not limited to only courtesan education with her.

Days passed and Kuzon's anniversary gala approached. The entire palace seemed to be in better spirits while I put on a fake show of myself and helped with the decisions, but still I waited with daily increasing anxiety for the reply with the letter I sent.

What if the doctor saw that it was a fake? What if he told Ozai and what if he was actually smart enough to figure out how I did it? What would become of me then? And what about Tai?

At last, a reply came.

The letter was fairly long for some reason, I'd thought, and I quickly opened it and read the contents.

My eyes widened and I nearly collapsed out of shock.

Out of all things he'd done, how, and why, would he have brought himself to do this?

* * *

The dancing and extraordinary richness of the costumes astounded me; we were celebrating the anniversary of Kuzon's Coronation, but I did not take notice. 

The doctor's note was ringing over and over in my head. How could Ozai be capable of committing such a heinous crime? Iroh never did anything to him; he never treated Ozai with anything other than respect and kindness!

Venomous words rang through my head as I made my way through the crowds of dancers. My eyes were set in a mask of blue steel. My hair, now the tips being dyed red instead of blue due to the shortage of indigo ink, was knotted in a bun and my face was painted with makeup like it was in the earlier day. My dress, torn because of my constant need to slash and tear something with my knife out of grief, trailed in a frenzy of bloody crimson around myself.

As I saw Ozai and approached him, my rage grew.

Some advisor came besides me and began to stutter while trying to say something and, for the first time since I came to this nation, I turned my back on the people. Rounding on him, I turned and he stopped at the mad glint in my eye.

"Can you go and bother someone else for a change? I will listen to the people, but I will listen to them to only an extent to when they begin to irk me." I hissed dangerously.

The advisor scurried away, and I turned back to Ozai; my pace increasing while lightning and blue fire began to form at my hands.

He was dancing with another woman and the woman already looked uncomfortable, so I thought I was doing her a favor. When he saw me, he nearly threw his dance partner into the crowds and turned to me with a sadistic smirk.

"There you are, my future wife." He said casually. At those words, I lost all control.

With a strangled cry of rage, I shot the white blast of fireat him. He flew a good distance before landing on the ground and skit a few feet as well.

"Murderer!" I shrieked at him, tears now falling over in my eyes. He pushed himself up to look at me. I pointed to him with a shaky finger.

"I wrote to him! I wrote to that doctor! In your seal! I asked how fared Iroh and his treatment! You were poisoning him!" I shouted in rage, shoving my hand into my pocket and pulling out sheets of parchment and 2 vials. "And here are the letters to prove it! You bastard! You coward!"

"And then he talked about payment!" I raised my voice to a new high. Everyone was staring at me, even Kuzon, who was about to take a woman into his chambers.

"Half of my widow's fortune and my son in exchange for murdering my husband?" I was on the verge of a new set of hysterics.

"You wouldn't have cared if he'd died or anything happened to me; you wouldn't care less if I was half mad and infested with the pox, just as long as I was still alive! Just as long as you received what fortune and power I have; you and Azulon both! Either of you give a shit for Iroh! What compelled you to hate him so much while all he did was treat you with respect and equality?" I throw back my head at those words to keep myself from screaming at him.

Guards had come in because of the screaming and Ozai stood up; thinking he had the power of the guards on his side.

I screamed as they came at me and thrashed, attacked, and resisted wildly.

In the end, they restrained me forced me into a bowed position. My hair now flew wildly and messily around my face and I felt some makeup sliding off because of my sweat and tears.

"Now, Yukihiya; you've been under too much stress. I do not know where that document came from, or how my seal got on it, but I can tell you that it isn't mine. These guards will take you up to your chambers and you can—." He cried out in sharp pain as I lurched forth and bit at the hand when he attempted to cup my face.

I spat out the blood and, after shaking the guards off of me, stood up straight and faced him.

"You say you are in love with your husband. Why do you not lash out at me on his behalf and scream at me to stop the doctor?" Ozai asked me crudely; knowing he'd hit the mark.

I ceased struggling. "The doctor said that he would inject the last dosage even as we speak. If I wasn't such an impulsive fool, I could've saved him."

Without another word, I slipped out of the guards' grips and went over to the large double doors. Opening it, I ran out into the pouring rain.

As I ran, the rest of my hair seemed to have loosed up with the rain and the makeup I wore was battered off of my face in the storm. The torn dress slipped from my shoulder and only the black under dress was clinging to my wet body. My screams and cries were lost in the loud thunder and downpour.

Then, I saw the distant light; the chapel!

Like a spelled being, I ran towards the light and threw myself through the door. I felt the soft velvet of the rug under my nose and began to sob.

I heard the doors to the chapel close and something lean down. The scent of smoke and something else I could not place filled my nostrils as the mysterious person began to sort out my disarrayed hair. I turned sideways to steal a glance at maybe a hint of who this person was, but all I saw was something shining.

"It's alright, my child." A voice said gently; just like a heavenly father I'd never had, and I sighed.

"There is another way." the strange person whispered and placed next to my hand, a sheathed dagger. I regarded the steel blade encased in the carved stone and gold lining. I only stared at it for some time.

"Yes. Yes, thank—." I began, turning upward, but whom, or what, ever it was, it was gone.

I was now sure that I had gone mad, grieved and pushed over by my unhappiness, to the extent that I had begun to hallucinate.

The dagger was real and I was flesh and bone; a soul within a bodily shell that could easily be punctured by the cold steel blade.

I took the weapon and tucked under my robe; beneath the layer of silk I wore and kept it in place with my sash.

As I walked back in the rain, the dagger pressed itself against my breast, signaling that my haven was near, and I obeyed it. I saw the doors, I looked aside to find a dim light near the top floor; the floor the medical hold was in. I was a puppet; controlled by my insanity as I walked up the steps and opened the door.

My wet feet were the only sound slapping on the marble floor as I made my way past the guests; watching me. I mounted the stairs and, with a turn to my left, walked away.

I heard faint music resuming and I leaned against the door to the medical hold; feeling my heart seemingly slow, as if it was already anticipating death.

Good; it would be less painful, then.

The room was empty.

I peeled off my shoes, found a stray brown robe, removed the soaked clothes on my chilled skin, and clothed myself in only the sackcloth.

Keeping the knife near my left breast, I sat on the cot I knew Iroh had lay in during his hours of torment and trying to battle his illness.

'Aibou.' I thought, my mind already conceiving the worst possibility. I only sat there for such a time.

Just sat.

The long candles originally already lit and nearly halfway burnt soon became stubs that needed to be replaced and I continued to sit there, my head bowed and perfectly still.

Soon, I saw the dark rust-colored walls begin to meld in with the grey colored ceiling; adding to that were the specks of bright yellow and orange. The colors spun above my eyes; its distinction of color fading as they all swirled before me and...

All of a sudden, I felt my body be violently jerked. "Sit up! Give me your ring." Azulon said briskly.

I jumped up and attempted to run away, but Ozai grabbed my arm and, as I turned around, slapped me.

My taste buds detected the scent of blood and I pushed myself up again; this time, the dagger at hand and pointed at my neck.

"Come any closer, and I'll do it!" I shrieked at them.

My breath was choppy and my hand shook uneasily. Everyone only stared at me and that was my hint. I drew the dagger back and swiftly guided it to my throat. It wasn't quick enough.

A hand snatched at my wrist and wrestled the dagger from my grip.

"For goodness sake, Yukihiya; the Fire Nation has to make a new sheet of white linen if anyone ever spilled blood on one. Save those poor workers a bit of labor by not spilling your own." A voice told me.

My eyes shot open and, there in the flesh, was Iroh. My heart swelled with relief and joy as I tossed the dagger away and threw my arms around him; raining kisses along his face.

"You're alive!" I exclaimed as I clung to him tightly and sobbed out of joy.

"Of course I'm alive." He whispered softly and I looked up to make sure he wasn't an illusion.

"But—h—?" I began.

"I would never leave you or Tai; never." He whispered and I tightened my embrace around him; my heavy heart suddenly feeling light again at his words.

Kuzon, Azulon, Ozai, and the rest of the spectators sidled off; back to the ball or to their rooms.

"To think I nearly—." I whispered and choked back a sob at the thought of what could've been if Iroh had died.

Within a few days, Iroh was back to his usual health again and training so he would regain his physique.

* * *

"They cannot think of sending you to war! You just got better!" I shrieked when he told me the news. 

"I do not have to go to war; I want to." He said simply and I dropped our barely budding argument.

I knew that I would've made the same decision, to go to war for honor, if I still could fight.

"At least take me with you." I requested and he shook his head yet again.

I told him that I'd gotten better; that I did not cough or experience any shortage of breath after heavy training, but he was still not swayed. I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at him as Tai would when I teased him and Iroh laughed.

"You've been around children for too long." He commented as he swung to his right and faced the people from the staircase.

"This time, when I come back, I'll get you a more suitable birthday present." He said with a smile and descended the stairs.

I had turned 25 sometime between the time lapse of Iroh's illness.

"Mama, can we go and play now?" Tai asked; tugging at my sleeve. I smiled down at my now 7 year old son.

"Of course." I said, scooping him up and lifting him high into the air; spinning him around

He gave a laugh of delight and I, with him in my arms, ran down the stairs and leapt out of the door that Iroh had exited.

It could've been worse

* * *

I assure you all; the next chapter will be much shorter. R'n'R, please. 


	14. Chapter 13: Aftershocks

I told you this chapter would be short, and I kept my word.

Disclaimer: I own nothing

* * *

_**Aftershocks**_

_**Year of the Unagi**_

* * *

He didn't forget, and I doubt he ever forgave.

It would never be like him to just accept that I'd tried to kill myself rather than remarry. Now, he walked with even a shorter temper than before and his face was always twisted in a bitter expression. Everywhere I went, at one point, I felt his eyes on me and I would smile in his direction and bow slightly to show my respect, but then paid no heed to him anymore whatsoever. The atmosphere between us had reached a new level of tension, but I still acted the way Iroh taught me to; with grace and dignity as I continued throughout court.

Despite our distance, I still knew him in and out.

He liked control; he lusted for it, he craved it. A twisted lust, and an acquired craving; but it was still emotion nonetheless. 

Iroh and I still strutted around the palace posing to be everything he detested, everything that a person could not control, and he always thought of us as a threat.

He'd grown skeptical in the past few years, the Royal Bloodline curse affecting him, as I could see, and everyone knew it.

At the time, it didn't even matter.

Iroh and I; we were lost in our own world. During the nights we were together we would talk about what life would be like if we were both nobodies instead of the golden couple of royalty. We would've owned a small farm; working our way to happiness from noble deeds instead of noble birth and noble marriage. My daughters and my son would all be there with us and though we would be working, we would all be happy doing so. Without the suspicion that the walls had eyes, we wouldn't be afraid to hopefully procreate a new child for us every night. 

I missed those days; those careless days where we could just fantasize about a world that we would never have fit into.

The truth always remained that we were destined to live this way.

Iroh was bound for greatness no matter which family he was born into nor what social rank he was born into he was not only a prince, but a lusty and ambitious character and though he was somewhat careless and promiscuous at times, he had the heart and courage of a ruler and subjugator.

Even if I was born into the Princess rank back in the Northern Water Tribes, I would've been exiled and avoided the instant my powers were discovered.

I probably would've done the same thing, whether I jumped off Ueshita peak all those years ago or I unintentionally melted the ice under me, or even if my father liquefied my standing ice so I would drop into the ocean didn't matter anymore; my life as a Fire Nation soldier and princess was all that mattered.

Every day after Iroh went off again, I would take a light stroll through a few newly constructing gardens.

I did not want beautiful Fire Nation plant species to die, so I asked for the council's permission (with a few statements twisted so they wouldn't think of me as a weak and idle woman wanting to build something for myself) and they granted me a land claim within the Fire Palace borders to build a few private gardens.

Tai, now that he was 6, was becoming more exposed to the world around him and I watched with the sad tug of foreboding in my heart as the little boy I carried my belly for nine months and gave birth to after screaming nonstop at Iroh as I was delivering, the one who would joyously shout out as I picked him up and held him to the sky, the little boy who I spoon-fed when he was too stubborn to eat the food in front of him, the one I'd spoiled, become only a distant memory.

* * *

"So where the hell is he?" I demanded Kuzon. 

Where was he?

Iroh promised that he would've been back after 7 months of battle, not counting the 3 months it would take him and his troops to sail across the Northern Sea and then march by land to their battle city and then however long it would take Iroh after victory to round up his troops, march back, stop for a few parties, and then sail back to the Fire Nation, but more than a year and a half had already passed (over 18 more possibilities to have another child with him also gone) and there was not even a progression letter?

"I told you; his troops are progressing across the Northern Earth Kingdom." Kuzon answered me for the tenth time.

"I cannot believe you; there is no casualty count letter, no messenger with news from the warfront, nothing!" I screamed up at him.

And to think I once looked up to him when I was a soldier; he should have know how worried I am, on second thought; no he shouldn't have, and at least tell me more. But NO; he's still sore over Nanue and thinks that the more that a woman is kept in the dark, the fewer issues with the 'weak' gender he'd have to deal with. I wanted to grab him and shake the overindulging vanity and selfishness out of him, which probably would've been impossible anyways, but the damned etiquette of monarch society forbade me to even come near him unless he beckoned me and gave me permission to approach him.

"Most of the time, the messengers run late." Kuzon replied in an aloof manner.

"Not over a year late." I snapped; crossing my arms.

One of the women on his left stepped forward with what she hoped was a menacing glare and put her hands on her hips like a military lady would.

"Our Fire Lord has many more things on his mind and the last thing he needs is a whorish twit nagging about how soldiers were faring on the battlefield." She snapped at me and I difficultly held in my urge to roll my eyes at her.

She was obviously trying to get good merits with Kuzon and she thought that by pushing me away for him, she would gain a bit of his respect. If only her words had been different, then she probably would've succeeded.

Instead of feeding his ego, she practically shot it down. In Kuzon's mind, she was saying that he was an over-worked and tired man, which would've made him think that he was old with liver spots and wrinkles all over his body, and that the last thing he needed was female company to take his mind off of all his troubles.

Being a now-retired soldier, he felt old despite his position of utmost power in the Fire Nation and after many hard years, he probably inherited the disease of control-paranoia all soldiers get when they have power to command and now a woman standing in front of him telling me to back off, he probably thought that she'd pitied him and that he needed someone to fight his battles for him.

That juxtaposed with his greed for control, considering that he'd already thought of women as being the inferior gender that could be tamed and mastered.

That and the 'whorish twit' comment brought back unwanted memories of Nanue.

Her outcome would've better if she'd forced him to kiss her and then spit out his taste.

He grabbed the woman by her upper arm and abruptly spun her around. I could still see the look of mock surprise and hope on her face that he would 'thank' her for insulting me, but all she got was a hard slap that sent her to the ground.

To keep him from screaming and spitting on her, I clucked my tongue at him and kneeled down to help the woman up.

"You're not going to make many friends doing that, Kuzon." I said; looking at him squarely in the eye with no fear showing.

He looked like he was about to say something, but he could find no insult. I pulled the woman to her feet and turned to leave.

"Wait." A voice called; it was that woman.

"Why aren't you—?" she asked, her voice trailing off because she did not want to be caught talking like that about their great Majesty Fire Lord, Kuzon.

"If you knew him in his earlier days, then you would know." I tell her evenly and then politely excused myself from her presence.

* * *

How much time had passed since Iroh had gone? 

The gardens came along finely and all that was needed now was to wait for the plants to grow out.

Tai took Tenera to the gardens where they would study together, they were both enrolled with his tutor, or whatnot and I would sometimes join them and help them improve on their Huowen and teach them a bit of Heiwen to help them get ahead of their classes.

"I wish I had a mother like yours, Tai. No wonder you've been brought up so well." She once said to him.

I held in my laugh as I saw Tai blush slightly.

They looked so cute together and I would've loved to have seen them grow into a couple and maybe marry and give Iroh and myself grandchildren we could shower them in love, probably smother them anyway, and tell embarrassing stories about their parents to them before their bedtimes.

But no member of royalty in the Fire Nation ever had much of a happy ending like one in a fairy tale; or at least, they didn't have the fairy tale story for some part of their lives.

* * *

I had recounted the time Iroh was gone, nearly 31 months, and was about to go into the Pond garden when I saw someone else sitting on the bench a distance from me. 

"Why are you here?" I demanded.

After all he had done, I'm surprised he would even step into one of my constructed gardens.

"Waiting." He replied and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm sure." I said sarcastically and then noticed something else as he turned his face.

"You have some…mud on your cheek." I noted; pulling out one of my handkerchiefs.

"Wipe it off." I said at the last minute; wondering if I'd completely gone mad to actually, for a second, wanting to go and dab it off of his face.

He only slapped my hand away and tried, pathetically, to stand up and strike fear in me with his 'towering' height. He only looked more like a pretender to me.

"I don't need your pity, you wanton whore!" he snapped.

Was I actually supposed to be offended by that? It was only another show of his weakness, but I nonetheless took his insult and fired back.

"Forgive me for actually offering you a moment of kindness and thinking that you were actually human, then." I spat back and, throwing down the handkerchief, marched away from the garden with a fevered pace; anger pushing me onwards.

I should go back for my handkerchief, I thought, but when I reached the gardens he and the handkerchief were gone.

* * *

The footsteps of a boy servant made me turn around. 

He was a bit over 10 summers old and judging by his speed, he had been running for quite a long time.

"Princess Yukihiya. Prince Iroh requests an audience with you." He breathed and I looked from the garden to the northern side.

Thin trails of smoke were slanting away from the Fire Nation; meaning dozens of ships were on their way back.

"Of course; lead the way." I said.

I knew better now than to just run off on my own; sometimes, a person needs to get ready or be led in a certain room before she or he makes their debut. Instead of to the main hall or Iroh's room, he led me to my chambers and inside, Lo and Li were setting out a formal and heavily ornate dark crimson Kimono and jewelry that I'd never seen before.

"What is—?" I began, but Lo and Li had begun to strip me of my regular clothes by then.

"Prince Iroh requested that you show up in your best attire and jewelry." Li answered simply.

I never had to dress fancily for anything save for a formal occasion; in fact, Iroh preferred me to wear loose (and easily removable) clothes when he returned. So why was this time so different? I let the twins dress me and carefully put on my jewelry. What I found peculiar was why they were pinning a crown in my hair; one I had never seen before. It was ornately embellished; covered with priceless gemstones and the only time you would see the gold holding it all together was if you looked carefully between the spaces the cut gemstones made. Again, the ambiguity of the situation startled me; I had never made a show of jewelry or of my wealth, unlike certain other crass members of the court. 

"Come." Ane beckoned; dressed in new robes. Now that I think of it, most of my other servants were dressed up in new outfits of silk.

I made my way out into the grand hall and to my surprise, all of the tables had been cleared and there was another platform holding two tall, and not to mention regal-looking, chairs and Iroh sat on the left one.

When he turned, he flashed me a smile; beckoning me to join him sitting in the other chair. I hesitated, but stepped forward the best I could in my heavily decorated robes and joined him.

"Where were you?" I asked immediately when I was close enough to him.

"Forgive me, Koi. I went on an extra campaign down the Southern Earth Kingdom and captured most of the cities there and then went further west. When I felt satisfied, I had to march my troops all the way up North, but I could only after the rainy season was over. As I marched them North-ward, there were many festivals, the summer season had come after all, and you know I have an utter weakness for celebration. And then it started to get cold and of course the North would freeze up when it is winter, so there was a delay. Worst of all, we had to literally fight our way back; the Earth Kingdom imbeciles wouldn't get out of our way unless we did, so we fended them off for the entire winter season, and then I received another message from Kuzon requesting that we continue our campaign eastwards for some reason and he included more supplies and new troops, the whole shebang. And then other military leaders came to me stating that they needed to guard their own holds on various places and needed to team up with me, so, I had to keep fighting. After my newly unified forces and I conquered and plundered the cities on our way, we were yet again called back. So we had to fight our way northward and by the time we got to the coast and the ships were there, it was winter season again. We were going back, and then I decided to delay our travels a bit. And now here I am; home at last." He summarized.

"What delay?" I asked.

"It might've been pretty stupid, it was winter and all, but I finally accomplished it yet again even if it wasn't the same without you, and I think a reunion is in order." Iroh said cleverly. He was riddling again.

"A reunion?" I asked.

The winter, a reunion, he did something again even if it wasn't the same without me…

"Put me down! Do you know who I am?" a voice screeched from the now-open door.

Fire Nation soldiers marched in surrounding people clad in dirty blue clothing. The loud one was being shoved forward with the threat of a sword in her back.

My jaw nearly dropped and I shot a glance to Iroh, who winked at me, and then felt a sweet smile come to me.

This was what he meant.

The prisoners were forced to kneel and I could get a clearer and closer view at the still-screaming woman.

"Oh, gods..." I whispered; hardly able to breathe. I felt a laugh in the back of my throat; ready to spill out.

Naiya hadn't changed a bit.

* * *

Besides the obvious, what do you all think is going to happen next? 


	15. Chapter 14: Family Dearest

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender

* * *

_**Family Dearest**_

_**Year of the Komodo Rhino-Year of the Bison **_

* * *

Agni above, my family was right before me; bound in chains, raggedly dressed and on their knees. 

They all looked so different; they'd all, like myself, aged.

Whispers reached my ears and I could see that a few people recognized it was me.

I looked sideways; pointing to my heavily-ornamented head and overly-rich robes.

"I told them formal wear, but Li and Lo like to twist around my words." He said, before turning to the masses.

"Welcome to the Fire Nation." His tone was so clear and cordial that one might never have guessed that he was the man who had forced them all to come here and 'dehumanized' them in a sense.

"Kana." Naiya's voice rang out to my surprise and I almost looked at her.

I turned to her; selfishly theorizing how she had fallen. She, who was said to be a perfect woman, and I--the second child--who would always be in her shadow; it was as if we had suddenly switched places, and the said balance of the world the two of us inhabited was suddenly thrown off of its course. I thought that this would have been what I'd wanted, to see her be in my place, but it once again wasn't there; it seemed to be long forgotten when I...grew.

I glanced to Athimos and saw that he was holding in anger. No doubt he would rather see me starved and ravaged so he could have had some leverage over myself, and my mother, as always, was emotionless.

There were about thirty prisoners in all, most of which were women and elderly men who had lost their strength, and I continued to look for familiar faces.

Yugoda. I wasn't sure if it was her with all of the soot upon her face, but I could see her hair; the same short length it always was. She wouldn't look at me.

"Kana." Naiya tried again.

"Father!" Tai exclaimed and ran to him.

Iroh embraced him and lightly tossed him in the air.

"You've grown so much; I cannot believe how much I missed." He commented as if no one but us 3 were in the room.

"Mother says that one's duty and honor to the Fire Nation is more important." Tai said and I wondered if someone else had actually taught him that.

Iroh smiled nonetheless and sat down with Tai in his lap.

Everyone could see that Tai had inherited my blue eyes and brown hair and, despite the knowledge of his situation, my father still had a faint gleam of ambition in his eyes. Leave it to my father to always think about gaining wealth and power while carelessly shoving everyone else around.

He saw me roll my eyes. "Do you know any of these people, Yukihiya? They seem to keep staring at you." Iroh asked.

"Wouldn't you, as well, if you were among them?" I replied.

"So what do you propose we do with these savages?" a soldier asked stiffly.

Iroh opened his mouth, but I pressed my fingers against his lips.

"Let me address the proposition." I told him and he nodded.

I turned to the guard.

"Throw them into the prisons a kilometer south from here." I ordered.

"Kana!" Naiya shouted. I turned to her.

"My name is Princess Yukihiya; who is 'Kana'?" I probably should not have addressed her at all

She sprang up; caught up in a moment, and tried to attack me.

It was a good enough excuse to be rid of the Kimono; I wore casual attire under it anyway because Lo and Li had laid it out too, and grabbed my sister by her wrist; quickly twisting it into a hammerlock.

"Déjà vu much, Naiya?" I hissed; my free hand with a small ball of flames and inching towards her hair.

She screamed when she felt it burning and smelled the terrible odor. She ran like a madwoman, and then stopped and tripped herself and then rolled around, but a good length of her hair had already been burned. She aggressively pushed the burnt hair from her head and then glared at me.

"You selfish bitch! All you think about is yourself and now, in the moment which your family needs you the most you turn your back on them? On all of us?" she shouted.

I was about to fire back but Iroh was quicker than I was.

"How dare you call my wife such names and accuse her? The death penalty is exerted on any who dare to speak against the Royal Family!" He snapped fiercely at her. I probably should have told him that Naiya never knew what a 'death penalty' was; she actually didn't even know how regular women in the Water Tribes were dealt with when they committed adultery.

"I believe this meeting has concluded." I said.

The soldiers began to brandish concentrated fire whips and swords; forcing the citizens of my old home to walk away from the palace.

As the last man was being forced out, he looked at me. "Good day, father." It was what a good girl said to her father.

Without another glance, I turned back to Iroh.

"What else did you bring back?" I asked; pulling at the ornaments in my hair.

"The rest are for the Fire Nation." He said and I nodded; rising up and walking away.

* * *

Yes, I followed the guards to the prisons. 

I saw the citizens being put into groups to share the small one-room cells and those in the group were chained together.

Fortunately, Naiya, Athimos and Hanako were to be put in the same cell, I wondered if it was the small and mildewed one that they would be forced into, and were led down.

Naiya was screaming the entire way. At first, her conceited and haughty side—"Do you know who I am?"—took over, but her ego was knocked down some pegs after the guards began sneer at her and call her names.

"A soiled barbaric whore like you? Not even our lowest-ranking prisoner slaves would want to look at you. You're old, fat, and ugly." The younger guard sneered.

She looked around wildly for a second and I saw the flash in her eyes. The sudden blow to her vanity and the reality check that she was no longer as desirable, I should probably say, she was no longer as beautiful, and she probably also thought that I had taken her place as the beauty; ironically, just like she had predicted. Despite it all, I found an admiring quality about her; her concrete determination and endurance. Maybe if we hadn't been so busy hating each other because of the classic sibling rivalry, we would have seen that either of us were too different and we could have been family.

After I was sure the last person was locked away, I went down there myself.

My eyesight had grown keen to the darkness after years of training at night for surprise attacks so I was able to peer into the dark cells until I found the one my 'family' was in and motioned for a guard to come and unlock the door.

I saw their eyes shoot up at the click of the lock. I went in; creating a ring of fire overhead as I entered.

"Good day, family." I said sweetly; regarding the looks of horror, envy, still-nursed fury, and knowing on their faces.

"Have you no manners? It is courteous to say 'good day' back to your addressor when they say 'good day' you know." I said pointedly.

"Good day." Athimos mumbled.

"Do you like your first impression of the Fire Nation?" When I had no reply, I turned to Naiya; who was more interested in the moss on the stone beneath her leg than me.

"Shame. I always thought you'd be able to preserve your looks better than that, sister." I gloated.

Naiya had chosen silence over one of her famous retorts, and the gloating spirit became disheartened; it takes two people to boost any mood.

I turned to my mother, who was still silent. She hadn't done anything much to hurt me, but she had always been passive; just as she was taught to be.

I guess that was what had hurt the most, to me. I kneeled to face her; she tried to avoid my eyes.

"Mother. I am sorry you had to go through this." The only human and sincere words I would speak to anyone of my old home except for Yugoda and my goodbye to her.

Without a second thought, I exited the cell and went on to look for Yugoda's cell, if she was taken as a prisoner.

I tried to ask, but most of the guards didn't, I thought that they couldn't, distinguish one Water Tribe woman from another.

After many trips down the labyrinth-like underground prison and peeking through the doors to find Yugoda, I finally found her. It was a shame that she was given the excessively small and mildewed cell and she had to stand up almost all of the time.

It took a while, the keys felt almost exactly the same to me, but I managed to salvage the correct one and opened the door to her cell.

The look on her face was still disbelief and we began to size each other up.

This wasn't the Yugoda I knew; this Yugoda was a bit more ample, and had wrinkles and creases on her face; as if caused by pain, stress, and unhappiness, and had a dreadfully hollow look in her eyes; as if she had given up on something. There was also the flash of envy, but not because I was like I was back then; the reason was another thing altogether.

"Good morrow, Yugoda." I whispered; afraid to say anything louder in fear that my voice would crack.

She refused to make eye contact with me. "Good morrow." She forced through her lips.

I kneeled, not to the point which my kimono touched the mildewed ground, and tried to smile.

"I am sorry to have lost contact with you for the last years." I continued. She was glowering at me for some reason. What had I done to her that made her act so coldly towards me? Maybe she'd seen me. I hadn't been as precautious as I should have been and she might have seen my eye through my broken helmet, or my exposed hand when Pakku yanked off the glove.

"How have you been?" I asked; pushing my tumultuous thoughts away.

"Fine. How is your…marriage with Prince Iroh?" she asked back.

"It is…fair." I decided to say in lieu of something that made me seem like I was bragging.

"The first few years of marriage are always the best, aren't they?" she mumbled.

I looked at her for a moment in confusion, but then realized what she was saying.

"Actually, I've been married to him for ten years." I told Yugoda.

She looked up at me.

"And what about your marriage?" she asked. I wanted to ask 'what about it' but then took notice of what she really meant by my marriage.

"The sex is still very…active." I answered her unsaid question.

She flushed at the realization that I had answered the question she dare not ask and looked away from me.

"How…what do you to do in…?" she asked, getting bolder.

"Is your marriage with Pakku struggling?" I asked curiously.

Her eyes suddenly darted to me and she began to stutter. I smiled at my old friend.

"What gives you the right to ask?" she asked me; her tone defensive, if not stinging.

"If I do not ask, I know not of what happens in your life, mainly your marriage, and if I do not know of what happens in your marriage, how can you expect me to give you a few sex tips?" I asked; knowing this was the exact like to make Yugoda cringe and curious at the same time.

She looked at the stone ground for a few moments, unable to reply.

I got up, the squatting positions I could attain in the silk Kimono I wore made my thighs ache anyway, and pulled her up.

"Come with me." I told her.

She looked a bit paranoid at first, but reluctantly followed. I opened the door to the prison and waved the guards to train behind Yugoda while we walked through a few turns of the hallways and up a flight of stairs. I heard her breath of relief that she was seeing daylight again, but I knew she'd dreaded that instantly when she saw where we were stepping out.

I had to walk much more slowly, Yugoda apparently hadn't learned to stride proudly, we went back into the palace and arrived at the library and I went to the way back, the near abandoned section, and pulled out a book. In the back of the library, there were collections of books and reference material all referring to sex in one way or another.

I checked the title and handed it to Yugoda.

She seemed confused to me, then I remembered that she'd never been taught to read or write the common world language much, other than the basics, so she would undoubtedly not know Huowen, which was the linguistic the book was written in.

_'Maybe it is better if I taught her Huowen and some of the Common Language first.'_ I thought.

"Let us go outside first. Maybe I can teach you a bit of the common world language and then some Huowen to help you." I suggested kindly.

She stared at me in surprise while I waved for a servant to come over and told her to take a few lesson books and some empty scrolls along with a calligraphy kit from my room and she went to do my bidding.

"Come." I said to my old friend; taking her hand and leading her away.

She looked down self-consciously at her tattered blue clothing. I led her to my chambers.

She seemed amazed at my wardrobe, and did not object when I gave her some things to try on.

She had grown a bit ample around the waist—how many babies did Pakku get on her, I wondered—and no matter how hard we tried, we could not get her into one of my Kimono or dresses. She even said that some of the pants I had were too tight. I saw her try hard to suck in her stomach or pull them up, and it was usually I who suggested we tried on something else.

In the end, we found an old yukata and I ordered a few servants to put it on her, which they did without so much of a look of disdain.

Finding shoes for her was another problem. My feet were still smaller than hers and one of my slippers nearly ripped when she tried to squeeze it onto her foot. I gave her house slippers, made of flexible and stretchable cloth, and helped brush out her hair.

I changed clothes myself and, after taking the things from the servant boy, led my old friend outside. As I went outside, the people bowed to me and I would nod my head to a few of the people.

When we reached the playground's pagoda, Tai was there to greet me.

"Mother!" he beamed at the sight of me and I set down the things in my hand and embraced him.

Yugoda seemed to be sad; there was a look of longing and desperateness in her eyes. What about her own children? Iroh would have never been as cruel as killing children to secure a victory; he was a man of honor and chose to fight fairly.

"Why don't we begin our lesson?" I suggested to Yugoda and beckoned her to sit on one of the many stone stools surrounding the polished marble table.

Tai regarded her strangely. "You cannot read or write?" he asked when he saw that I was teaching her the common language.

Yugoda, who had been working diligently to write the character 'Ren' (person), dropped her brush and placed her hands hastily in her lap; looking down at them.

I shot Tai a certain look and tapped my lips with two fingers; an indication for him to keep silent.

"Please forgive my son's outburst—." I began, but she only gripped her hands harder.

After nearly half an hour of trying to unclench her hands, I finally got her to start writing again. It was nearly sunset before we decided to take a break. Northern winds were blowing and most of the Sakura blossoms were beginning to shed their petals; blowing them across us as we walked.

An uneasy silence settled between us and I wanted to say something, but I as afraid that Yugoda would take it the wrong way and our bond would be hurt even more.

The galloping sounds of a tiger-horse caused us both to turn around and I saw Iroh on top of his own tiger-horse (ironically, that horse was female and we tried to get her and Turato to breed on many occasions) coming towards us. He bound off of his tiger-horse just as he reached me, a feat that always amazed onlookers, and pressed his lips urgently to mine. I usually laughed, and of course did so that time.

Yugoda cleared her throat and Iroh groaned, but pulled away nonetheless. I smiled as innocently as I could while pulling my shift back up to cover my breasts, and noted that Yugoda was staring at Iroh.

"You must be Yugoda, correct?" Iroh said; pulling me closer to him.

Yugoda looked a bit shocked, but nodded.

"I am Prince Iroh. Enchanted to meet you." He added when she put her shaking hand on his and he kissed it politely.

He also sensed the tension, newly added by him, between us and suggested that we go and eat in my suite.

As we were walking back, Iroh always had his hand on my hip and was loosely escorting Yugoda, who kept glancing at him while he seemed totally aloof to her attentions.

Sometime throughout the meal, some spirits had appeared at our table and Yugoda seemed to down nearly half of the entire bottle. When she was singing some old song, slurring the words, Iroh put down his silverware and smiled; and it wasn't the kind or silly smile that would have reflected innocent or flirtatious motives.

"Iroh, I have a guest." I hissed through my lips.

"Give her a bed in your ladies' chamber to sleep in; I'm sure that would be enough." He said with a small pout. I rose up, laughing, and kissed him once before I put the jewels away and turned to Yugoda.

I hadn't noticed it, but she had been staring at us for quite some time.

"Would you like to stay in my Ladies' chamber?" I asked her.

She seemed confused, and it took me again quite a while to comprehend why. She probably didn't know that a 'Ladies' Chamber' was a large dormitory for my female servants; not a lavatory.

I must have appeared very spoiled indeed, in her eyes.

"It is like a large dormitory made for a Princess's ladies in waiting." I explained; flaunting yet again the fact that I was a princess.

Yugoda again put her hands into her lap and nodded; rising up.

I guided her to a set of sliding double doors a few doors down from my chamber and opened it; revealing Ane, Lo and Li playing a card game and Mira away.

"Ladies, this is my old friend Yugoda. She will be staying with you temporarily; please try and make pleasant company with her. She speaks only the common language." I introduced in Huowen, just in case Yugoda would be offended.

The three ladies nodded and Li stood up politely; introducing herself to Yugoda and guiding her over to a vacant bed. I left and went back to my inner chamber.

He was still dressed and didn't seem to notice as I slipped through the large door; smirking mischievously. Tiptoeing, I began to silently run and jumped as I neared him. He barely turned around before I tackled him to the ground and straddled him; nearly ripping off his shirt.

He'd gained a few new scars and some bruises were still fading, but nothing that covered his still godlike physique.

"One day, you'll kill me with that." He joked as I began to eagerly kiss his face.

"If you're worried about showing up the next day covered in scratch marks and hickeys and bruises and even with a limp, just tell them that your wife was...amorous." I said smoothly and lightly gyrated into his crotch; making him groan in pleasure.

A second later, he pushed me away slightly.

"How amorous, exactly, are you?" he asked with that smug little grin on his face; his hair falling to perfectly frame his face. I didn't reply; only tore off a length of the already short lace skirt. Stretching it out and pinning his wrists together above his head with the length of eyelet fabric.

"You talk too much."

* * *

"Do you have to go again so soon?" I asked; observing him. 

He turned to me, confused, and shook his head.

"After I came back, I earned two years worth of rest. Unless, of course, they need me again out on the battlefield." He replied and I smiled; leaning in closer to his warm body and idly traced Huowen characters across his taut abdomen.

"Do you think that old friend of yours is still staying in the Ladies' Chamber?" he asked and I shrugged; Yugoda, despite her sweet exterior personality, was mercurial at times.

"Let us see; I still need to give her a few more lessons." I replied.

A bit earlier, I told him about myself teaching Yugoda to read and Iroh had asked that since she was older, shouldn't she have learned to read by now? I replied that in the water tribes, a woman's work was to provide a child, clean the house, cook, generally, the jobs that did not require reading and writing. Mathematics and bartering skills was needed, but that was also what was called a common skill that all people needed to learn. Of course, they were taught how to write their names and a few basic characters of the common language, but even the daughter of a chief would rarely get any more formal education than that.

Iroh leaned up and kissed me fondly on the forehead. "Then I will leave you to your teaching; the second I am back, people are already breathing down my neck again." He groaned.

I went behind him and began to lightly roll my thumbs into the tense spots around his upper back.

"Just do not let them unhinge you." I said; repeating the advice he'd given me years earlier.

* * *

"Tien, nien, dien, yue (pronounced yueh, not you-ay)." Yugoda recited each word as she tried to write the character at the same time. I had learned the words and characters of 'Day, Year, Time and Month' years ago, but I still could not help but laugh when I saw Yugoda struggling with such a basic set of words and characters. 

She saw me trying to hold in my laughs and I waved my hand about frantically.

"It's nothing; really. Continue." I encouraged her.

She said nothing and then began to trace new characters; though she still glared at me from time to time.

"How am I doing?" she asked politely after she had finished her practice sheet.

"You're doing fine." I said; forcing a smile and not wanting to tell her that it had taken her nearly a month to learn what I learned in practically four days.

She didn't seem to be content with that response.

"Am I learning as fast as your son? Or even as you did?" she persisted.

"No. It took you four weeks to learn what I learned in four days, and what my son learned in one week." It was never one of my talents to sugar-coat everything and be able to keep up that 'lie'. But then again, both Tai and I had tutors who taught them to us nearly every hour of the daylight.

"Oh." It was all Yugoda said before she became quiet.

My pride halted my progression to apologize to her and I simply gave her a new scroll and a fresh set of characters on it for her to copy and memorize.

* * *

"Wh—what about those…you know." Yugoda asked me a time after she had stayed in my custody. 

"Oh. You still want those sex tips?" I asked; seeing her cringe yet again. I wondered if she would actually use them if I gave them to her; she seemed so utterly pious anyways.

"Y—yes." She stuttered.

I shrugged; opening the same book I had presented to her over a month ago, but then shut it. Those things in the book probably wouldn't be too suited for the cold climate and lack of resources in the Northern Water Tribes.

"Well, you can always let him watch you." I stated the obvious first.

"Watch me?" she asked.

"Let him watch you while you touch yourself. Men are always aroused by that. Just sit on the edge of your bed with nothing on, let the coldness harden your nipples and give off a shiver of delight. Or something similar to that; sigh as if you are immensely enjoying yourself. It also should arouse you." I added; regarding with amusement the look of shock crossed my old friend's face.

"Do you—do that?" she asked me with a tone of incredulity.

"Yes. Haven't you heard the rumors that true Fire Nation princes are legendarily endowed?" I asked her. Her eyes flew wide open and her hands went in front of her face; as if she had just heard something very dirty.

"If that is out of your character to perform such an act, then you can just…strip for him." I suggested; not considering that stripping might also have seemed as lewd to her as touching herself.

"Strip?" she asked tentatively. "Ka—Yukihiya."

"Um…stand in front of him while he's sitting down on the bed and slowly take off your clothes. When you get to the last part of your clothes that hides your intimate area, slide your hand up your inner thigh, spread apart your inner labia, and show it to him." I suggested and again, Yugoda shot her a look of disbelief.

"But those are whore's tricks!" she spat out.

I tried not to roll her eyes, but found it difficult not to.

"Not whore's tricks; those are tips to keep your sex life alive! For god's sake, Yugoda; do you honestly think that men want to do everything? Sometimes, it is boring to them when they make all of the decisions, when they are the ones who must initiate desire, when they are the sole provider for himself and another family, all of those things! I know for a fact that they secretly love it when a woman takes charge. Be bold." I snapped back.

Yugoda was silent for a moment, then began twisting the fabric of my yukata that she was wearing.

I laughed. "Of course." I replied to my old friend.

"And you can always use ice or even your water healing powers." I began; remembering how I had used my Firebending powers, though not in a sadistic or violent way.

Yugoda seemed to start paying attention now.

"Take a small chunk of ice and drag it along his body; practically anywhere between his thighs and his shoulders would do. Just don't apply it to his groin immediately, or at least not until he is partially or fully aroused. Or, you can—." I stopped when I saw Yugoda trying to write it down on a sheet of paper.

I took a very small scroll out and began to write them down myself to give to Yugoda.

"With your healing powers, you can drag a small stream of water across his body and wrap it around his member. Increase the pressure on it slowly, but not so much that it'll cause him to become flaccid, while you move it up and down." I suggested.

"Or you can just take him in your mouth." I added; out of past experience, my hands went quickly to my throat.

"Um…" Yugoda began to get a little bolder and loosened up.

"What should you do so he would feel the most…?" she still wouldn't say it.

"I don't know; Iroh has said that it is different for every man, but what I generally do is kneel before him and take him into my mouth. For some reason, many men like that." I replied. She looked at me with an aghast expression, as if I were some whore who was giving her false and degrading tricks. As if I would for one minute stray away from my marriage bed.

"Iroh and I share many things. We tell each other many various pieces of information and sometimes dare each other to answer the question asked in the most thorough way we know how." I simply explained to her.

"You've actually done that to him?" she practically demanded. I had to roll my eyes there.

"I wouldn't be telling you about it if I didn't. Listen; when he would lay on his back, I would get on top of him and kiss him down from his lips to his parts and then lick at it; sometimes long and languorously and other times short and playful strokes, but make sure that you alternate between and do not set up a pattern or else he will get bored, and use my hands to heighten and intensify the sensation there. Then, I would take him in my mouth and suck on it. It's as easy as that, Yugoda. And if you do it correctly, you'll probably have him begging for more." Yugoda looked embarrassed at my descriptions of what she should do, but nodded nonetheless.

"And then, you can straddle him and ride him to your heart's content. Or until he climaxes." I said with a giggle; wondering if Pakku would honestly want that kind of encounter or if he would actually hold out half as long as Iroh usually did.

"If you remember…what was the best…encounter you had with Prince Iroh?" Yugoda asked; her face as red as Fire Nation armor.

That was a really difficult question for me.

"There's a lot, but the one that stuck out to me the most was—well, this isn't exactly a good idea for you and Pakku to try once you're back in the Northern Water Tribes—a bit before daybreak when he beckoned me to follow him with only a large purple blanket for us to share and we snuck down to the beach and…I'm sorry; I just can't seem to remember too much of that encounter." I really couldn't seem to remember it very clearly; probably because I was too sleepy.

"Oh." Yugoda breathed; color rushing to her face.

"Well, there are dozens more, but let us continue with our lesson right now." I told her; noting her discomfort at such the topic of our discussion.

The tension between us had lightened considerably after time and conversations had done their part.

* * *

"It is a welcome-back banquet Kuzon insists on having." I explained to Yugoda. 

The entire celebration had been planned and everything took 4 days to set up.

"But I have nothing to wear." She protested.

"I can lend you some clothes." I offered and saw her look down and the barest of cringes reached her face; she still didn't believe that she could fit into my wardrobe.

"Or we can go shopping." I quickly offered.

"We—we can?" Yugoda asked hesitantly.

"Let us go to the Fire Nation market." I replied with a simple smile.

* * *

The marketplace closest to the palace was bustling with vendors selling various food and treats. 

Yugoda looked around tentatively, her posture slouched, and her eye constantly darting about; an expression of curiosity and fear (she still would not let go of those myths she had heard about the Fire Nation, which were invented to purposely degrade the country's moral standards, when she was younger).

The rickshaw slowed down at a very eminent garment shop that I had purchased many of my clothes prior to marrying Iroh and I paid the runner and had to practically drag Yugoda into the store.

The store employees and customers bowed deeply to me when I entered and I gave a slight bow of acknowledgement in return. I could tell that Yugoda was looking for some reason to believe the fake myths about the Fire Nation that she had been told, but there was none; no one disrespected her (though her being with me might have had something to do with that), no one ever gave a hint that she did not belong there, and the store itself was very organized and clean.

"How about this?" I asked; indicating to a monochromatic lavender frock with a blue stained sash.

"It l-l-looks very nice." She stuttered.

"Let us at least try it on you first; we can tailor it after that." I said and motioned for a clerk to come over.

It looked very lovely; the color itself accentuated her eyes and short hair and the flowing fabric and the sash highlighted her chest while offering an empire waist to cover over her stomach.

"What do you think?" I asked; already noting the pleasure and amazement in her eyes when she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

"It looks very nice, but I'm not sure if I can afford it." The clerks were already removing the robe from her and beginning to fold and wrap it.

"I'll pay for it." I told Yugoda as the store manager handed the red box holding the frock and sash to me. I passed it to Yugoda and beckoned her back out.

We took another rickshaw back and began to go through my jewelry cases for something to match the purple yukata. At first, Yugoda was hesitant to touch the jewels for some reason but then began to try and help me search.

In the end, we chose a amethyst diadem with a matching gold-and-amethyst bangle for her left wrist. The servants had come in by then and were told that I was to be dressed in a specific kind of clothing for some reason.

I left Yugoda to get ready with another set of servants, I hoped that she would not faint, and went into my chambers to change.

It was something like a costumed dancer's dress; with a bodice, full skirt that parted at the center with an under-skirt underneath, off-the-shoulder sleeves, and a long sleeveless robe to go over it along with a new pair of customarily-fashioned heeled shoes.

The bodice, skirt, and under-skirt were all made of a light gold-colored silk, the underskirt much lighter than the rest of the outfit, and then many tiny beads were sewn into the designs of suns and phoenixes, dragons and flowers, and neverending knots.

The bodice had little mirrors sewn into it as well; supposed to give the effect that the wearer was like the sun or like a phoenix, as did the skirt. The robe was the same as the bodice and skirt; except that there were no little mirrors.

Yes; it was gaudy, it was ostentatious, it was obviously just for show and I would probably be killed if something 'happened' to it.

Without a word of objection, I put everything on and came back out to see Yugoda sitting on a chair while someone else tried to twist a strand of her hair into a curl with their iron.

The only other thing I had to wear were large, and quite heavy, pear-shaped earrings which dangled from my ears, nearly touching my neck, and would probably stretch my earlobe if I shook my head too vigorously or quickly.

A beautician reapplied red henna ink to my hair, applied a bit of makeup, painted my nails, and pulled my hair into an array of knots and braids while folding in the occasional 'headpiece' here and there.

I let her put gold leaf into my hair to hold it in place, but all-out refused on wearing the crown that went with the costume; I thought it would snap my neck sooner than make me look beautiful.

"You look very…fair." Yugoda said when she caught sight of me.

She did as well. The beauticians had done a good job with her makeup and hair, even though not much could be done with the short length, and she even seemed to walk with more grace and confidence.

"You do as well. Let us go." I said casually; going out into the hallway and finding my usual guards there.**  
**

* * *

A lavish afternoon lunch was served first and a bit after the cakes were served, Iroh came over to the women's side and told me to come with him when he received his medals and awards. 

He himself was decked in a costume of gold; a traditional shirt with a high collar and big cuffs which used the loop-and-knot buttons and black pants that were tucked into his dark thigh-high boots. The collar and cuffs of the shirt were made of actual beaten gold, the arms were gilded to give the illusion of dragon scales, while the stitching on his top depicted two dragons, mirror images of one another, intertwining and curling all around the wearer's chest and arms.

"I feel as if it will cut my face if I turn my head too soon." he murmured to me as we walked down the petal-strewn carpet laid down for us.

I only smiled sympathetically; the costume I wore was now becoming heavy and I shouldn't sweat in it, but with the bright sun and the high temperature, I knew the gown would probably be ruined by the end of the day.

Turning to the side, I saw that Ozai was not given anything special to wear; even Ilsa, though I doubt Azulon gave her anything that would bring her 'joy' willingly, wore a bright Kimono and had her hair done. She, after I had refused it, took the crown and put it on her own head; but it only made her look more like a ballon with a stick attatched to it.

_'No surprise there; no one wants a bastard child to have grand clothing.'_ I thought contemptuously. Many times in the last years, I found him trying to sabotage many things; most of which involved Iroh, me, or our happiness together.

When he caught me staring at him, he only eyed me. I sent a glare of scorn at him and, taking Iroh's arm, focused on walking down the row with him.

* * *

After the ceremony was over, he was nearly swathed in gold weights and silk ribbons and also with many presents. 

He asked for a servant to take them back to his rooms and then beckoned everyone to go and watch or participate in the games.

Yugoda looked out of place; not only because of her short hair (long hair for women was normally a sign of beauty in the Fire Nation) but also the fact that she was walking all alone. Many of the other people walked in groups or with their 'partners' to the arena; often whispering in undertones and flirting with one another.

Royalty and their guests were seated in a box on what qualified as the front row of the large coliseum that was used for games and after watching a few rounds, Iroh disappeared to participate in the jousting games.

The goal for the specific game was to hit an effigy which had a weight tied to its left 'arm' that would swing around and painfully thwack the attacker if he was not careful and try and snatch a flag off of the effigy's body, the reward being a kiss from the name written on the flag.

"Is that not dangerous?" Yugoda asked as she watched Iroh strap on his armor and mount the horse.

"It is not as dangerous as it looks; I've jousted with a male opponent many times." I reassured her; turning my eyes back to my husband as he spurred his tiger-horse onward and stuck out his lance. A cheer erupted from the crowd as he easily swept off a flag and opened it; reading the name.

He put the flag on the tip of his lance and rode around the ring once before stopping.

"My lady." He said; holding his flag-covered lance up to me.

That was strange, though; I had not written my name on a flag. As a jest, I entered one with Yugoda's name on it or, at least; in the best I could spell out her name in Huowen.

I only smiled, just like a polite and etiquette princess would, and reached out to take the flag.

He always loved to show off, so I decided to play along with him for once and poised myself to jump into his outstretched arms.

"You're finally beginning to understand me." he said teasingly as he lowered his head for his kiss.

I only rolled my eyes at that comment; even after all of those years, I still didn't understand at all.

* * *

Sometime throughout the celebration at night, when the raucousness began, I had drunk too much liquor and became increasingly giggly during conversations. 

"I think it is time we go to bed." Iroh advised. I nodded; getting up and, half-tripping over him, let him carry me bridal-style to my chamber.

Something must have come over him, either his morals of taking advantage of a drunk woman was kicking in or maybe he was too drunk himself, but he said he probably needed to sleep in his own chambers that night.

It left me with wonder and a feeling of lonliness but I consented and rolled over to try and go to sleep.

* * *

Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard a loud cry of pleasure from the halls. 

_'Just another bawdy couple.'_ I pulled the pillow over my ears to drown out the annoying rhythm of loud moans the woman made.

* * *

"Wake up, sweetheart." And something else was poking at my ribs, too. My head was throbbing and the sudden intake of light was too much for my eyes as I opened them too quickly. 

"Is it sun so high already?" I murmured; noting the sour taste in my mouth.

"It is time for the final spectacle; at high noon. Would you like some water?" Iroh asked.

"Some mint water; my breath is disgusting." I told him.

After gargling and my senses seemed to be returning, I noted that Iroh was running his hand through his hair and rubbing his neck constantly; a sign that he was clearly agitated with something.

I got dressed without a word and he seemed to be back to normal after his gaze raked my body while I undressed and dressed. As we descended the stairs, I saw Yugoda staring at Iroh.

When he turned his head, Yugoda quickly darted her head downwards and was trying to walk away quickly.

"Yugoda." I called out.

Instead of turning to me, she seemed to be trying to avoid me more.

"We are going to see the final spectacle; come with us." I insisted.

"Oh—um…I am…busy today with my lessons!" she gasped out quickly.

"I gave you no work." I said; wondering why in Agni's name was she acting that way.

She seemed to think that she had lost; only nodding and walking with a more-than-definite slouch in her posture. I wanted to scream at her; it wasn't as if I was dragging her to the ring against her will! I invited her, for spirit's sake!

All the way, Yugoda did not speak a word. We went to an arena near the docks; this one specially chosen for the occasion.

I walked calmly to the balcony, Yugoda timidly following me, and sat down next to Iroh.

I had made the decision of wearing a few parts of my old uniform that day, I'd given up the helmet when I heard the news of my early retirement and having lost the will to keep it to stare at all day and wonder what could have been.

Iroh smiled when he saw me and beckoned me to another seat.

The final event was a battle royale between the prisoners, it wasn't just the Water Tribe prisoners; there were also hundreds of other Earth Kingdom prisoners of war that were in the upper part of the southern jail, and some of the trainees from nearby military training camps. The guards had told the prisoners; if they'd won, they would earn their freedom and would be sent back to the Northern Water Tribe. We were going to let the rest go anyways; there was no point in keeping them rotting away in a darkened cell.

I told the runner to fetch a chair for Yugoda, she honestly looked as if she would faint any second then, and smiled as the first batch of victims were shoved out onto the smooth and polished stone fighting area.

By sunset the arena was a little less than a large puddle of blood; the red liquid was spilling off of the edges of the white marble platform.

"Bring the final ones." I ordered; more shouts came from the audience. It was one of the interesting things I found about the Fire Nation; some people attend a peaceful meditation and slow-dancing ceremony, in a sense, in the morning and yet they go to watch others being slaughtered at noon and then go drink and laugh and have a 'nice time' by night. The smell was getting to me, and I felt my stomach turn.

Yugoda noticed him to and looked at me; horror clear in her eyes.

"You cannot do this! He is your father!" she squeaked.

"Could have fooled me" I replied calmly to her shocked profile.

After it had finished, we exited and took a walk. As we tried to find some topic to build a good conversation on, I noted Yugoda's puzzling expression; she would look down when Iroh looked at her, seem to be troubled by her thoughts whenever she thought we weren't paying attention to her, and stared at me with a mix of envy and hopelessness. One time, I looked to my left and met her eyes; they spoke worlds of what she'd kept hidden.

As I lay in bed later that night, I still could not have gotten Yugoda's expression out of my mind. When I tried to ask Iroh about it, he rolled over and murmured that it was probably something that carried on in the Water Tribes; probably because I had left a legacy of some sort.

* * *

My bed, the next morning, was empty. 

Maybe Iroh had some affair to attend to, so he had to leave early.

As I got up and went to leave, no sooner than when I was out in the hall I heard Yugoda wailing.

As I was about to turn the corner, Iroh suddenly leapt in my way and almost tackled me.

"Sorry." He said, as if I were just another member of the court, and then darted down the hall.

Yugoda was on her knees; fat teardrops falling from the corners of her eyes.

"Are you—?" I began, but Yugoda took one look at me and, without a second though, turned and ran down the hall.

* * *

The rest of the prisoners, the survivors who were chosen to be spared but had to bare witness to the slaughtering of some of their citizens death match, were sent back in a Fire Nation ship a few nights later; Yugoda among them.

* * *

As the months passed, I observed my twenty-ninth birthday come and go, people began to forget about the encounter with the citizens of the Northern Water Tribe. 

Iroh finally decided to take the leave that the army had promised, and the time he had accumulated was the equivalent of many years.

With more chances to make a son, we took all the time we wanted to.

My life seemed perfect then; just like it was when I was in my earlier twenties.

But it all changed with a woman bearing the name of another man I knew long ago; when he and I were in the army together.

* * *

It was the tenth day of the eighth month. 

I was going about court, Kuzon had sent Iroh and I again to listen to a few complaints for him; the lazy little Za Zhong, when screaming was heard from the entranceway.

Iroh came through the crowd, worry etched on his face, as he encircled his arm around my waist.

"Let us go; there is—." Before he had a chance to finish, a ragged-looking woman burst forth.

There was no such way to tell her age; her face was scarred and battered, and not to mention etched with quite the amount of wrinkles, while her hair, though parts of it looked torn out, was still pure ebony. Her bloodshot eyes, the coloring was a dark amber, were filled with contempt and her mouth looked twisted; almost deformed.

Upon sighting me, she raised a bruised, cut and old-looking hand.

At first, nobody noticed her and she kept her hand up in the air. Noticing that she was pointing at me, I asked a servant to ask her for her reason. When the servant came back, she was white-faced and shaking.

"She came for you two; she says that she has evidence...that you murdered a man from the Fire Nation." Iroh and I turned to each other; impossible, we both thought.

* * *

Review, please. 


	16. Chapter 15: A Coward's Deed

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or all things associated with it.

* * *

_**A Coward's Deed**_

_**Year of the Bison-Year of the Shark **_

* * *

I was shocked stiff. Someone knew, someone knew, someone knew.

I gripped the table. Yuufu, I whispered, please forgive me.

I had met her when I was seventeen and at a rendezvous. I was sitting alone on a couch, intimidated by all of the high authority guests, when she came over and sat next to me; talking to me as if I were an old friend. She coaxed my responses out of me. "You do not have a mother?" She asked after I had talked about my status as an orphan. "Not...anymore." I replied uneasily. Yuufu reached around and pulled me into an embrace. "I'll be your mother." She was more than twenty years older than me, and gladly imparted her wisdom with me. I grew to love her as I had never done so with anyone before. She was a radiant, confident, and sagacious person whose life was still taking her places.

And I had killed her.

* * *

_"Do you feel up for it?" Iroh asked, turning to me. _

_"Well, I...my leg..." I rubbed at the bandage. In truth, I did not want to go back.  
_

_"I'll go." Yuufu said. "It's another attack, isn't it?" _

_"Yuufu--." I began. She turned to me and smiled. "Don't worry, Yuki. I'll be back before dinner tomorrow night." _

_The next day, I ran out as the cart of the injured pulled into the camp. There was one body that was on its own table because it was bleeding and burnt so badly. To my horror, I realized that it was Yuufu's body. "She can't hear you." Iroh said when I tried to speak to her.  
_

_She was bedridden for months, and unconscious for most of it. When she awoke, I was there to tell her of the news. "You're going home." I said. "Nonsense." She replied, trying to get up. "Don't! The doctor said that you will damage your legs more." I told her that her left leg was almost lame, that she would need to lean on a cane at times, and that she had been formally discharged from the military. She sunk back into her cot, unresponsive to my words. _

_A few months later, Iroh and I went with her to take her home. When she arrived, her husband and five children embraced her and kissed her; welcoming her home. She said goodbye coldly and did not look back as the gates closed. _

_I visited her a few weeks afterward at her request. She welcomed us, and then took us into a room for tea. While the tea was being served, she began acting as if I did not exist and said statements that I never imagined that she would. At one point, she said that blue eyes were a sign of coldness, of hostility, and that gold eyes were better. I almost lost my temper when Yuufu turned to me and asked for me to meet her in her chamber a little bit before sunset, she wanted to know if I had brought it. _

_I did bring it.

* * *

__"What did you do?" Iroh demanded as he ran up to the body. The blood was everywhere, on her clothes, on the carpet, on the feet of the chair, and more was spewing from her mouth. _

_"I--I--!" My vision looked dark, and I could barely see. Iroh noticed the vial on the table, grabbed it, and sniffed the end of its neck. _

_"You are the most wicked, manipulative--!" He could not even string together his words, and I did not blame him. I squeezed my eyes shut harder, and bit my lips to prevent my crying out. I opened my eyes when I heard slapping, and saw that he was slapping her cheeks. "_

_"Iroh, wait--!" I shouted, trying to push him away. _

_"Don't!" She shouted out. I immediately turned to her, grabbing her shoulders. _

_"I'm sorry--I'm sorry!" I whispered between my sobs. _

_"No. It's for the best, Yuki." She began to choke and convulse. I tried to turn her onto her side, but Iroh stopped me. _

_"If she wants this, it is her choice." He pulled me off of her and held me back. More choking sounds reached my ear, then a thud, and everything was quiet again. _

_"Listen to me." Iroh whispered, lifting my chin so that I would look at him. "She stole that from you when she saw it and then killed herself with it. It is not your fault." I wanted to scream 'Liar!' at him, but he shushed me. "It is not your fault. Scream now: the servants will come." _

_I screamed._

* * *

'It's all my fault, it's all my fault.' I thought. According to Iroh, she had planned to kill herself with me as a witness. The elixir that she had asked me to bring, he told me that she had almost died as a child when she drank it once. She had planned it all and used me as a pawn. I refused to believe him, asking why she would do such a thing when she was going back to a family that loved her? "Because she doesn't want to be loved by them." He tried to explain why Yuufu was unhappy, but that thought was lost to me. It remained, I thought, that I had killed her.

As Iroh and I descended the stairs, he squeezed my hand. "Don't shake: a princess is never guilty of any crime." he whispered.

But a murderer is. She was probably a servant, one who had seen my crime or heard Iroh and me talking. Or perhaps Yuufu's husband had told her on his deathbed; he became increasingly hostiile towards me after his wife's funeral and until his death.

"Who are you?" I envied Iroh's ability to speak steadily and camoflauge his emotions.

"I know the truth. I know about Horopito." She hissed.

I thought, 'What do you mean? He had nothing to do with it. Except that he was Yuufu's last lover.'

* * *

Horopito had been the fourth person in Iroh's, Yuufu's, and my group. He was the youngest of us all, two years younger than me shortly-cut ebony hair and lightly tanned skin blending perfectly with his copper-colored eyes. He was Iroh's protégé, and would often invent nicknames for everyone. _  
_

When we were both assigned to the city of Tsukeme, we forged a close relationship for survival. A little before that incident, I found out that he had been having a liaison with Yuufu. I asked them both why they were lovers when they both were married. Yuufu pulled me close. "You are such a good girl, Yuki. May the lucky bastard who wins your heart be worthy of you." It was all she said about it.

_

* * *

Years before, our (Iroh and mine) regiments of the army had been holding a siege on another city for close to three months and the city itself would not budge, for it was too prosperous even within its walls to have any reason to surrender. _

_In the end, the many leaders and also there said that the only way to get such a city to surrender was by poison and they formulated a plan. A soldier was to sneak behind the walls, create chaos, and eliminate as many food resources as he or she could. It was a surefire suicide mission. _

_To decide who was going to go on the mission, the leaders created a lottery system in which the leader of a regiment was chosen at random and the regiment leader chose one soldier of his or her regiment. _

_I won that lottery. The advisers continued to pressure me to send someone through the wall, but I made up every excuse that I could to avoid it. _

_On the seventh day we continued this argument, Horopito-kun stepped into the planning tent and volunteered. _

_Nothing deterred him, not even Iroh protesting against it, and he then slipped on his Fire Nation helmet—I hadn't noticed at the time that he wore his best uniform—and turned to go. _

_I went after him; unable to comprehend his sudden change of heart. He had always told anyone he knew that he wanted to live until he was older than Avatar Roku. "Life is too short; one must live it to the fullest. Eat, drink, be merry, and grow old!" It grew to become his saying and one of his only philosophical proverbs anyone has told him to say. _

_"Horopito-kun; why? I always remember you saying that you wanted to live out your life and grow old." _

_"I do. But there is no point in living it out if I am always alone." He told me. _

_"You are not alone. You have a wife pining for you." I reminded my friend. _

_"My wife? She is…barely a wife to me anymore. I was foolish to marry her. I had barely just turned sixteen summers and I married her on what I thought was love and convenience. She was twenty-and-one summers old and already bitter over many failed affairs with nobility. I do not know…how I could have loved her. She is too old." His eyes were looking far off. _

_"Yuufu was old enough to be your mother." I pointed out.  
_

_Horopito-kun stared at me for a moment, and then laughed. _

_"But you know what she is, and what I am." Even as he said those words with a joking tone, he looked sad. Oh that's right, I thought, Yuufu was married and had many other lovers.  
_

_"I…have to move; it is nearly nightfall." Those were his next to last words to me._

* * *

"Are you a relative or…?" The woman was incensed at my question.

"I was his wife!" she snarled.

"You married another man after his death." Iroh pointed out. He had taken care of all of his apprentice's loose ends after the funeral was over.

"Don't mention him!" she screeched at him; pointing a brittle-limbed and bony finger at my husband. "Horopito was a great man; all I ever wanted in my life! When we first married, we were so happy together. We had a little farm out in the countryside with animals and crops; a small house and a small living, but we were happy." Her voice was sing-song; a sign of reminiscing denial.

"But then came the day that the enlistments for the Fire Nation army came at our door. You were on the recruitment poster and Horopito, always the adventurer, was eager to sign up. I supported him and watched as he waved to me in his new uniform as he boarded the wagon that would take him to the training grounds. He would write to me constantly; telling me of his life in the army; especially his joy in meeting Prince Iroh and ecstatic mood when Iroh announced that he was willing to take Horopito as his protégé. He would always end the notes to me with words of love and endearment towards me. At the special ceremony, as he described in a letter, he met Iroh and yourself." Her voice took a coarse tone.

"The notes then changed; there were fewer words about the army. Rather, your exotic beauty and prodigal fighting skills poured through those letters! More and more, the endearments and promises of soon returning diminished until the conclusion of the letters said only 'your husband' and it didn't even seem that he took that vow seriously anymore! See!" she shouted; throwing a packet towards Iroh.

He picked it up, not taking his eyes off of her, and handed the letters for me to read. I undid the knot and began to read at the oldest-looking letters.

The first few letters dated over ten years ago in Horopito-kun's handwriting expressed his boyish eagerness to join the army and they were full of endearments and promises to come home soon to his dear wife, Anaya.

In the letter saying that he became Iroh's protégé, he described the ceremony in ten pages.

On the sixth page, I found a description of me.

_"…instead of the gold or brown or any other shade in between, her eyes were blue, like the ocean. And her skin is a glowing brown: how strange for a woman who has never seen the sun's rays in the winter..."  
_

I smiled despite the situation. He was a flowery writer. The rest of the letters did not describe me, as I saw, they described Yuufu. After he'd met me, he also met Yuufu and they began their liaison.

I was about to tell her that, but stopped; if she reacted in such a way when thinking that her dead husband had taken a lover three years younger than she, how would she have felt if she'd known that his real lover was over twenty years older than him?

His endings became more formal; as if he were writing to a comrade than his own wife. The last one he wrote was dated on the day he chose to go on the death mission; what could be called his suicide note.

_Anaya-Fujin, _(it read)

_This will be my last letter to you. I have volunteered for a mission fraught with death and I know I will not make it out of such the city alive. But I do not die with regret, to the contrary, I die with pride; I am serving my country and my prince and will have victory. I ask of you to take this news as a prideful and honor-taught woman would; proud that I would die in battle with dignity and will be remembered. _

_I formally apologize for our last tiff and for running off so hastily, but I cannot let anyone insult my superiors in that way; even if you are my spouse.  
_

_But I still thank you; if we had not had our last fight, I would never have seen how mismatched we were. I am sorry for cajoling you in any sense that you would accept my proposal of marriage. We were both young when we did so; naïveté is part of being so youthful. I also implore for your forgiveness; if I had not proposed for you to marry me, you would have had a much better marriage with someone else. _

_We are so inequitable, are we not? For all of your life, you have wanted a small station and you wanted me to have a small station also. But you did not understand that when Prince Iroh took me as his protégé, I could not be small: from the moment I was bound to overreach myself. I wonder how we could have survived such our marriage; we were so different and we barely knew anything about each other. You would not talk of war, you said it makes you sick to think of such things, and would sometimes laugh or even scorn my ideas and topics. I realize that we are too mismatched and give my full consent to you if you wish for a divorce. _

_It is me who deserves the blame for everything. I had tried to deny who I was--what I was--so much and for so long that I could not see clearly. For this, I must go.  
_

_Goodbye._

_Horopito_

What happened, I wondered, to his flowery writing? To his poetry? To...everything?

"How could he…?" I murmured; noticing that Iroh had read the letter over my shoulder.

Anaya began to sob uncontrollably at my three words.

"Anaya-san—." I began.

"Horopito was in love with you!" But, he could not have been in love with me because, for four months, we hated each other.

_The day after he was initiated into the army, he became openly hostile towards me. He would refuse to look at me when I tried to speak to him, try to separate me from any person who came near me, and insult--openly and insidiously--my words and suggestions. Iroh witnessed his behavior to me constantly, almost every time that Horopito-kun would do something hurtful, and said that he would talk to Horopito-kun about it, but I told him that this was my battle to fight. _

_I confronted him, demanding to know why he was treating me as less than human. Was it because of my skin, I asked, my eyes? "Neither." He replied tersely, looking to where Iroh and Yuufu were starting to come over to us. "Then why?" I tugged at his arm, making him look at me. By then, Iroh and Yuufu were at our sides, ready to separate us. _

_"You are lucky." He finally said. "You have everything. A life full of potential in front of you, friends at your side, him in your bed." He glanced at Iroh. I was about to vehemently deny the truth of his last statement, but then he walked off. _

* * *

"I—why do you just now bring up his death? You could have confronted me years ago." I pointed out.

Her rage seemed to have returned.

"Why do it then, when no one would believe me? You were perfect, untouchable, back then! You always have been, but a bad side to your 'angelic' reputation has been building; people will believe me now!" she declared.

I glanced around the room; skeptical looks all about the courtiers.

"After Horopito died, I was married. My hateful husband couldn't stand me and I was forced to carry and deliver three children!" she spat in disgust.

I sighed; digging my hand into the pouch I strapped around my waist and felt something hard and thin in it.

That was strange; I had not put anything in there for a little over ten years.

I extracted it; it was a gold ring.

Anaya-Fujin gave a gasp; it took me a moment before I realized that it was Horopito-kun's wedding ring.

A bit before he had left, after he had said his words about his wife and how he was in love with someone else, he took the ring off of his finger, kissed it, and gave it to me. At the time, I thought he wanted me to give it to his wife or his family. Or perhaps to place it on Yuufu's grave.

I held it out and she snatched it immediately; not caring about court etiquette. She only stared at it; her bleary eyesight trying to make out and read the Heiwen characters inscribed on his ring. With a roar or rage, she tried to attack me but was once again unsuccessful.

"I was so happy with Horopito, but you took him away from me! Everyone praises you and thinks of you as a goddess; here is what I think of you!" She spat in my face.

After I ordered her removal, Iroh took out a handkerchief and wiped the wetness away.

"Do not listen to her; she is an ungrateful little catin." He looked calm, but his tone and eyes spoke volumes of his anger.

* * *

To my consternation, Anaya-fujin was actually right; people actually began to listen to her.

They said that I had seduced many men, and forced them to their suicides.

I denied it; asking them which one of us should they believe. With no more evidence for gossip, they began to try and find some other story: They began to claim that Iroh had committed infidelity.

* * *

The first one to tell me to my face was a servant. While she was serving me a small drink in my room, I wondered aloud where Iroh was.

The servant swore under her breath and I snapped at her that it was treason to speak in such a way of Royalty.

She regarded me with pity—I was sure it was pity—in her eyes and said: "Oh, my princess; I am sorry you have to learn this from me."

I asked what.

"Prince Iroh has been in the serving-women's chambers. Suna said that when she was in the bathing chambers, she glanced for a moment at the large laundry bag and saw someone staring back. She says that the peeper had bright gold eyes." She said with a tone and visage that did not make me fully believe her.

"What is your name?" I addressed the servant.

"Nisei, my lady." The woman was expecting a reward.

"Nisei. you had best not repeat such words. I will report you to the maintenance overseers if you do. Leave now, Dorei."

The woman looked shocked for a moment, but left without a word.

* * *

She did tell. Or the rumors had already spread like wildfire. I confronted Iroh a few nights later.

* * *

As always, I was happy to see him, but the rumors were still fresh in my mind. Some even went as far as saying that he had lain with men.

"Who have you slept with?" I asked when I felt him attempting to remove my chemise.

His actions ceased and he stared at me for a moment.

"That is all in my past, Yukihiya. Now, let us focus on the present and make a future." He replied; his hand lightly touching my belly as if he was patting it.

I swatted his hand away.

"I'm not one of your pets." I snapped at the action.

I wish that I had not acted that way to him: I was angry and confused, and most likely trying to take it out on someone else.

"You are not willing?" he asked softly; taking his hand away from my shoulder.

_'Of course I am.'_ I wanted to say, but my lips would not move.

I only turned away from him and tucked myself into bed.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up alone.

Instead of brooding over that fact, which I probably would have done prior to that night, I swallowed my pride and called for a small bath.

When I went to break my fast that morning, I tried as hard as I could not to meet his gaze.

All throughout the day, I saw that many women gaze at me with a mix of pity, smugness, and ambition in their eyes.

They had heard the rumors and assumed that they were all true.

At the moment, so did I.

* * *

The months that passed afterward are now a blur in my mind; I remember observing another birthday—my twenty-ninth—and my son's tenth birthday, and Iroh's thirty-second.

I argued with Azulon and remember that Kuzon was suffering from a bout of ill-health at that time, Ozai was suprisingly quiet, and the monsoon season, once arriving, was a bit heavier than anticipated, but was good for the rice fields.

The rift between Iroh and myself became wider; he would usually go off to his own chambers at night, and I had much trouble sleeping.

I began to have many bouts of jealousy and almost thought about bursting into his chambers at night to see if he really did take a paramour.

Sometimes, I would catch him smiling at a girl of the court, or at least I think I saw him do so, and would gulp down the beverage closest to me.

Ozai was again making it much worse; feeding me more rumors that, even if they came from him, I actually began to believe.

Li snuck out more often at night, but then she suddenly stopped. Her behavior changed; she was often sick in the mornings and complaining that she was very tired and sore for some reason. She began to slack off and, to my surprise, Lo gladly took all of Li's responsibilities on her shoulders. Li began to eat more and seem to want to gain weight while I knew that for all of her life, Li had been obsessed with staying slim.

A few months after her nausea was gone and she could actually look at me, I confronted her about it.

I called for Lo as well. In my chamber, I scolded Li for being so slothful and Lo for being like a whipping-girl and demanded why Li would not do her daily chores.

Li, throughout the entire time, seemed to be glancing and rubbing her belly.

"Is something wrong, Li?" I asked her.

She seemed to jump upon hearing my voice and she stuttered much before I could get a coherent response from her.

"N-No. N-Nothing is wrong, my lady." She said quickly; her hands encircling her belly as if in fear I would strike her and the blow would go to her stomach and damage...

"Who is it?" I demanded.

Lo and Li both looked so scared.

"Wh-What are you talking about, my lady?" Li asked; her breathing becoming panicked.

"Your lover; the one who has gotten you pregnant." I noted her expression; pure fear.

She would clearly not speak up.

I grabbed and pinched the skin on her arm harshly until she yelped. The red marks, if I did it correctly, would temporarily scar her alabaster skin no matter how much she tried to cover it up.

She continued in being mendacious, refusing to tell me his name, and I continued to pinch and even slap her until she was near tears.

"Why do you defend him so?" I asked her after seeing all of the red marks she endured for his sake.

"I—I can't tell." She continuously shook her head.

I sighed; still not letting the subject go.

"I will have to kill the child if you do not; no one wants a bastard." I only said that I would kill a small child, but Li seemed to take it into heart.

She burst into sobs; blubbering and hiccuping as if no one else was in the room.

"It's Prince Iroh!" she finally broke down.

She could have sooner said that the Fire Nation had lost the war and every citizen was now a prisoner to the Earth Kingdom and my reaction to that would be a fraction to the shock that pulsated through me when she said those three words.

But, like many other women in love, I could not be angry with him; I was initially angry with Li.

A golden pomander on my nightstand came into my grasp and before I knew it, was hurled at Li; barely missing her head.

"GET OUT OF MY CHAMBER, YOU FILTHY SLUT!" I screeched; aiming a silver wineglass at her and her sister when they fled out of my chamber.

* * *

"How dare they? How dare he? That infidel! That hypocritical--!" I raged on with Mira still calmly regarding me.

"How dare SHE? That filthy whore!" I knew people would report what I said to Li herself and she would undoubtedly be hurt, but at the time I did not care about being on good terms with everyone.

Gods, this was exactly like the incident with Pakku and Naiya all those years ago! But this time, I was married to Iroh, I fell shamelessly and deeply in love with him so the pain was multiplied by tenfold, and he did not just give Li a kiss; she was _pregnant_.

"How will you ask Iroh about this without him becoming suspicious?" Mira asked and suddenly, my entire mood changed.

"Be blunt. Yell at him. Get the truth." I replied.

"But my lady—!" she began.

"But nothing! I may be a woman, but I am not a weak-constituted women! I will not be cuckolded and willingly turn the blind eye to his affairs!" I snapped back.

"He loves you." Mira said. I let out a snort.

"If he loved me, why did he not tell me about it? And don't try it; if he was under the influence of drink, he would have looked hung-over the next day or so; the alcohol, he claims, will make his lips blood red if he drinks too much of it and it gives him constant headaches." I replied.

"No matter, but he does love you." Mira repeated.

"Li is about five months pregnant; supposedly with his child. Who knows how many came after her? Or even…before?" I dreaded the thought.

I thought back to that night when I heard someone screaming in ecstasy and about Iroh leaving me in my bed early. And Yugoda was weeping about something when I found her and seconds before, I ran into Iroh…

_'Oh, gods, I am a fool!'_ I thought; almost crying out myself.

"What about Iroh? Have you heard his side of the story?" Mira asked me quickly.

"No." I confessed.

"If he tries to play me with that 'I am a man' line, I will personally rip out his heart and mince it and send every single piece of it to all of his lemans." I grit my teeth and proceeded back to the palace; ignoring Mira's shouts and my own conscience.

* * *

I was tense with anger and nervousness when I met him and, though he smiled and greeted me warmly, I only replied with many cold and biting responses.

"Good day, husband." I said tersely.

He noted the change and dismissed his company.

"What is wrong, Yukihiya?" he asked me gently.

"Li confessed to me something very interesting today." I noted that Iroh seemed to tense at the mention of Li's name.

"Do you remember, years ago, when we had our actual wedding ceremony?" I asked him.

A few months after the ceremony, Iroh insisted on us having an actual wedding ceremony—since just a bedding ceremony didn't mean much and didn't account to much at all—and of course we chose to do it outdoors. It went smoothly, and I could remember every vow the priest told us to say or read aloud to us.

"Of course I do; we were so happy." he smiled.

"And the part in the vows that stated infidelity was suggested against in the vows?" I demanded; angered by his aloof personality.

"I remember; I remember every word." He took my hands into his, but instead of feeling his warmth, I only felt myself becoming colder and sicker with dread.

"I wonder if you do." I mumbled to myself, and then put on a false smile.

"Thank you; good day." I told him and left before he could see my tears flow down.

* * *

"It cannot be true, my lady!" Ane exclaimed when I told her about it.

She and Mira were now my only two trusted servants and confidantes and I asked for them to meet me.

"It is." I remarked while collapsed on the marble bench.

"Well, a love child means nothing; you may banish it from court when it is born. You are to be his or her superior in every way and you have such a right to do so. She is your servant; it is entirely your decision." Mira rationalized.

I sighed; wishing that it was true.

"I doubt it. That child just might be the excuse he is looking for to get rid of me." I replied bitterly.

Mira and Ane looked horrified, but I knew that Ane was more horrified at what would happen to herself than what would happen to me if that really did happen.

"My lady—!" Mira began.

"Think about it; Li's child would not only be one of his heirs, but a pureblood—as many Fire Nation men have chosen to call children born strictly of two Fire Nation parents. Tai's claim to the throne, though legitimate, will be tainted because he bears my blue eyes and brown hair; a half Water Tribe appearance. When we were younger, Iroh would always talk about…how much he wanted a child. He wanted to be married to the right woman and have a child whom they could raise together with happiness and love. Sure, he did so with Tai, but he knows that if Tai ever comes to the throne, there would be the risk of someone saying that he is unfit to inherit the throne because of some old and ancient law. A civil war in the Fire Nation might even follow to settle such a matter. A pure-blooded heir would fix that; his or even her claim to the throne would be unchallenged." I sighed.

"But he would never divorce you." Ane breathed.

"There are other ways to separate from one's spouse than divorce; 'Till death do us part.'" I quoted.

They stared, shocked at the prospect.

I went back to my rooms though it was barely the late afternoon.

I asked for a sleeping sedative, but it did not help. I wound up pacing my chamber until I literally collapsed on the floor and was found in the morning.

* * *

Four more months passed quickly and Li went into labor when she was helping me with my bath.

She was still my servant and, even if she claimed that it was Iroh's baby, no one could prove it so I gave her the benefit of a doubt and eased her of a few duties.

It did not mean that I was a perfect mistress to her; many times, I would say insulting remarks in her presence which I knew would hurt her. It was childish, but jealousy never lets its victims see its faults.

After a few hours of labor, a little baby boy were healthfully delivered.

I only had to glance at it as it was being passed for its bath in warm water to know the truth. The baby did not cry, but it was alive; the baby had opened its eyes the moment it was born, and his eyes were a bright gold; the baby moved lustfully like any newborn would, but also seemed to be concentrating on something; all of which indefinitely pointed to the paternity of the boy. Like father like son.

The newborn was swaddled and brought to Li for breastfeeding and I said a word of congratulations and meant to leave it like that.

"Would you accept the position as my child's godmother?" Li asked.

Either she was ridiculing me—which I believed at the time—or her perspective on life was extremely naïve.

"I doubt that I can be the godmother. If so, Iroh would be the godfather and that would be impossible for him to play both fatherly roles in your bastard's life." I replied and walked out.

* * *

The babe gurgled while in my arms and I continued to hold it tenderly. He was a very cute baby, I could not help but dote on him.

The infant was three months old and Li was nowhere to be found. The woman first gets a baby on herself, and then abandons him after her dry spell is over.

"My lady?" It was Lo's soft and tentative voice that reached me and I looked up from the sleeping boy—Kaku—and regarded the worrisome twin.

"What is it?" I asked softly. She seemed to be very nervous as she came closer to me.

When she was about two yards away, she threw herself onto the floor in a sorry excuse for a bowing position.

"Please, my lady; do not exile Li!" she begged and I was taken aback.

"Did someone say I was going to?" I asked, confused.

Lo raised her head.

"But that is what happened in the past to the lemans of princes and Fire Lords; especially when the ladies were of their wife's household! Please; I do not want to be separated from my sister!" I had considered doing so, but seeing Lo plead on her sister's behalf...

I kneeled down next to her and held out the infant.

"I will not exile her. But, it will be very hard for me to continue to respect Li if she continues such behavior." I added and handed Kaku to her.

"I…I understand, my lady. Forgive me for misjudging you." She said slowly and exited.

Lo was probably the better twin; I hoped that she would be able to help her sister Li.

* * *

After the birth, I became a puppet princess.

Many courtiers, seeing that Li's child was probably Iroh's and pure Fire Nation, flocked to her to 'befriend' her. She was very flattered by all of the attention and enjoyed it. I did not fret or worry about her like I might have when I was younger; what could I have done?

I was at Iroh's side at public occasions, attending important holiday festivals and meetings with him, and introducing myself as his wife when new guests came. But, we rarely even took a small walk in the gardens together; either I could not find him or when I did, he turned down my request.

Ozai continued to be quiet, something that perturbed me.

* * *

It was two months from my thirty-first birthday; on the twenty-fifth night of the fourth month.

I couldn't sleep and, as a habit, I began taking a very long walk down the hallways of the palace.

While I was passing one of the longer halls—I cannot remember which—I stopped; sure that I had heard the rustling of robes behind me.

When I continued trekking, I heard it again. I felt my muscles tensing and adrenaline rush through my veins; I prepared to run and fight, if necessary.

Before I could run thirty meters, my would-be stalker caught up to me and put his hand over my mouth—it felt disgusting—and grabbed my arms before I could Firebend in defense. With great force, he slammed me against the nearest wall. Something pushed against my teeth, and I instinctively bit down on it.

A strange sensation spread through my body, and I realized that it was some form of sleeping powder. But, it was much stronger than the types that I took.

The last thing that I remember is something wet in my mouth before drifting off.

* * *

When I came to, someone was dragging me through the halls.

I was naked, and my scalp was burning in pain, when I tried to move my legs, I found that everything inferior to my waist hurt. My mouth felt dried, and my face felt strangely disoriented.

When I began to pay attention to his direction, I saw that we were going to Iroh's room.

He dragged me through the doors, near tears, by my hair.

"How does it feel, brother?" It was Ozai.

Iroh sat up from his bed; a horrified expression on his face when he looked at me.

"Yukihiya…" his voice trailed off. Of course he would figure it out, just as I had moments ago.

I felt sick and began to retch; throwing up all over my body a minute later.

My scalped ached from Ozai's grip and the tugging at my hair so much and my body was in terrible pain—I think it was mostly mental and emotional, rather than physical—I longed to curl up and sleep never to wake again.

"Put her down." Iroh ordered his younger brother angrily.

Something made him relent and I was literally thrown onto the edge of Iroh's bed, where I collapsed onto the cold hard ground; giving in to the sobs. Ozai then left.

Iroh slipped from his bed to besides me and gently pulled me up.

I turned away from his gaze when he tried to get me to look at him and he began to examine the other parts of my body.

I clung onto the carpet. I did not want to be gazed upon anymore.

"Let us at least get you a bath." He said; picking me up.

He filled the tub and warmed it; gently lowering me into the water even though I cried at the contact.

The water felt cold.

I continuously warmed it the best I could, but it still felt cold to me.

I saw a pumice stone and began to rub at my arms, my legs, my stomach; anywhere that didn't seem to hurt.

Iroh pulled me out of the water, took the stone from my hand, and sat me onto the marble step with a fluffy towel.

He put salve onto my raw skin, just like he had done so many times when we were younger, and gently kissed me on the forehead after he was finished.

He then helped me take a bath properly; shampoo for my hair, soap for my body, and a gentle rinse after it all.

He dried me off and carried me to his bed; tenderly setting me down on the mattress as if I were a child.

"Sleep; this night has been too traumatic for you." He advised.

"C-Could you stay with me?" I whispered; the fear pain and fear still burning in my body. Iroh's gaze was so gentle.

"Of course." He promised and climbed between the sheets with me.

Gently, he locked me into an embrace and kissed me on the forehead.

I sighed and sunk deeper into his arms; he would always be there for me, was my last thought before I slept a troubled sleep.

I woke up alone in the morning.

* * *

The walls of the palace leaked.

By that morning, everyone knew

Mira and Ane concealed my bruises well with makeup and I continued to try and act as if nothing had happened.

I was more like a puppet than ever: in public, Iroh was usually with me and held me up rigidly; as if by strings. When he, along with everyone else, was gone from my private chambers, I would collapse in a heap as if the strings had suddenly been cut.

What hurt me the most was that Iroh, in public or private, did not console me in any way after that night when he helped me with my wounds. No words of comfort, no physical contact, no nod of acknowledgment whenever we would meet up. He did not even meet my eyes whenever I saw him save for a few times.

Ane and Mira could not even pry me from that deep realm where I lay miserably and I continued to torment myself in silence.

He stopped coming to my bed and I felt even colder. Whenever someone would inquire where Iroh was, it shamed me to say that I did not know.

_'Probably with a new woman.'_ I thought.

Many nights, I cried; looking out of my window at the stars and moon while pressing my forehead against the cold glass. I wrapped a thick blanket around myself often and, after making myself comfortable, slept in it.

Kaku often mistook me for his mother and I caught Li smirking at me whenever I would dote on him. No doubt that she was seeking my blessing when trying to bring her own son to the throne. I find it amusing that months ago, she had feared me and my wrath upon her unborn child. She was strutting around and dangling him in front of my face.

The malice slowly began to worsen; now, people said that I had planned everything just to try and get another baby.

I could not believe it, but I probably should have. No one was ever truly a 'friend' and, as I learned the hard way, not even family could be completely trusted.

* * *

I may have seemed paranoid, but I could not help it anymore; too much had happened.

As I shadowed Mira, I saw that she was meeting with some other ladies and talking in the Northern Pagoda. The subject then turned to me.

At first, they were talking about the gossip about me and then made up their own inferences.

"Are any of them true? You are her servant." One of the older ladies said.

Mira, instead of defending me from any of the rumors, began to actually tell them.

"They are; the day after Ozai's rape, Yukihiya came back to her chambers looking very bruised and tearful. She turned into a real fountain and Ane often made the excuse of her leg hurting to leave me with her!" Mira said.

She began to go on, something about the fact that Iroh and I had begun to sleep in separate beds, but I did not listen.

I clenched my fists and kept trying to swallow the lump in my throat and bit my lips until they almost bled to simultaneously distract myself from the pricking and stinging in the back of my eyes; quietly, I walked back into my chamber and though I felt much anger build in me, I felt the fury being extinguished by my immense hurt and sadness.

* * *

This was the first time after the rape that he came to my bed and I, though still nervous and recovering from the shock, welcomed the idea.

I had yearned for his touch for so long, but he never initiated anything and when I would try to, he would brush me off.

He could not seem to focus though and I found that…he couldn't do it.

"We can sleep; our rest comes first and we can do such a thing later." I lied through my teeth and felt him turn away from me.

I bit my lips until they were ribbon candy and blood was flowing in my mouth before I was sure that he was asleep and I ran into my bathing chamber and cried bitterly.

For the first time, I regretted meeting Iroh and coming to the Fire Nation.

Look where it had gotten me, I thought. Alone, heartbroken, and being forced to act as if it was all okay.

I observed my thirtieth birthday in silence and alone. When I saw Iroh the next day, he did not say anything about it. It was as if he and the entire court had forgotten my birthday.

I was sure that none of them would miss me if I just disappeared.

* * *

A few nights later, I had scavenged, hid, and saved enough for my escape. I had taken only some small rations of food, fresh water, and old Water Tribe clothing attained a few years ago by the Fire Nation.

I put Tai to bed with extra care and kissed him over and over; so much that he asked why I was doing so. Try as I did, I could not lie to my son. I only said that I was going away; I never said how long or why.

Tai, with the innocent mind that I wanted so much to have, wished me a safe voyage and return. It took me all of my strength not to cry. I left his room and then returned to mine.

I kept everything in a personal bindle and waited until I was sure that all of my servants had exited my suite.

During the night, I was restless and listening constantly at the halls to make sure that no one was there.

The moon was high in the sky by the time I opened the door to my outer chamber and quietly began to slip away.

I still remembered my lessons in spying, or at least the parts about going undetected, and made sure to wear leather-lined flat shoes and wear camouflaging colors. I slipped from my room, down to the grand entrance, through the large and ornately decorated door, and past the gates. As I was beginning to run, I did not dare look back; remorse would draw me in again.

The sky's hue was becoming lighter; it was close to sunrise when I finally found the small boat I had hidden under a specific dock.

I dropped my things in it and nearly climbed in when I perceived that he was behind me.

"Children are so loyal to their parents. Both of them." He pointed out.

I stopped, hesitating to jump into the canoe.

"Tai is older now; he knows how to take the news with dignity." I said.

I needed to harden my heart once again, but it was impossible; Iroh always mollified it with ease.

"For a son, losing a father is not such a big deal; he has other male relatives he can look up to and look to if he wants to be praised and learn from. Losing a mother, though…" he let it hang, and I was grateful that he did.

"Really? Because from what I saw, women are not as important as men!" I snapped angrily; letting my temper get the better of me.

"You know that is not true, Yukihiya." His smooth and calm tone made me sick.

"I always thought you truly meant what you said; especially about women having more worth than for just producing children or that men really should keep their fidelity towards their wives." I replied; my tone as cold as his was warm.

"I said so and I keep my word. Why?" he asked and I wanted to hit him; to tell him that he did not need to keep up the façade and that I already knew.

"Li. Her son, Kaku." I said.

"A beautiful baby boy." Iroh remarked.

"And the pureblood son you've always wanted." I added.

He stared at me as if I was insane.

"My son? How can it be my son?" he asked; his tone was so genuine that I was taken aback.

_'He is just a practiced liar.'_ I thought.

"Don't lie to me, Iroh! His hair, his birth, everything about him points to you as the father!" I hissed.

"The Fire Nation is full of men who have black hair!" he argued back.

"Not all men have golden eyes! Li certainly doesn't!" I shot back.

"There are plenty of children and men out there with golden eyes!" Iroh said hotly.

"How many have the bright eyes that are known to be yours?" I snapped at him.

It was my trump card; pathetic as it was.

Iroh's eyes were unique among the gold hues; supposedly, the hue of the gold darkened with every generation in which the traits are passed on from parent to offspring, and those with the brightest gold eyes were 'pure' in their lineage. Iroh's eyes were bright gold, much like Li's son's were.

He looked away and I felt my chest crumple; so the rumors really were true.

"Your vows to me are now null and void; there is no reason for me to stay." I said.

Iroh took a step forward and, after closing the distance between us, took my hand in his. I kept my back turned to him.

"There is every reason for you to stay." He whispered softly; though I could not see his face, I could have sworn that I felt his breath beneath my cloak and held back a shudder.

"What is there?" I asked tersely through grit teeth.

"For me, Tai, Mira and Ane and Lo, your life at the palace, the people's love, your position at our court, our future and our plans…" he saw that he was using all of the wrong reasons. That, and, I did not believe it anymore.

Without thinking, I made up my mind to do it. I remember my wedding ring being slipped off of my finger.

I turned, the first time I did so, and held out the ring to him.

"Take it. Give it to your new bride. Everyone knows Li's child is yours, but illegitimate. You know how badly I feel for illegitimate children. Give Li and her son what they both would want." I said.

He was astonished; not knowing what to say and not believing what I had just stated.

I dropped the ring between us. It landed on the dock with a soft clink.

"The sun is to rise soon." I pointed out; turning back to my small canoe and jumping into it.

I was sure that he was going to jump in with me and pull me back up, but he did not.

I grabbed the paddle on the canoe; beginning to row away.

I see now that what I did was a coward's deed and there was no excuse for it; not even if I felt so meek. I was very confused and trying to dispel the growing problems and pain within myself in some way. It was like on the verge of falling into a fire and throwing down snowballs to try and make the fall more bearable.

It was also a reflection of my stubborn and impulsive nature; I let the rumors and my sense of intuition take over and make me susceptible to believing them, I refused to think through everything before acting or confronting Iroh, and I simply did not want to talk about it and widened that rift. Just like with Pakku and Naiya regarding their 'kiss', I did not bother to hear Iroh's or Li's personal sides of the story; it is one of my flaws.

I had left the Fire Nation as a result of my pride and chicken-hearted behavior and had nowhere to go except for the Southern Water Tribe.

I felt that Iroh's eyes never left me, he stayed on the deck and did not turn to go; not even when I was surely out of his sight and the sun was high in the sky.


	17. Chapter 16: The Southern Water Tribe

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

* * *

_**The Southern Water Tribe**_

_**Year of the Shark-Year of the Lion  
**_

* * *

The seas did nothing to stop me either; it was always smooth and I had plentiful fish to cook and eat until I got to the Southern Water Tribe. 

When I first set foot on the land, I only saw a few tentative eyes peering from their tents and igloos—I must have forgotten how much I despised the cold; it was freezing even though I wore the thick Water Tribe clothes and used my Firebending techniques in an attempt to keep myself warm.

Before the war-ravaged tribe abandoned their ice abodes, the Southern Water Tribe was a mirror image of the Northern Water Tribe, only a bit smaller and with less canals and no high wall.

Slowly, a few men came outside of their houses—with their weapons, might I add—and kept staring until an old woman came outside.

I had cut off all of my red-coated hair and arranged the rest of my regular brown hair into a simple braid, but there was nothing I could do about my smooth skin and red lips; which was probably why they were all staring at me.

"State your name." she said in a very tall and deep voice for such a woman.

"My name is…" I hadn't thought of a name yet. "Yuki."

"Yuki of…?" the woman demanded.

"The Northern Water Tribe. I have…run away to try and seek a better life here." Not the best or most convincing lie, but the citizens bought it nonetheless and it gave them quite the ego boost.

The old woman came forward.

"Welcome, Yuki. My name is Leoma and I am the head elder of the Southern Water Tribe." She said in a pseudo-sweet voice and bowed slightly.

* * *

At first, I stayed in Leoma's igloo with her family because I had no shelter of my own. 

Leoma had a granddaughter, Kava, who was the only member of the family remotely close to my thirty years—she was twenty-five—but she, in my opinion, had a very naïve and boring outlook on life; tradition before everything, anything outside of tradition was hellish and lamentable, et cetera. She, of course, was married to some other man who, though the raging sexism was still apparent and always showing, was a good and gentle man nonetheless. I can't seem to recall his name though.

Once, she and I were talking about the outside world.

"What is it like?" she questioned me.

I had seen much of the outside world, even though most of it was through the eyes of myself when I was a Fire Nation soldier, but I think my perspectives would have been a bit too outdated if I told her.

"It is very beautiful; the warm places are great for relaxing and…" I began to tell her of what I did remember about the Earth Kingdom and spoke little of the Fire Nation except for vague references to their landmarks, climate, food, celebrations, and people.

"That sounds so pretty. I wish I could go." Kava said; a dreamy look in her eye.

"Why don't you?" I asked; remembering too late the 'traditional roles' of a woman in the Water Tribes.

"Tradition forbids that a woman goes anywhere without a man, and (whatever her husband's name was) does not want to leave." She told me.

"Tradition be hanged; you can leave home anytime you want." I had forgotten to watch my tongue yet again; what I said was more or less very offensive in the Southern Water Tribe.

At once, Kava stood up; her hand over her mouth and her eyes showing disbelief and shock as if she had heard sacrilege being spoken against her. Instead of acting as a woman her age should have—or at least the way I'd expected her to—she began to whine and burst into tears.

"Grandmother! Yuki is saying that tradition is not important in a person's life; she will surely burn in hell for that! I do not want to burn in hell with her for thinking such things." She wailed. With her hands over her ears, she began to sing off-key and run from the room.

I heard the thump of a body throwing itself onto the ground over a sleeping bag and Leoma had come out while Kava was screaming.

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Leoma scoffed.

I thought she was talking about how Kava was acting, but I saw her eyes on me instead.

"Kava loves her home and traditions are everything to her! If you want to live here, it would be better for you to hold that impudent tongue of yours." She snapped.

_'Is that a challenge?'_ I wanted to respond, but that would have been 'unfeminine' of me and so I grit my teeth and kept silent.

"I am sorry."

* * *

A few days later, some people led me about forty feet away from the town center and told me that this was the spot where my house would be. "We don't have a house built yet, but we will." one of them said and then they all walked away. 

The house, among other things, never happened, and I spent the first few nights after I had been kicked out in a small hole curled up in a fetal position.

Though many people avoided me altogether, there were a handful of people who did extend a hand of friendship to me while at my first stay at the Southern Water Tribe.

* * *

His name was Yao and I believe that he is the only man I could ever call a friend from the Water Tribes. 

While I was struggling with building my igloo, he came along and helped me.

"Aren't you just going to ignore me, like everyone else does?" I asked him while he was cutting an ice block for me.

"Of course not; the ones who do are narrow-minded dimwits who cannot see what a beautiful and intelligent woman you are." He replied.

I couldn't help but be honest with him.

"Let's get these things straight," I said, "I am thirty years old, I am not a virgin, I've had children before but had to leave them, I have been married, I can fight and fend for myself, I am somewhat masculine, I have muscles, I am independent, I think that the blubber and the jerky and especially the stewed sea prunes here are disgusting, I refuse to marry, I am stubborn and arrogant, I am not weak-constituted, and I like meat."

Yao did not even bat an eye. "You look like the woman who likes meat." He said with a smile.

I stared, dumbstruck.

"You just skipped over all of the other things that would make any other man—or woman—who heard me say these things wrinkle their nose, look at me in disgust, throw up, or run away screaming." I said, recalling from when they did.

"There are things about me which are deemed to be 'disgusting' and 'unduly' here too." He said smoothly.

"And what are those characters? That you choose to actually respect your wife and make sure she receives her end of pleasure during intimacy?" I asked sarcastically.

He laughed at my wry comment.

"Shun me if you wish." He said; his eyes brimming with good humor.

At least there was no awkward silence between us after that.

Yao was a few years older than I was but a very good builder, hunter, and fisher despite his age. He, like most other men over the age of thirty, was married and had little children of his own. His wife, Ata, was not very happy to find that he chose to spend more of his time with me than with her.

Though I repeatedly told her that there was nothing happening between us, she demanded to know why he still spent more time with me though my house was complete.

I told her the truth—that he was helping me learn how to sew and do other 'ladylike' things, and that he was helping me with my cooking (for some strange reason, I could not acculturate and cook with what the Water Tribe climate had given me)—but she didn't believe that 'her' Yao could do any of those things and let her skeptical imagination run wild.

Ata was years younger than I was, Yao's third wife, and her jealousy always got the better of her.

She, and other ladies who felt threatened by me, began to rally together and beg Leoma, the unofficial 'queen' of the village, to marry me off; stating that I was 'ruining their reputation'.

When I came into the public building to protest, one of the women ran behind her husbands and begged for him to 'take the heathen away!' That was more or less how I was referred to, ever since some of the females caught me harvesting icicles to eat and fishing on my own.

I yelled at her and threw in a curse word or two, then she screamed and hid behind her husband more, he started shouting at me, I shouted back, and somehow everyone else got caught up in it. Sitting in the corner was a young man I had failed to notice, except that he was not involved in the shouting match.

"Fine! I am leaving!" I declared; turning my heel. One of the men shouted that I wasn't, and I heard his footfall. Upon spinning around, I saw that it was the woman's husband--the one who had actually coined the nickname 'the heathen' for me. Losing my temper, I threw out my arm to punch him but miscalculated his quick ability to dodge; I wound up hitting the young man behind him.

Women screamed, one of them even fainted, and men rushed to his side and to Leoma's. "You killed him! You killed Paha!" one of the younger females was screaming. It took me a moment to realize that Paha was actually Leoma's favorite, a term used in the Water Tribes that was usually synonymous to only, grandson.

"He's fine; I barely touched him!" Nobody would hear that, and they continued to accuse me ("Heathen! Savage! Manly!").

"I'm fine, I'm fine; really." Paha said; standing up and trying to smile. His jaw had been damaged, and there was a coagulation of blood that would form a bruise around his cheek. When he smiled, his teeth were stained red.

"I think it would be best if you go." Leoma said coldly. I bowed humbly and went.

* * *

After I'd punched him, it seemed that the Water Tribe itself was edging away from me; some people even refused to sell me fish or a basket. But I had already picked most of the icicles sitting on the low end, and I needed water. So, borrowing Yao's horizontal pickaxe, I climbed upon a small platform and began to chip away at a large icicle about three feet overhead. 

"You're doing a lot of work, Yuki." someone commented. I remained silent and continued to pick away. "A woman shouldn't be doing such things." He persisted.

"I need to eat and drink, like everyone else." Paha regarded me for a moment, and then tried to step up onto the platform. "I'll do it for you." He stated; trying to take the pickaxe from me.

I tried to yank it back."No, it's fine." Our little power struggle resulted in both of us nearly tumbling in the chasm below the place where I had obtained most of my icicles. Paha screamed until I shushed him ("If you scream any more, this entire cave might just fall in on us.") and I began to pull both of us up. As I got to the top, helping him up first, I saw that citizens had flocked here. Paha stated that I had saved him, but it was obvious by the looks on their faces that they didn't believe him.

As they were whisking him away, I picked up the pickaxe and continued to chip away at the icicle.

* * *

About a month, and a few rendezvous, after that incident, Leoma came to me looking as if she had eaten too many green apples and told me that I was to marry her grandson. 

At first, I burst into laughs; was that a joke?

But after she coldly ordered it so, I stood up and said that I was fine being independent; why did I need a man? That she was submitting to the wills of others as if she was a weak puppet and did not make her own decisions.

She snapped back that she was the head elder, but she was a fair 'monarch' and had her people's best interests at heart. I think that she was more or less scared; she was never taught Waterbending for attack or defense and there would be nothing to stop the citizens from launching a rebellion against her if they were displeased.

So three months after I first came to the Water Tribe, I was married off to Leoma's dismal grandson.

I dreaded the wedding; not only because I had already had one twelve years earlier, but also because it didn't even seem as if we were married at all. There was no priest or a so-called 'holy place' for us to marry. There were only the citizens as our witnesses and Leoma to try and wrack up the matrimonial vows in her old mind and even when she conferred with other elders, they could not remember. I felt as if I had an adder clamped to my bosom and wanted to just run away screaming, but kept my feet on the ground and continued; even with the near-overwhelming pull of the weight in my conscience.

After the mentally painful ceremony was finally over, I let him guide me into his own little 'house'.

I did not like him very much; he kept staring at me in a 'lovelorn' manner for some time, but instead of feeling flattered as I did with Iroh and a few other men—most of the other men were from the time when I was in the army and unmarried—I felt disgusted; he looked too much like a little boy. His face was still round and as smooth as a girl's, his eyes had that soft and innocent childlike expression in them, he seemed clumsy and inexperienced at practically everything, and he was obviously not ready for the developmental milestone that he was thrust into.

At least he had the decency to go to my igloo after the wedding instead of his grandmother's house.

When he got in, his gaze darted from me to the bed.

"I'm not a virgin." I said to him.

"I know." He replied; fumbling to shed off his parka.

"The Fire Nation?" he suddenly asked.

I turned; confused.

"Did they…force you?" he elaborated.

I thought I had to lie in order to remain in the tribes. I buried my face into my hands with false grief.

"Please; I wish not to talk about it." I whispered shakily; shedding a few forced tears.

Maybe I unmanned him with those words, but he let me sleep without any disturbance or any suggestion that he might want to do the deed with me that night.

"Let us sleep, then." He said and lay on the mattress he'd had moved in here.

I did not object and lay on the mattress with him.

* * *

The marriage had started badly, and it was much worse afterwards. 

I was not allowed anywhere without my husband's company or even without his permission and I could not do anything but stay at home while he went out with his friends.

A woman was, and probably still is in the Water Tribes, expected to just be idle and sit around all day; completely dependant on her husband.

I was not used to that; with Iroh, we were equals and I did not feel like a second-class citizen; ever.

I was also required to cook and since I did not know much how to prepare Water Tribe meals—I never paid much attention to my mother when I was younger and stated that if I was to marry, my husband would have to cook—Leoma had to become my teacher since Kava still would not speak to me on account of my 'loose and immoral' tongue.

What she found was a sulky and unwilling pupil; and one who was much more educated and interested in fighting, books, education, and many other things considered 'unladylike' in the Southern Water Tribe. She would constantly yell at me, but I would only take it in and not say a word.

Soon, my silent resistance had worn her down and she finally given up on me; resorting to let Kava cook for her family and ours.

I'm sure she still hated me, for I probably insulted her very much with that 'tradition be hanged' comment, but she dare not disobey her grandmother and grudgingly did it. I wondered if she would contaminate the food out of spite, but I remembered that the Water Tribe did not teach women about poison and their antidotes because they thought women didn't need to be educated in such things. They only taught the women to stay away from cooking this-and-that and mixing together so-and-so ingredients.

How I loathed the 'laws of Tui and La' both Water Tribes so austerely followed.

Paha was even worse; his so-called 'love' for me was only puppy love and for some reason he still wouldn't, or maybe he actually couldn't, gather his potency and consummate our 'marriage'.

Yao was a very good friend and easy person for me to talk to, but on account of his jealous wife—and the fact that she attempted to stab me once with her cutting knife—we decided to continue speaking to each other in secrecy, but with a chaperone to beat down those rumors about us being 'lovers'.

In the day, I just sat at home; idle, without a female friend, and forcing to wait for Paha to come home; and in the night, I would just roll over in bed because he still did not initiate anything. 

Back in the Fire Nation, I used to think, life was so exciting and every day I woke up eagerly.

In the Southern Water Tribes, life was so dull and full of people giving me the cold shoulder.

Food was another problem; I still never liked any of the Water Tribe 'delicacies' and only forced the food down my throat out of bare survival needs. I grew very thin in those days and even missed my course a few times because I so vehemently hated the food.

I began to regret my decision to run away, but what choice had I?

I told myself that I would much rather be trapped here, in a cold and desolate land in a marriage where my husband had not consummated our marriage for some reason lost to me, where the food tasted terrible, where no one paying much attention to me and not asking about my past and with a hated grandmother-in-law rather than being held in the lap of luxurious, but still unhappy, cuckold while my husband ran around bedding other ninnies—and breaking my heart, as much as I hated to say that—and Agni knows who else, with the chance of poison being slipped into my food or drink at any day, with everyone around me plotting and counterplotting to either take my life or my crown or my riches or my husband or even my son, and with hated in-laws who could have had me executed or raped as a punishment for something I might not even have done.

But my regret never left me.

* * *

As I continued my—hopeless, desolate, near maddening—life in the Southern Water Tribe with my—passionless, one-sided, unready—marriage to Paha, I began to deny my past. 

Were the last 15 years of my life nothing but a far-off illusion? Was I ever a soldier in the Fire Nation army? Did I become the wife of Prince Iroh? Did I ever have my son, Tai? Did I ever have such a luxurious home and a sense of belonging? Would I ever see that place again? All that was here for me in the Southern Water Tribe was discrimination, isolation, and being trapped in an unhappy marriage.

I never told anyone my birthday and for my thirty-first birthday, I sat in front of a bowl of clear water and stared at myself.

I had grown so thin, I forced down Water Tribe food only when it was necessary, and my hands grew brittle from the cold. My face seemed to have aged, my skin growing rough and my lips becoming thinner and fading, and I had to pluck out as many as thirty grey strands of my hair every time I looked into the bowl of water.

I heard him come in again and looked up.

"Good evening." I said, doing my best to smile at him. He smiled boyishly at me and I had to do my best not to cringe or seem bothered at that smile.

"Are you willing tonight?" he asked.

Though I liked that tender consideration about him, I still could never forget Iroh's fevered and demanding manner which never ceased to set my blood afire and after years of that ardor, that situation just didn't seem right.

"I am your wife." I said simply; pulling off my gloves, a hand-me-down from Kava for my dainty hands.

He seemed to focus on my hands—honestly, did he have some strange fetish or something?—and his eyes darkened with desire.

I had to do it for the sake of my marriage here, I reminded myself and continued to discard every article of clothing I wore.

As I shed my coat, he seemed to come out of his gaping trance and slowly step towards me.

I helped him remove his clothing, not trusting his hands to do so, and before I knew it, the process was over.

It was very awkward and a bit rushed for my comfort; I even had to get on top of him and he had almost no physical stamina.

After I climbed off of him, I lay on his side; my eyes questioning.

"I—I've never made love before." He admitted under my gaze.

A twenty-eight year old man who had never had sex before; what had I gotten myself into?

* * *

Months passed, Paha and I rarely did the deed—even if we did do it, he would always act like an awkward and completely inexperienced man—and Leoma was still staring at me intently, as were the other females in the Water Tribe. 

Apparently, I would only be accepted if I bore a child.

"Do you take something to keep the baby from coming; some slut's trick?" Ata demanded coarsely and her female companions would laugh with her.

I rolled my eyes and ignored them; Agni knows I would have retorted in something else that was far worse than being called a slut had I let my tongue loose.

* * *

"He had nearly every other unmarried teenage and adult woman in the tribe pining for him! I punch him and suddenly he decides that he likes me?" I ranted.

Yao laughed. "Well, you know, every man has a secret fantasy for a controlling woman." He said simply. We were sitting out against the shoreline around the ice hole we dug; he was a good enough friend to accompany me to fish on my own.

"Here, I brought you some stew." Yao held out a small container for me. I eyed it warily as I watched the strands and octopus limbs swirl from side to side as I tilted the bowl. "Ata didn't poison it, I swear." I just looked at him, and took a sip.

It was bitter, but that was about it.

The open dish remained open until a layer of ice formed over it; either of us bothered to eat it anyways.

By sunset, we packed up our fish and walked back to our houses. "Well, at least I know of one guy who doesn't judge me because I'm new." I remarked as I wound my arm around his.

"Let them judge; they admire you nonetheless." Yao gave me a kiss on the cheek and I laughed; balancing on the tips of my toes to return it to him.

"Yao!" His wife, my husband, and nearly every person over the age of ten saw our 'amorous gesture' and rushed to separate us for the sake of our 'reputations'.

I fished alone and on the rare occasion Paha accompanied me.

* * *

One day, sometime in the tenth month, a boy came running from the borders. He reported seeing Fire Nation ships.

While the other women reacted with melodramatic gasps and fears, I felt myself intake a quick breath; was this…truly happening?

Every day, the black hulking ships came closer and closer until near the end of the tenth month, the ships docked on the shore.

The men of the Water Tribe had prepared themselves, but like in the Assault of the North they had too many weapons and too little armor for protection; it showed how full of themselves they were.

The largest ship's front ramp came crashing onto the snow and an old, leathery looking man with a company of four guards descended. Everyone in the Water Tribe had come out to witness the scene and I saw the fear in their eyes.

"Is this how the Water Tribe greets its guests?" the old man asked; a sneer in his tone.

My glance darted to the four men at his side.

While three of them were very tall and most likely fully grown, the fourth one looked as if he was probably a few years shy of the manhood age of sixteen, as said by the Fire Nation.

When he glanced around, I saw clear blue eyes. My eyes.

My son.

He had always said that he wanted to be a soldier…Iroh must have accepted it and enrolled him in the army.

Where was Iroh, then?

As much as I longed to see him, I longed to slap him in the face first and then confront him about Li and the entire scandal that went on little over a year ago.

In the end, the leathery old army officer said he only wanted a peaceful and segregated stay; no one in the Water Tribes would bother anyone of the Fire Nation and vice versa.

After that, everything was disbanded and both sides set out on their own agendas.

* * *

The time had spanned over three weeks until I finally got the courage to face the soldiers. 

Ever since I saw my son amongst the soldiers, my anxiety about him had increased; what if he was killed?

Also, my thoughts often drifted to Iroh; was he also on that expedition and was he there, with our son, as well?

I found myself aching and crying at night; yearning to run to the Fire Nation ships, tell everyone who I was, and demand that the ships take me back, but I knew it would be useless; besides my knowledge of Huowen and Heiwen, I had no way to prove that I was Yukihiya.

Pride, again, also stopped me from doing anything; if I went to Iroh, it would seem like I was giving up and would seem weak. I was the one who ran away, and I could not risk it to beg him to take me back to the Fire Nation; he would probably use that against me and use it as an excuse to have more sexual romps with other women while I would be forced to turn the blind eye to all of it and never do anything to strike back at him.

Three weeks later was also the only time that I finally had a chance to slip away from the Water Tribe men and woman who seemed to do nothing but rant and insult my second home and its people.

The exception was Yao, and whenever I was present while someone was on the verge of insulting my home, he would stop the person and change the topic. I still wonder to this day if he knew about me and my past.

When the other citizens weren't looking, I walked the distance to where all of the Fire Nation ships were stopped and looked around; there were a few soldiers out on the ice, melting a hole with their Firebending and trying to ice fish. I went up to them.

"Who leads these ships?" I asked; forgetting that I shouldn't have done so in Huowen.

The men looked at me, startled that a woman from the Water Tribes could speak their languages.

They must have figured out who I was; otherwise, why else would they have answered my question.

"Prince Iroh." One of them replied.

"Arigato." I said; walking past them.

Iroh was here. He had come here, but probably only to repair his ships while in a remote place to stay.

But that niggling—and very hopeful—voice in the back of my head stated that he had come for me; he knew I would be here anyway, so he came here the soonest he could after his resting time was up!

Try as I might, I could not expel that hopeful thought from my mind.

I do not know how long I walked, but it must have been a long time; long enough for one of the soldiers I spoke with to run to Iroh and tell him what had happened and what direction I headed off in.

"Ah, there you are. A little worse for the wear, but nothing to serious, am I right?" a familiar voice said from behind me.

I turned, sure that I was delusional, but there he was; aged a bit after two years, but no worse. His hair grew out and he had to tie it into a ponytail at the crown of his scalp and wore a long black cloak over his Fire Nation uniform and spike-tipped boots with genuine leather gloves; a vision contrasting with the white and light blues of the Southern Water Tribe.

"Iroh." I whispered; acknowledging him.

It was as if a huge weight had been lifted from my heart and, with tears of joy in my eyes, I ran into his embrace.

We kissed and made up, I let him pick me up like he did years ago when I was his bride, and ran onto his ships and once inside, he swept me into bed and into joy as the ships sailed away; forever taking me away.

* * *

Oh, how I wish I could say those words and they be true.

* * *

In reality, after I did get the feeling of a giant weight being lifted off of me, my eyes did not tear up nor did I run into his open arms or did we leave the Southern Water Tribe. 

Instead, I only stared at him and him me. Neither of us did anything and it was dead silent.

"Good day." I said through cold lips and walked away as fast as I could.

I almost ran back to the igloo Paha and I shared and found him in there as well.

"The Fire Nation has come once again." He said in a repulsed tone; the first one I had ever heard from him.

"They will not bother us if we do not bother them." I restated the old man's words.

"Oh, yes; but how long will that last?" he asked with a sniff.

I realized what he meant; how long before the men kidnapped and raped one of their women.

"They would not do anything as long as we do not; they might have started the war and killed many, but they are people raised with the idea of honor and pride before all; saying that they are not honorable and have no conscience is like saying that those of the Water Tribes are barbarians." I defended them.

Paha stared at me for a moment, but took my words into consideration. He beckoned me to sit down on our 'bed' and took one of my hands into his shaking and a bit sweaty hand.

"Do not worry, Yuki. I will protect you from those men." He said while lightly tracing the lines of my hand and never in my life had I wanted more to cuff him; as anyone else would have wanted to.

"Let us sleep; it has been such a long and eventful day." I suggested; stripping from my outer garments and laying on the bed.

I felt his hand trace my arm and wondered if I should refuse him; he seemed to be taking the initiative and since Iroh was here, I could prove to him that I did not want to return to him. Turning, I watched as he gently kissed me and began to remove my clothes—again, awkwardly and very shakily—along with his own. I said nothing; parting my legs and letting him get between them; after all, it was the way children were procreated. I felt him barely touching parts of my body and then there was something soft trying to…something soft?

"What the hell are you doing?" I yelled; sitting bolt upright in realization of what he was trying to do.

Paha looked at me as if I had just cursed him.

"Ah—." He began, but I was too busy ranting to pay attention to him.

"Are you crazy? It's flaccid, it's weak, it's—!" I shouted; hardly believing that he was trying to do such a thing.

Ever since I first took the lead, we had done next to nothing that a married couple would do; we wouldn't even look at each other in public. Did the fact that I was not a virgin REALLY affect his virility—even though I'm not sure if it existed in the first place—that much? Instead of remaining even-tempered, I chose to defy him.

"Look, I find this marriage as inconvenient and dull as you probably also do, so why not ask your grandmother for a divorce? Then you can marry some virgin!" I demanded.

Paha looked stunned for a moment; probably because he'd never had a woman tell him off.

"A woman should not object her husband's decision; you should consider yourself lucky that I do not choose to rape you." Paha said back.

I was taken aback by his coarse remark and, my impulsiveness seizing me, I dashed out of the igloo; not caring that I only wore a sleeping gown.

This couldn't be happening.

Iroh was back in my life with Tai, both of them willing to forgive me and take me back home, while I refused their offer; stating that I would be happier here.

But here, I was faced with an impotent husband whose ego is now being blown out of proportion yet again! The people now resent me for some unknown reason, I was choosing to stay in this hellhole, and I was stuck here in the first place because of my own virtuous flaws!

I blindly ran, sobbing as I did so, and half hoped that I would run into the ocean and stay down there forever.

Instead, I collided with a wool cloak with a warm body enclosed inside it. I grabbed onto the rough fabric; screaming into it and continuing to cry and beat my fists against this person's tone chest. I must have looked humiliating, but I did not care; it was all becoming too much for me.

"Yukihiya, don't cry—I can't bear to see you like that." Iroh's concerned voice begged; his hands, encased in leather gloves, circling around my back.

I did not hesitate, then; turning up, I pulled myself up to his face and kissed him.

I put in all of my sorrows and desires and my wants to apologize into the kiss and it seemed to have worked; he was surprised at first, but then began to kiss me back with matching desire. I wanted him so much.

He swept me into his cloak and I eagerly accepted the warmth; pulling at his garment underneath to try and get to his bare skin.

"Yu—." He began again, but I could not stop myself; I did not want such a moment to end.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never should have done such a thing. Please, forgive me. I need you so badly." I mumbled a lot more things that I cannot remember and Iroh seemed to be warming up to me because of them, but there was one phrase which won him over completely; a simple and very common phrase.

"I love you."

He grabbed my jaw and kissed me hotly; taking off his gloves and slipping his hand under the neck of my sleeping gown and touching my bare skin. The warmth radiating off of him was electrifying for me and I wanted so much more.

"Not here." Iroh breathed raggedly; pulling me and a few already discarded clothes with him and leading me quickly to the open steps of his ship. The distance to his chamber seemed to be so long and I could not wait.

As soon as he closed and locked the door to his chamber, we both fell upon his large and feather-stuffed mattress supported on the ornately carved and polished wood.

I eagerly accepted his touch and kisses and, in a single word, ravishment and gave my own with equaled passion.

It was blinding, it was eye-opening, it was red-hot, it was pure raw sex, it was ecstatic, it was intense, it was rough and vigorous, and it was…

It was exactly what I wanted.

* * *

I woke up naked and, for a fleeting moment, wondered if I actually consummated my 'marriage' with Paha. 

Clutching the red silk sheet—'red silk sheet?' I thought, looking at it and around the room. It was like the captain's quarters in a Fire Nation ship…but this room was more spacious; like it was for royalty.

I quickly turned around and saw Iroh next to me; as naked as the day he was born.

For a fleeting second, I felt a sense of belonging; that I truly belonged here, in bed and in the Fire Nation, with Iroh. _'He is a philanderer!'_ my mind shouted at my heart.

Fear overtook me—I seemed to have forgotten that I had taken the initiative by running into his arms and kissing him last night—maybe he was a bit too drunk and couldn't tell apart me from a random serving woman and what would happen if he woke up and I was still there?

Male arrogance and frankness would probably set in for him, I thought.

Hurriedly, I looked for my clothes—most of which had slight burnt parts—scattered about the floor.

I reached for the nearest object of clothing, an undershirt, but found it out of my reach. I pulled my body further from the bed, but not out of the sheets, and persisted.

I finally reached it. But I fell with a loud 'thump' on the carpeted floor as a result. I pulled myself up, I had nearly forgotten about the unpleasant side of the morning after since I hadn't had real sex for nearly two years, and leaned against the edge of his bed.

"You don't have to do that, you know; I've seen it all before and I saw it all again last night." His voice said from behind me; the heat from his form drawing closer to me.

It was as if I was all over 18 again; modest and embarrassed.

"Look away!" I cried out; clutching the sheet around me more tightly.

"Really, Yukihiya; modesty and embarrassment are unnecessary for you. Sure, you've lost a considerable amount of weight in the nearly two years since I last saw you, but we can fix that." He said with a shrug.

"Fix? How so?" I asked; wondering why he said that.

I turned back to him and saw his golden eyes regard me curiously.

"Once we return to the Fire Nation, we can fatten you up with oden and those desserts you love so much and we can recommence your training." He said as if he were telling me the weather.

I was blown away by hurt and his surefire frankness; did he truly expect me to go back to the Fire Nation with him sans a word of complaint? I had run away from the nation; did that not tell him enough on what I thought of it?

"Don't be stupid, Iroh." I snapped at him.

He did not look disheartened or even angered at my comment.

"Say whatever you would like to, Yukihiya, but I know the truth." He said smugly.

"What do you know?" I asked; meant to sound sarcastic, but coming off more as curious. He grinned in almost a wolfish manner.

"That you still love me, that you obviously still want me, that you did not and would not have really stayed here forever, that you're a Fire Nation woman through and through and nothing can change that." He replied smoothly.

"I am a woman from the Water Tribe." Around him, I was always a bad liar and the situation was making it worse.

"No, you're not. You have fire in your veins; through and through." He remarked.

"I do not!" I yelled; trying to stand up when he pulled me down again; into his lap.

"Oh?" he whispered; his breath raising the nerve endings on the shell of my right ear.

His hand went from cupping my cheek to idly tracing my eyelids, the shape of my nose, around my lips, and brushing past my neck.

"Then I suppose that you have no fire in your blood when reacting to this." His fingers brushed against my inner thigh. "Or this." He nipped at the erogenous area of my neck. "Or even this." I felt the heat of his fingertip as it traced circles around my breast and slowly inched up to its peak.

"But—." I began, but was at a loss for words.

He turned me around; kissing me chastely on the lips.

When he pulled away, I saw his expression.

The look in his eyes he gave off was intense beyond measure.

"If you are pregnant once again with my son, you will come back to the Fire Nation with me." he said; his eyes speaking volumes for what his stony voice did not.

Extemporaneity was a virtue I obviously possessed; I thought that I was only going to bed with my husband.

"So this is all a ploy to try and get a baby on me? To make it easier for me to submit to your demands?" I snapped; trying as hard as I could to abstain from cursing aloud.

His eyes widened a fraction in realizing that I had not thought the entire thing out and he smiled—I thought it was more that he smirked—at me.

"So you just jumped into bed with me at the snap of my fingers without a second thought, by Agni; how has your husband what's-his-name been treating you?" he asked with a leer.

The pain and humiliation inside of me increased by tenfold; how could I have allowed myself to behave as a whore did? Then a new thought struck me.

"What if the child was not yours?" I shot back. He barely even looked at me.

"How could it not be?" he replied arrogantly.

"What if I laid with Paha and conceived his child?" I emphasized his name. Iroh clucked his tongue at me.

"I thought you knew me better than that, Yukihiya; I've seen and used spies, so I more or less know all about that husband of yours and your so-called 'marriage' to him; he doesn't even have enough potency to initiate anything; it's always you who must get on top of him and, of course, that position has been known to fail to conceive a child many times." He replied simply.

"It doesn't mean I cannot teach him how to be dominant." I retorted before I thought.

"Do you even want to?" Iroh countered me.

A part of me liked to be the dominant figure in the marriage, even if it was unorthodox, but I never really followed orthodox ways anyway.

"It's best you go before that paramour of yours worries too much about you." Iroh put in and pulled out some new clothes for me sans burn marks.

He helped me dressed, though I never asked for such unwanted help, and made sure to practically molest me every chance he got just to prove that his touch still set my blood afire in a way no other man could and just before we parted, he grabbed me by the neck, for a moment I thought that he would strangle me, and pulled me into a long kiss.

It was hot, wet, heavy, forceful, and, in a single word, incredible.

When he pulled away, I whimpered; wanting more.

The icy wind blew at my back and pride once again forced me to turn away and walk towards the tribe as if it had not affected me at all.

* * *

When I re-entered the igloo, I saw Paha sitting on our 'mattress' and staring at me. 

Instantly, I felt apprehension cripple me; what if he saw me kiss Iroh or someone else did and then told him?

A part of me asked why would that be bad; after all, if Paha chose to divorce me, my ties to the Southern Water Tribe would be dissolved and nothing would keep me from showing my true colors and leaving with Iroh and Tai.

"Good morning." I said as a wife should have.

Paha did not return my greeting; he only continued to stare at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked; noting his expression.

"Come here; sit with me." he said as a weak order.

I wondered what brought about such strange behavior, but complied.

His hands gripped the edge of my parka, pulling it up, and I let him do so; still wondering the source of his conduct.

He suddenly stopped, he had almost completely undressed me, and I heard him sniff the air.

Could he smell the scent of sweat of me and another or the musky aroma of sex wafting from me?

He said nothing and resumed his task of undressing me.

For the record, at least he finally summoned his manhood and was the dominant one in our marriage bed that…morning.

* * *

He apparently told Tai, for while I was walking the coastline a few mornings later, I saw him coming towards me. 

I froze, as any other mother in my situation would, and watched as he came to within a meter of me.

I thought he would show resentment towards me or just refuse to speak to me, but all he did was take a step closer, then another, and another.

"Mama." He whispered softly; his arms beginning to encircle my waist.

With a muffle cry of joy, I almost fell on him and began weeping for joy; tightening my embrace on him and whispering my apologies while kissing his cheek frequently. He, like the little adult he was, soothed me and told me it was alright; that he and Iroh were more than willing to take me back and reaccept me.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"Walk to that forest of ice; I'm sure you will see him." Tai replied simply and, kissing me on the cheek one last time, walked back to a docking ship.

I was a bit confused—why would Iroh be outside when he could just meet Tai and myself then?—but complied and walked to the forest of ice.

He snuck up from behind me and held me fast over his body; letting me feel the strong and rapid beat of his heart.

"N-No." I began, but did not get the chance to refuse him; he wouldn't let me.

"Here? It's freezing." I said; though the wanton and daring part of me wanted to do it here also.

"Nobody's watching; come now, don't you remember what we said in bed on that night?" Iroh asked; lightly biting the pulse point at my throat.

I laughed, but it came out as a moan of pleasure instead; how could I forget? During such pillow talk, we said that we would try to do the deed outside in cold weather for once; there was a rumor we had heard at the time that such climactic conditions would make sex better.

Wrapped in only his cloak, we hurriedly and carelessly pushed away our clothes and made love leaning against a large icicle.

Even as we were both blinded by lust and starved of each other, I felt my once-broken attachment to him grow once again and become stronger than ever and, for almost the first time in my life, I did not know what would happen in the future; I simply could not envision it.

* * *

From then on, Iroh and I slipped into another cycle. 

Every few days, I would depart from my igloo and meet with him at our pre-decided location. Whoever it was that arrived first would wait and, when they heard the familiar trek of their other's footsteps near them, they would turn and we would fall upon the closest object there was; whether it was the ground, the wall, the snow and ice, and stay there almost all day, until we both had to go back.

I suspected that Paha knew, but did not say anything; I could see it in his eyes.

There were days when I would kiss him on the cheek and bid him a good day, and there was a crestfallen sadness in his eyes that worried yet slightly repulsed me.

"Where are you going?" he boldly asked one day.

"I am going to see a few acquaintances; it will not be long." I replied; then making up a small list of Water Tribe women who clearly wanted nothing to do with me and I knew would deny so vehemently about spending time with me, the Water Tribesmen would assume that they were lying.

Such a cycle continued for a few weeks, but I never forgot Iroh's words.

Words in which he put into action soon enough.

* * *

Great Agni, it couldn't be. 

But it was.

Morning sickness, fatigue, dizziness and nausea; they were all those dreaded symptoms.

To make matters worse, it was unquestionably Iroh's child.

As the months dragged on, I felt my belly becoming firmer and my breasts becoming larger; just as before.

It was in the fifth month that my stomach was almost visible from under my thick parka and that the Fire Nation ships were about to leave. I had told Iroh when I had missed my course twice and he reacted primarily with joy, and then repeating his words; insisting that I go back to the Fire Nation with him. When I told Tai, he smiled and rubbed my stomach lightly; saying that he could 'feel' his younger sibling in there.

Despite Tai and Iroh's tries to persuade me to go back, I still refused, but they were both persistent.

Iroh argued with me many a times. His words almost completely made me lose faith in the Water Tribes and reminded me of how happy we were, how all of the rumors about him being a cheater were untrue and that for the sake of the baby, I should go back—what would I tell the people, all of whom were expecting a pure-bred Water Tribe child, when my baby was found to have gold eyes?—and so many other efficient arguments that I remember having a minor breakdown at his words.

At once, his attitude changed; he became tender and took my hands in his.

"I promise you, Yukihiya; our lives will be better than before once we go back to the Fire Nation." He whispered and I nodded; hot tears still cascading down my cheeks.

"Will you come back with me?" he asked.

"Y-Yes. I will. I…I love you. Despite everything you've been rumored to have done and possibly have done, I still love you. Despite your past and the scandals woven around you, despite your womanizing, despite it all, I have and will always—." He didn't wait for another word to come out of my mouth; choosing instead to grab me and hold me tightly as I cried out all of my emotions.

When I finished, he kissed me on the mouth and smiled at me.

I felt myself smiling in return and we both began to talk about how we were to get me out of the Water Tribes without arousing suspicion.

By the end of the day, Tai had joined in and we decided on a plan.

* * *

I watched from the other side as the leathery old man made his announcement that they were leaving; just as Iroh had instructed him to. 

"But first…" Iroh came forth; his eyes scanning the crowd for me.

When he saw me, his hand lashed out and grabbed me around the collar of my parka; pulling me back.

A gasp came up from the crowd, and I could see fear glint in everyone's eyes; wondering if there would be any more 'hostages'.

"A little souvenir." He finished; still dragging me aboard.

I saw Paha's eyes still alight with horror, but did not pay attention to it; possibly the biggest mistake that cost me my son's life.

When the door to his quarters was shut, I turned and threw myself into his arms; pulling off my blue clothes with increased anticipation.

Iroh gave me a maternity robe to wear and more Fire Nation foods prepared by the chefs. I had often eaten with him when we were on a ship, everyone knew that I was back and they seemed to hold no bitter feelings towards me, and I felt myself becoming less than a bag of bones for every meal I consumed.

When I finished my meal, I began to wonder what had happened during the lapse of my absence.

A little more than a year might not seem significant, but there was a large amount of time for change to occur; especially in the ever-shifting life in the Fire Nation.

I asked Iroh about it, and he filled me in on events for the Fire Nation: Kuzon actually married and marital bliss was apparently kicking in, Fire Princess Ilsa was on the verge of a debacle, the Fire Nation had suffered a drought within the time of my absence, Ozai had become worse, women tried to foist themselves on him, and so many other things, but I was more interested in the people I had known.

"But what happened to everyone while I was gone? What happened to Lo and Li and Kaku? What of Mira? Or Ane?" I asked.

He told me that Mira, still the woman she was, was alive and healthy and still at the palace while he had sent Li and Kaku away for facts he would not state—but I already knew why anyway—while Lo chose to remain at the palace. I saw Iroh's eyes flash with guilt at the mention of Ane's name.

"Did she…die?" my voice cracked on the last word.

My husband shook his head.

"She was…accused of being an accomplice in your disappearance." He told me.

I was horrified at that prospect, the theories about my miscarriage most likely still lived on and probably became more farfetched, and I knew that the price of being accused of high treason.

"She—she left this for you." Iroh hesitated, then reached into a box at his table and, opening it, produced an aged letter sealed with a shaky drip of wax, as if in haste, and the characters of my name was scribbled so sloppily, even I could barely read it.

I took the letter and broke through the long-cooled wax and saw Ane's handwriting, but it was in the common language of the world and scribbled with a trembling and hurried hand.

I read the letter with growing fear for my old friend's life.

_My lady Yukihiya,_

_A thousand begs for mercy will never even be recognized to you as a plea from myself. I could spend each second for the rest of my life saying 'I'm sorry', but you would never forgive me. I cannot even forgive myself. You showed me nothing but kindness and forgiveness ever since you first came to the palace, but I was ungrateful and only shamed both you and myself; cruelly and heartlessly, just like the brainless slut I am, I failed you. _

_The ones who are after me come closer with each word I can manifest onto this sheet of parchment and I have barely any time to explain, so I shall make it quick. _

_The tea that I gave to you all those years ago that forced you to miscarry, Hatsuhana had not tricked me into giving it to you; in truth, it was Kakis. _

_I didn't know it at the time, but he was a loyalist to the Earth Kingdom out to assassinate the Royal Family of the Fire Nation. I was so smitten by him, that I had barely even noticed the suspicious ways of his background and actions. I had slipped out that you were constantly sore for carrying those twins in your belly and he gave me those herbs; saying that they would help you feel better. I actually believed him when he said that, a hundred thousand begs for forgiveness for my own blinding stupidity._

_When you came to question me, I looked around; looking for someone other than Kakis to place the blame on. I know many people hated Hatsuhana, so I lied.  
_

_In the years after that, you defended me when people began to suspect me and I sought to Kuzon for permission to banish Kakis and I myself tried to murder him. I do not know if he had survived or not, I pray that he did not. _

_When the resurrection of the theory that I had turned against you began, I then saw the price I had to pay. _

_I cannot hold my head high like you once said I should, I cannot face those who are after me. _

_For my own cowardliness, I hope my life will be enough so that you can one day come back. _

_So many soldiers go out onto the battlefield each day to fight and die for their nations; their deaths are undeserving. Mine should be. _

_I pray that you should never experience the loneliness and fear that has nipped at my heels ever since the years of your miscarriage and that no one else will ever try to shame you. I pray that one day you will go to Al-Yanna and live with your husband Prince Iroh, your son Prince Tai, and Princesses Katara and Laetitia while I burn forever in hell, always regretting my mistakes. _

_This may be my last chance to say my farewells. _

_May you live a long and prosperous life with all your heart desires fulfilled._

_Ane_

"What happened to her?" I demanded as soon as I saw her signature; she had not even tried to attempt at any of the calligraphy seals I had taught her.

Iroh sighed, obviously troubled and wondering if he should really tell me.

"She was taken away." He said vaguely and I glared at him.

It was a struggle in his inner mind to whether tell me or not; something very bad must have been her fate.

"Maybe other things are better left unsaid." I offered; letting it slide.

* * *

Iroh still had to go off to war in the Earth Kingdom, so we did not go to the Fire Nation straightway. 

The months passed and I saw myself growing big again; often feeling my baby's kicks day and night. It seemed that this little one was eager to come into the world.

Because this child was conceived while Iroh was still fighting, I often fretted that I might have a miscarriage out of fright; the human body, though it has a strong resistance to die, has many weaknesses and ways that might make it die.

Once, when a physician's assistant told me that Iroh had been hit in the head to knock him off his horse and he was dozing between consciousness and unconsciousness, I felt the coldest of chills run through me and pain stretch through my pelvic area. Another time, the ship lurched unexpectedly and I almost fell against the deck tummy-forward.

Finally, after months of worry and fears, on the twentieth day of the eighth month, I brought my second son into the world after an arduous labor.

The labor was probably due to the fact that I had apparently grown weaker in my years of idleness in the Southern Water Tribe and that the little infant also seemed to be a bit larger than I had anticipated and I had a very difficult time pushing him out.

Some of the midwives—Iroh, for some reason, had taken a few of them along for whatever reason I would probably have not wanted to know—even suggested that they perform a surgery-like incision on the area right above my womb and pull the baby out of that hole.

Appalled and frightened by the suggestion, I vehemently refused.

With a final heave, I flopped back against the pillow and felt my suddenly flaccid belly; listening for the newborn's lusty cries, but there were none.

Sitting up the best I could, fearing that it was a stillbirth, I looked over to the doctor to see that the baby did not cry, but it was undeniably alive.

* * *

This time, my son had my skin tones and Iroh's eyes and hair; practically the only physical contrast between Tai and my new son. 

I had barely any time to sit up when Iroh burst into the room; obviously worn out from a rushed journey back to the boat.

"Did I miss it?" he panted. "No, they are about to give him his first bath." I replied; smiling at his flushed cheeks.

He looked up from me, then to his right; where his new son was about to be given his first warm bath.

"If I may." He said quietly to the doctor holding him; extending his hands.

The doctor handed our son to him and let Iroh give the infant his first bath. I wondered briefly if he did the same for Tai, and made a mental note to ask him later on.

Tai came back into the room—he had lost all of his nerve upon seeing something poking out of his mother's 'area'—and held his baby brother after the midwife had lightly bundled him in breathable linen.

"I still say we should name him Zuko." Iroh suggested; why was he always suggesting such a name for our son?

"Let us name it after you, instead." I suggested.

He looked a bit disappointed, but did not lose another moment faltering.

"What kind of name did you have in mind?" he asked.

I was glad he was not the kind of man who got very austere over names.

In the Fire Nation, names were almost as important as one's social standing; men and women alike believed that if they named their child wrong, its name would not be accepted in the afterlife and the child's spirit would be stuck wandering an in-between world. Also, a name was also supposed to stand for the child's characteristics and how she or he will turn out in life. I had once heard of a dispute between a married couple over the name of their child which resulted in one of them killed the other. I'm not sure which but the paper that told of the case seemed to suggest that the woman was the one who killed the man. I looked at my baby's face; noting its symmetrical and angular structure.

For a moment, I envisioned that he would be just like his father; proud with a touch of arrogance, noble and very kind, and—of course—becoming a master in seducing women and almost radiating sex appeal.

With a mischievous smirk, I looked up to meet my husband's gaze.

"Iroke."

* * *

Okay; I know what most of you readers are thinking: _'What? Where's Lu Ten?'_

He will come a bit later in the story line and the next chapter will explain why there is no record of Iroke.

Review, please.


	18. Chapter 17: The Secret Child

Sorry I haven't updated in a while; school's been a HUGE burden on my shoulders.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

* * *

**The Secret Child**

**Year of the Cobra-Year of the Butterfly  
**

* * *

No one could deny that Iroke was born and alive and healthy, but news of his birth did not spread from this ship. 

For one thing, there was no decree that a new prince had been born. Iroke had no birth certificate, there was no celebration except on the ship, I once intercepted a letter being sent out and found that there was no mention of his birth in it, and whenever leaders from another ship came aboard ours, Iroke would always be sent away into Iroh's rooms.

These were probably warning signs I should have taken note of, but I was too busy doting on one son and making up for lost time with another to regard them seriously. Every time I awakened, either naturally or by Iroke's crying, I would get dressed and tend to him, if needed, and then go out onto the ship's deck, sometimes carrying Iroke, and lightly exposing him to the outside air.

Whenever I was called by Iroh to come and plan some kind of attack on the Earth Kingdom with him, Tai would usually take his brother and put him to sleep if needed so or show Iroke something such as a trick or an interesting knick-knack.

Iroh, whenever he had free time, would never miss a chance to care for or play with Iroke; he seemed to have that kind of feeling which until then I thought that only women possessed. Often, I would catch Iroh whispering to his little son a very strange phrase over and over again. 'You are a prince by blood. Never forget that."

He would whisper that every time he saw Iroke and assumed that they were alone or he was out of hearing range.

I did suspect something, but chose not to bring it up; I thought that if I waited, Iroh might tell me why he was acting so…strangely.

* * *

I gave him a sorrowful kiss goodbye and he disappeared out of the door. 

Tai followed; kissing me and then his brother on the cheek. I, holding Iroke in a baby carrier strapped across my chest, leaned against the door and put my hands on the handle where my husband and firstborn son touched; hopefully not for the last time.

* * *

I received a constant feed of what was happening across the Earth Kingdom battleground—Iroh was still refusing to take me with him, this time saying that Iroke needed to be nursed—and would reply to the messages addressed to me, in coded Huowen just to be careful, with suggestions on what to do. 

Iroh's Earth Kingdom campaign had extended the Fire Nation's conquered borders to nearly the stronghold city of Yuanzuo and that city was supposedly the keyhole to the rest of the Earth Kingdom; break through it, and there would be a vast forest with few inhabitants, but a cornucopia of resources to fuel the industrialized Fire Nation with their pursuit of war.

In an attempt to not become depressed, I would dedicate my time to Iroke; teaching him how to walk on the rocking floor of the boat, trying to get him to say 'mama', read to him the little fairy tale books that Iroh read to me back when I could not read or write Huowen, and other such things that an ordinary—well, in my mind what was supposed to be ordinary—mother would do with her son.

For months, I waited in anticipation yet dread for news from the war front; a letter, a printed paper article, anything that would tell me of what had happened when Iroh was fighting.

Then, shortly before Iroke's first birthday, there was news saying that it was alright to sail up the Bahli River; a long, wide, and very deep river which Fire Nation ships can enter, sail down, turn and exit with ease.

It was also a few miles southwest of where Iroh's main campaign was taking place.

Iroke was suckling when I received the news and, out of joy, I almost jumped up and might have dropped him had not he pulled my hair moments before I was about to suddenly move without supporting him.

As a few selected ships sailed up the river, I saw that the towns along the riverbed were seemingly deserted; there were no signs of life in the houses or in the forests.

* * *

At first, I thought that the ship had run onto shallow waters, judging by the sudden shakings and unsteady leanings I felt, but that was impossible; the river was at least a thirteen knots wide; more than enough for two Fire Nation ships to sail side by side along the river and not be run ashore. 

Looking out the window, but not getting too close to the glass, I saw why the villages had all been empty.

They were firing at the ships mounds of Earth and I wondered how far behind in technology they were; the metal ships could not be damaged—dented, at the worse—by such blows with round balls of earth and rock. Suddenly, a page burst into the chamber.

"There is no time, my lady! We must go!" he shouted; grabbing my hand and trying to pull me along.

"My son—!" I began, but he did not cease his actions.

"We must go!" he insisted.

I swatted his hand away and scooped Iroke up just before a rock broke the window and landed in his cradle. I ran out of my chamber with the pageboy; my mind in turmoil with new thoughts. When the page boy, he later told me that he was under Iroh's direct orders, burst into my chambers, he only grabbed my hand; wanting to make sure that I, seemingly I alone, was safe and did not even mention my infant son.

He took me to one of the many secret safe-rooms on the ship with a few other women as my 'roommates' and told us all that when the danger has passed, there would be some kind of a signal; such as firecrackers or bells.

"Are you alright, my lady?" one of the other ladies asked.

I nodded; tightening my hold on Iroke a bit. Again, no one mentioned him.

Hours later, it was long enough for the ones standing—such as myself—to feel their legs become numb, there were the sounds of multiple bells being run throughout the hallway.

Cautiously, the women opened the door and stepped out.

The sound of whoops and cheers came from up on the deck and, I presumed, the rolling of barrels containing spirits being pushed onto the deck and the tops broken so soldiers could stick their cups into them and drink their fill.

The ship began to move by the time it was sunset and the journey up the river recommenced.

* * *

"Forward!" the leader shouted to his regime. 

A day or so before, we had arrived at the base of the river and would have to take the rest of the journey on foot.

The others who stayed behind were to make a quick detour to the key resource places they had conquered in order to take more of what the nation needed before returning to the Fire Nation.

Contrary to what many Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe citizens were told to believe, the Fire Nation did have restriction. We would not chop down an entire forest—why would we have needed such a superfluous amount of wood?—or empty out an entire coal mine just to torment the Earth Kingdom citizens and there was next to nothing to plunder from the Water Tribes; the only times when the Fire Nation would ever do such things would have been to fuel psychological warfare.

I walked alongside a supply wagon, Iroke was strapped in a backpack-like contraption at my chest, and glanced warily at the trees; rebellion groups had been known to meet and attack around here, and guerilla tactics were their version of psychological warfare—and very effective, at that. Ignoring the insistences of the other women who were riding in another wagon, I continued to hold onto the leather rope that I tied to the back of the wagon and walk on; saying that I did not want to become fat and idle.

By the late afternoon, every other woman had gotten off the wagons (some because they heeded my 'warning', others because they didn't want to look stupid or stuck up) and were walking; though most of them complained all of the way.

"My feet hurt." "My toes have blisters." "I have blisters on my blisters." "I feel as if my ankles will break!" "I think I broke something!"

I was relieved when we arrived at the first fort just before nightfall.

The many days and miles that we traveled on foot were very eventful; one heavily pregnant woman even had to give birth on a pulled wagon with only myself and a handful of older women to be her midwives, Iroke had sustained an injury to the right side of his forehead in one of the guerrilla attacks from a band of Earth Kingdom 'soldiers'; but nothing that growing out his hair wouldn't cover up, we once had to pull dozens of our wagons through mud during a hammering typhoon that suddenly appeared and all the while try to preserve the food and supplies we had brought for the soldiers, and a handful of other events that should be recorded in the soldiers' surviving journals and memoirs.

The 38th regime was the one I traveled with, if I remember correctly.

By the time we reached the current battlefront, everyone looked much thinner and gaunt but still alive nonetheless.

Iroh and his fellow officers welcomed us with a small feast of hot foods and freshly brewed ale—when we came, a very chilly wind had been blowing upon us and we had little more than our cloaks to protect us from such weather—and slaughtered some of their best animals 'to fatten you up' as Iroh told me. I laughed and ate my fill.

* * *

As Iroke slept in the makeshift crib, I flopped down on the cot; not realizing until then how tired my body actually was. 

"Was the walk too much for a woman like you?" Iroh taunted; rubbing my knee with one of his hands.

"Don't mock me; you try walking while carrying your infant and your calm façade is worn thin by women's sometimes-outrageous complaints." I replied; stretching my back as far as I could.

"Poor thing." Iroh remarked; his hands moving lower to my calf.

"That feels good." I murmured; turning over on the cot and trying to rub at my shoulders.

"Yes, there." I encouraged when he began digging his thumbs into the spot between my vertebrae and shoulder bones.

"Maybe I should go into the massage business after I retire as a militant." Iroh teased.

"But you would have too many duties as Fire Lord, when you are crowned Fire Lord anyways." I put in; arching up to his hands as he pressed them a bit lower.

"True, but I will have time in between; Kuzon and Azulon's deaths are not imminent anyways." He replied; rolling his knuckles onto my lower back.

"Far enough." I said; lifting myself up. He raised his eyebrow at me in curiosity.

"You need to focus tomorrow; I doubt sex will do much to benefit your thinking." I answered; swatting his hand away.

"You don't know that." He replied arrogantly.

"Just sleep, you oversexed womanizer." I said; lying back down onto my back.

"Oversexed, I can call myself; but not a womanizer." He said; caressing my face with his lips and reaching for my hand. I laughed; letting him interlace his fingers with mine and lie down next to me.

* * *

When I woke up, Iroh was already gone and Iroke had awakened peacefully; he no longer cried when he woke up, preferring to call people by the names he had given them—Ma for me, Ba for Iroh, Tai (the only name he could pronounced correctly) for his older brother, a few other ones for a few of his playmates and nurses and so on—over to him. 

I took Iroke out of his cradle and went outside; seeing that everyone was packing up.

One fourth or so of the regime had gotten up early to march out for a surprise attack and the others were supposed to take what was left of the carts and wagons and animals and move them eastwards.

I sat in the back of the wagon that day, watching Iroke as he cooed and chased some of the chickens that were on the jostling wagon with us.

I probably fell asleep or sunk too deeply into my thoughts, but the next thing I knew the sound of battalion-commanding shouts filled the air and the ground was shaking below us. I grabbed Iroke who, upon sensing that we were in danger, clung onto me and buried his face into my collarbone as we rushed the oxen forward to the nearest group.

Supply wagons always made sure to carry lightweight sheets of blackened metal for many reasons; to make new equipment with, or to make something like a giant tortoise shell, with spare holes for seeing, attacking, and air circulation, around the regime which was light to carry yet provided efficient protection for the people traveling with the army and the animals. The shelter could be made within a few seconds if the sheets were welded together correctly and could be melted down as easily to make into something else.

What all of those domes must have looked like to the opposing side; something like giant, shiny stones moving quickly across a path in as much of a line as they could form.

The four or five months following that event, we had gone deeper towards the battleground and stayed there; the Fire Nation was trying to push forward, but the 'Keystone City' of the Earth Kingdom was putting up a hell of a fight.

* * *

"We only have a bit of time." Iroh replied; trying to undo the complicated part of his new armor. 

"And you want to waste it on sex?" I demanded; despite that I was helping him out of that thing.

He looked at me as if I had sprouted a second head.

"In this world, there are only two things that matter to a man: Conquest and Survival." He replied. I raised my eyebrow at him; confused.

"And here I thought sex was the only thing that mattered to a man." I said sarcastically.

"Part of survival." Iroh answered it as if it was common sense.

The next morning, I awoke to him shaking me up and beckoning me to hurriedly dress.

I complied and rushed outside with him; seeing that the battle was beginning once again and a stableman was coming towards us.

He gave the reins of the Tiger-Horse to Iroh and bowed to me. For a second, all I could do was babble like an idiot in front of them both; I was on the battlegrounds already, so why in the name of the gods couldn't I join him? He leaned down; giving me a light kiss on the forehead.

"Do not fret, wife. I will be back by sundown today." He said sweetly; as if addressing a young daughter instead of his own spouse.

"You—!" I began in outrage, but he chose to gallop off prior to when I would have exploded at him.

* * *

Over the next month or so, it became something of a routine for Iroh's regime to continue to travel closer to the outskirts of the city of Yuanzuo, meeting resistance from every Earth Kingdom village in between since they felt that the results if the Fire Nation conquered the city would be drastic for them, and I had to follow behind. 

I felt my hands become weather-beaten and rough with the manual labor I did, most of the time with ill-fitting or no gloves, and despite the repeated remedies of mashed avocado and milk I made for my hands every night, the roughness of my hands stubbornly refused to smooth out.

"My lady, you have been working too hard." Amia, one of the women who came on the trip as well, said as she held Iroke. I pulled the leather strap tightly against the wagon and turned to her.

"Nonsense; I will bear my fair share of the workload." I replied to her. Almost immediately after the words came from my mouth, I felt the ground shake; causing myself to lean heavily against the wagon and clutch the strap.

"I-Is it an earthquake?" I asked; feeling my head pulsate and my eyesight almost fail me.

"My lady?" Amia inquired; coming closer to me.

I do not know what happened then, I only remember letting go of the leather strap and…falling.

* * *

I awoke to feel whatever I was laying on shake roughly. 

I pushed myself up onto my elbow and saw that I was on the back of a wagon and resting on a makeshift bed. I tried to pull myself up further, but a pair of bony, yet very strong, hands pushed me back down.

"Rest; a pregnant woman should not overwork herself. Rest." The old healer, I think her name was Moraga or something, instructed.

Pregnant? Did she really think that I was…?

Instinctively, I reached underneath the blanket and laid a hand onto my abdomen. I had felt it become tauter, but it was the first time I had felt it and actually considered…that possibility. I felt the area firmly bulge and bit my lip; was I really pregnant again? I wasn't keeping track of my courses anymore and felt tired constantly, but I only thought that it was due to the stress of having to constantly march and work while watching over Iroke at the same time.

Besides, nothing else happened; my breasts weren't even sore. I heard many cases in which a woman had almost all of the signs of pregnancy but when their labor time came, it turned out to be nothing but a false—a 'hysterical', in some people's eyes—pregnancy. Usually, it happened to women whose courses dried up shortly after; so many women took such a 'condition' as an ominous forebode.

"Where is my son?" I asked; remembering that I had last left him with Amia.

"Here he is, my lady. I must admit, he has been crying for you ever since they had to scoop you up and put you on this wagon." Amia replied; holding him out to me.

I accepted the bundle in her hands and held Iroke against me; feeling his small body press against my stomach. For a moment, I was taken back to when I was pregnant with my twin daughters; they would have been ten had they survived…

"We're here!" a voice shouted from the front of the procession line.

It looked like a dot at first, but as we got closer the more elaborate details of one of the Fire Nation forts outside of Yuanzuo came into view. Upon seeing that, I wondered how long I had been asleep; from what I remembered in my military days, a journey from so-and-so distance on a map took at least three days.

The formal shouts of welcome, most likely just whoops of joy that we had brought more food and supplies, rang through the air as the gates opened for us.

Surprisingly, the first thing I did when I stepped out of the wagon was stuff some hay into a potato bag and flop down onto it; feeling the proverbial fatigue that came with a pregnancy overtake me.

* * *

"Well, I'm not surprised." A woman's voice scoffed above me. 

Prying my eyes open, I found Iroke being held by his father who was speaking with another woman; both of whom were a few feet away from me.

"Why not?" he inquired as he lightly jiggled his arm to wake up his youngest son.

"Because you have very fast-traveling seeds." She replied; obviously a ribald reference to my own pregnancies and to a few others.

"True." I agreed with the woman.

They both turned to me; the woman bowing deeply, and Iroh smiling brilliantly. As she left, Iroh kneeled down and placed his hand onto my abdomen.

"D'you really think…?" he asked softly.

"It still is a bit too early, but one can always hope." I replied.

* * *

As the months passed and the Fire Nation forces continued to bombard the walls of the city, it became obvious that a storming of the city was needed for such a crucial victory; a large-scale coup, so to call it. 

After weeks of debating, the final plan was drawn and Iroh, being the adrenaline-seeking idiot—but he was _my_ adrenaline-seeking idiot—he was, wanted to lead in the front line.

News from the home front had stated, or at least it was strongly rumored, that both Kuzon and Azulon had fallen ill and if they both died or were proclaimed too ill to rule, then Iroh—and myself, technically speaking—would have to go back to the Fire Nation to be made the new Fire Nation monarchs. If he were too late to do so, there was a possibility that Ozai might, in a sense, usurp the throne and were Iroh to die, Tai and Iroke were possible candidates for the throne.

"Your Imperial Highness, be reasonable! The royal bloodline must be preserved; not run headfirst into a city where they can be killed in an instant!" an elderly general protested.

"General, my decision is final. I refuse to be only a figurehead and sit back to let others take the burdens of my actions." Iroh replied firmly; obviously not going to be swayed otherwise.

"But—!" the same man began. It was then that I chose to cut in. Unable to find a person to temporarily hold Iroke, I came into the tent; infant and all. At first, the military leaders were relieved to see me, them obviously thinking that I would beg or say something to Iroh that would make him reconsider or that the sight of me and Iroke together would make him realize what Iroh might leave behind if he was killed, but then they realized that I was not there to dissuade Iroh; quite the contrary.

I stood next to him; glancing for a moment before turning to the others.

"He will go; as I will also." I stated. At once, protests erupted from the other men in the room considering my current (possible) bodily state—apparently, they only cared about what they believed was in my womb at the time—but I knew that Iroh, despite how much he wished to protest, would not; it would be hypocrisy on his part if he did.

"It is settled, then." Iroh said; his voice instantly quieting the uproar.

"We shall both be going out to the battlefront." He then turned to me.

"You only wish to relive your glory days, don't you?" he asked; his eyes alight with amusement. I smiled back.

He leaned closer to me; just to whisper in my ear.

"I'll be looking forward to it." He then exited the tent; leaving me with about a dozen curious eyes directed at me.

Back in my small tent, as I saw my tired face in the mirror, I sighed; ghosting my hand over where the slightest of wrinkles was appearing.

"Don't worry; I'm aging too." Iroh whispered; coming up from behind me and wrapping his arm around my upper torso.

"We're growing so old." I sighed; stroking one of his cheeks.

"But we are growing old together." He replied; giving me a small kiss.

* * *

"My lady! Wake up!" I was jolted up to hear screams and the violent shaking of the ground. 

The woman pulled me up quickly and threw a bundle of clothes at me. I dressed as hastily as I could and ran out.

The scene was a wreck; the ground was cracked and divided everywhere with trees tossed askew and the splintered wood from the wagons sticking out in all directions. The animals had begun to panic, I would not blame them; considering that the ground they were standing on was suddenly not-so-stable, and there was chaos among the ranks because of the surprise attack from the Earth Kingdom. So the town finally decided to fight back.

"Iroke!" I shouted; panic filling me at the missing status of my son.

A loud cry filled the air and I saw behind me that a man, possibly the turncoat who had arranged the surprise attack, grab my son roughly by his arm and attempt to run off with him.

I reacted instantaneously. I ran up to the man and, with a swift kick to his groin, forced him to the ground and the shock forced him to let go of Iroke and the weapon he held.

With a foot on his neck--the abdomen was too far down and not vulnerable enough, I scooped up my sobbing infant and began to apply more pressure on his neck.

"Don't touch my son." I hissed. He did not bother anyone else ever again, but to quiet Iroke was no easy feat; considering that he also heard the sounds of the battle and the screams.

He clung to my hair for dear life as we ran further up to the battle and I desperately tried to find the remnants of our family. Iroh was the first to spot me and ran over.

"You idiot!" he shouted at me; grasping my arms.

"I can fight just as well as you can!" I screamed back.

"Not while you have an infant on your breast!" he fired back and tried to push me away, but I stubbornly refused.

We were both so caught up in our argument that we took no notice of the battle around us; particularly not that of the Earth Kingdom soldier creeping up to us with a club. The first time I had noticed that man was when someone shouted out my name and I turned towards the sound. Seeing him, my first reaction was to get anyone close to me out of danger.

I turned to Iroh, knowing that he had just now also seen the imminent danger, and pressed his son towards him. No sooner than when I had shoved Iroke into Iroh's arms did I turn around and was hit in the stomach; hard.

I felt my leg muscles lock in place because of the shock as the blow was riveted throughout my body. My knees felt like they were water and I fell upon the ground; holding my stomach. The pain would just not go away; I felt as if I would throw up and faint any second. I could not stand; I could not move; I could barely feel as someone grabbed me roughly and half dragged me across the bloodstained earth.

Something bright soared over my head and I felt whoever it was dragging me quicken his or her pace.

I never knew how close I came…

* * *

My first instinct was to cringe in pain from my sore abdomen, but I still felt numb. 

Opening my eyes, I saw women whispering rapidly above me; paying no attention to my newly-regained consciousness.

"But if she does die, will Iroh marry someone else?" one whispered.

"Maybe it'll be me." another said haughtily.

Some more arguments about who it might have been ensued before I made a sound.

"I don't think that it will be necessary." I replied; clearing my throat.

The girls looked terribly embarrassed and scuttled away; other women replacing them.

"How are you?" Ming-Ming, the older woman who had told me that I was pregnant, inquired. I turned away from them; pressing myself deeper against the bed.

"I…I lost the baby." I told them quietly.

In the moment I had regained consciousness, I heard the midwife doing something to me and shaking her head as Iroh, who was opposite of her, asked her what was wrong. "The baby. I'm sorry, but…" she said, but I slipped back into that in-between world before I heard anything else.

I heard the door open and close again; knowing that it was Iroh.

I felt a cold sweat seize me; should I just stay like this or should I break down in front of him? Should I cry, would it make me look weak?

"I'm sorry. I lost the baby." I whimpered; much like a servant after being disobedient to its master and knowing that it would suffer some branch of punishment. I heard him sigh and his weight shifted my mattress. He reached out and placed his hand over my stomach; probably not missing that I winced when he did that.

"There was no baby." He replied; his voice heavy.

"It was all in your imagination. The blood was not from a miscarriage, it was only your time of the month coming late" Iroh whispered.

A phantom pregnancy; I wondered bitterly for a second if it also signified that my courses would dry up soon. "I imagined that I was pregnant?" I whispered; glancing at him.

He nodded slowly and I griped his hand tighter. "I'm such a fool." I said; burying my face into my other hand.

"Leave." Iroh commanded the others present and then leaned down to act something like a warm blanket over me.

"But…it was at least half an hour before you received treatment from the healer. Babies have been known to disappear from wombs often." I wondered fleetingly if he'd seen me the moment I had temporarily awakened. "Let us not talk about that anymore; what happened to the battle?" I inquired.

"Let's just say that…we'll need to be here for a longer time." Iroh said plainly.

We may have lost that day, or we may have won. It did not matter; Yuanzuo did collapse and it took zodiacs, the last I had heard it was still trying to stabalize itself, since the day of its surrender to rebuild itself.

* * *

I smiled and accepted the bowl of hong mien, or red noodles, which were eaten on special occasions such as New Year and one's birthday. 

"Thirty-five, what a grand milestone for you!" one woman said.

Iroke was attempting to grab a very slippery noodle beside me and Tai, though in the midst of a laughing fit as he regarded his brother's moue and determined expression, was helping himself—I think it could be called gluttonously—to his favorite sweets and dishes. I thanked them all and helped myself to the abundance of dishes that the cook had prepared.

It had been many months after my false pregnancy, and I had gotten over the primary shock, but even as I laughed at the jests and gossip that others around me said, I still wondered if I could have another child or even have enough confidence in myself to even try for one. Iroh was patient and understanding and slowly, with old techniques that we had incorporated when we were in the military, he seduced me back into our marriage bed.

By then, sadly, news of my false pregnancy had spread and I saw occasionally a woman look at me with the deepest pity in her eyes.

'I do not care. I do not care. I do not care.' I repeated the mantra over and over; clinging onto the (nonexistent) fact.

* * *

As demonstrated in the past, psychological warfare is an effective method to get one side to overestimate, even come to fear, the other side and so to flaunt the Fire Nation's innovative technology, a few miles away from Yuanzuo, the troops established a colony and begged for their families to come to the 'New Land', where there was a cornucopia of land and wood and fertile soil to till and be mercantilists. 

Iroh, letting another commander take over, went to the settlement with myself and our sons; to relax, he said.

The settlement was housed in a long-abandoned temple that had been almost permanently destroyed in an Earthquake zodiacs before and because the Earth Kingdom was something of a fanatic to their 'faith', word spread that the temple was a cursed pagan one; where an explorer would be forever damned if he set foot on a single stone of it.

The Fire Nation, however, thought that it was lucrative and built it there anyways. Using the forests around them and whatever supplies the ship could spare, the colony slowly took form; as did the Toriis and monumental structures whose shadow would, at a right day and time, block out the sun in the city.

There was no time to rest; there were houses to be built, fields to plow, groundwater to be dug for, pens for animals to be built, an entire colony to be started from scratch.

I laughed when Iroh attempted to plow with a donkey—the animal rebelled at the last minute and, throwing off the harness on his back, ran squealing and braying until a tranquilizer-dipped dark stung him in the butt and quieted him.

* * *

"I can't believe it." Iroh murmured as he pulled me closer to him. 

"What can't you believe, love?" I asked; relaxing at the feel of his warm body—sans clothing—next to mine.

"When we were royalty and on a grand bed of silks and feathers, we were alright, but occasionally miserable—." He began.

"And now, we're on a large sack stuffed with hay and only a badly-woven cotton blanket over us, and we're happier than ever." I finished with a laugh.

"Why are mommy and daddy wrestling?" a sleepy voice from across the room asked. Turning, we saw Iroke in the doorway; clutching his baby blanket and rubbing his eyes.

"Uh—why are you awake, sweetie?" I asked.

"You and daddy were saying something loud." Iroke replied.

Iroh and I turned to each other; embarrassed and wondering.

"Well, why don't we put you back to bed?" Iroh suggested; quickly grabbing a pair of pants and dressing himself. He scooped Iroke up and carried him out of the room. When he came back, I had redressed myself.

"We really need to get a door." I said.

* * *

"Congratulations, my lady!" Amia shouted when she had seen that I'd awakened. 

"For fainting again?" I asked; my memory kicking in at last.

"No, but—." Before she could say another word, the front door to the room burst open and Iroh came in with a small entourage of laughing men.

"You're supposed to use fertilizer in the FIELD, Iroh!" one of them said and the others laughed uproariously.

"Are…Are you sure?" I asked Amia, who nodded.

"Absolutely."

* * *

"We have to go back to the Southern Water Tribe." Iroh announced to me one day. 

"Why?" I demanded; appalled at the thought.

"A report has come from the spy I stationed there; talks of them entering the war are becoming louder and whether it is a red herring or not, we will have to crush any rebellious spirit within them." He replied.

So he did have a spy there; for a moment, I wondered if it was Yao—why else would he be so understanding and open to me while the rest of the tribe shunned me for being an 'alien'?

"But what about Yuanzuo?" I asked.

"I'll let some other official take the glory or shame." Iroh replied as he began to stuff his folded clothes, courtesy of myself, into various trunks.

A month or so later, I saw the ice caps and felt the change in temperature and shivered.

My poor baby; I was now five months along and occasionally felt flutters in my stomach; especially when we neared the cold.

"Are you nervous, mother?" Tai asked one day when he saw me looking ahead to where the faintest traces of smoke could be seen.

"It's probably just because I am a woman, but…I feel a sense of foreboding dread when I look southwards." I replied; to which Tai took my hand in his.

"Do not worry; it is only a quick coup to keep them under control. I'm sure no one will be too hurt that our doctors and healers cannot treat." He said reassuringly.

'You have not been to war for long, have you?' I wanted to ask, but kept my mouth shut; giving my son a smile and squeezing his hand.

* * *

Iroh told me to stay inside with Iroke, but I still did not listen. 

Though I was six months pregnant—often, I wondered if I had celebrated my thirty-sixth birthday at all—I was not weak and did not need to be petted like a little girl.

"Where is daddy?" Iroke asked; tugging at my robes.

"Daddy is outside." I replied sleepily; feeling him press his ear to my stomach once more.

When I woke up, Iroke was gone. I quickly shot up from bed; panicked. When a four year old boy sneaks away, often, he does not try and make it seem like nothing had happened; Iroke had forgotten to close the door behind him.

I was about to run after him, but hesitated; I was supposed to be dead in the Southern Water Tribe, I was supposed to have disappeared anyways…what would happen if I exposed myself?

To hell with it, I thought, I will expose myself and then kill the witnesses. Donning a dark overcoat that partially disguised my swollen belly, I snuck down onto the shore to hear much more than just a scuffle begin. Left and right, blood was being spilt and opposite elements clashed.

I ran through the battlefield; searching desperately for Iroh and Tai; maybe Iroke had gone over to them. I called their names many times, but it all passed unheard because of all of the screaming and horn-blowing.

"Mother! What are you doing here?" Tai shouted from behind me.

"Tai!" I breathed in relief; letting him clasp my arms.

"We need to get you back inside!" he yelled over the uproar.

"Iroke is missing! I-I can't find him!" I shouted back; still looking around desperately.

"We will find him! I promise! But you need to get to safety!" Tai insisted; pulling for me to go back, but I fought him.

"He is my son! Your brother! I must find him!" I yelled in protest.

"Get away from her!" a coarse voice shouted; unmistakably directed at us.

We hardly had time to turn when an ice dart shot past me and pierced my son. I reached out to support him, but felt a rough hand grasping at my wrist and half-dragging me towards the battlefront.

"What—?" I began to shout, then saw the familiar visage; it was Paha.

And yet, it wasn't him; gone was the awkward little boy, and the man before me was just so unlike him that even I didn't believe it at first.

"Come on, Yuki!" he shouted urgently; turning to me.

"But—!" I began.

"You will be safe from those Fire Nation bastards!" he added; glaring contemptuously at my son.

I wrenched my hand from his grip; punching him in the face as he reeled around. When I punched him, his hand managed to grip one of my hairpins and yank it out.

Paha turned; facing me. For the first time, he noticed that I did not look starved and ravaged like he probably expected. To the contrary, I looked much healthier and seemed to be happy; certainly never as happy as I looked when I was with him. His eyes drifted downwards to my Fire Nation attire. He might even have noticed the bulge in my stomach, but I will never know. The hairpin in his hand shed more light on 'Yuki', and then he glanced at Tai, bleeding profusely on the ground, not missing his light brown hair and blue eyes.

Lightning crackled at my fingertips, itching to be released, and my rightfully-placed aggression made me end the life of a man I once called my spouse with a single slash of Katana-Raikou to his chest; mercifully letting him die instantaneously unlike he was forcing my firstborn to die slowly and painfully.

In his hand, he still held my ornate hairpin; the one with the Fire Nation insignia printed on it and lightly studded with wood along the body for grooves.

Without hesitation, I took it and threw it deeper to where the fighting was taking place; it was contaminated by the touch of he-whose-name-I-would-not-speak-forevermore anyways.

I ran back to my son; pulling him up and pressing my head to his chest; desperate to hear a heartbeat or a sign of breathing.

Iroh came running towards me, carrying a runaway Iroke, and fell to his knees in order to help me. He slowly shook his head; he felt a weak or no pulse. I reached for my only other living son at the time; squeezing him tightly against my chest as Iroh lifted Tai's still body onto his shoulders.

"We have to go." He said; holding his hand out to me.

Though I wanted to go back, I took his hand and ran with him back to the sanctuary of his ship.

By the end of the day, the massacre, which had unintentionally broken out, had ended; once again, there was a shortage of adult men in the tribe but nothing else.

As the mound of ice disappeared from my sight in the window of the Fire Nation ship, I rubbed my protruding stomach and swore that I would never go back to the wastelands; foolishly, I added that if I ever did, the baby in my stomach at the time would die there.

* * *

Tai was in the infirmary; though he did survive, I knew from Iroh's grim expression that the doctors told him that our son would most likely die. The next day I asked the doctor if he had determined what was wrong with Tai and for a second, he seemed to wonder if he should tell me. 

"My lady, the wound has punctured his lungs and, though the wound is slight, blood is still beginning to pour in and there is no sign of it stopping. He has time, but not much of it." He finally told me.

"So you are going to stand aside and let a member of royalty die as if he were a man with the plague?" I exploded. I knew that my anger was irrational, but years of experience had taught me to pocket my sadness and bitterness and replace it with anger; I had no control over my words or actions.

Iroh was affected as much as I was; there were times when we would sit at Tai's bedside for hours, Iroke also did but he mainly fell asleep quickly, and hold each other.

I begged Agni to spare my son, day after day, but he always seemed to be getting worse. The ship was sailing at top speed back to the Fire Nation, back to the center for the best medical treatments, but we all feared that it was not enough. Tai only spoke to me one time during the entire journey.

We had passed the borders of the Fire Nation official sea territory prior to beginning their campaign for world domination, but my hope for Tai's survival was dwindling.

"Mama." He rasped; so softly that I thought for a moment that he'd just sighed loudly.

"Tai. I am so sorry." I choked out; dropping besides his bed and taking his hand into both of mine.

"Paint." He simply whispered.

I inquired if the ship had any supply of paints and went to get them; graphite, brushes, a canvas and a table for my son and watched as he drew and paint with incredible speed and concentration; it almost seemed as if he were well.

For days, I fed him and gave him mashed soft foods and water between his resting intervals and watched as seven figures emerged from a sunny background surrounded by sakura blooms and sakurako trees.

One day, about a week after he first began, he nudged me awake.

"Huh?" I awoke; startled.

"Look, mother." He whispered softly; pointing to his picture. I looked upon the canvas and gasped.

Immortally dried on the canvas was a family portrait; a forbidden mirror.

In the painting, Iroh and I sat on grand and ornate chairs with a sixteen year old Tai standing between us along with his arm around Tenera who was holding a 3 year old infant, whom I was later told to be Tai's legitimate and biological son, and twelve year old Laetitia and Katara—both looking so realistic and beautiful that I almost cried upon seeing it—sitting on smaller stools with their legs tucked between the legs of the stool. Iroke sat between the two; his face bright and beaming. In my arms, I held an infant lightly swaddled in gold-lined red muslin. All of the faces were smiling; a happy vision of a great family built on love.

"Oh, Tai…" I murmured; at a loss for words.

"I know. I would have wanted that too." He replied; taking my hand.

My eyes widened at how cold it was and how weak his grip had become.

"You need to rest!" I exclaimed; taking the canvas away.

"At least let me seal it first." Tai insisted; reaching for the painting. Every artist had their personal seal and their art wasn't finished until they pressed it onto the painting with vermillion ink.

"Alright." I consented; putting the canvas back onto the table. The door opened and Iroh stepped in.

"You should rest, Yukihiya." He whispered; lifting me up. I was very hesitant on leaving my son.

"I will watch him, I promise." My husband whispered and I nodded; leaving for a quick meal and a night of sleep.

I woke up to hear a great wail and knew the worst had happened.

Dressing hastily in a loose shift and dressing gown, I ran the hallways and staircases towards the infirmary; throwing open the door. Iroh was in the chair at Tai's bedside; holding the young boy's limp hand and weeping openly.

I ran over to him and threw my arms over his shoulders; my own tears rolling down his back and staining his richly embroidered shirt. Looking up, I saw the painting. He had pressed his seal onto the bottom right corner; it seemed to be the last thing he did.

* * *

I had to sign Tai's death certificate the next day and the message was sent back to the Fire Nation. 

We held a service for him, a royal service, and cremated his body; keeping the urn of his ashes until we got to the Fire Nation where we could store it in the royal crypt.

"Where is Onii-chan?" Iroke used to ask me sleepily; since it was his brother who usually read to him at bedtime.

"He is away." I whispered.

"When will he come back? I want a rematch in Pai Sho." Iroke added with a pout. I did not know whether to laugh or cry at that comment; I only kissed him and sang a lullaby to hopefully make him fall asleep faster.

No sooner than when I heard his breathing pattern elongate, Iroh came in.

"What is it?" I asked; rising. He came over to me and kissed me feverishly; a sign that he was going to tell me some kind of tragic news.

"We have to give up one of our sons." It took me a full minute to realize the meaning of his words.

"What? No! I cannot give either of them up!" I declared; hugging my rounded belly and trying to reach for Iroke's hand.

We had both already lost one son, his death being partially my fault, and now he wanted me to just abandon another? Tai's ashes were still in that urn on our nightstand; the miniature portrait on the front of it seemingly watching us.

"I cannot either, but you know how life is like in the upper class ring; siblings are pitted against each other until one of them is murdered or gives up. Do you want Iroke and his brother to be born into that world?" he asked.

He had a good point there; that was why only one child, preferably a strong son, was most popular among families in the upper class circle. Sibling rivalry took on a new height when two legitimate, especially if they're both male and prodigal, children were born to royalty. But motherly affection could not force me to part with Iroke or Lu Ten, even if I don't know how he will grow up. I had already lost Tai, his death being a huge weight in my heart, and now I had to lose another son?

"How do you know if it will be a boy?" I demanded; clutching desperately at straws.

"How can I not?" he replied grimly; his hard expression almost breaking my heart.

I kneeled down and embraced Iroke very tightly; so tightly that he tried to squirm away from me.

"Let's put you to bed again." I whispered to my son, for what seemed to be the last time I did so. I kissed his forehead and whispered my goodnights and left for Iroh to say his goodnights. When he came back out, it seemed to be a very long time before he did so, I saw that Iroke was asleep and he himself looked to be crying. We did not speak.

"I do not want history to repeat through Iroke and our third son." He finally said. I would not have wanted it to repeat with Tai or Iroke either, but abandoning a royal child--considered treason in some cases--could not have been the sole answer.

"Do you remember the many times I've told you that Ozai is often considered a mistake?" he continued; leaning against the metal wall. I had heard this story many times.

"You were such the perfect son; no parent could ever want for more. Then came Ozai; your exact opposite." I said.

"Exactly. Azulon didn't even bother to pit us against one another, despite that we were his two sons. Ozai also knew that; thus beginning his hatred for me. The more everyone would praise me and curse him, the more he felt that we would always be rivals and the more power-crazed and anger-driven he became." He told.

"Then why? Why would you want to be friends with him? Why did you tell me ten years earlier to marry him when we both detested him?" I burst out. Iroh only stared at me; his eyes full of understanding and remorse.

"I do not detest him; he is my brother. And because he is my brother, I know many things about him. I know what he thinks of you and I know how he thinks due to years of observation." Damn his riddles! Why couldn't he just tell me the truth?

"Iroh; the child you are telling me to give up will either be our son or our future child; you are going to throw away the future of one just because of sibling rivalry?" I demanded; near tears.

He grabbed my upper arms and pulled me tightly against him. I felt moisture against my temples and realized that he had already started to weep as well.

What an impact of losing one of his children must have on him. We held each other, choking on our own melancholy, until we looked towards Iroke's room.

"I will tell the captain to change course." I murmured sadly.

Iroh nodded and the hall was silent once again. Just before I went up the stairwell leading to the main deck, I turned my face and I saw out of peripheral vision Iroh's face twist and grimace with such torturous anguish.

That expression burned an image into my mind and remained there until we found our son again.

I had somehow stumbled my way into the steering room.

"Change this ship's course." I said; forcing my voice to be cold and aloof.

"Where to, my lady?" the sailor asked; not daring to disobey an order from me. I thought for a moment; where could we go to find a family that would willingly take in Iroke without telling anyone? Then, I thought about the sole island that was a stopping point before we arrived at the Fire Nation.

"Set a course for Kinjo Island."

* * *

As we neared the small island, I saw little to no traces of firelight or smoke illuminating the way and nobody took any notice when our ship stopped at the docks. 

"Are you ready?" Iroh whispered from behind me. How could I have ever been ready for such an act?

I nodded once and pulled Iroke onto my back.

It was late and Iroke's weight did not do anything to hound out my fatigue, but I had to keep searching. Iroh could not go onto the island sans attracting attention and I had to wear a dark cloak, even if it was at least seventy degrees, to conceal myself and my sleeping son.

On the island, one of the slightly drunk and talkative townsman told Iroh and me of a couple who had a child, but the child drowned only an hour or so earlier—the news about his death had not gotten out yet—and I set out to find the spouses.

The townsman had not given the best of directions, all he told me was their house was on a hill at the foot of the mountains, and I had to go quickly.

At last, I found a small hut with light flickering through the gaps in its structure. Careful not to wake Iroke, I ran as fast as I could to that house and knocked on the front door.

A very weary man with sadness and disappointment etched in his face answered the door. He was very lanky with slightly tanned skin and sallow dark eyes with hair varying in shades of grey for what seemed to be every strand.

"I've heard about your dead child." I whispered softly.

The man tensed, hesitated, and then opened the door a little wider to let me in. it was a one-room hut and off to the right side, his wife was weeping; almost blanketing the small body of her dead son.

She looked fairly young, her hair was still black and her skin did not seem to be pigmented, but the wrinkles around her eyes made her look so much older. In her grief, she did not notice me come over to her and did not look up until I lowered Iroke off of my back and onto the floor next to her real son.

The woman took a sharp intake of breath, mainly because she saw that my son was breathing, and almost touched his head but held back when she noticed me. With my gloved hand, I gently pushed her aside and took her son from her lap.

He and Iroke were about the same height, their skin tone were the same (I guess the dead son loved the outdoors very much), their hair and facial features were similar enough to pass them off as each other, and they were supposed to be about the same age. They would do.

I began to lift the dead child when the mother reached out in an attempt to stop me, but her husband held her in a way that she would not reach the child.

"Yoh…" she murmured; it must have been the boy's name. I only pointed to my sleeping son.

"Your son." I whispered; a knife tearing through my heart at the words.

Unable to say anything else, I took the corpse into my arms and was about to go when the woman spoke up for the first time.

"What is his name?" she asked me; still staring at the sleeping child. I hesitated, but it wouldn't be any use hiding it.

"Iroke. His name is Iroke." I said; slightly drawing back my cloak so light would hit my face.

The couple looked startled for a minute, for the first time since I saw them they did not look like the living dead, but then they nodded; stepping forward with their left foot and slightly inclining their upper bodies in my direction.

"Iroke it is...your highness." For years, it would stand as the last time I saw my only surviving child.

I carried the dead child back to Iroh and we, after making his body seem like it was smothered, arranged him on Iroke's bed.

"They look so alike, it almost scares me." Iroh murmured and I nodded; when we examined his pupils, we found that Yoh and Iroke even had close to the same eye color!

"We'd best think of how we are going to react when we find our son dead in the morning." I sighed and we once more retired to our bed.

* * *

The entire discovery and funeral was shameless acting on both of our parts. 

Iroh made the discovery, since I was still asleep and if I and people would have expected me to have a miscarriage if I discovered him first, and I had learned how to shed a tear on demand years ago; putting that skill to good use as we watched the ignited boat of 'our dead son' sail away from the ship.

Iroh gave orders that no one is to speak of Iroke; not after the funeral, not in the Fire Nation, not until it was supposedly safe to bring him back. This was why he had made an order that no birth certificate is passed announcing Iroke's birth and told the crew, even when writing a letter to their family members, never to mention our new son; it would be as if he had never existed.

Many remarked that I cried more than usual on that day, but I only continued to let my eyes be fountains; only Iroh and I knew the truth.

A few days later, it was a very bitter birthday for me. I was thirty-seven and carrying the sole heir to Iroh's line—at least, the only heir the nation would soon know about.

* * *

Whew! Another chapter finished! Reviews are welcome. 


	19. Chapter 18: Back to the Fire Nation

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

* * *

Back to the Fire Nation

Year of the Butterfly-Year of the Penguin

* * *

The people had known that Iroh found me and was bringing me back, and they were delighted when they heard that I was in pup once again. 

When we descended the ramp and towards the streets, cheers erupted from the masses; some throwing bits of colored tissue paper from the windows, others wishing us long lives and prosperity, the way those people welcomed me so warmly after I had seemingly deserted them touched my heart. As we began our ride to the palace, I watched as the countryside landscape changed before me. Everywhere, the masses crowded the sides of the streets and cheered; but they seemed to be much thinner and looked sicklier.

"I know. It is an ugly thing." Iroh said bitterly from beside me.

"I…I wish there was something I could do to help." I concurred.

"Stop the carriage!" I shouted suddenly; opening the door and nearly jumping out.

"Yukihiya?" Iroh called. I had seen a little girl, crying by the bridge; she looked to be abandoned and neglected.

"Please, Iroh; accept her. She might be young, but she can work." I begged him. Finally, he conceded and offered her a job, which she accepted eagerly.

* * *

My return to the palace did not go as smoothly; Kuzon wondered about the paternity of the child in my belly—even though Iroh vouched for me that it was his child—and many of the ladies began to attempt to find some kind of evidence that I had done something-or-another during my disappearance such as sire another child but they could find nothing to prove that I did, at least nothing that would link the so-called 'missing child' to have a Water Tribe paternity. Many contenders, most of whom did not know that I had spent a bit over four years with him on his campaign of the Earth Kingdom, tried to tell Iroh that the child wasn't his, that I was a shameless adulteress, but he would laugh it off, ask them what proof or evidence that they'd actually had to support that claim, and then discreetly threaten them with all of _their_ dirty little secrets. 

They were all also wondering why I had begun to wear so much white—usually, when mourning a son, a white crape was all that was needed after the funeral and burial—but none directly questioned me about it; their in-the-gutter minds assuming that some kind of scandal had happened during the near-seven years I was missing.

Aurora, so new to the palace life, would always wander about and get herself into all sorts of trouble to the point that I had to lock her in a small chamber for days on end and occasionally give her water and day-old bread just so she could stop causing such mischief.

Mira kept berating me to relax and let her handle Aurora, she said that in my condition I was unfit to chase after a six-year-old girl, but I refused; stating that she was, after all, my responsibility.

Then came the time when I had to go into confinement; during which I had no information about Aurora besides that she was taken under Mira's wing.

For the terrible lull of three weeks, I read and dabbled in writing, I tried to focus on playing what I had learned from some of my instruments, and I just idly wandered around the chamber or looked out the window; wondering when this would end. I woke up screaming in the middle of the night and midwives, still half-dressed and rubbing their eyes, stumbled into my chamber.

It was a fairly easy labor compared to my other ones—only a few hours long—and at near sunrise on the fifteenth day of the sixth month, my third son was born into the world.

Iroh ran in, most of the messengers and pages of the palace did not get up before sunrise, only to see the umbilical cord being cut and the midwife offered him the baby—blood-covered and all—to him.

Iroh took the small and wailing infant into his arms. "I have a son." He breathed; kissing its forehead.

I clenched the sheets, not caring for the prissy little apprentice at my feet trying to tug them away and complaining, and looked down as the after-birth procedures were done; changing my sheets, redoing my hair and dressing me in a 'special' gown.

"We can name that one Zuko." I suggested; gazing at the sleeping infant in his cradle. He had inherited all of Iroh's features; from his black hair to bodily proportions.

"No. Why don't we name him Lu Ten instead?" Iroh suggested.

A bit perplexed at his sudden want to name his third son by another name, I complied nonetheless.

Prince Ouritsu Lu Ten; it did sound quite nice.

* * *

"You shouldn't even be out and about at all, for the matter." Mira replied; her tone more cross than I'd ever heard directed at me. 

"Don't be ridiculous, Mira; I feel fine." I said; breathing in the fresh air and sighing with contentment.

"Yes, but that's what worries me; you can't be fine three days after you have given birth, it is just wrong!" she exclaimed.

"How so? I was fine a few days after Tai was born. And Iroke too, for the matter." I had told her about Iroke and at first she was as shocked as I was that Iroh even suggested such a thing but then she seemed to quiet down as if she understood something. How much out of a loop was I?

"Still; it's a miracle that you aren't dropping because of childbed fever." Mira said.

I only rolled my eyes; she always thought that women over the age of thirty-five giving birth would suffer from some kind of disease or another and possibly die.

* * *

But I had to bitterly eat my words a day later. 

During the night, I tossed and turned in my bed; a feeling of discomfort spreading to my body and my temperature escalate. In the morning, when I had not arisen from bed, Mira and Iroh came in; calling for me. When she put her hand onto my unclad arm, she screamed; her hands frantically slapping at my forehead and cheeks and pushing at my throat.

"Iroh! Send for a doctor, quickly!" she screamed; running for water and herbs.

Some time later, I painstakingly open my eyes, hoping that I would not be blinded by light, and see blurred faces and bodies in front of me; scurrying this way and that.

"The fever, the fever." They all whispered; their tones obviously concerned.

Someone pressed a water-soaked towel against my forehead, to which the sudden chill made me shiver and groan in pain.

Realizing that I was not making any recovery with the traditional methods they had used, the doctors resorted to perform what I often called quackery. They piled me with blankets with bed-warmers placed in between each layer of thick blanket to try and sweat out the fever, they ordered that no food be given to me in hopes of starving out the fever, they even tried to bleed me in hopes of removing the 'bad blood' within me but Iroh stepped in and sacked them; employing regular healers and herbalists who'd had children themselves and also knew more about this fever. At least they didn't attempt at quackery.

Mira told me that during my fever, I was acting delusional; thrashing wildly in bed and screaming "Stop" and, at one time, "Iroke". Once, when I was propped up to receive some food and medicine, some woman made a snide remark while sitting at the edge of my bed and I screamed and lunged at her; calling her Naiya and attempting to strangle her. Mainly, she said, I would beg for Iroh and Lu Ten to be brought to me; so I could see them, but while the healers consented, the younger women refused—unless I was in some kind of crazy spasm, so Iroh might see that I was crazy, as they wanted—most of the time.

Iroh would always come in whenever he could, with Lu Ten in his arms and usually a bottle pressed to his lips because he could not drink my milk, and let me hold Lu Ten to my bosom and whispered soft words to me to calm my occasional hysterical moods.

But there came a time when he could not come—when my fever reached the highest level—and I was barred for the 'Rest Cure'.

For days, as I remember, I lay in bed; fighting for consciousness and my health. _'I will not die.'_ I thought to myself. _'I could have died in battle, at least I would have died with honor, but I will not die such a ninny's death.'_ In the end, I closed my exhausted eyes and slept; and slept; and slept.

Ironically, I woke up some days later, feeling much better and less hot, and asked a servant to go down into the kitchen and fetch me a bit of hot milk and rice porridge with a salty egg. When I regained enough energy to receive visitors, Iroh barged inside as I was talking with Lo and, nearly throwing Lu Ten into Lo's arms, practically tackled me and pressed me tightly against him; kissing me all around my face.

I mirrored his responses; crying with relief that I had survived the ordeal and could see him again.

Aurora came in as well, witnessing the entire scene, and her posture sunk; an indication that she was either sulking or disappointed.

I wondered what could have disappointed her at watching us, but the thought left my mind when Lu Ten's cry pierced the air; wailing for a change of diaper.

* * *

The palace, save for a few renovations, was the same as it was when I had left it and the people in court treated me all the same; bowing when they were in my presence, calling me by my royal title when they greeted me orally, and everything else that I had grown accustomed to. I dedicated myself to Lu Ten and left Iroh with the politics—though sometimes we switched so he could have the chance to play with Lu Ten—and began to familiarize myself with the new palace children; including Tenera's son Hiyako. 

I knew that the child was not illegitimate, Tai had apparently married her a month or so before he had gone off to war and Hiyako was born eight and a half months after he had gone, and felt a sense of pride that I lived to see a third generation of my family and that chivalry was not dead in the world.

Tenera and I would joke that Lu Ten would never understand why his nephew was almost four years older than he was; and if he asked, we would just say that it was the way life was.

* * *

For the second time in my life, the first time was after the incident with Ane, I began to take contraceptive herbs. I had spoken with Iroh about it and he also agreed; visibly shaken by my fever episode. Often, I would feel some guilt; it would mean that I would not give Lu Ten a brother or sister and he would have to grow up an only child. 

When I could steadily walk long distances, I would go to the Cliffside shrine where my daughters'—and now my eldest son's—ashes were encased and place candles or offerings or flowers on the small dish on top of the shrine.

Once, I stayed there fasting and praying for three days until Iroh found me and half-carried me back to the palace to have me force-fed with jou. After I had swallowed the last grain, he and I had a very long conversation about my grief.

Instead of just letting myself sink deeper, he tried to occupy me with hobbies or even send Lu Ten—who was growing at quite a fast rate—to keep me busy just to make sure that I did not do anything irrational. Though I pouted and whined like a child, Iroh refused to succumb to my demands and made it clear that it was for my own good.

Even if I still didn't think so.

* * *

Lu Ten was a squirmy young child; with a bright smile and a zest for life that would have matched his father's; he would laugh when a cattail swiped at his face, or cry when he wanted attention, and Iroh and I simply could not refuse him: let him spend the night in our bed, why not; take him riding with us, it would not hurt; a light at his bedside, alright; save for when it came to buying him too many novelty and superfluous items, we would not refuse him. 

Then, for some strange reason, he began to fear the dark. One night, we awoke to his screaming and ran the distance to his room; finding him distraught and shaking with fear. He described to us a dark monster with glowing red eyes and a wild mane towering over him and opening his large mouth, his breath warm and moist, and that was when he woke up shaking; it sounded almost like Azulon on a bad morning.

After shooing away the onlookers—some of whom jeered at him for being a 'weak-minded boy'—we stayed with him and kept a small candle burning at his bedside for many a nights.

On especially frightening nights for him, such as that of the rainy season or lightning storms, we would stay with him and give him mild doses of a sedative for children.

"He has never feared the dark before." Iroh whispered to me when we were sitting on either side of him in his bed.

"Mira better not have interfered." I griped; knowing that nearly everything that had gone on in our family was always somehow linked to her.

* * *

"Come with me?" Iroh asked softly; holding out his hand. 

I had been grieving again—at least he did not think that I would go insane without some guardian—and recently had stopped eating. I had protested that it was Lent, and that my actions were justified, and he stated that during Lent, even the poorest ate grains and vegetables.

Sighing, I accepted his offer and let him pull me to my feet and out of the solitude of my suite.

He led me into the sun gallery, where the portraits of all members of the Royal Family hung.

With little interest, I regarded a few Fire Lords of the past and kept walking. He stopped me in front of a particular one and I looked up; almost bursting into tears. In front of me was a portrait of Tai, dated to show that it was painted on his thirteenth birthday, wearing the standard Fire Nation armor and his eyes alight with happiness. Most likely, the armor was a present from Iroh and he had just told his son that he could enlist in the army as his understudy. I almost fainted upon seeing how happy he was; even without me.

Iroh caught me before my knees gave out completely and I began to cry; the portrait showed another beloved child of mine whose life was cut short because of my own foolishness.

"It is not your fault." Iroh said firmly as he tightened his grip; he was reading my thoughts again.

"How can you say that?" I mumbled; feeling the guilt weigh heavily in my heart.

"Tai died to protect you; the ultimate way to show how much he loved you and Katara and Laetitia were victims of a scheme to poison you; had they not been expelled from your body, the Earth Kingdom loyalist—" I was glad to hear that his voice held bitterness at those three words. "—would have succeeded in murdering you. Children are a great joy to have in a marriage, but if they come at the price of you dying, I would not have wanted to risk it." Iroh said; taking my dark hands into his.

I felt my conscience loosen its grip on my heart, but it was still my fault. I know that I sound like one of those melodramatically depressed characters in a tragedy play, but sometimes people do feel that they are; they are depressed, I mean.

Sadness is one of the best yet least known emotion in the world; everyone feels it from time to time, but there is no explanation to why humans compel themselves to grieve because of various reasons; sometimes, in the opinion of the masses, a ridiculous one.

* * *

I was at least able to look directly at children again and not have to fight the sting of tears at the back of my eyes after that moment of consolidation. 

At that time, I also noticed that many of the children at court were either severely ill-educated or just uneducated; what had happened to the schooling system I had known before I had gone? In an effort to preserve the high education rate in the Fire Nation amongst the higher class, I began speaking with Kuzon about a Royal Academy for the upperclassmen to send their children for their education.

He agreed with me on most of the aspects, but insisted that there be two of them; one for boys and one for girls. I was perplexed at his demand, but complied; I knew that without his support, I would never have been able to fund or build the academies.

The last issue to be settled was where they would be placed.

"Kinjo Island." I immediately suggested; it was large enough for two academies and more, and it was scarcely inhabited so there wouldn't be many people or animals who would object to building two large royally-funded academies.

With that, accountants began to pull some money from the coffers of royalty and nobility alike and geographers went to scout out potential building areas, and announcements were made for the new construction projects.

Once, Iroh had gone out to see the progress—"Take me with you!" I screamed—and came back with only news that it was going well.

* * *

I sighed with a groan; trying my hardest to mask my despair. 

It was a week after Iroh's birthday—forty-five, and I to turn forty-two three months after!—and age had finally begun to work its affect on him. No longer could he jump out of bed at dawn and ride on his horse until dusk, run athletic foot races that were more than a mile long and always win, and many other things that were once signs of him being in his prime.

"Remember, Yukihiya; it's natural." Iroh said; regarding me by firelight.

"I know, but…" I just didn't want to age.

Iroh rose up; closing in the few paces it took for us to be in touching distance again. He kneeled down next to me; wincing as we heard a small cracking sound coming from his joints. "We've lived all the years we could like that, did we not?" he asked gently.

"Yes." I sighed; looking instead at my hair to search for grey ones.

"Everybody dies one day." He was reading my thoughts again.

"I don't care about death." _As long as I am with you_, I mentally added.

He took my hands into his; squeezing them lightly. "When it comes, it will come; remember not to fear death, sweetheart, but fear the unlived life." He replied.

"Should I put that in our verse book?" I asked with a small laugh.

Our 'Verse Book' was simply a journal in which we scrawled whimsical and philosophical sayings in. Iroh had begun it in his childhood years and we added on from there; at that time, we had filled up a bit more than a third of it.

_'Fear not death; fear only the unlived life.'_

How I wish I could have followed that verse.

* * *

"Look, mommy! Look!" Lu Ten shouted; holding up a painting he had made on rice paper. 

His sixth birthday had just passed and we had gotten him a watercolor set as a present.

"Oh, how creative, little one." I said; smiling at him. In reality, his drawing seemed to be blobs with stick legs running around on uneven grassland on a grey-blue sky while the sun was ironically also shining.

"It's a…donkey." I said upon seeing that his supposed 'animal' had a long face with a short tail and its two hind legs kicking up in the air.

Lu Ten pouted; a sign that I was wrong.

"No, it's a—." he began, but someone called our names. It was Aurora; running up the hill while dragging her two-sizes-too-large yukata behind her. When she came over to us, she was out of breath and tried to make her reverences but failed clumsily due to her ill-fitted clothing and her state of physique.

"What is it, Aurora?" I asked politely; placing Lu Ten's drawing onto my table and holding down the corners with little statue weights.

"Iroh requests your presence." She breathed.

At once, my concern grew; the last time he had called for an audience with me, he had announced that he was going to the battle front again. He can't go; during the battle at Yuanzuo, he had sustained an injury to his chest and was subjugated to a strict 'rest cure' of bed rest and almost no exercise. Yes, he had gained a bit of weight during the two or three years that had followed, but since he began to exercise again, he had lost most of it.

Leaving Lu Ten to Aurora, I started quickly on my own. As I was turning the hallway, I slammed abruptly into another body.

I would have apologized, but I was able to see who it was before spewing out my explanation.

"Aren't you going to apologize, runaway?" Ozai sneered at me. I stood up huffily; my back erect.

"Royalty never needs to apologize." I replied coldly, repeating one of his own creeds, and continued my way.

"You wished for an audience with me?" I asked calmly upon entering his chamber and finding other military personnel there.

"The twentieth legion is planning a small coup on the Northern Water Tribe and wanted your opinion." Iroh replied simply.

"I cannot say much; I have not visited that part of the world for nearly thirty years." I said instantly; willing myself not to think too much about my past there.

"Still, do you think it will underestimate the Fire Nation or will it prepare itself?" one man asked.

"A surprise attack never fails." I said; not wanting to be counted horribly wrong.

"Alright. Thank you." A third, much younger, man said. As I was going out the door, I heard him grumble that "the little dried-up renegade isn't telling us anything" to which he received a punch from my husband for saying such things about me.

* * *

The years had gone by so fast, I thought as I put Lu Ten to bed; it was nearing Kurisumasu already in the year of the Dove. 

Suddenly, I felt a hand grab my upper arm and almost pull me away from Lu Ten.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to Iroh.

"You must go; go back to the Southern Water Tribe." He whispered.

It took me a few seconds to process his words. "What do you mean?" I nearly shouted at him.

Iroh's face was etched with sadness and I could infer that his sudden command to me was not exactly his own decision; most likely the tide of change had forced this upon me and Iroh was only trying to save me. I glanced at Lu Ten sleeping in his bed and felt anger directed at Iroh for even suggesting it.

"Iroh—!" I managed to keep my voice from a shout loud enough to wake my son but I still could not hold in my despair and anger that I had to direct at him.

"I am sorry; I cannot explain right now, but you _must_ go; for the safety of yourself, Lu Ten and countless others." Iroh whispered, almost desperately.

"Why?" I asked, looking for some clue in his eyes.

"Listen to me; Kuzon is dead. And Azulon's reign is about to begin." Iroh stated.

"So?" I breathed; Azulon and I had a mutual like/hate kind of in-law relationship, didn't we?

"I know you and Azulon are on good grounds, but now that Azulon is Fire Lord, Ozai and I are locked in a power struggle and I fear…." Iroh's voice suddenly broke.

What did he fear? And why was Ozai's name always coming up during the times of distress and sadness? Everything led back to Ozai; all of my misgivings, problems, and disgrace. Why couldn't HE have been the one to die rather than any of the noble people I had known? Or anyone else who've lost their lives in the so-called 'great war'?

Apparently, this was why Iroh thought I'd had to leave the Fire Nation; Kuzon had seemingly died a 'natural' death. Still, the prime suspects of murdering Kuzon are Azulon, Iroh, and Ozai. Neither of them could leave the palace because if they did, it would be proof that one of them murdered Monarchy; which has the death penalty as punishment. If I was the one who ran away, it would seem that I had killed Kuzon out of my love and loyalty to Iroh or because he had committed a crime against me. These days, it was more common that a female had killed a man because of a personal issue rather than a man killing his kin for political power, property, wealth, et cetera. If I took Lu Ten, I would be marked as a kidnapper and could be hunted as a criminal; I would be a true outcast if that happened.

But what I could not grasp at the time was why it was necessary for me to actually run away; building a small home for myself on one of the uncharted/uninhabited islands in the Fire Nation and living there until I heard that I was permitted to go back to the mainland could have sufficed, couldn't it?

In the hallway, first, I pushed him into a vase; a surge of pain compressing my shoulder serving as a reminder of my first 'visit' to the Southern Water Tribe.

He pulled himself up from the shattered porcelain and grimaced. "I deserved that." He said. He was serious, I thought in despair, and I sighed; it would have been pointless to try and argue anymore.

"Just promise me 3 things." I murmured; looking up at him.

"What are they?" Iroh asked; coming forth. I knew from his eyes that he was actually saying 'anything.'

"First, promise me that you'll look after Aurora and my other servants; Lo and Li, for me. Aurora needs guidance and all of them need safety in a place like this." I told him.

"Of course." He said and I knew he would be true to his word.

"Second; promise me that my sons…Iroke and Lu Ten, are always safe; until I can come back and see them again. Also, make sure that Iroke receives the same education as Lu Ten, wherever he is."

"Everything and more."

"Third…do not forget me." At that point, he pulled me into a tight embrace.

"My heart, who can ever forget you?" he murmured; his voice, though soft, shaking.

* * *

"Let me say my goodbyes." I begged; it was the eve of Kurisumasu, two days after the death of Kuzon, and it was apparently my time to go. 

Iroh silently nodded and I ran down the hallway first to my son's room; taking out the small sack that I had hidden in my dress. Kneeling down besides his bed, I took out the little music box—what was supposed to be his present—and placed it and the key in his hand.

"Mom?" he murmured sleepily.

"Shh." I quietly soothed him. "Happy Kurisumasu."

"But—."

"Just don't tell anyone." I whispered quietly; at least my voice did not break.

Tucking him in again, I wound up the music box, the keyhole doubled as the part where one wound it up to play music, and placed it on his nightstand.

Taking a shuddering breath, I began to sing.

_This is what I brought you, this you can keep.  
This is what I brought you, may forget me.  
I promise to depart just promise one thing.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep_

_This is what I brought you, this you can keep.  
This is what I brought you, may forget me.  
I promised you my heart just promise to sing.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep_

Kissing his forehead, I pulled back; thank Agni he was not listening as much to my words than the melody. I knew Iroh was standing in the doorway as well, and continued to sing in my quiet tone.

_This is what I thought, I thought you'd need me.  
This is what I thought, so think me naïve __  
I'd promised you a heart, you'd promise to keep.  
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep._

He had come up next to me and kissed my eyelids, and then my lips.

As the haunting melody continued to play, we left our son in his chamber and snuck out onto the docks. He gave me what I needed—clothing, basic tools for building shelters, and a large supply of Fire Nation preserved foods—and helped me into the boat. Before I sat down, he pulled me up once more and held his body against mine.

"When I come for you—." He actually said when!

"I know." I breathed; my own shaking limbs encircling his abdomen. He lowered me into the boat and I began to paddle.

My entire being screamed to turn back, and throw myself at his feet; begging not to let me go, but I could not; I had made a promise to him and I had to keep it. Such a flaw in my character; I would obey him even if it cost me my happiness; I still felt that I owed him much.

As I continued to paddle away, I felt the wind blow furiously against my face; even the air protested my leave. I was leaving the "sun nation" and going to a barren, desolate wasteland of nothing but ice and snow; how I despised the ice and snow.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own AFI's song Prelude 12/21 nor the saying from Tuck Everlasting. 

Poor Yukihiya! What about Hakoda? His arrival is imminent, but not in the way you think.

Review, please.


	20. Chapter 19: Hakoda et al

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

* * *

**Hakoda and others  
**

**Year of the Dove-Year of the Phoenix**

* * *

I went away from the Fire Nation as a sole person and I arrived at the Southern Water Tribes with a little boy on my arm.

No, even the journey from the Fire Nation to the Southern Water Tribe was that long.

As I continued to paddle one day, I saw another boat coming in my direction. A spare boat never hurt, I thought, so I paddled up to it and looked inside. In the boat was a toddler; about two years younger than Iroke when I had last seen him.

I saw that in the boat besides him was a small slip of paper and a shiny object. Pulling the boat closer, I saw it was Water Tribe-Earth Kingdom interbreeding appearance; the child had the dark, though not coppery, skin of the Water Tribes and the lightened brown-ebony hair common in the Earth Kingdom. I pulled out my hunting knife, one of Iroh's parting gifts, and pressed the sharp end close to the toddler's throat.

For some reason, I hesitated. It's just another killing, I tried to tell myself, and my hand shook even more.

I sheathed my knife and pulled the toddler into my arms. He opened his eyes, they were a bright blue, and looked right at me.

'_He is a child; take him in and raise him.'_ One voice said to me in my head.

'_Kill him! He will only be one more enemy to your nature!' _Another one interrupted

'_But you can raise him to be different; you can raise him to be tolerant.' _

'_You could raise him, but his peers will all talk about how they want to kill your people; how your people are supposedly savages. Then he will turn against you!' _

'_He is a child! Wasted youth is a terrible thing.' _

'_He will waste his entire life anyways! He will be raised in the Water Tribes! D'you think they would suddenly change their ways and what they teach their children?' _

'_Take him and raise him; like you would have raised Iroke.' _

'_No one could ever replace Iroke; and this child is too weak to even bother.'_

It could have been the greatest mistake of my life, but I spared him.

I rocked him to sleep and put him at my feet; taking out the note and shiny object. On the note was a simple letter addressing whoever found the canoe. The mother, who did not sign her name, said that the child's name was Hakoda and that his birthday was on the nineteenth day of the fifth month.

The shiny object was a medal with a crest carved on one side, and something like a map on the other; possibly showing where he came from. Along with it was a small box full of things in Earth Kingdom value.

With the second boat tied so it was behind mine, I continued to paddle southeast.

* * *

The tribe wasn't ruined, but the surviving citizens had changed so much.

Warily, they met me and then aided me—at least with most of the manual labor—in constructing an igloo for myself to give in. I was grateful that the igloo was a good distance away from the rest of the tribe; I wouldn't be bothered too much then. After the igloo was completed, the first thing I did was look around the wasteland; wondering if that spot was still there.

I noticed it immediately; the memory replaying.

Undoing one of my bindles, I took out a single candle, the little portrait of Tai I had made into a large necklace and wore under all of my clothes for years, and some of the Fire Nation fruits and vegetables I had managed to take before I went; laying them down as I would in a grave.

Quietly, I knelt—Hakoda being left with another woman from the village I had just barely befriended—before it and said a silent prayer; feeling myself sink a bit into the 'ground'.

The next day, I went outside and found that tiger-seals were eating the food! I screamed in rage, Firebending for the first time since I had arrived, and almost minced them all. As I dragged the two corpses back—both of them leaving a trail of blood—I grit my teeth in anger; this really was a land of savages, I thought.

After all, what kind of animal would sacrilegiously eat an offering to the dead?

* * *

I admit, I did not raise Hakoda in the same way I did with my other sons, but I only thought that because I was not his actual mother, it wasn't my job to coddle him senseless; only to raise him correctly so that when I do tell him and he goes to search for his real parents, he will be ready for the real world.

When he was four, he stated that he didn't like the fish stew I had prepared.

I snatched his bowl from him; dumping it back into my cauldron.

"If you don't like it, don't eat." I said tersely. I raised him in a very practical manner and taught him what I saw fit to.

"Ingo's mom makes him whatever he wants." He once complained to me.

"Well I'm not Ingo's mother; why don't you go and live with them if you want?" I lashed out.

He was gone for three days before trying to reconcile with me.

As he continued to grow, he noticed how different I was from the rest of the mothers, and he began to ask questions. He asked why every summer, we would go up to the northern-most islands of the Southern Water Tribe and spend a week there picking fruits and vegetables, collecting kindling, and thoroughly washing our hair and bodies. I told him that we were doing so because it was important.

One summer, I saw a hawk in the skyline. "Hakoda, come here!" When he rushed over, I took him and pointed to the skyline. "See that bird?" I asked, and he nodded. "That is a spirit bird. It will guide you through your life. If you ever need help, look for it; it will not fail you." It was one of the few times that I had exposed him to Fire Nation myths.

Hakoda was not the one who looked upon my ways with curiosity, if not suspicion. It seems to me that the Water Tribe, due to its small size, wanted conformity of all of its citizens above all.

* * *

One day, when Hakoda was eight and had made many friends with the other boys of the tribe, about half a dozen mothers appeared outside of my igloo.

Upon coming out, I saw Kinas—one of the boys' mother and apparently the unofficial queen of the Water Tribe at the time—leading them.

"Kana—." I chose to go by my old name again since no one has heard it in such a long time. "—it has recently come to our attention that Hakoda feels neglected at home with you." She regarded me with disdain in her eyes.

"How so?" I asked calmly; staring right back at her.

"He says that you do not know his preferences, that you never comfort him, and that you are not motherly at all." It was a direct insult at my so-called mothering abilities.

"As his mother, it is my job to raise him in the ways I was taught and to prepare him for the world. Not to coddle him to death." I replied coolly.

"And as a mother, you should at least provide him with care, like I do for my son." It took me all of my strength to not roll my eyes.

"Yes, every mother who cares for her son should definitely take off her clothes in public because her son and his friends wanted to know what 'tittles' are." Kinas blanched; before me, no one else had dared to talk about that...'incident.'

"Tell me," I continued, "Did it feel good? Your own husband has not touched you since your son was born. Did you like being touched by a man, any man, even your own adolescent son?"

Kinas was so enraged that she could not speak. She turned and walked away.

The other women with her were impressed, but not enough to approach and talk with me in public. When they showed up at my igloo bringing some food, I turned them away.

"If you don't have enough spine to come near me in public, don't come near me at all." I snapped at them and went back inside to continue working on my knitting.

* * *

Yao had 'miraculously' survived the Fire Nation attack years ago and, when I met up with him again, he did not hesitate to being speaking to me.

"And what happened afterwards?" he asked about my journey.

"I traveled around; saw sights, met new people, those kinds of things." I watched as his dimple--yes, he had a dimple--stuck out in the cute way that made him look as if he were a child again and laughed. For a man over fifty years, he looked and acted so childishly sometimes.

And, less than a month after we were speaking again, his new wife came charging at me on the street with a knife in her hand and screaming bloody murder to 'keep my hands off of her husband'.

* * *

The sole time I could think that I was accepted, if only for a very short time, in the society of the Water Tribe was with an incident involving Hakoda's friend Bato.

It was when they were both ten years old, in the year of the Koi; Hakoda came running towards me when I was fishing one day, saying that Bato had fallen into the water, and I had managed to pull him out and into the igloo before most of the other 'help' had arrived.

People were crowding into my igloo, some of them leaning dangerously against the snow bricks, and demanding a way to heal him. I knew a way, but it would expose me as a Firebender, I had to get those people away.

"I can heal him, but I cannot show you how I will do so. It is a family secret." I yelled at them all.

At first, they all stared at me, dumbstruck. "Go!" I yelled.

They seemed wary at my request, but complied. I hoped that I still remembered that technique. Concentrating my fire to my hands, I placed one on Bato's forehead and the other to his abdomen. I pushed down and transferred the fire into the main chakras of his body; feeling as he reacted to the sudden flood of heat. By the time the others came back, Bato was breathing regularly and asleep inside my sleeping bag.

Many healers approached me, eager to find out how I had done it, but I refused to tell them. Within days, I was avoided in public once again.

I almost revealed myself then; I had saved a life of one of their own but because I chose not to tell about my healing technique, I was ostracized! It's an outrage! As a result, I pushed myself further away from the tribe.

* * *

My self-imposed exile hurt Hakoda more than it did myself.

When I found out that he was a Waterbender, I spoke with--perhaps harassed is a better word--the old Waterbending master until he agreed to train Hakoda.

"Mother." Hakoda said softly one day. I turned to him.

"Yes?"

"The—The other Waterbending students…and everyone else in general says that you're different." He spewed out quickly.

"I am different." I replied; knowing what the others were really implying. It was unconfirmed, but I'm sure that someone of the Water Tribe had seen me Firebend to carve a hole in the ice. I was not able to stop using Firebending: I had to eat and I could not carve ice using only a bone knife and my bare hands.

"They—they're saying that you're not one of us." Hakoda said tentatively.

"Wouldn't that make yourself an outcast as well, since you are my son?" I retorted.

He looked hurt for a moment, taking in my statement, and then looked back at me. "But…you don't do anything in the tribe and they're all talking about you." He stated.

I looked directly at him; the gleam of his eyes strangely familiar. "Hakoda, one day, probably when you're as old as I am, you won't care anymore. You'll find that it doesn't matter. Real friends accept you for who you are, not for who your mother is." With that, I turned away from him and continued to watch my pot of melted snow; hoping that it would boil soon enough. A watched pot never boiled, as they say.

"If they bring it up again, tell them what they want to hear. Tell them that I am a monster, a madwoman, whatever they say that I am, and say that you are not my son. I will understand." I told him. He left without another word.

It turns out, instead of doing what I suggested for him to do, he'd beaten up the entire group of boys who had mocked me.

* * *

Contrary to what Hakoda claimed, I did help the tribe--unconventionally and piecemeal, but helped nonetheless.

It began with Hakoda, and then he brought his friends, and they brought theirs, and soon, everyone in the tribe knew that I was literate and fluent in the modern common language.

As a result of the tribe's isolation, the reading and speaking system that they taught the children was almost one hundred years old: the tribesmen who journeyed to the Earth Kingdom having learned only the old style were laughed at by the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation citizens. Some of the citizens, mostly traders, asked me to write or translate a message and promised goods in exchange. I also began to give lessons to children every few days. I had made some progress in ingratiating myself with the tribe, but, once again, my "outsider" status halted teh progress.

In the middle of a lesson, a woman burst into the room and glared at me. "What lies are you feeding my children?" she demanded. "I am teaching them how to read." I replied, pointing to the ice slabs in front of my students. She looked from the slabs to the students, and her eyes widened in horror. It took me a minute to realize why: there were girls in the classroom. The girls were not only there and learning, but also sitting next to the boys. I had arranged my students in a boy-girl seating pattern, as I had seen in the primary schools of the Fire Nation.

Among the girls in the classroom was the woman's daughter.

The woman angrily called for both her daughter and son. "Excuse me, but you are disrupting my class." I said as evenly as I could. "Have you told everyone of the lies that you tell them?" The woman spat. "What lies?" I demanded.

She told me that a few nights ago, she had seen her children practicing characters and that her daughter had told her son that she was better at it, and her son congratulated her.

By then, the children had gone up to their mother and she grabbed her daughter. "A girl does not need to learn how to read or write; only to become a wife."

"That's not true!" I screamed. In my classes, I had taught everyone that no one needs to be only one kind of person. When the boys in the class first spoke out against girls being my students, I pointed out that I was a female and that I was teaching them. I hated to witness gender discrimination, especially when women echoed the views of my father.

The woman looked at me with overt disgust. "You will never get married with _that_. I am a good wife. I provide a home for my husband and respect his authority and superior knowledge."

I wanted to grab her and shake her, to yell out that "you take pride in illiteracy and ignorance? Look beyond tradition! Girls are just as good as boys! They deserve to learn too!" Instead, I watched as the woman dragged her children away. Before leaving, she said to me, "Our lives here are peaceful and simple: we do not want outsiders to come and spread lies with their outside ways."

I crushed a ball of snow in my hand and turned back to my students. "Go back to your writing: it is over now." I lifted my hand back up, watching as the wisps of water vapor floated into the air, and imagined that the water vapor was my class. The prophacy was fulfilled when, within three days, all of the parents pulled their children out of my class and began avoiding me.

In a strange form of spite, I taught Hakoda more of the common language. The more everyone avoided me, the more I taught him. I would wake him up when the sun shone brightly enough into the ice window of my igloo and teach him or quiz him on characters. Every day, when he came back from waterbending lessons, I would set out sentences that I wrote on ice slabs and tell him to read them to me. By the time he was sixteen, he was fluent in the common language.

I dug my own grave by teaching him so much. Since he was considered less of an outsider, everyone asked Hakoda to teach, write, or translate the modern common language. They had no more need for me, nor to promise me goods, and Hakoda was of such a good nature that he often used his teachings and did not ask for anything in return. I lost my connection to the outside world, but I was still proud of Hakoda: he was going to go beyond the borders of the Water Tribe.

* * *

When Hakoda was fourteen, Bato's father took him ice-dodging—I wondered why steering a ship among split-second appearing ice points was so important; it's not a skill that is applicable on land—and a year later, he began courtship.

It occurred to me that I had never been there for my sons when they went through adolescence: I went away when they were children, and saw some of them again when they were young adults. The guilt ate at me, and then I forced myself to let go: I could not undo the past, no matter how much I wanted to, and I needed to move forward.

He began to ask me for trinkets to give as presents—I laughed the first time he had asked; buying a woman?—and after my suggestions of using words, he did not take me seriously, he was often laughed at for his gallantries, I gave him some amber teardrops.

The girls whom he had courted were amazed by them—its color, its luster, its brilliance—and began to visit me more in trying to see if I had any more treasures. During their visits, they asked ever-so often why I always placed my right hand over my left; it had become a habit, considering that my wedding ring was still under the layer of mitten, and often I would press my digits against it to help me realize that my life in the Fire Nation was not all part of my imagination.

It cost me about half of my fortune in amber droplets—it would have cost me a lot more had I not been assertive and demanded for half of them back once he and a girl ended their courtship—and nine years that he stuttered through any gallantry that he tried to say to a female, but he did finally seem to meet someone.

Her name was Kita, she was fifteen at the time. In the year of the Komodo Rhino, he burst in and began to talk, dare I say it, amorously, about her.

"Her father would never consider you." I replied to his comments. It was true; Kita's father, though a fisherman, was one of the wealthiest men in the tribe due to his business of trade with the Earth Kingdom. Hakoda's supposed fortune came solely from me.

"He will accept me." Hakoda replied; haughtiness in his tone.

"As an understudy, of course, but as a suitor—he'll consider it when it snows in the Fire Nation." I repeated his catchphrase when he was responding to some ridiculous question.

Besides, Kita was in love with that rogue cousin of hers, Sikano, and due to the small population of the Water Tribes, it was perfectly acceptable for cousins to wed and Kita, as I thought at the time, would not have settled for anyone less. Sikano, though, had no desire to marry or sire his own generation; he wished to sail around the world--I admit, my stint as a storyteller during his youth had left an indelible mark on him, which is probably a reason why his family hated me--but the tribe's mores would not let him.

"Then I will woo her." He declared and went out again.

I shook my head. Wooing Kita, a snob, would be like training a lion to eat vegetables; it just could not be done.

Two months passed after Hakoda made his vow and, since Sikano had sailed away, Kita was heartbroken and vulnerable.

Hakoda came to me a week later asking for me to give him five amber droplets and a strand of silk to make a bracelet—an uncommon courtship present—and when I accused him of buying a woman, he grew angry; stating that Kita had predicted that I would say that, and that I was only saying it because I wished to hoard my valuables.

"Fine then," I snapped back. "Go and find your own stones and string to make her that courtship present."

* * *

Then came the day he proposed marriage.

He had gotten a job with Kita's father and was paid, but he had yet to actually sail the distance to the Earth Kingdom. Again, he came to me asking for an engagement proposal.

"I have nothing." I replied dully.

He flared up, Kita's thoughts had poisoned his mind. He began to scream that it was a lie; that I did have much more and that I was hiding it from him out of spite.

"You never speak to your mother that way!" I shouted back at him. We had gotten into loud screaming matches that sometimes lasted for the entire day before one of us backed down.

"I am in love!" Hakoda declared.

"Love? You know nothing about love, you gullible nitwit!" Oh, how I longed to scream those words at him.

Instead, I decided to let him make his choice. I was not his mother, so why should I try and mop up his tears and reassure him that everything would be alright after his mistakes? He needed to learn about real life.

Without thinking, I took the old necklace Pakku once gave me—returned to me by Iroh a bit before I'd left—out of my pouch and threw it at him.

"Now leave." I snapped; watching as he rubbed his forehead at the afflicted spot.

Once he was outside, I heard his whoop of joy and, following him, watched him present the engagement necklace to Kita. Her eyes widened, but it was not from amazement that Hakoda had proposed to her; it was a fascination with the fine, and pricey, turquoise stone that the necklace had been carved on.

When he mentioned that it was an heirloom of mine, I saw her eyes widen and then gleam with avarice; most likely wondering what other hidden treasures I'd had with me. If I died, all of what I had—and if only she knew what I truly had—would go to her as inheritance; no doubt she was first planning to try and see what else I'd had before deciding to kill me or not.

I don't believe that she would have cared if that turquoise stone was all I'd had of my possessions of value; all throughout her marriage, we'd barely salvaged a tolerant relationship. After their wedding, they'd 'bought' a house of their own and lived there. In the rare times I went to town, they would invite me inside for a time to talk.

Kita and her father kept holding off the day of the wedding, they wanted an 'auspicious day' according to his sister the astrologer who loved Kita as a daughter, and it turns out that it was custom in the Water Tribes for the male's family to pay the female's family portions of a dowry from the day the couple becomes engaged to their wedding day; to give the couple 'a good start'.

As the days passed, I watched as Hakoda walked off with little bells, lengths of ribbon, and practically any other trinket uncommon in the Water Tribes until the day finally came.

He stuttered through his vows, she looked sick the moment they were pronounced husband and wife, and no one bothered to cheer as the couple shared the drink and 'tied the knot'. And like that, they were married.

Hakoda, deprived of any parental figure in his life, knew nothing about what he was supposed to do or be, so he usually withdrew himself. Kita and I at least had that point to bond and talk about on, though we differed and loathed each other about everything else. At least during his so-called marital bliss, he was blind to the signs I had noticed and he did make himself better for the sake of his marriage.

Kita, though it was obvious that she was the head of her own household, kept trying to assert herself with me as well; thinking that because I was old, I would comply.

It was obvious that she thought of me as Kana; an old, soft-hearted and weak woman she could manipulate to her will and grew irritable whenever she found that I was not what she had thought I would be.

Our little tension-filled battle had its major swings, but the breaking point came when Kita bought up a question of marriage for me.

"Mother, how would you feel to remarry?" she asked a bit too cordially for my comfort.

"I do not wish to remarry." I replied simply as I tried to will myself to shove another mouthful of that (good gods, it was horrible) stewed sea prunes into my mouth.

Kita's face fell slightly, and then tried again.

"But a woman like you needs to be taken care of." She persisted.

"To take care of someone doesn't mean that they must marry." I said calmly. Knowing that she would not get anywhere with that matter, her eyes darted about elsewhere.

"You're not eating." She said frankly.

"I follow my philosophy. If I do not like it, I do not eat." Hakoda obviously heard it, but he demurely lowered his head and went back to eating.

"And in the Water Tribes, not eating the food prepared for you is taken as an insult." Kita hissed; her eyes narrowing.

"Well, if I had the choice of starving or having to come in here, eat with you, and let you verbally abuse me, I choose to starve." I said coolly and, without another word, left their house and went back to my own, where I sacrificed one more package of dried noodles and broth powder for a day's meal.

* * *

I awoke to Hakoda screaming and shaking me awake.

"What the—?" I asked drowsily. Kita had missed her course and had chosen to tell him.

I pulled out a small can of tea leaves and crackers from a pocket in my backpack.

"Make weak tea with it and feed these to her; she'll feel a bit nauseous at about this time, go on—you're her husband, and you have to soothe her." It was hours after I'd woken up that I realized that the canister where I had kept my tea leaves in had Huowen and Fire Nation symbols all over the metal.

Even if Kita suspected it, she did not hint so; she only accepted my things without a word and continued to lie down. No wonder so many women here die in childbirth, I thought.

I had begun to work as a midwife to make ends meet and though I wasn't the best, I did know enough about children and childbirth.

* * *

From my first months back in the Southern Water Tribe, I felt the cold air seep under my skin and freeze in a layer, and now it had begun to show; my skin sagged more and more every time I dared to look into a reflective object and the chill of the arctic never evaded me; not even as I practiced my Firebending in secrecy or slept in my sleeping bag wearing all of the Water Tribe clothing I had owned.

The chill became increasingly stronger and there were days that I had to stay in my sleeping bag and constantly feed the fire I had made with the dung I had collected and dried; Kita always did complain of an atrocious smell in my igloo afterward.

One night, though I was freezing to death, Hakoda shook me awake and begged for me to come; Kita had gone into a premature labor. I told him to let the healers handle it, but he shook me again; stating that the healers had done nothing and were just waiting for her to die.

"I am not a miracle worker." I snapped back at him and turned over.

Hakoda left and came back with friends who lifted me, sleeping bag and all, and hauled me to where Kita was giving birth.

The scene was a mess; blood had already spilled over and was staining the blankets and Kita was screaming like a banshee—"Let me die! Let me die!"—while everyone else looked on helplessly. Rolling up my sleeves, I felt for the baby and tried to pull him out; apparently, the baby was turned on its side and I felt only his back when I reached inside.

After Iroke's birth, I did ask the midwives about that operation they would have tried on me, and I guessed that that time was the best time to see if their advice would work.

"Move!" I shouted. I took a small carving knife, washing off the bloodstains, ran my finger over the area and vertically slit the lower area of her abdomen.

I had not cut in a long time, and my follow-through was sloppy; some of the blood did not come from the womb or infant. Reaching inside, grabbing a stray limb, I guided the protruding body part to the 'hole' and pulled it out: it began to wail. I stared at the upside down infant, dangling by his right leg: he seemed so small, albeit that his limbs were quickly kicking and swinging. The healers took him from my hand, commenting on how fine the baby was. Kita took one look at her abdomen and screamed.

"What have you done to me?" she screeched.

"Relax; we'll sew you up." She screamed again; possibly since I was apparently comparing her to a rag doll. The healers stepped in at that time and repaired the surface, but stated that recovery would still be months away.

The little boy, cleaned and swaddled, was placed in Kita's arms with Hakoda looking over her shoulder.

"What shall we name him?" Hakoda asked; carefully stroking the baby's head as if he had seen nothing like it before.

"We can call him Sokka; after my uncle." Kita suggested.

* * *

"Damn him! Damn her! Damn them all!" I swore in Huowen in my igloo. Out of anger, I kicked the fire; watching as it flared out and melted the extra chamber I had made especially for it.

It was barely a month after Sokka was born that Kita marched right up to me in public and demanded that I hand over any valuables I'd had. When I'd asked her what in the thirteen hells she was talking about, she screamed that Hakoda had told her about the amber droplets and copper chain—an object in the Earth Kingdom box—and brooch and an entire list of what she thought I'd supposedly had.

"And why should I hand them over to you?" I snapped. Her father was behind her.

"Your son's dowry was not enough." He said coldly.

"Are you that desperate for money? Let me guess; your trade business is failing." I asked with a scoff.

Both Kita and her father looked like they'd wanted to strangle me on the spot. Hakoda joined in on our argument and, of course not wanting to displease his new father, siding with his 'family'.

"Here's a lesson, boy—!" I spat; lunging at Kita and tearing her necklace from her neck. "—Never bite the hand that feeds you!" they only watched in horror as I gathered every hairpin, amber drop, and piece of jewelry I had ever given to Hakoda to give to Kita as a present.

"I'll—I'll get you shunned for this, you…you old hag!" Kita spat out. They never taught her many profanities here, and as if I was not shunned enough already.

"Just try, you bitch!" I shouted back and left the town center with a staring crowd, a shocked father, a confused daughter-in-law, a humiliated husband, and the pieces needed for gossip by the townspeople.

I considered burning all of the valuable items for a moment, but decided against it; I could always sell it later, when I left the icy hell of the Water Tribes.

They did not like me at all, but they all had to grudgingly admit that I held the valuables they needed to pawn off for spare money.

I pulled out the mahogany box and slid it over to Hakoda. Inside, he found valuables mainly consisting of copper and bronze with the occasional gold and silver, some pearls and emeralds, and sapphires and diamonds. As for the unmarked rubies, I snatched them from the box long ago; I doubted anyone on the Earth Kingdom or Water Tribe side liked the color of red.

"You're just giving it to me?" Hakoda asked; his shaking hand reaching to touch a jewel.

"Are you going to demand more—do you think I'm hiding more from you?" I questioned mockingly. He shook his head.

"It's your inheritance; I was supposed to give it to you when you when you came of age, but since your wife and her family want it so much, why not?" I said with a shrug.

Neither Hakoda nor I ever saw the mahogany box and its contents again after he'd handed it over to Kita's father.

* * *

My luck changed—for better or for worst, I am not the most clear on.

It started on the second month in the year of the Phoenix; a young boy said that he'd spotted a canoe coming towards the land and that "one of their own" was coming.

* * *

Is he really?

Review, please.


	21. Chapter 20: The Denouement of Kana

**The Denouement of Kana**

**Year of the Phoenix-Year of the Dragon**

* * *

Actually, the boy didn't tell me; some other rude femme barged into my igloo and told me that 'one of my own' was here and Hakoda had invited him to stay at his house.

"Even so, I do feel that you deserve to hear the news." She said snottily and flounced away.

After she'd 'excused' herself, I leaned against the ice table, contemplating. I did not believe it; the Northern Water Tribe had not even attempted to contact is sister tribe for zodiacs; why try at that time and with only a sole man arriving?

The moment I entered the ice house, we both locked eyes; sizing each other up. His hair was a very dark brown instead of black, that was for sure, but nothing else pointed to a Water Tribe or Earth Kingdom heritage. His eyes were a dark gold, his skin was ashen, and his posture was rigid; no one in the Earth Kingdom or Water Tribes bothered to keep themselves from slouching, only the Fire Nation—and it did make them the butt of ridiculous gibes—focused that much attention on one's posture and impression.

Without another word, I sat down across from him.

As Hakoda was blindly rambling on with some speech, Kita silently spooned out three bowls of stew—she'd refused to offer me any food after I brought up my starving ultimatum and, in her perspective, mocked her—and served them; beginning to eat immediately. Rai took occasional spoonfuls politely, but his barely-disguised grimaces were a clear indication that he did not like sea prunes; which was a staple food of the Water Tribes.

"You are from the Northern Water Tribe?" I asked slowly.

"Yes." He replied almost instantly; usually, if a person lies, they either hesitate or answer immediately.

"How are the affairs there?"

"So-and-so; both tribes have isolated themselves."

"What about the Chief Meinan? Is he well?"

"Old, but fine and healthy." Liar.

"And how have things been going in the Fire Nation?" I asked in Huowen.

Immediately, his eyes were filled with relief and he began to rapidly speak to me. It took him at least a full minute before he realized that we were speaking in the Fire Nation language and I was supposedly from the Water Tribes.

When he stopped, the tips of his ears turning red, I laughed aloud; startling Sokka, who had probably never heard me laugh before.

"No, no; do not worry. Come with me." I told him in Huowen; standing up as I did so. He followed; curious.

After the trek to his supply boat and back to my igloo, we sat down on a mat and I opened a can of vegetables; dumping the contents into the pot of hot water I constantly kept boiling. "Rai" gave me some of his jerky and protein sticks to add to the pot and soon a stew was bubbling richly in the pot and a wonderful smell filled the air.

"You're the missing princess, aren't you?" He asked when he saw me playing with the fire.

"Quite the debacle, isn't it?" I answered with a smile.

* * *

From then on, being that I was the only person who truly was like him, Rai—I should probably call him Zhao—would usually follow me and we would spend hours talking.

He showed me new books that more recent Fire Nation scholars published, the ones he brought with him were usually battered and clumsily preserved but still legible, and I read through them zealously. We would walk through the streets talking in the 'slurring language' as most other Water Tribe citizens called it, about whatever came to our minds and I'd begun to aid him in honing his skills in Firebending.

Even as I trained with him, it was obvious that his demise was imminent, and he would be done in by the power he once craved; he believed that Fire was all-powerful, that all he needed was power and he could use fire to get him what he wanted. He was too stubborn, too impulsive; all he cared about was how he could be more powerful by mastering degrees of fire.

Years from now, I thought, he will just be the way he is; trying to master another degree of Firebending, dreaming of his future, but never actually going forward.

* * *

If Kita hated me before, she took despise to a new level after 'Rai' had arrived. Apparently, he was her new Sikano, and I'd seen the pathetic way she'd lusted after him during our short encounter at the dinner.

At gatherings, she begrudgingly invited me and, as they were eating, Kita somehow found ways to sit closer to him, to touch him—"his hood is too loose" "There's a stain on his parka" All kinds of excuses—things such as that.

They pried and poked him about his life—he was betrothed but not married, he was working to be a master bender, and his family was influential enough—and once, when I shot him a bemused look, he burst out in a small fit of laughter that led to Kita badgering us on what we were laughing about.

Usually, we would just go back to my igloo on the outskirts of town and talk; my Huowen was a bit outdated, and Zhao did need to learn how to effectively catch fish and hunt in order to blend in with the Water Tribes.

In return for my aid, he would answer my endless supply of questions.

"What?" I exclaimed incredulously. He only nodded to confirm his tale. He had told me many outrageous things of the Fire Nation, especially about my husband and his family, and I usually accepted those tales, but this one was the one I could not believe.

"It's true; Ozai has actually taken a wife and she has born him a male heir." Zhao repeated. I shook my head in disbelief; the poor girl, what else has Ozai done to her?

"The poor young girl." I said while staring out a clear block of ice.

"She's far from that." Zhao said and I turned and raised my eyebrows in curiosity; showing him my intrigue. "She's thirty-two and carrying the next child of Ozai's linage."

Thirty-two? Not a child bride under twenty years who would be bought and controlled with the issues of money, power, the inheritance, wealth, nor from a family whose male relatives were pushing her to, anything like that? This certainly wasn't the Ozai I had seen when I spent time at the palace and it continued to fuel my suspicions.

"How…unlike him." I said;_ 'what did he do?'_ I thought.

"She is gaining sympathy, but that's also a bit hard to believe since everyone in the Fire Nation hates her." Zhao says.

"Why would they hate her? She was trapped into being his wife." I wondered.

"Hmm." He simply replied to that.

"Tell me; I can handle it." I persisted.

"There is nothing to tell, milady." His eyes showed nothing, but he was lying nonetheless.

* * *

I paid no attention to the flocking citizens as they bade him farewell; he himself seemed to have wanted to jump onto his little canoe and paddle away as fast as he could.

As the crowd parted, though, he came towards me.

"Iroh misses you greatly; should I tell him to come for you?" he whispered. I shook my head; even if he did, I wondered at the time, would it be any good? Three feet before he reached his boat, I ran after him.

"Wait, wait!" I called out in the common language.

"Take this to him." I whispered; passing him my pin. It was shaped like the sun and adorned with diamonds on the front; it was also one of the only pieces of jewelry I had brought with me. He nodded, and sailed away.

He might have pawned it off, for all I cared at that time, but when he came back, about two months later, he arrived with bundles of my favorite Fire Nation foods; even the sweets I had grown fond of. Also, he pulled out a meticulously wrapped package for me.

When I opened the mahogany box and unfolded the silks, I found the verse book with another quill and crimson ink. Hastily, I opened it and read what Iroh had added to it before scribbling my own. My time isolated from the world I missed so greatly affected me very much; for the first verses I'd written, it was laced completely with melancholy and desperation to leave before I could begin writing with more logic than pathos.

During that time, as well, Kita seemed to be making progress with 'Rai'; they could speak on some subjects without one of them having to pause for a long time due to the fact that he or she did not know what the other was talking about. Due to his absence, I could meet with Yao more easily as well; who knew that Kita could be an impetus for a mutually beneficial situation?

"He is nice enough." Yao replied to that.

"But he's so impatient; he's too hot-headed and all he wants is glory." I replied to that.

"Well, then that proves that he's a man."

"Yes, yes; all men want glory—."

"—and no kind of recognition is a recognition of notoriety." He was quoting exactly from Tao's book, 'The Art of War', I was sure of it.

"But, I must say, Kita's obvious…uh…attention is causing quite a scandal in the small town." He was only pretending to be self-conscious.

"And we aren't? Stop staring at me like that, you saw how your own fourth wife came charging down at me…I think someone, besides you, knows. Someone…" I felt the chill penetrate my bones.

"Even if they remembered you, they would have remembered you as…well, the enchantress." He said playfully; he always did find a way to make me laugh.

* * *

I scratched at it again; it always seemed that something under my skin was irritating me so. For the past few years, the area around my face was always itching and becoming a bit numb on the outside; I hardly even felt the cold temperatures when I was hit in the face with a snowball!

"Maybe you have the sagging malady." Zhao remarked.

"Pardon?" I asked.

The malady was apparently caused by water between layers of skin; if one altered between a warm and cold climate often, then the water would be melting and refreezing to the point that the outer layer of the skin was completely separated and began to droop.

"You just need to cut the dead layers off." He insisted. When I made a niche into a part around my chin, I only felt pain when I had stabbed a bit too deeply. Working meticulously, Zhao helped 'carve' off the thin, dead layer and I peeled it off.

All of a sudden, it was as if I could breathe again; I looked into the hollow eyeholes of the dead skin; feeling as if blank eyes were staring back at me. For the first time, I did not have to pretend like I was in a masquerade, that I could just be myself once more.

"Well, you don't look as wrinkly." Zhao remarked; taking out a piece of polished bronze from his knapsack and handing it to me.

* * *

Disclaimer: the 'sagging malady' is not a real disease, as far as I know of.

* * *

It seemed that Zhao and Kita were becoming closer, or at least progressing in their strange relationship; I do not know for sure and I doubt I would have been a good judge. The strained look in his eyes disappeared and a new gleam appeared in his pupils.

When 'we' would go over to Kita and Hakoda's house for a meal or gathering, Zhao was aloof and courteous while Kita obviously showed the signs of 'attraction' to him. I'd seen the interaction millions of times played between two people, and the sudden behavior change confirmed it.

"You're fucking her." I said bluntly after we'd gone back to our igloo.

"She knows!" Zhao managed to spit out.

"Know what?"

"That we're Fire Nation!"

"Did she threaten to tell?"

"No, but she knows!" I rolled my eyes; out of all of the times I had said he was an idiot, this time took the cake.

"She wouldn't tell, idiot! If she did, then we would both be forced out or killed—one way or another, she would lose you; her victory prize!" I snapped.

His fish face was complete when his mouth dropped open.

* * *

Surprise, surprise! Barely a week later, Zhao came up to me at the marketplace and began blustering like mad. The first thing I did when he told me the news, once we were out of the sight and hearing ranges of the citizens, was cuff him on the side of the head.

"Do not worry; I am to go back soon. I just won't come back here." Zhao said. I gave him a very hard clout to the ear at that comment.

"Then you are just avoiding responsibility." I said.

"She is already married; the child can be passed off as Hakoda's. She even told me that she had lain with him a few days before I did." He protested. I wondered how battered he would be by the time I pounded some reason into his head.

"In case you haven't seen any of my children, the dominant physical trait for all of them is that they all have some trait belonging to the Fire Nation! It would be a complete miracle if the child, if it honestly is your child, is born without any trace of Fire Nation resemblance in his or her appearance." I told him.

"Still, it could be Hakoda's." Zhao pointed out. I didn't hit him, although I wanted to very badly.

"True, but you are still going to have to be there for Kita as if she was carrying a legitimate child of your line." I instructed him. He seemed flabbergasted that I would suggest such a thing; at a total loss for words.

"Do it or I will not teach you any more advanced Firebending techniques." I stated. He obviously wanted to retort with something coarse, but refrained from doing so; his training was more important to him than a question of the paternity of Kita's future child.

"Go; I'm sure she is feeling a bit queasy. Make her some weak tea and get her a bit of food; nothing raw, that only makes it worse, give her some of your crackers. I will meet you in Kita's tent." I told him coolly and left him.

When I entered the tent, I did not miss the triumphant look Kita shot at me.

"Rai told me a very interesting thing concerning the stage of your womb." I said calmly. That smug look on her face died down upon realizing that 'Rai' told me practically everything that he had been involved with since he came to the Southern Water Tribe.

"He will be bringing you some Earth Kingdom tea and crackers. And, like I told you a year or so before, do not eat any raw foods, abstain from heavy activity, and all that. I hope you will find food from other places better for your stomach; all of this fish is never good for a woman, for it has been known to make them miscarry." I reminded her; sitting up.

"And I do hope that you tell Hakoda as well; he may be incredibly naïve, but he will rejoice when he hears such news. Just…keep the fact that you laid with someone else out of your news to him; though I think it might bring him back down to the ground if you didn't." I laughed and then exited her tent.

A few seconds later, Zhao entered the tent with some hot weak tea and crackers. The next nine months should be interesting, so I thought.

* * *

Sadly, they weren't; Kita practically locked us—Zhao, myself, and occasionally Hakoda—out because she didn't want anyone to see her 'growing fat'.

Sokka, eight months old by then, had begun teething and had been weaned; he was beginning to eat mashed stewed sea prunes.

From my point of view, she was pushing herself into a self-imagined corner and knowing it; months ago, she'd had everything she'd wanted—except control of me—wrapped around her little finger and now that her stomach had begun to bulge, she was slowly losing it all.

"A liaison? You're joking." I once said. She was having one of her moods again.

The fatter she became, the more unwilling she was to go face the eye of the citizens; not that anyone would permit a pregnant woman to be out in public. Finally, it was time for her to cast off her mask and become a banshee once again, but this time, no amount of water deterred her screams. During the labor, Zhao came in asking for something.

"What?" I shouted.

"What? I can't hear you! Whoever is screaming should shut up!" Zhao shouted the moment the room was quiet.

"That is Kita." I said frankly.

"I bet you weren't like that when you had to give birth." Zhao said; glancing at an embarrassed-looking Kita.

"With my first child, I occasionally screamed." I replied.

"Well, with you, I bet the people around you could actually get some sleep." Though this wasn't exactly the time for a joke, I chuckled; but only once.

"Come on; she just needs something to distract her from the pain." I sat him down beside her and told her to take her hand.

Quickly, Hakoda came and took her other one as Kita shot at me the annoyed look she would have directed at Hakoda.

"Alright; it's time to push." I said firmly.

It took a few heaves, but the little girl came into the world, took her first breath and began to cry. It took a glance from me to see that she had every distinct Water Tribe trait. Quickly, I cut the cord and gave it a short bath in warm water before swaddling it.

I watched as a great fuss was raised throughout the igloo; silent. Why should she be able to carry and birth a perfectly healthy baby girl while my three eldest children died because of people like her?

"What about your baby girls?" Zhao asked; snapping me out of my envious thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked dimly.

"Your twin daughters who died at birth; what did you want to name one of them?" he asked.

"Laetitia." I told him.

"What about the other one?" Zhao whispered to me quietly.

"Katara." His head shot up.

"Katara?" he asked a bit too loudly.

Kita heard it, and that was enough.

"Did you suggest a name for our daughter, Rai?" she asked; leaning in slightly into Hakoda. As if it wasn't already obvious that she thought that this was Rai's—Zhao's—child and no one else in the igloo didn't suspect it.

"Katara?" he replied dumbly.

"Katara sounds very…melodic." Hakoda offered. He was only being very polite; he probably wanted to name the baby girl after himself.

"Katara it is, then." Kita declared.

I turned my heel and made my abrupt exit. I hear the clomping of Zhao's still-not-accustomed-to-the-ground stride behind me.

"I'm not angry." I said when he tried to turn me around to face him.

"I am sorry; I spoke out of line." He apologized. It was too late for that; Katara had been taken from me. It felt like an insult to my daughter's memory to let Kita name her baby 'Katara.' We had reached my igloo and I stopped him.

"Kita will find you a place to sleep." I told him stiffly. He opened his mouth to protest, I doubted that Kita would try and seduce him while she felt ugly and unattractive.

"Hakoda is too wrapped up in his own cocoon of happiness to notice those…signs, so his attitude won't change towards you. Well, at least not yet." I added; of course Hakoda would despise him when he turned out to be Fire Nation. He made his reverences and walked away.

* * *

Days later, Kita was suffering from 'womb troubles' and would possibly never again have another child. When she collapsed on the street, thereby throwing many citizens into a panic, they began to plan for a funeral; childbed fever had killed too many women already. The Healers could not, for some reason, extend their healing abilities to the womb; the physical damage had to be visible and outside of the body, as far as they knew of.

Even though I was the one nursing her—I still can't remember why I bothered to do so—and she was making progress, she never missed a chance to lash out at me for whatever reason.

"The fever is at its highest; she will be delirious." I warned Hakoda when he and Zhao wished to see her.

"Get away from me!" she screamed when Hakoda began to sit down close to her. "I know it! I know you all! You—!"

"Come, Hakoda! Why don't we go ice-fishing, or buy some fish? Your mother can make stew tonight!" Zhao hastily jumped up.

"She'll poison it!" Kita was ranting. "She'll poison it, just like she poisoned me!"

I turned to Hakoda; motionless. "She is delusional; I told you, Hakoda, you should not interfere with these matters."

"You traitors! You witches! You Fi—!" I grabbed the pot of warm water and poured some into her mouth; temporarily stopping her flow of words. The healers did say to give her water constantly. "D'you see that? She's trying to drown me! And the water is hot!"

"I warmed it beforehand."

"There's no fire here!"

"There is one in a pot that Rai has; he brought it to me." I pushed the spittoon-like iron pot towards Kita.

"No! You think you can kill me just because I know the truth?"

"Leave; you're upsetting her!" Yuna, one of Kita's friends, said shrilly when she came into the tent.

Hakoda and Zhao left.

* * *

Zhao came and went for the following seven years; always making sure to bring presents for everyone he was closely associated with in the Water Tribes.

The only time, other than the last time he came, that his visit was significant was once in the year of the Bison.

When he came, his demeanor was not calm, like it usually was, he seemed nervous. He ran towards me; a stricken look on his face.

"Come with me!" he said, more like ordered, briskly in Huowen.

"What—?" I began, but he grabbed my wrist and dragged me away before I could say anything else. He led me to the outskirts of the ice; to where a somewhat-small boat was at the shore. As I got closer, I saw a body on it. It was confusing—why would Zhao bring me a body?—but as I neared it I saw his gold eyes and the birthmark on his right hand from when he tried to raise it to wave me over.

"Lu Ten!" I cried out; reaching the ship and seeing his terrible condition. Most of his bandages were almost bled through and I could see that many of his bones, among them most of his ribs and parts of his legs, were broken. His face, the once radiant-smiling one which held a laugh for any amusing jest, was marred by so many cuts and bruises and his left arm was in a sling; the visible scars looking to be infected.

"Wh—What happened?" I choked out; unable to bear seeing my last child in this state.

"Ba Sing Se." he told me, though I could barely hear it because of his soft voice.

"Tell me; who? Who attacked you and who let you rot like this?" I demanded; packing together some snow with my bare hands and putting it over a very ugly-looking bruise.

"That doesn't need to be discussed. I—I wanted to see you one last time…to say goodbye." Lu Ten replied.

"No!" I cried out; gripping his hand tighter.

"Father told me that with treatment, I could have survived…but that would have prevented me from—." He began to cough uncontrollably and I yelled at Zhao to help me turn my son onto his side so he would not choke on his own blood.

"You refused treatment for your wounds? Agni help me, I've given birth to a complete imbecile!" I cried; a part of me actually laughing.

"Lu Ten, you are the last of my children; how can I—?" I began to succumb to hysterics, but he placed his hand over mine and gave it a light squeeze.

"I may be the youngest, but I am not your last heir. You still have Iroke." He said. My eyes widened at the mention of his name, to which Lu Ten chuckled and smiled; his eyes gleaming with amusement.

"Yes, I know about Iroke. Father told me. I know about my older brother, Tai, and the two girls who would have been my sisters, Laetitia and Katara." he told me.

"But still, you could have survived if you accepted treatment from the doctors! Why did you refuse it and choose instead to spend your last moments in the cold and unforgiving lands of this hellish place?" I asked again; unable to understand.

"When most people die, they die full of regrets and worries…" Lu Ten began; so he was going to try and pull a philosophical moment on me, I thought. "But not me. What reason would I have to regret dying right now? I am not the last heir from yours and Father's line; Iroke is still alive and well. Mother, please understand, father would never have consented to let me come here had I not inherited your stubbornness and used it as what you may call blackmail. I can spend my last moments with you; after being raised only by male relatives for almost twenty-five years, this company is definitely welcomed." He smiled; and I fought the urge to tighten my hand around the cloth of his bandages.

I do not know how I survived those twenty-five years alone in the wasteland where my first son died; maybe I did so because I had hoped that Iroh would come for me one day and we--Lu Ten, Iroh, and myself--could be a family once more. The endurance of the human spirit is remarkable when one sees it in a proper light.

"I made something for you." Lu Ten rasped; pulling out a small wrapped package. I took it and opened the gilded wooden box that went with it. Inside, there was a handmade bracelet with gold wire and pure glass—if not gemstone—beads.

"Lu Ten; it's beautiful." I whispered to him; leaning down and giving him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled at that gesture.

I saw the paper that was used to wrap it in was also drawn and colored by hand. I unwrinkled it; remembering that this piece of art was one that he had made when he was six and still drawing circles with stick legs protruding from various angles.

"Oh…it's a…Komodo Rhino." I said; remembering that my last guess of a donkey wasn't correct.

"Actually, it's a…" Lu Ten began, but I heard his voice getting softer; eventually fading.

"Lu Ten!" I shouted; dropping the picture and grabbing him by his shoulders. I received no response. Desperately, I tried to perform the 'Breath of Life' on him, but to no avail; he had died.

Instead of crying and screaming like I did when Tai died, I stood up quietly and shut his eyelids. "May you live forever in the heavens under Agni's wing." I whispered a soft prayer and then turned to Zhao.

"Take his body back to Iroh. Cremate it on the way if you must; a royal funeral must be held for him." I ordered.

He silently went over to the canoe and did my bidding. Before he went, though, he reached into his own pocket and extracted something.

"He wanted me to give this to you." Zhao said; holding it out.

It was the music box and key I had given him for Kurisumasu all those years ago. Without another word, the small boat set off again; going back to present Iroh with the corpse of our youngest son. What I would have given to go with them.

I dragged myself back to my secluded igloo and there, played the music box endlessly and cried for the next three days and nights.

For those who asked why I was in such a period of distress, I said that it was an anniversary of some bad event that supposedly happened to me. The people of the tribe, though they were of a younger generation, were still a bit suspicious of me so they did not seek to press the matter. When they asked about the music box, I told them that Rai had gotten it for me for some reason or another and that was as far as the issue went.

During my three days of lying in my sleeping bag in a fetal position, I thought about very much about my husband and—four of them now dead, the last one missing—children and the possibility of what could have been.

Our family wasn't supposed to be filled with such tragedy. Lu Ten, being the baby of our family, should have been the little boy whom his twin sisters loved to tease and dote on, the one whom Tai and Iroke could have grown up together with; my twin daughters would have been the beauties of our families; Iroke would not have been kept a secret and would have been brought up in the royal lifestyle with plenty of privileges and a better quality of education than that received by children in basic grammar school; and Tai, my firstborn chibi onni, would have been an honorary prince—the blue-eyed, brown-haired mirror image of his father when Iroh was his age—and have started a family of his own. But the bitter results of this war and prejudiced hatred have, in a way, killed all five of my children. Iroke, if not dead, was somewhere on Kinjo Island; without the wealth, lifestyle, title and privileges that were supposed to be for him the moment he was pushed from my womb and living with a false family.

I did not trust myself to sing the song; not then.

Four months later, Zhao came back with a locket containing some of Lu Ten's ashes within the bead; I wore it always.

Kita obviously benefited from my grieving; Zhao was never the man to stay around when women cried—it would have clashed with his 'masculinity', he said to me—and ran out of the igloo when I broke down, and Kita was always 'at the right place, at the right time'.

* * *

"Come back soon." Hakoda told him.

I hid my chuckle of amusement as Zhao looked at him incredulously; yes, he was that 'innocent'. Katara and Sokka, 7 and 8, politely waved goodbye. I saw him about to climb into the canoe, but he hesitated. He cast a glance back to the citizens of the Water Tribe, and then swung his foot out of the canoe; coming back to the shore.

Kita's eyes lit up, fantasizing that he would take her away with him, but her fantasies came crashing down upon her when Zhao pushed her out of his way and came up to me.

"Come back; you are still remembered and can start over there." He offered. I shook my head after a moment of deliberation.

"No. You have potential and a future to gain there; go. It's…too late for me." I finalized.

He nodded once, still bowing to me, and then got on the canoe and began to paddle away. I waited and watched until he was nothing more than a dot in the distance; headed back to my true home.

Maybe I should have gone with him. I plagued myself with thoughts and what-ifs for nights after he'd left; regret sinking in.

I could see Kita always near the coastline; waiting and looking at the horizon like an obedient dog waits for its master. Every day, in the morning when she thought no one else is awake, she went there, every spare minute she had during the day, and every evening until the stars came out. It was sad, but no one would have expected the result of her waiting.

One day, she ran through the tribes. "Fire Nation!" she gasped out.

Agni above.

* * *

The ships were still the dark metal structures I had grown much accustomed to when I was younger and I watched as they neared.

The time had come; Zhao must have lied to the military men, or maybe some came at their own expense, and now they were here. The warriors and Waterbenders denizened themselves, the way which made them stand out more against the white snow, and were waiting. I had to stand in the back because, once again, it was assumed that all women were weak and squeamish so they wouldn't be able to fight.

The hiss of steam signified the opening of the hatch and lowering of the staircase. Their uniforms were a bit bulkier, or maybe it was just my imagination, and they looked more menacing as they descended from the stairs. The head of the ship, or fleet, always exited first and I saw a man who resembled Azulon lead the way down. Right behind him was Zhao.

But this wasn't the Zhao—Rai, for the matter—the Water Tribes knew. This Zhao had on a flawless Fire Nation armor suit and a face of ice with his hair tightly pulled back and his ashen sallow skin adding to his new 'role' as the so-called antagonist.

Next to me, Kita gasped and before I could restrain her, she broke from the crowd and pushed her way past the warriors. Hakoda called out to her, but she was deaf to his cries.

"Rai." She uttered out the word as if it was the only one she could say. He stared at her with steely and cold eyes. A human blizzard. Azulon's look-alike stepped in.

"What barbaric rubbish are you spewing out, wench? Do you realize who you are in the presence of?" he demanded of her icily. Zhao held out a hand to make him stop.

"My name is General Zhao. I am of the fourth division in the Fire Nation army and eternal servant to the Fire Nation." He declared.

Gasps and whispers ran amok through the entire Water Tribe crowd and I tried to pull Sokka and Katara away from the scene but to no avail; they were as curious as their mother felt betrayed, possibly more. Kita looked as if she was choking, I guess she couldn't swallow his declaration, but she stayed frozen on the spot; unable to tear herself away. Azulon-look-alike and Zhao broke out in Huowen.

"This place is pathetic." I silently agreed with the Azulon-look-alike.

"Yes, but if we do not show them fear, then they will get arrogant." Zhao replied. How true.

"Then let us start with an execution." The ringleader said; scanning the crowd. Women hid their children behind their backs in a vain attempt to shield them from view and men tried to stand up straight as if showing no fear but I knew they were just about ready to piss in their pants.

The man's finger pointed to Kita. Before she could react, a soldier, who seemed to be quite young, grabbed her by her upper arms and dragged her towards the conversing comrades. Zhao turned to her and she weakly looked up at him. I barely heard her, but her last words were like a desperate last plead.

"What about us? What about our child? Rai—." She was silenced by a slap. Hakoda nearly rushed forward, but I outran him and blocked his way. I don't know what else happened, but a powerful emotion of disdain surfaced in me; looking back, it was probably because I wanted to scapegoat someone for all of my miseries.

My lips moved, and sound came out from between them. A few of the soldiers heard me, Zhao definitely heard me, and I am not sure if Azulon's-look-alike heard, but Kita did. She looked at the expression on Zhao's face, and then around to the other soldiers who heard me, and then her eyebrows knitted together in thought. Did she know?

A moment later, the look of pure horror and realization crossed her face. In that striking moment, when Zhao and I locked eyes, we realized that there were no more options. Swiftly, before many eyes could even realize that the bright blur was Fire, it was over and everyone watched as her blood dripped onto the snow and her clothes and her body burned as it hit the ground.

Something happened, I guess someone started it, but then another massacre broke out. With better technology and more highly skilled people, it was no wonder why the Fire Nation troops slaughtered the impulsive and poorly armed and trained Water Tribe men with ease.

I quickly grabbed Katara, who was screaming and shouting for her mother and at the Fire Nation soldiers, and shoved her into a nearby ice ditch. She was crying furiously and her breath came out in little hiccups.

"Where's mom, Gran-Gran?" she demanded. I shook my head; taking out a handkerchief, I didn't realize my mistake then, and wiping away her tears and snot.

"She's…at peace." I hesitated before saying 'at peace' and I watched as Katara realized what I meant.

"The Fire Nation!" she shouted in anger. Oh, shit. "I want to kill all of them! They all deserve it! They're nothing but mindless, life-destroying savages!" who taught her that?

I grabbed her arms and looked her straight in the eye.

"Katara, listen to me; no one and nothing are always as it seems. You will never know what life is like on the other side unless you're an outsider looking in. Some people are bad and others are good, I will admit, but you must not be prejudiced. Promise me that, Katara." I hissed.

She looked confused, probably because she'd never heard most of those long words I'd said before, but nodded anyway. I left her with another woman and went out on the battlefield. It was still raging but despite all that, no one noticed Zhao standing still and staring down at the corpse of my former conceited daughter-in-law.

Despite his coldness, he still did develop a small soft spot for her through Katara. When he caught sight of me, we looked at each other, then down at the blackened remains.

"What if—what if I made a mistake?" he murmured; most likely to himself. I sighed.

"There is no such thing as a mistake, Zhao; only choices. There is either a good or a bad choice; only consented or pressured. People who have heard of the man and his supposed choice, they are the ones who choose to interpret that person's choice as 'good' or 'bad'." I looked at his still-confused expression. "Just remember this, Zhao: when it comes to decisions, it is not the choice you make that will make others see you as what you want them to; it is how you react to the consequences. Your comrades need you; make a choice, to fight or to stay like this, and then go live out the consequences and your life." I then turned and walked away.

He was swayed by my two-way soliloquy and went to join his comrades in the front line. I was about to go also when I noticed that the Azulon look-a-like was also there; fighting despite an injury in his upper arm. I ran over to him; turning him around.

"Stop this; you will gain nothing from slaughtering the people of this Water Tribe." I told him in Huowen. He was a bit surprised that I knew more Huowen than what I had said prior to the attack, but I could see that he was trying to think of any female spies the Fire Nation had deployed to the Southern Water Tribe.

"There were rumors of a weapon, a dangerous one, being stored here." he said.

I burst out laughing at his words; they were just too amusing. "Here? Where would they even hide such a thing? If you remember, most 'secret weapons' are large. No one can hide such a thing here." I said, but the old man still looked skeptical, even a bit suspicious.

"Just because you can speak Huowen doesn't mean that you are one of us." He replied briskly. I was incensed; was he actually calling me a spy for the tribe that killed my firstborn son? Though I did want to witness the death of those tribesmen whom I detested the most, I wished more to reveal my authority and make that old man eat his words.

"Call it off, by the command of your princess!" I demanded; removing my left mitten to reveal my wedding ring. His eyes bulged out, then he locked eyes with me; seeing that I was still Yukihiya despite my aged appearance (which I had the damned weather in this tribe to blame for). He was motionless for a moment, and then he slapped me.

I fell onto the snow and was about to get up and retaliate, but then I remembered the roles that we were supposed to fulfill, and quickly got up to run back to the Water Tribe area. Out of nowhere, a hand grabbed my throat; choking me.

"You turncoat." The rough voice of a certain comrade snarled. Hakoda was screaming "Sen, what are you doing?" but we were both deaf.

"He will call off the attack. I spoke to him." I managed to cough out.

"We can win this by ourselves!" The chauvinist declared, and then tightened his hold on my neck.

I swung my arm blindly as hard as I could upwards; unleashing fire as I made contact. Coughing, I turned to look at Sen; his throat was badly burnt. I was about to run again when I felt something dragging me away.

"For the last time—!" I assumed that it was a woman. Once we were in a vacant area, Hakoda turned to me; his disbelieving gaze locking onto mine.

"What—What were you saying to the old man?"

"It is called Huowen; it is the official language of the Fire Nation. They do not teach the language to anyone outside their nation." I added; hoping he would get the hint.

"But that means you wouldn't be able to have spoken it unless—!" At that time, I chose to let loose a fire arc from my gloved hand. His eyes widened and then darted to his own outstretched hands. I laughed despite the pain in my throat.

"No, do not worry; you don't have the blood of heartless savages in you." I taunted.

"But then who—?" he began.

"I do not know who your real parents are; all I know is that about twenty-nine years ago, I found you on a boat abandoned save for your birth medal which stated that you were about two at the time. I took you with me to the Southern Water Tribe and here you have remained." I said. He was speechless yet again.

"So your friends were right; I'm not one of your kind. Are you going to kill me now? Your daughter certainly swore to do so when I ran her into the shelter." I asked dully. He summoned an ice spear.

"Do it. I give you no resistance." The ice was shaking.

"Tell everyone who I am, who you actually are, and what you did; you'll be praised as a hero. In no time, you'll be considered one of them. You'll find another wife, have more children, be 'the man,' and all you have to do is kill me." I said calmly. Suddenly, he thrust his hands downwards--the ice melting into water--and collapsed onto his knees; sobbing.

I brushed away the tears gently, yet coldly.

"No, no, no; this is not the time to wallow in your overbearing emotions. Nothing is going to change the past. You need to move on." I said as I raised his head and continued to wipe away the tears. He was a pretty good Waterbender, I recalled, and decided to run with that.

"I'll train you." I said; watching as he stared at me with incredulous eyes.

"You're a traitor." He retorted.

"But I know how to fight; d'you want to be like those piss-wet boys who were slaughtered back there? So can you learn to accept and take help from a traitor and learn how to properly fight or be a soldier who are only good at dying?" I snapped back.

"Master Koyo is training me." Hakoda said stiffly.

"Are you sure he isn't dead?" He accepted after that statement.

* * *

With my training, he became more focused and could execute his techniques with better precision.

Master Koyo had survived, but he was badly disabled and burned and could no longer teach; but it did not mean that he could not have hobbled. Once, in the year of the Dragonfly, he saw me 'training' Hakoda.

"A Firebender?" he screamed; hobbling over. But, due to his injuries, he could do nothing but shake his right hand—of which two of his fingers were missing—at me.

"You—You—Abomination!" I clenched my fists.

"Don't you have some other man to verbally abuse?" I snapped back.

Instead of retorting, which I thought was what he did for a pastime, he began to 'run' back to the town. I started after him, but suddenly I saw that he was pulled under the ice by an invisible force. Hakoda had beaten me to it. I walked over to him as he leaned over the old master.

"You shall not tell a soul." His voice was deep with seriousness.

"I will have you both killed!" Koyo threatened.

"Don't forget that I can kill you." If he could threaten, so could I.

Koyo turned to me; a sneer visible. "But you're a woman."

And people wondered why I refused to marry him.

I punched him in the nose; blood pouring out in a matter of seconds. "Let us leave, my son." I said coolly; taking his arm.

A fisherman found Koyo a few hours later, half-frozen to death, and decided to put the old man out of his misery; he was deliriously ranting by the time the fisherman had chipped him out of the ice.

* * *

A year and a half passed and Hakoda, who had gained respect and admiration due to his sudden mastery in Waterbending, announced that he was going off to aid the Earth Kingdom in fighting the Fire Nation.

After his announcement, 'war fever' hit hard among the males. I had no one to blame for his sudden zeal in fighting but myself; after all, every action carries within it a seed of a, usually destructive, reaction. To me, those whom Hakoda chose to train and accompany him to the Earth Kingdom had been fed too many lies to face their so-called enemy. They weren't ready, I thought, to face the world; they only believed the antediluvian propaganda that they had been fed. I could no longer go onto the streets without hearing some males talking about taking revenge on the 'Fire Nation savages' and eagerly talking about their 'hero's welcome'.

"I will not kill them." Hakoda said to me a week before he was to journey off.

"Don't try and give your word to a promise you will not be able to keep." I replied; of course he would kill, for survival or glorious means didn't matter to him anyways.

"I will not." He repeated.

"Don't think you have a debt towards me and such a way is to repay your debt; it was my decision to train you. Their blood will be on my hands." He stood up, about to deny it, but I held up a hand and quietly asked for him to leave.

On the day before he was to go, I handed him a small sack of provisions and the medal. "The boar is a symbol in the Earth Kingdom of the Beifong clan, who are clustered in the mid-southern part of the Earth Kingdom, and since you're a Waterbender, it's safe to guess that one of your parents is from the Northern Water Tribe. You will find your real parents soon enough." I handed him the note as well; it might serve as the key to finding his parents.

He came forward; suddenly embracing me. "Even if I do find them, you'll always be my mother." His voice choked with emotion.

I gave him a small pat on the back and watched as he embraced his—he still stated that Katara was his child, even after I'd told him of Kita and Rai's affair—daughter and shook hands with his son.

By the light of the moon, with the fat lamps glowing, the small fleet of Water Tribe ships cast off.

* * *

With the lack of men to supervise the women, except for the teenaged Sokka, most of them now had free reign with power they'd never imagined that they could have.

Katara, after being exposed to the world of childbirth when she was eleven, helped me in any way she could with my 'midwife' profession but I could tell that she was very squeamish when it came to blood and more accident-prone than her mother, so I usually let her accompany me only when I'd found a tiger-seal in labor; they did not bleed as much.

* * *

I had to abandon my igloo on many occasions and sleep in the tent—there was no ice-carver to build the houses anymore and he never trained any apprentices even before his death—that Sokka and Katara inhabited.

During those times, I would often wake up in the middle of the night and hear Katara quietly sobbing and sniffling.

Two years passed in that fashion, but it all changed when a young Airbender, Aang, came into our village and a flare went off from the Fire Nation ship that was trapped on a distant shore. I agreed with Sokka that Aang should have been sent away; young hearts would heal quickly from rejection, especially if there was an entire Earth Kingdom that needed to boost their morale somehow and give many of their citizens a reason to drink and celebrate.

Katara looked almost exactly like her mother waiting for Rai; staring off longingly into the distance.

"Katara…" I began; regarding her. She turned to me angrily.

"Are you happy now? There goes my only chance to be a Waterbender!" Katara shouted and stomped off.

I wiped away the spit on my face.

_There went _my_ last chance to go back to the Fire Nation as a recognized citizen, but you don't hear me complaining, do you?_

Less than half an hour later, a sole Fire Nation ship wedged itself into the village and a quadrant of soldiers marched down. I regarded the young leader with the scar on his right eye. He walked with ease; his posture erect and his golden eyes scanning carefully the crowd of women and children. He moved with a lithe grace; a talent expected in Firebenders trained by the best one I'd known of...

Sokka had inherited his parents' foolishness and brash manner; it was boys like him who gave the Water Tribes their impudent reputation.

"Where is he?" The young Fire Nation man demanded; again scanning the crowd. Slowly, he walked back and forth; suddenly thrusting his hand out and grabbing me.

"He be about this age, master of all elements?" he demanded. I was not as old as the Avatar; at least, I could not look as old!

He thrust me back into the crowd; walking away a distance before unleashing a stream of Fire at us. The stream, I noted, did not spread like one would have expected from a trainee; it was kept under a rigid control. When the flames cleared, I looked directly at him; his golden eyes looking straight ahead and...planning.

Aang came back, knocking off the young man's helmet, and I saw the single diamond of hair; to cut one's hair in the Fire Nation symbolized deep mourning or disgrace, but a single piece of 'retained' hair showed that the wearer was redeemable. Also, it could be noted that he, the young leader, was not physically marked in any other way besides his scar; his pale skin also signifying a high rank in the hierarchy. There was no doubt about it, it was him.

Ironically, Aang turned out to be the long-lost Avatar and the young leader seemed satisfied enough at taking him and leaving the tribe; he had obviously been taught that superfluous destruction and devastation amounted to nothing.

Barely an hour later, Sokka and Katara made the decision to go with Aang. I gave him some supplies and offered them words I'd heard from another woman. Hope, and the revival of it, I believe. After they'd gone, I looked out at the horizon.

"Godspeed, Prince Zuko. Godspeed." I whispered.

* * *

FINALLY! I got to where the present show-setting begins!


	22. Chapter 21: Two Worlds meet Part 1

A/N: Here's where the plot branches off; I doubt there'd be a way to change my plot to fit the one of the present series without losing key parts of this chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

**Three Worlds Meet (Part 1)**

**Year of the Dragon**

* * *

The women talked excitedly amongst themselves; still reeling at the news. The Avatar was found, the Fire Nation would be vanquished, cheers all around! They ignored the fact that the Avatar was an untrained child who seemed to want nothing more than to penguin-sled. 

The months began to pass once again and now the tribe was officially nothing but women and young children. One day, about five months after Katara and Sokka had gone, grand boats embellished with the Water Tribe symbol docked on our shores; they were from the Northern Water Tribe. I literally froze at the news, and I wondered why I was so afraid.

Gathering together my wits, I dressed myself again and went outside and watched as some men and women came down from the boat and tentatively placed their toes on the ground as if the ice would break under them. They looked around; the obvious sign of arrogance and disbelief in their eyes. They had grown up in luxury, that was no doubt, and they must have thought the little tents and igloos were nothing more than the crudest of hovels.

An elderly couple led the way for the rest of the timid-looking citizens who were dismounting the boat; I walked up to them while leading my own 'entourage'. It took me a moment to realize that it was Pakku and Yugoda.

I called them by their names, greeting them and smiling. Iroh had always felt that I should make amends with them for some reason, so why not right then?

The tension eased and the boatmen began to unload 'gifts'. It was blubber, jerky, and tropical fish; they'd obviously not planned to starve.

* * *

They stayed for quite a while, and Yugoda and Pakku took residence in Hakoda's reconstructed house; the other waterbenders did help rebuild many of the houses, and they often sneered at the way I ran things; I was still only a woman to them, and they did not even know half of my story. 

Despite that, the connection between the people of the polar tribes began to mend and every day, there seemed to be a new couple on the streets; holding hands, talking to one another, or just laughing with a group. Had the other elders I'd known seen such a thing, they probably would have fainted at the 'abhorrent sight' or chastised the 'young people' with abandon, but I shrugged and let it all happen; they had to figure out that babies weren't made by kissing sometimes, and better sooner than later.

Yugoda all but abandoned any try to speak with me and Pakku kept a distant silence; which hurt and relieved me at the same time.

Once, he did visit me in my igloo and inquired about a small red glove I'd forgotten to put away.

"Oh. I lost the other one…a long time ago." He'd probably already known of my Fire Nation past anyways—if Yugoda didn't tell him, someone would have. We talked more, about the Water Tribes and what had happened since, but he was always touchy on the subject of his personal life and when I'd tried to mention a part of mine, he'd quickly try and change the subject; our conversation was not exactly mercurial.

After he'd left, as I was about to toss one of my drinking cups into the hot water to clean it, a glint caught my eye. It was the comb; the same one I'd sent back to the Water Tribes with my hawk all those years ago. Oh, I assumed, he must have accidentally taken it and forgot about it; I should return it to his wife. Picking up the comb, I went outside and walked the length to town and tried to find where she was.

"Yugoda!" I shouted as I ran up the street.

"I believe this is yours." I said; holding out the comb.

Her eyes widened, then narrowed in suspicion. "Pakku told me that it had been lost." She said stiffly.

"He was lying; I saw this on my table after he'd left." I replied.

With stiff fingers, she clamped onto the comb and jerked it away from me. I couldn't understand it; they were married, so why didn't Pakku give that to her? They were married, I thought, weren't they?

* * *

In the early hours of the next day, Yugoda had a row with Pakku; a very loud one. 

When I tried to settle the dispute, Yugoda slapped me—it did hurt—and stomped away. After recovering from the initial shock that my old friend had actually slapped me, I pushed myself off of the snow and sat up; regarding her deep and slightly crooked footsteps in the snow. Pakku helped me up and, after insisting that he help me to my little place of residence, was fussy most of the way there; I had been slapped, not shot at. Once we were inside, he did not leave. He hesitated for a moment, and then touched my cheek with his bare hand.

They may call me whatever they wish, but it had been a long time since…anyone had made physical contact with me in that way. Somehow, my jacket came off and I was almost laying on my back on the snow ground. No, I thought, this isn't right. I pushed him away; sitting up.

"It just brings back…old memories." I said as he removed his own parka and outer layer of shirts.

"That's why we're here, Kana…" I flinched at being called that name, especially by him. "…to make new memories." He finished, pressing himself against me.

"A-aren't we too old?" I asked, trying to push him off of me again. I felt his hardness through the thin material of my pants and had to wonder how he had managed to keep his physique after all of these years. Pakku stopped; pulling away from me for a moment.

"We've both kept ourselves young after all of these years. And this should happen between people who love each other; age is only a number." He stated and leaned in.Instead of kissing my lips, he gave me baby kisses along my cheeks.

It all came back to me and my heart ached greatly. The small escapades, the open affection, his hard kiss, the little quirky ones that always succeeded in making me smile, the nights and days in our bed together, having to hush our noises in fear of waking Tai in the next room, the tickling of his trimmed beard on my cheek, my neck, and under my fingertips, everything came flooding back. His face was plastered in my mind and no matter what, I could never forget.

With a groan and opening my eyes, I found Pakku instead and pushed him away.

"I can't." I said and tried to find my clothes in the pile on the floor.

"Why not? I love you." He said in a soft tone I had heard zodiacs ago. I turned to him, feeling an old boiling of anger in the pit of my belly.

"Don't say things you don't mean." I spat bitterly. Why did he seem to always extract the most emotion I have within me out when he does nothing but speak?

"What?" he asked, his expression confused. I turned to him with my bulk of a parka in hand.

"Don't lie, Pakku. I saw you with my sister those years ago." I said coldly to him and began to pull on my boots.

"I was betrothed to her!" he exclaimed. I turned back to him; not believing what he had just said.

"My parents betrothed you to her behind my back?"

"What?"

"Let me refresh your memory; you were all over my sister on a STREET within plain sight of the entire tribe!" I exploded in anger at the memory; it still wounded me, even after all of those years.

Pakku stood up as well.

"A woman—" he began. There it was, I thought, the sexist remark about to spew from his cold and traditionalist lips.

"—is NOT inferior to a man and will not yield to ANYONE! We are not slaves who will just turn a blind eye when a man goes and hurts her or someone else!" a new thought came to me and I was revolted by the theory. "And do NOT tell me that you came all this way just for—!" I choked out.

Pakku tried to jump up, nearly hitting his head on the roof of the igloo we were both in.

"No! I could just go and—!" he began.

"Pick out someone younger to become your bride back in the Northern Water Tribe? Or maybe go back to your wife already in the Northern Water Tribes? Just go back elsewhere and take some other woman into your bed?" I shrieked back at him.

As I met his eyes, I saw that the initial confusion and surprise was gone and replaced by a look of pity.

Pity!

That ego of his has only swelled from when I last saw him; he thinks he knows everything that can be taught and can feel the genuine pain of others when he knows nothing at all! He considered himself empathetic?

Swears and curses directed at him escaped my lips as I nearly clawed my way out of the igloo. Pakku was practically running behind me, but I was lost in my own anger and painful memories to take much notice of him.

"Kana, you're overreacting; you just need to go back home." He said in a near-pleading manner.

I stopped; my eyes wide as I turned to face him. Home. Years' worth of sadness, pain and homesickness overcame my rational thoughts.

My legs must've given out on me, for the next thing I knew, my body was submerged in freezing water. Home. Back to my nation. Back to Iroh. "Yes." I whispered drowsily. "Home." I chanted the word. I was pulled up from the water and my vision came back.

"Kana." A voice said and I felt his breath on my face.

I pushed Pakku away and got up; running back into my tent and, using my Firebending, retrieved my half-buried chest again. I hastily shoved some other clothes of mine and what bits of food I had left into it and closed it again; dragging it outside.

_'Home. Home. Home.'_ The mantra was telling me of all of the prospects of going back to the Fire Nation. I found an old canoe and heaved my belongings into it; sitting down and attempting to push it away from the icy shores.

"Kana, where are you going?" Pakku demanded; his hand on the front of the boat. I looked up, smiling at him.

"Home…Ba Sing Se." I corrected myself; sending a blast of Fire at the banks where the canoe was dragged up on and sending my little ship into the water. Grabbing a paddle, I began to row; not missing the blatant shock on Pakku's face and laughing at it.

* * *

I first had to stop in the Southern part of the Earth Kingdom; running into a woman a bit older than I was there. 

She was a botanist, with a little white cat named Miyuki that always seemed to rub against me whenever we were in the same room. After staying with her for a few days, during which she taught me much about plants, I thanked her for her hospitality and gratefully accepted some of the supplies of food and even some Earth Kingdom money she'd given me. Further along my journey, I took ill and locals pointed me towards a healing house, where a young girl worked as one of the main 'doctors'.

"It's alright, Song." Her mother said after coming in.

"Eika." Both mother and daughter turned to me; startled.

"I—I'm sorry, I just…how did you know my name?" the older woman was obviously shocked.

"I knew your mother; I met her before you were born—you look so much like her." At the mention of her mother, Eika grimaced in sadness. I was treated to dinner and, when asking about the stable sans any animals, Song said that their ostrich-horse ran away; she never made eye contact with me when she made that diatribe.

"My mother died, so my aunts took me in." Eika and I were discussing things over tea.

"Aunts?" I echoed; her mother said that she'd had no relatives.

"My aunts Longtzai and Wu." Longtzai? After I told her smidges about my life—maybe it was the wisest choice to leave out the parts of my past in the Fire Nation—and she seemed a bit hesitant to bring up another subject, and tentatively did so as we were about to retire.

"Would you happen to have, in your time in the Water Tribe, seen a boy? He should be about thirty six or so, he looks much like a man from the Water Tribe—." Was he sent as a toddler on a boat, I was about to ask. "Is he your child?" I inquired instead. At once, Eika began to vehemently deny everything--saying that she knew of a woman who did lose a son in that way--and contradicting herself as she ushered me quickly to my bed-for-the-night.

In the middle of the night, I left, but not before writing a note telling for her to come to Ba Sing Se; I had once told Hakoda to go there before he embarked on his journey, and there was just the chance that he would go.

My destination was also for Ba Sing Se; it was my best guess of where Iroh was and when Jeong Jeong told me what he'd heard from gossip, that Iroh had become a 'traitor' to the Fire Nation by Ozai's decree, I was sure he would go there. Ba Sing Se was a haven for refugees such as he.

Once in the city, I began inquiring about an old man traveling with a young man with a scar across his left eye. The citizens pointed me this way and that; causing for me to sleep in the streets for the two nights I'd spent there upon arrival.

Finally, on the fifth day after I had arrived, as I walked the street, I began to whistle an old tune; only able to get through the first ten notes. Behind me, someone else whistled the final half of it. Hardly able to breathe, I turned; seeing his kind bullion-ochre eyes lock with mine.

I ran towards him and he embraced me tightly and kissed my eyelids once more. I pulled away from him; regarding his aged body.

"My god, you've gotten fat."

* * *

"You called me as old as the Avatar, we're even." I said to Zuko. 

He glared at me, but picked up the empty cup and combed some of the wet tea leaves out of his hair..

* * *

Someone told the secret and, for some reason, the upper ring of Ba Sing Se decided to take off the mask of denial and turn over 'a new leaf'. Ba Sing Se was hungry for death; especially for those of the Fire Nation. 

I watched as Iroh and Zuko were being dragged through the streets--of course no one suspected me of being a Firebender; all of the old legends about me ceased to circulate after I'd 'retired'. The crowd began to jeer at them, saying that they were savage and brutes; undeserving to live.

When someone threw a rotten cabbage at them, I could not be silenced any more. I grabbed the rotten head of the vegetable and flung it back at the crowds.

"Look at yourselves! You claim that the Fire Nation has treated you brutally but have they ever truly even penetrated Ba Sing Se? You all only base what you know from propaganda! You say the Fire Nation is cruel; mocking and killing anyone not their kind, but look at what you are all doing now; the exact actions you say makes the Firebenders savages! And you think this pitiful town can even BE a utopia?" I shouted at them; knowing that they were watching me

"Seize her!" Instantly, I was apprehended by at least 4 pairs of hands and my wrists were handcuffed from behind. I felt them bite into my wrists and a bit of moisture, most likely blood. The shouts began to increase in my ears; calling me hurtful names just because I defended the 'Fire Nation filth' and beginning to throw more things at us.

"You didn't have to do that." Iroh whispered softly to me. I turned to him and sighed.

"There are certain things in life that people cannot just stand idly by for." He smiled. "Yukihiya." He breathed. I felt my heart warming, as if I was resurrected from the dead, and smiled at him. The moment lasted only for a second for just then, we were lead down to a dark room and thrown into a cramped area.

The steel latches on the door made the all-too familiar sound of locking and for a moment I feared that we would never see the lights of day again.

* * *

We were fed, but the food was horrible; tasting like rotten fish, though I think rotten fish would be a delicacy compared to what we were forced to eat. Zuko was ranting and when he was quiet, he slept or brooded over something. The more I observed him, the more I came to realize that he was nearly an exact mirror image of me when I was younger. 

Despite all of the tales Iroh has told me, I could not imagine how a son like him was born to Ozai. Aurora, Ursa; she'd changed her name as Iroh told me, was his mother, so it did explain where his good heart came from, but that raised more questions for me than answers.

"What are you staring at?" Zuko demanded when he saw my eyes linger on him. Iroh was taken to a separate cell for some reason that day.

"The more I see in you, the more I realize that you and I are fairly alike." I told him and he raised his good eyebrow at me.

"Let me tell you a story." I began, remembering that this was exactly how Iroh had said to me dozens of times when he wanted me to open up a bit. When I had finished with the tale, Zuko was quiet.

"That was different; they mistreated and abused you." He said harshly.

"Just like the Fire Nation, or at least Ozai, did to you." Ozai's name still left a horrible taste in my mouth. He turned away, being defensive again, and I sighed.

"Fine, you don't have to believe me on that. But your internal conflict underlies the same basic elements; love and taught loyalty for your close family. Unrequited love and blinding loyalty, but still. Please, my nephew, believe me. Besides age, either of us are too different and you cannot deny the parallel; the outcast, overshadowed by a sister, and exile. But your situation is drastically different from mine in many way. You are not alone in the world like I was; your uncle loves you and treats you like a proper father would treat his son, you have plenty of great childhood memories to look back on, and a loving family, of sorts. Not an actual mother-father-children family, but one nonetheless that supports and loves you." I told him. He was still sitting in the darkness.

"Iroh is not your father, and no one but Ozai can be your father Ozai, but that does not mean you should turn your back on affection and attention given to you by other relatives. Do not block out everything so much to the point that you can no longer cherish what you have. The glass of life is never empty, for destiny pours endlessly a drink of reality and experiences, beneficial and malicious events, turmoil and crossroads. Sometimes, it is bitter, other times it is sweet; but the drink will always make you who you are." I said, quoting Iroh yet again. Obviously, Prince Zuko had heard this before judging from the tenseness of his body after I'd said those words. Just then, Iroh was nearly thrown in and I rushed to help him.

"I am fine." He said and gently pushed my hand away. I nodded, still sitting next to him. "First Lu Ten…" I began to hiss, but Iroh stopped me.

"No. Just promise me one thing when they free you." He said to me. I nodded.

"Do not show them your Firebending powers." Iroh instructed, "People don't know who you really are; go by your old name of Kana of the Southern Water Tribe."

"I was never Kana once in my life." The second child, the abomination, princess, runaway, outcast, but never Kana.

"It doesn't matter; I don't want to see you die here because of my mistake." I wanted to cry; it was my mistake! But there he was, once again taking the blame for my slip-up.

"I married you for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and until death do us part." I recited my vows to him. "Still married to me?" he asked teasingly. "For 62 years." I repeated. "Then I missed a lot of anniversaries, didn't I?" he stated with a teasing smile. "And I, too." We both laughed despite our situation.

"What are you two talking about?" Prince Zuko asked; what a mood ruiner.

Some time later, a guard came into the prison cell early in the morning and stared at me for a moment before jerking me up. Being in the dark for so long took its toll on my sight; it took me quite a while to adjust to the light.

"Gran-Gran!" a voice shouted from behind me. I knew that tone.

Turning, I saw Katara. She ran to me, a mixture of confusion and relief in her eyes, as she took in my appearance.

She embraced me, but I didn't feel anything; just like with Naiya. Maybe it was because I was numb to the heat of affection since my heart never leapt nor stirred until I saw Iroh again, or it was because I thought she'd known something or another and was embracing and feigning affection for me just for show, but either way, I forced myself to hug her back. She pulled away from me and took a breath before commencing to babble.

"When I heard you were arrested, I was surprised; what are you doing in Ba Sing Se? And why were you arrested? They say that Prince Zuko and his uncle are arrested? Is that true? And…" she asked on, just like a talkative and inexperienced spy would, and I mentally blocked out her questions; refusing to answer.

"I cannot say." I replied blandly and began to walk outside. The look on her face was disappointed, and it was obvious that she was trying to hide it.

"There's someone here to meet you." She said quickly and I joined her in turning a corner.

Oh, gods no.

Pakku was standing there and he immediately locked eyes with me.

"You jest." I griped and turned back to walk into the jail. Pakku was already running after me.

"Kana, please listen—!" he started but I turned to him and met his gaze with one that mirrored steel.

"Pakku; we have nothing to talk about. I never belonged in the Water Tribes then, I don't now, and I never will. I told you already." I said firmly and attempted to walk again, but someone grabbed my arm. Oh for Agni's sake…

It was Sokka. "I've got us entrance to the sparring event!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"The death match!" Sokka seemed giddy. I felt my blood freeze, no; it couldn't be…

Sokka seemed to check himself in front of me.

"Of course, Gran-Gran, if you would rather—." I had already snatched a pass from his hand and darted back towards the arena. Iroh, Zuko—why did I ever leave you two?

I handed the person manning the entrance the pass and pushed people aside to get to the front row. Strangely, it was empty; most likely, no one wanted to be hit with possible flames. Pakku, Sokka, Katara, the new girl (Toph, I soon learned), and the Avatar followed me to the front row. Zuko and Iroh were led out in chains and announcements were being boomed out. I tensed and could only watch as soldier came out.

It was a fight to their deaths. And when I could be down there with him, with my family, I was watching on the stands. Maybe this was how parents felt when the tyrant emperor of the Fire Nation, Galicula, allegedly forced them to watch the execution of their loved ones with bloodthirsty crowds egging on the killers.

The drums sounded and Zuko and Iroh got into a stance; ready to fight. _'I'll wake up as Yukihiya once again.'_ Over and over, I repeated the mantra in my head. Everything that had 'happened' to me in the last 36 years was just a crazy dream and I would wake up in my royal bedchamber as Princess Yukihiya again when Lu Ten would run towards my bed and throw himself onto the mattress to wake me up.

Glancing between my feet, I saw a thin and pointed dagger resting just to the side of my right foot. I took the dagger and concealed it under my leg; gripping the leather handle. As the fight went on, I had to witness all of it; I just could not tear my eyes away.

Sokka was screaming for the fighters to 'finish them!' and Katara, the Avatar, and that blind girl, even Pakku, were cheering on the Earth Kingdom fighters. I could not bear to look at them; they were insulting me, and to my face too. The moment I had the courage to look at the stadium again, I regretted it. I saw Iroh, brought down by a soldier of Ba Sing Se, and about to be killed.

"No!" I shouted and, without hesitation, leapt off of the side of the stadium and aimed the knife at my hand directly at the guard's head. I heard shouting from behind me, but I refused to listen. I sailed through the air and landed on the soldier's back and plunged the dagger into the center of his dark hair.

A long-dormant hunger woke in me at the sight of crimson flowing from the wound. Bloodlust. It scourged through me as I pulled out the dagger; watching as a shower of blood burst from the point of impact. I stood and grit my teeth; preparing for more. I pulled Iroh up and he nodded to me.

My old lessons of weaponry had stuck in my mind and the Fire spirit in me breathed again. Maybe what Sokka had said about the Fire Nation people was right; maybe I am nothing but a bloodthirsty savage. But I would not get what was 'coming to me.' Particularly not death. With each wound I opened upon flesh, I felt excited; the thrill of the battle, I finally got to experience again.

When the blade failed on me (I guess the Dai Li was saving the best Earthbenders for last), I grabbed another fallen sword and continued to stain my hands. A flash of brilliant swordsmanship caught my eye and I watched as my nephew plowed through the fighters.

A boy came at me and, not hesitating, I spun to face him and plunged the same sword deep into his chest. He made a small retching sound and dropped the slingshot he was holding. I wrenched it from his chest and watched as the dark stain spread throughout his green garments. The tingles made me feel exulted and partially ill simultaneously.

There was no turning back now. I ran towards them and, with one swift swing of my sword, decapitated the person in front of me.

"You—!" he began, but I pressed one of my fingers to his lips.

"Look at me; I am a killer. I am a ruthless fighter. And I'm content to be that; I'd rather be this way and die than live bound by a straitjacket and forced into a mask." It was one of the first plays I'd seen upon my arrival at the Fire Nation, and I was sure Iroh would remember it as well.

He took my hand and held it to his heart. "We have both been hiding who we were. No more." He replied. A smile came back and I restrained myself from embracing him there. "No more." I echoed.

"Isn't that sweet?" a cruel and gruff voice sounded from behind us. It was a soldier, an actual Earthbender, judging by his uniform. I braced myself for attack, but was true to my word to Iroh and did not use my Firebending powers.

I tossed the long sword, point first, in a straight line towards him and it barely scraped the lower part of his right abdomen. He cried out in surprise and pain; his hands instinctively covering the open wound. Before I'd had a chance to finish him off, Zuko knocked the man off balance and he collapsed on the ground.

I slowly went over to his fallen body and watched as blood from his wound seeped through his thick fingers onto the ground, then looked straight into his eyes with my emotionless ones. His eyes flashed in shock, then anger; most likely from a blow to his pride because he was bested by a female, and an elderly one at that.

He held up a hand and pointed at me, as if I was a simple 'magic illusion' and would disappear once he blinked. He stared at me for a long time.

"You, Kana of the Southern Water Tribe, are a traitor to your people!" the soldier finally shouted.

'Kana of the Southern Water Tribe.' No.

No.

"No." I said; digging my nails into the palms of my hands. The guard stared at me.

"Not Kana." As far as I was concerned, that girl was only a shadow of what I have become.

"I am not of the Southern Water Tribe, nor of the Northern! I am of the Fire Nation! I am Ouritsu Yukihiya. I am—." Without a second thought, I felt the tingling sensation of Fire around my hands. "—A Firebender."

He was dead before his head even hit the ground. I only stood in silence for moments; staring at what I had done. "You killed him." A voice behind me said. "Welcome back, my wife." Iroh greeted, and I leaned down (I still remember when he was the one who towered over me) and smiled joyfully.

"It's good to be back, husband." I told him and, right there, kissed him in front of everyone. Our moment of reunion was cut short (damn the Earth Kingdom!) by guards rushing in entrapping us with those stupid hand-shackles, or whatever you're supposed to call them.

I always knew that being with the Fire Nation would be the end of me one way or another.

Quietly, as everyone else in the stadium stared at us with shock, the three of us slipped down into a sloped tunnel and then thrown into the same prison I thought I'd escaped just hours ago. "It's still good to be back." I whispered to Iroh beside me and even in the darkness I knew he was smiling.

Great to be back.

* * *

The days slowed into a blur; every day, we would be fed flavorless gruel and occasional meat and vegetables, along with plain water which we had to boil to ensure that it was safe to drink, and then we would be thrust and forced into the stadium again like animals and be forced to fight for our lives. 

At high noon, or when too many people in the stadium were injured, we were shunted to a makeshift dugout of Earth where we were fed and bandaged up our wounds while watching our victims being taken away. When high noon passed, the daily time Firebenders' powers were at their peak, we would resume our gladiator-like challenge and continue to fight.

I knew that they were all watching me throughout the day; whoever made decisions for the city decided that this would suit better as a public spectacle and admission to the stadium was free.

Iroh and Zuko couldn't bring themselves to kill women, exactly what those women had anticipated, so I stepped in and did that for them.

I saw that the more Iroh fought, the more he became himself, the one I knew. At dusk, we were taken from the stadium back to our prison cell.

All three of us knew that there had to be a reason they were keeping us alive and fed. Iroh and Zuko couldn't be hostage-worthy; they were outlaws and wanted in the Fire Nation, and I was considered dead for nearly 2 zodiacs. The Fire Nation probably grew skeptical about me and to think that I would sudden reappear was laughable to them. The question hung over us; why were they keeping us alive?

* * *

They had followed me again. 

"Why do you side with the Fire Nation?" Katara screamed at me from the entrance of the passageway.

"Why should I not?" I replied calmly.

"They've started this war! They've killed thousands! The Fire Nation only did this out of spite and a greed for power! They killed mother because of it!"

"As you've seen, my hands are just as stained as any Fire Nation soldier's, but I am fighting for my life." I tried to keep my temper in check, but the truth was on the tip of my tongue and nearly ripping my soul apart in trying to tell it.

"Gran-Gran! This is all just a big misunderstanding! We should get you back home! How could you ever even think of joining them? They're nothing but a bunch of savages!" I never liked that girl. I whipped around and my eyes blazed with hatred.

"Because their side was the only side that accepted me!" I snapped back. Pakku knew the other end of the story, but the younger generation did not, and they had what they might have called an epiphany, but I did not go to the Fire Nation just because I was rejected by the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes; at least, that was not the sole reason.

"But Gran-Gran! You said yourself that the Fire Nation was evil!" she said.

"I said PEOPLE were evil, Katara; I never said who. You just assumed that it was the Fire Nation I was talking about." I replied.

"Why them? They're bastards with no conscious whatsoever! They deserve to die!" my 'granddaughter' stated and I rolled my eyes.

"That's a very nice way to talk about your father." I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. At once, she looked to Hakoda; horrified at her impulsive speech.

"Not Hakoda, a Fire Nation soldier sent as a spy to the Southern Water tribes 15 years ago." I snapped and it was clear that Katara and Sokka hadn't had a clue what I was talking about.

"You didn't tell them?" I demanded; turning to the little boy I had raised. Hakoda instantly looked uncomfortable. "Coward."

"A bit after Sokka was a few months old, a supposed messenger from the Northern Water Tribe came. In reality, he was a spy for the Fire Nation; they'd heard gossip that the Southern Water Tribe was hiding a weapon of destruction, which was highly doubtful if Azulon had enough common sense to know that the Water Tribe people lived an archaic life, and they'd sent 'Rai' to investigate. At the same time, Hakoda and Kita's marital union was…not exactly blissful…and when Rai came, she fell in infatuation with him. At first, she thought that she'd had no so-called competition over him, even if most girls in the Southern Water Tribe were making those hideous pig-sheep's eyes at him, since he always seemed interested in our family. But somehow, her demented mind went near mad with jealousy over the fact that he began to spend more time with me and we would always talk and laugh together on many occasions. It's ludicrous, honestly, on how she would fall so deeply in love with Rai because of his looks. So, she begins to try and 'court' him; flirting with him, trying to coerce him into spending some time with her, the whole shebang—." I paused at the confused expressions on the people in blue's faces.

"—It means the anything and everything she thought was charming and flirtatious about herself, she just went and bared it out. None of it worked. So, as a last resort, she tried to seduce him through sex." I said bluntly. Poor Sokka and Katara; I was debunking everything they thought their mother was and throwing away her reputation, calling her a hypocrite and whore, with a single sentence.

"Well, she also tried to blackmail him with the fact that she knew that Rai and I were both Firebenders, but she would never have told anyways. And then, wouldn't you know it, she gets pregnant with you, Katara. When you were born, there was a lot of controversy if you really _were_ Hakoda's child." She didn't take my statement as a hope that she really is her father's daughter and was shaking her head in denial.

"He occasionally came back for the first 7 years of your life, always making up one excuse after another to let him go there, until the war generals decided to launch an attack on the Southern Water Tribe. Of course, you were there to witness it all. It was a cover-up; Kita realized that I was not just a Fire Nation sympathizer as she'd thought I was. The fighting broke out, and do you remember what you said to me when I whisked you into that ice-shelter, Katara?" I asked; deliberately attacking her. Her eyes widened; at last, she realized who she was insulting and why I had reacted that way.

"The world, and everyone in it, is never what it seems; you must be an outsider looking in, like I was in the Northern Water Tribes, to see everyone and everything for whom and what they really are." I concluded; turning and lightly pushing Iroh to go with me.

"W-wait." Katara's voice sounded.

Unlike the biased and dubious tone I'd heard moments before I told the story of her true parentage, this one was broken and now only curious. "Please, give me a name; a real one, of my…father." Katara pleaded.

"Haven't you heard a word I said? It's not proven that a Fire Nation spy sired you. You have your father's looks and his Waterbending skills, but you also seem to have Rai's stubbornness and ego. Maybe that's all acquired; I think that you might really be Hakoda's daughter." I replied.

Should I have told her that her possible father was a poster 'child' of infamy? "Please; you never know, please." She said softly and I sighed.

"The Southern Water Tribe at the time knew him as Rai. We know him presently as the late Admiral Zhao." It was all I said and then Iroh and I walked away. Zuko shot one glance back at her, and then turned to join us.

* * *

"The day of the Black Sun is approaching!" Sokka said a few days later. I turned from my place in the stadium, it was high noon, to face him. 

"Do you honestly think Firebenders only know Firebending? In the army, at the academy, Firebenders are taught not only Firebending, but weaponry and martial arts. And besides; a Solar Eclipse, total darkness, lasts only for about 3 minutes and it takes about 10 minutes for the moon to cover the sun completely anyway and also to move away from the sun. And haven't you seen that Firebenders can summon fire at any time and it is still strong, not just in the day?" I snapped at him. As if it would've helped.

"They will kill you sooner or later!" he shouted back.

"Of course they will! They will kill us all on the day of the Black Sun! Don't you see? As the moon blocks out the rays of the sun, we will be weaken, but we can still fight. And then, in the 3 minutes of darkness, they will launch their attack. I don't know what will happen; maybe they'll resort to using their bending power and crush us, maybe they'll pelt us with Earth until we surely die from our wounds, or the guards will try and kidnap us and slit our throats before dumping us into a river." I scoffed.

"They would rather attack us in our weakest moment rather than face us with honor and dignity. They are cowards."

"They are not cowards; they are soldiers who have true strength but their lives are wasted because they have to kill those Fire Nation savages!" he shot back.

"What is true strength? Is it determined by the weapon in your hand? When you rise to the level of mastery? How many heads you sever? How much power you have? How hard-trained you are?" I demanded.

"Or is it accepting that you have strengths and weaknesses, that you are human, when you always keep your promises, and know that virtues, like that of honor and dignity, can never be taken away from you. That you can walk tall and always stand up for what you believe in without fearing others, and earn other peoples' respect without using a title or boasting of a feat you performed; just able to let your true self show without any feeling of self-consciousness.You might want to rethink the definition of True Strength; it doesn't suit you to be like that." I said and a loud gong rang for the fighting to commence again.

"Those stories you told; about your last years in the Northern Water Tribes, they weren't true, were they?" The Avatar asked me.

"I have not told you half of my experiences." The flood of new citizens vying for the prize money, 5000 gold pieces, poured into the arena.

* * *

They kept showing up and watching me kill, and it got very annoying. 

Pakku and Katara were persistent; they both refused to acknowledge that I was not Kana or their Gran-Gran anymore and kept trying to bring me 'back'.

"But think about all you have to live for in the Water Tribes! You have Hakoda, the only boy whom you have truly raised, you have people who seem like family, think about Pakku! He carved that elaborate necklace out of his love for you!" Katara stated.

At her last statement, I burst out laughing; needing to lean on Iroh for support. "Agni above, Pakku; have all of those years of getting hit in the face with Water and Ice damaged your memory?" I asked; knowing that Pakku must have told Katara his side of the story. Pakku looked at me desolately; he must have been so deeply in denial that he actually chose to believe what he told Katara. It almost made me feel sorry for him.

Almost.

"Let me refresh your memory, then. You first carved that necklace for my older sister, Naiya. You spoke of your love of her and her beauty; you barely took interest in anything else save for Waterbending, you tossed that necklace to me and I had to accept it; just like I've had to for every other hand-me-down from Naiya." I hissed; glaring at him. Katara turned; her expression incredulous.

"Is this true?" she demanded.

"Yes." Pakku said after moments of silence.

"Always the whore over the outcast, isn't it? You thought of me as the frail, thin little girl who couldn't possibly be related to my buxom and alluring sister; I was just second-born. Second born, second best, second rate." There was a hoarseness in my voice that made me sound like a man.

"Kana—!" he began, but I refused to let him go on.

"You must have been so disappointed when you were then betrothed to me and was probably on your knees at the oasis; begging for an alternative rather than marrying me. After I left, you must have wasted no time; Naiya, Yugoda, some other woman, and you also might have left some part of you in the Earth Kingdom." I finished, looking from him to Hakoda and still leaning on Iroh.

"Let us go back, Yukihiya; it is not good for your health to strain yourself like this." Iroh said softly. I felt my body relax at his touch and nodded; letting him settle his hand at my hip and lead me down to our dungeon cell.

* * *

I did not notice it at first, but the change in my abilities literally hit me in the face. 

After being once again numbed by battle, I had not noticed that mind had taken a dangerous turn into a chaotic stage. The reason for that was mainly Pakku. Once, a few days after our 'row', I told him what I had thought was the truth years ago.

"You think of yourself as irresistible! Your ego must have taken such a blow to my rejection that you wanted to pursue me, prove me wrong, and throw it in my face! That is the only reason you acted so sycophantically affectionate towards me; your ego! Then again, I should also blame myself; I cannot believe I would be swayed by you! I probably shouldn't blame you anyway; this is exactly how you and every other of those abhorrent people you call 'Men' in the Water Tribes were raised to believe." I was shaking in rage by the time I was done and was about to attack when Iroh stopped me with a simple disarming routine that I'd taught myself to avert zodiacs earlier.

"The short fuse is a danger to those who are near it." He whispered; not a proverb, but close enough.

He calmly suggested that I go back to the cell with Zuko and he would 'tie up the loose ends' there. I obeyed.

The day after the tiff, I was preparing to bend Lightning at another person when I felt that something was not right.

A loud explosion, a blast of heat, and a rush of force that threw me off of my feet. I was hurled backwards and onto the ground; giving way a moment of weakness for my enemy.

Realization hit me harder than a rock; I could no longer bend lightning.

* * *

I punched the wall again, as if it would give me some kind of answer. 

"How can I suddenly not be able to bend lightning? I've been able to do so for sixty-five years! Even longer than that!" I yelled; the question originally meant to have been for myself.

"Because your emotions are clouding your mind, thereby inhibiting your ability to bend a fire meant for the emotionless." Iroh answered sagaciously. Instead of listening to him, I lost my temper.

"What emotions? I am angry, of course, but this city killed our son and is imprisoning us and treating us like animals!"

"That, too, but I was referring to Pakku."

"Pakku?" I demanded.

"You're still in love with him." He elaborated.

"Never!" I cried out; quickly dropping to my knees before him, as if I were ashamed of the (non-existent, I repeated fiercely) fact about myself. He looked up to meet my eyes; his own unreadable.

"I believe you are, and I do not chastise you for it; everyone loves someone else, be it a childhood crush or a teenage romance fantasy, before they meet their life partner." Iroh said; making me feel ashamed of the ignominious behavior I had demonstrated.

"Listen to me; because of your last impression on Pakku, he won't take you seriously. No, do not glare at me like that, you know it's true; you're just not hitting him in the right places. Let me speak with him for you." His eyes gleamed; the mischievous one I loved to see.

"What? You think you're the only one with issues?" I asked upon seeing that Zuko was staring at me.

* * *

"So, you're my aunt." Azula said coldly. Possibly. 

The day was still bright and sunny when she and her two 'sidekicks' entered the arena. After that moment of pause, we went right back at it; kicking, punching, blasting, deflecting, and all the while watching each other to predict what the other would do next. All of a sudden, I felt someone jab at me from behind; managing to deflect Azula's blow, I turned and saw that it was Zuko. Iroh and I regarded the new status quo; four teenagers against two elderly.

Once, I saw the child Avatar flying over to help, and I shot a fire arc at him. "Stay out of it!" I yelled at him as he flew back to his seat, lightly shielding his burn wound.

I'd gotten the upper hand on Azula; holding her hands back as I used my knee to bend her back over. Without thinking, I jerked her arms back; hearing the small pop as I dislocated them and her scream of pain. I considered breaking her hands beyond repair for a moment, then thought the better of it; by the time she regained control of her arms, it wouldn't matter anymore.

Azula suddenly screamed for guards; the Dai Li rushing forward to do her bidding. They literally pushed the spectators in all different directions and grabbed Iroh and myself; I felt someone squeeze the back of my neck a second before I passed out.

* * *

I woke up by myself in a dungeon; the familiar sound and motion of a Fire Nation ship sailing filling my senses. 

Shakily, I stood up and moved to the barred door. "What day is it?" I asked the passing guard.

"It's the twentieth day of the fourth month." It was Iroh's eighty-third birthday, and little more than three weeks had passed since I had first arrived at Ba Sing Se.

"Where is my husband? I wish to tell him a happy birthday." It didn't strike to me until later that the guard was being very polite to me for a fallen-from-grace-princess, even for a prisoner.

"I will deliver him that message." He promised, then went away.

* * *

About six days later, we'd apparently docked in the Fire Nation. 

Early morning, soldiers came into my cell and dragged me up to the deck. Iroh was there as well and, though we were not shackled, it was palpable that we were prisoners to be paraded through the streets before being dragged to prison. The crowds were utterly silent as we marched past; our heads held high.

Suddenly, a bold voice shouted out "Agni bless our Prince and Princess!" and others soon followed.

Azula screamed for the crowds to quiet, but her threats had no bite to it.

After walking through the streets, we were led to the prison they'd kept Naiya and Yugoda over fifty years ago.

* * *

Oh, the irony! Review, please. 


End file.
